Texting may seem simple, but it can be complex due to certain nuances. One example is double texting, which is often seen as unattractive or clingy when texting a guy.
This stigma is slowly changing, and double texting is not always taboo. It can actually be a game-changer in certain situations.
That being said, double texting is not always the best idea. If his last text indicates that he’s not interested or needs time to reflect, then it’s best to avoid double texting.
Being persistent in this situation can annoy the receiver and create an uncomfortable situation.
To avoid this, here are 10 different situations where it may or may not be appropriate to double-text a guy:
1. You shouldn’t double-text him after the first date
After a great first date, it’s best to avoid double texting.
Sending a message to let them know you had a good time is fine, but if you’re expecting an immediate response and don’t hear back within 24 hours, it’s best to give him more time to reflect on your date.
Men often need more time to process their thoughts and feelings. If he’s interested, he will reach out to you.
He may have a busy life or different texting patterns, so don’t jump to conclusions.
If you want more guidance on how to handle this situation, consider seeking advice from a relationship coach.
2. You shouldn’t double-text him when he ghosts you for a long period
If a guy is not interested in you, he will try to avoid you in various ways.
He might ignore your messages and actively post on social media.
It’s unlikely that he’s too busy or has forgotten to respond to you for days or even a week.
If he’s truly interested in you, he will make time for even a small interaction. Alternatively, he might let you know that he’s busy or that things aren’t working out.
If he’s been ghosting you for weeks, it’s best not to double-text him. Instead, focus on self-improvement.
When you improve yourself and radiate positive energy, you’ll attract either him or someone else who values you.
3. If you want to verify plans with him then you should double-text him
In today’s fast-paced world, it’s understandable that plans can change quickly.
If you’ve made plans for the weekend but need to verify them during the day, it’s okay to send a follow-up message.
If you’re in the early stages of dating, it’s best to keep your message short and avoid coming across as manipulative or clingy.
A simple message like,
“Hey, I remember you like strawberry tarts. Would you like to bring one on Saturday?”
“I saw there’s a big storm tomorrow. Are we still on for our plans?”
Gets the message across without being too pushy.
4. When he’s having a busy or hard day
If you know he’s having a busy day and won’t mind, sending a double text to remind him that you care is okay.
Be mindful of how you craft your message. When double texting, it’s best to keep it short and subtle.
Show empathy and support to avoid annoying him with your texts.
Accusing him of not answering when he’s having a hard day will only make him more irritated.
If you don’t know how he’s feeling, it’s best to send a neutral message like,
“I think you’re busy, but just wanted to check if you’re okay”
“Hey, it’s sunny and warm outside. Keep smiling.”
This way, you can show that you care without being overbearing.
5. You shouldn’t double-text if you fear rejection or abandonment
If you have an anxious attachment style, it’s best to avoid double texting.
When you’re anxious, you tend to overthink and even a few hours of not receiving a reply can seem like an eternity.
It’s okay to have this attachment style and you shouldn’t scold yourself for it. Instead, try to understand your attachment style and learn when and what to text.
If you have a secure attachment style, you won’t overthink if he takes a while to reply.
To work on your attachment style, try to reflect on your past relationships and your upbringing, as your attachment style can be influenced by your parents.
By gaining insight into your attachment style, you can improve your communication and build healthier relationships.
To make faster and safer progress you might contact a few therapists:
6. When you’re more obsessed with him than he is with you
If you double-text him when you’re more interested in him than he is in you, you will come across as clingy and needy.
Do not let your feelings lead your actions and avoid falling into the trap of impatience.
Being left on read or on delivered can be hard and hurtful, but pursuing him all the time will only push him further away.
Instead, focus on yourself and fight these obsessive feelings by identifying what is driving them.
If you’re feeling lonely, try spending more time with friends and engaging in activities that help you learn more about yourself.
By focusing on your own growth and happiness, you will attract the right person and build a healthier relationship.
7. You shouldn’t text him if you’re left reading multiple times
Instead of double-texting him, try to take a step back and focus on your own life.
Spend time doing things that make you happy and fulfilled, whether it’s pursuing a hobby or spending time with friends and family.
You deserve someone who is interested in you and who makes you a priority.
If he continues to leave you on read or on delivered, it may be time to reassess whether this is the type of person you want to be investing your time and energy in.
8. He doesn’t like texting
If he is someone who doesn’t like texting at all then he would appreciate double-texting.
When he isn’t used to reaching out to someone over text, he would appreciate it if you would initiate.
Know that if he is a guy that doesn’t like texting, he won’t be preoccupied with whether he replies fast or not.
His texting patterns will be the same as someone that ignores you.
But, what makes the difference is that he will call you or try to interact with you differently.
In this case, double-texting isn’t bad because you will show that you’re interested and you understand him.
Also, if he can’t change his texting habits then you might start to communicate with him by calling him.
9. You should double text if he’s shy and an introvert
Double-text a guy if he is shy and doesn’t know what to say or if it takes a while to respond.
He might like you a lot and wants to take you seriously but can’t craft a perfect text message.
He might leave you reading for days and not interact with you at all.
At first, it might look a selfish behavior, and you will be hurt.
Yet, even if he is an introvert, he needs some time on his own to gain some energy.
You might be the opposite and that’s why this might look so hard to understand.
Try, to reach out to him with a funny meme or a joke and wait for his reaction.
When you double-text and he replies straight away, knows that he’s attracted to you.
10. You shouldn’t double-text him if he is a narcissist
A narcissist won’t reply and ignore you just for his own sake.
Every guy likes to be pursued, but a narcissist will do it to gain control over you.
He will do it to boost his ego and be better than you.
Now, he just wants to make you look needy so this will make him feel and look bigger than you.
These are all mind games that he plays just so will play with your thoughts and feelings.
In the end, he will want to make you think that you can’t live without him so never double-text a guy that has these signs:
- Cancels dates out of nowhere;
- Only communicates with you when he wants to;
- He tries to change your personality;
In short, his behavior is toxic and it will instill in you many unpleasant feelings.
How to double-text without looking desperate?
The most important thing to do when you start to double text is to not sound desperate or needy.
There isn’t a specific formula to do it perfectly but you should not text from a place of sadness or loneliness.
This energy immediately is transmitted to your text and him.
Here are some tips on how to double-text without sounding desperate or needy:
- Focus on what could have made him ignore you or what could change this situation. Sometimes a guy can ghost you because he might not have felt appreciated enough. Maybe you might have said something that might have hurt him. Not everyone is good at expressing their thoughts or feelings, especially over text.
- Keep the text short, simple, and sweet. Accusing him and writing a long paragraph won’t trigger him at all. If you want to make him feel bad for not answering your text messages, then that won’t work. He might even continue ignoring you for a longer period.
- Take a break. If you’ve already sent a message and he hasn’t responded, it’s best to take a break and wait for a few days before sending another one. This gives him some space and time to respond. If he still doesn’t reply, then it might be time to move on.
- Be confident. Confidence is key when it comes to texting a guy. Believe in yourself and your worth, and don’t let his lack of response affect your self-esteem. Remember, you deserve someone who is excited to talk to you and make time for you.
- Keep it light. Avoid heavy or intense topics in your double-texts. Keep the conversation light and fun. Share a funny meme or a cute picture to make him smile. This can also help break the ice and make it easier for him to respond.
- Try to use more memes and gifs, especially if you have been dating for a while. Personalize this text. Use something that you did together or something that might have reminded him. For example, “I was at Starbucks today and a friend of mine ordered London Fog and it reminded me of you.”
How long to wait before double texting?
How long you should wait before double-texting depends on your relationship and your aim.
Waiting a day to double-text a guy isn’t too long.
Everyone can be busy during the day and might go home and just delay texting someone back.
Even if you’re close and depending on what you want to say to him, you can wait at least 12 hours or a day.
Yet, if you were on a date and he didn’t answer that day, you should wait at least a few days until double texting.
If you double-text that day then you will seem very needy and clingy.
Some guys will take it as a sign that you’re obsessive or you don’t have to do anything else.
This will be a turn-off for most guys and it might give them a bad impression.
How to stop double texting?
Stopping yourself from double-texting him is a big challenge and that’s normal especially if the relationship was going great.
It’s a feeling that you get, the urge to text him and get the answer.
1. If you are going through it, try to write all these unsaid words in a journal.
When journaling doesn’t seem enough to you then you can vent to your friends or family.
You need a way to release these feelings and thoughts before they impact you negatively.
If you suppress them then they can easily turn into intrusive thoughts.
2. Try to pick a new hobby or anything that can get you occupied.
If you keep yourself occupied, you can give him the time that he needs to reflect.
In the meantime, you will detach yourself and do things on your own for a while.
It’s not easy to fight these feelings but if you take small steps, also you will be surprised by the results.
3. Delete his number from your phone. I know that’s so hard to do but you can achieve it if you focus.
You can write his number somewhere but delete it from your phone so you won’t have access to it.
Also, you can take a screenshot of his messages and then delete it so you won’t focus only on him.
Is it okay to double-text a guy?
Double texting isn’t bad and can be okay but in certain cases, it can be toxic.
If he pulled away and somehow told you that his feelings changed then double texting is toxic.
Especially, if you’re using these text messages as a manipulative method to get back together.
On the other hand, if you started dating a narcissist, double-texting is toxic because you will be controlled.
He will use your neediness and loneliness for his own good.
If you’re constantly ghosted and disrespected by him then this is also toxic behavior.
You will double-text and end up being ghosted once again.
The bottom line is that whether you should double-text him or not depends on your relationship.
In a few words, it depends on how comfortable you are around one another.
Not every guy finds double-texting annoying or irrelevant.
If feelings are reciprocated then you should double-text him because this will have a positive impact on your relationship.
He will feel appreciated and valued if you check up on him.
Yet, when it is an unrequited love then double-texting will only do you harm because it will make you look like a burden.
All the best,