You might have found yourself in a situation where he’s acting distant all of a sudden and is giving you the cold shoulder.
Well, I’ve been in the same position and it was the most bitter and gut-wrenching experience in my life.
You don’t know if you did something in particular to cause that and maybe you should fix it faster before he disconnects.
Before jumping to a conclusion try to clarify your purpose and judgment!
Here are 11 main reasons that explain why is he acting distant all of a sudden:
1. He’s struggling to be vulnerable
When you’re at the first stage of dating, which is to get to know one another better and build attraction, you might be confused when he pulls away.
The first thought that comes to your mind is that you might have done something wrong because you have no information about him.
But he might find it hard to allow himself to feel love and be vulnerable.
Thus, as soon as he develops strong feelings for you, he suddenly starts to act distant so he can push you away without blaming himself.
In this case, it’s better to get to know him better, talk with him and work with a personal coach to understand what’s on his mind.
2. He might be a covert narcissist
Indeed, a covert narcissist might suddenly act distant because he craves and needs your attention.
In general, a covert narcissist deals with low self-esteem and self-perception, thus, he needs your attention and care to feel something.
To get your attention and validation he might go silent or gaslight you.
Let’s take for example You have been having a good time from the beginning but now he suddenly tries constantly to cancel plans but doesn’t admit it.
He might try to convince you that you’re fantasizing a lot or that you overreacting. And he might not try to work with you to find a solution.
So, he knows what he’s doing. He’s doing it on purpose.
3. You might not be on the same page
Everyone perceives dating and relationships differently from one another.
That’s why it’s important to state your opinions, needs, desires, and expectations at the beginning.
You might have at least a slight idea of what both of you think of one another and about the relationship.
If he’s a player and you didn’t talk about the relationship earlier on, he might act distant all of a sudden because he’s keeping you on the back curb.
We advise you to have a conversation with him and let him know how you feel and think.
4. He just doesn’t feel excited to date anymore
He might have started dating because of peer or family pressure and now he might not feel ready or enjoying the process.
It just doesn’t feel organic or natural to him that’s why he is slowly taking a step back.
He might even like you to some extent but the moment it doesn’t feel real to him, he will become distant.
Thus, try to talk to him about why he started dating and where he sees himself in this relationship.
5. Maybe he was using the 90-day rule
A lot of dating mentors and experts around the internet have been recommending the 90-day rule.
This means that during this period, he might be putting you to the test and he might see if you’re a girlfriend material.
It doesn’t mean that all men do this but if he isn’t trying to kiss you or have sex with you after a few dates then he might probably testing you.
Because he acts distant all of a sudden and during all this time he might have had a neutral stance towards you.
It might also be a sign of losing interest. But, to know if he’s using the 90-day rule click to find more information:
6. He’s unsure of his feelings and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings
If he has been developing feelings for you but still is unsure if he wants a relationship then he might become distant all of a sudden.
He might not want to let you down because he knows that there’s a spark but isn’t sure if this spark will turn into a flame.
Thus, right now, he might be dealing with his feelings and putting you on hold until he makes sure what you’re feeling.
Try to not take it personally especially if you’ve been dating for a couple of months.
Give him space but make sure to let him know about your boundaries and focus on your life.
7. He needs a break and some space
Everyone needs a break from life and from the relationship from time to time.
If he suddenly shuts down, he might be internally screaming for some alone time.
Indeed, it’s not the perfect way to ask for some alone time but yet a guy who finds it hard to talk about his feelings will suddenly distance himself.
If you’ve already been in a relationship together then it’s better to talk to him and talk about your feelings.
But if he doesn’t agree to talk then give him some space instead and focus on your life.
8. He might have been seeing someone else on and off
If you weren’t dating exclusively then he might have kept his dating options open.
And when he was hanging out with you, he has been hanging out with other women and maybe someone else got his attention.
So, his attention was all over the place and he wasn’t just focusing on you.
Now, he might choose to be silent and distant because he thinks and believes that he doesn’t have any type of responsibility towards you.
In this case, try to remain calm and don’t panic even though it might be a hard pill to swallow.
9. You might have been love-bombing him
Sometimes, you might love-bomb him mistakenly.
You might develop hard feelings for him way too early and this might scare him off.
That’s why he chooses to act distant until he knows what he’s feeling for you.
During the first stages of dating, you should gradually reveal about yourself and your feelings.
Thus, if you revealed a lot and were always available for him, try to take a step back.
10. He might realize that he’s the only one who put effort into the relationship
If you’ve been in this relationship for some time and he was the only one who initiated dates or deep conversations, he might step back.
He might be acting distant all of a sudden because he wants the same attention from you.
And he has a right to it because a healthy relationship is all about balance and collaboration.
If just one of you tries to make it work then the relationship will end very soon.
11. The relationship might be draining him emotionally
You two might love one another but if there’s too much toxicity then this might impact him to become distant out of nowhere.
He might be hurt and has decided to put himself out of the situation.
Sometimes the relationship progresses very fast and collapses very fast too and a lot of details might not be on your focus.
Thus, if the two of you had a lot of problems recently but chose to ignore them or couldn’t work try to reflect harder.
You should also try the No Contact Rule for a short period and see if the distance works.
What to do when he starts to act suddenly distant?
When he starts to act suddenly distant, the main thing is to try and remain calm and not trigger low self-esteem.
It’s understandable that when you feel rejected and not heard from the man you like, want, and love, it’s hard.
Because going through this roller coaster of feelings might put you in a position of neediness.
But, if you keep insisting to change his mind or get to know the reason, you might pull away him even more.
1. You might let him know that you’re there for him but you have your boundaries too.
I know that you might feel hurt and confused right now but try to make the difference between responding and reacting to his actions.
You need to respond to his actions. Reflect and respond.
If he doesn’t want to work on this issue right now then show him that you care and want to work but you need to move forward too.
The dating coach Alex Cormont suggests you be distant and know when to withdraw yourself if he’s suddenly distant.
2. Try to listen to what he has to say and reflect on your deeds too.
Sometimes the easiest thing to do in this case is to blame the others and come clean.
But you need to shift your mindset and check whether your actions have impacted him negatively too.
If you had recently a fight or an argument, try to write it down how it happened and how both of you reacted.
This will help you a lot to reflect in chunks but slowly you’ll go to the root of the problem.
3. Try to make the difference between the obvious signs that he’s being distant and making assumptions.
It happens to the best of us when we think that the guy we’re interested in or love is being distant out of the blue.
But you need to ask yourself if you’re overthinking it and work on your attachment style too.
Because most of the time the anxious attachment style impacts you to think and focus on unimportant details that instill in you this type of fear.
4. Don’t lose yourself in this process.
I am aware that being in touch with yourself it’s the hardest thing to do when he gives you the silent treatment.
You don’t know what is happening or who is to blame or what can be fixed.
Thus, give yourself some space too. Don’t make his behavior your main priority.
I am not implying that you need to ignore him or this problem. Just don’t wake up and go to sleep with his behavior on your mind.
Try to fill the void with other activities such as sports, painting, or hanging out with other women who like to read too.
Distancing yourself from the problem and from him too will help you get the answer you need!
In summary: Is he suddenly distant on purpose or is he struggling?
He is acting all of a sudden distant because he has a reason that might trigger his past trauma or he just has lost feelings.
You feel like somebody punched you in your gut and you don’t know what’s going on.
Hence, he’s still there, he’s still around but you don’t get the wanted, needed, and the same effort or attention from him.
You don’t have to invest in self-hatred during this period even though it’s completely normal to feel hollow.
And remember: No matter what, the world keeps spinning!
Don’t give up on love even after this struggle because you’ll either find you’re true love or mend this one.