The standard narrative has it, men do the first text when dating, hence the confusion when you sense the reversed roles in your connection…
You’re the one always texting him first and him replying in a split second or hours later.
How did the roles get reversed in your connection? Well, he might just have a reason!
Here are 11 reasons why he never texts you first:
1. He’s not interested.
One of the most common reasons why he doesn’t text you first is because he’s not interested.
He didn’t like the date, he didn’t feel a connection, or didn’t feel the spark…
Men in general tend to be very blunt and straightforward when it comes to the attraction game.
That bluntness and straightforwardness reflect the interest they show through communication.
An interested guy, typically, texts you first, if not every day, but at least frequently.
He might not be very excited about the connection, he might not want a relationship, or simply, he doesn’t want what you want from the connection.
2. You don’t hold that place in his life yet.
Texting you first in a frequent manner would equal effort and commitment.
As it takes a special person to hold a special place in your heart for you to commit, it is normal waiting for the connection to strengthen before committing to it.
If he never texts you first, you might not hold that special place in his life just yet.
He could be unsure of his feelings for you, scared of commitment, or simply not ready to start a relationship with you yet.
3. He has too many options.
The sense of having alternatives in dating can hold him back from focusing on only one person. Unfortunately, this also reflects in his texting frequency.
Due to the variety of options, he can forget to text you or he might want to focus more on the other people he’s dating. This, resulted in him never texting you first.
He might never text you first but always replies to your texts due to the desire to keep in touch with you.
Having other potential partners around can also result in not having time to commit to each and every single one of them; Making it inevitable to neglect one or two along the way.
4. He’s okay without his phone.
Some people don’t like using their phones, hence they only use them for necessities.
He might not be texting you first because he’s just not a phone person.
He could be one of the people that don’t mind the internet and even argue that they could use a break from it.
If you know him to be that kind of person, then him not texting you first should be no surprise.
If he’s okay without his phone, he’s likely to be unfamiliar with the ‘responsibility’ of texting another person without a particular reason.
He could just be that one-in-a-thousand person who believes that the only good time to use his phone is when he needs help. Where did you find him?!
5. The conversations with you don’t feel compelling to him.
You might have a great time together in person, but when it comes to texting your conversations may feel a little dull.
Another common reason why men don’t text first is that text conversations not feeling so compelling.
That is fine as long as you two have long, meaningful conversations together in person.
When the text conversations feel awkward, it might not attract him to text you a second time.
This doesn’t mean that you don’t have good texting skills or that you’re unattractive.
This could simply be two people not finding a common ground in texting but having a lot to talk about when meeting in person!
Despite the urge to make your text conversations intriguing, avoid forcing a spark into your text conversations and let the conversation flow naturally, unforced.
6. You don’t give him the space to text you first.
He won’t text you first if you don’t give him the space to do it. As harsh as it sounds, this stands true for a lot of you out there.
If you make it a routine to text him first every time, then you might just not be giving him the space to text you first.
He knows you’ll do the work, so he won’t bother much to take the turn any of the days.
Give him space, and try seeing if you’re coming on too strong.
Try reflecting on your texting and approach him. Take it one step at a time since it takes both of your efforts to make it work.
7. He’s unsure of his ability to keep a conversation going.
A man’s insecurities and low self-esteem reflect on his behavioral patterns with other people as well.
He might not feel confident in himself enough to text you. Resulting in him never texting you first.
He could feel intimidated by you or have complexities, in general, when it comes to approaching women online.
The insecurity in his abilities to keep a text conversation going can be a tremendously big factor that plays a negative role in his texting patterns.
8. He doesn’t see as much value in texting.
Your boyfriend never texts you first because he knows he’ll see you tomorrow.
If he never texts first but always replies fast, then you’ve got to have a look at what his preferences in communication are.
Some people tend to find more value in an in-person conversation than a text conversation.
As a result, those people put the effort into an in-person conversation a lot more than they do in a text conversation.
If you two meet up frequently, then it can be very likely that he’s saving the good talking stuff for when you meet up!
9. He thinks it’s too early for consistent texting.
If you’re in the early stages of dating, not texting you first can be very normal.
He might think that the stages you’re in at the moment, it’s way too early for consistent texting.
He might not be ready or he’s just taking it slow.
Texting you first in a consistent manner is a form of commitment, but also a form of telling you that you took that special place in his heart.
He might think it’s too early, so he won’t text you first and lead you on without being sure himself about the connection.
10. He wants you to chase him.
Unfortunately, there are not only positive sides to the story.
He might be manipulating you into chasing him by not texting you first but replying enthusiastically the moment you text him.
He gives you a glimpse of how sweet and fun a conversation can be with him, but he doesn’t ever initiate contact, and that leaves you wanting more each time.
This makes you jump into a circle around which you spin saying “I’ll text him just once more.”
That being said, he could know exactly what he’s doing, and the worst of it all, he could be doing it on purpose.
11. He’s insecure about what you’re feeling for him.
Does he always text you back but never text you first? He even replies as fast as lightning!
Well, he might just be insecure about what you’re feeling for him or feel like he’s disrupting you.
He could be fearing rejection, so he won’t bother to take a step closer.
The insecurity about where you two are standing can add to the ambiguity he’s in about what you could be feeling for him.
To clear his doubts he lets the matter into your hands, wants you to make a move, and text him when you’re ready.
Should I stop texting him first? Here’s the right thing to do!
The situation you’re in can feel a little tricky. You can delve into the reasons behind his behavior, yet you can’t seem to settle something…
What’s the right thing to do? Should you keep texting him first?
Let’s start from the basics!
– Talk to him about it.
If his way of communicating with you is bugging you, then you should speak up about it.
Reach out to him calmly, avoid accusatory tones, and try seeing this as an opportunity to solve this with him.
Here are a few examples of what you can say:
- “I feel like the enthusiasm to have a conversation isn’t reciprocated. Am I wrong?”
- “It’s awesome talking to you, but you don’t seem to care to ever initiate, mister architect/[you can insert name of his profession here]!”
- “Listen, I like you, and I like talking to you. However, I’m not sensing reciprocation. I’d like your honest answer here. Do you need space?”
- “As much as I enjoy your presence, I’m willing to respect your space if you need it since I’m not sensing reciprocation from you.”
These are examples of a calm (or fun) approach to a guy who never texts you first.
Try making it easier for him to freely express himself without fearing he’ll say something wrong or inappropriate.
That way you make him comfortable sharing his intentions and not leave you wondering about how he feels about you or the connection.
– Understand that healthy communication requires reciprocation.
This is just as simple as sending a text, however, texting has become an inseparable part of our lives.
A single text has quite a weight on communication between two people.
If you find yourself carrying the conversations, putting all the effort into making your communication work, then try to stop texting him.
Healthy communication requires reciprocation, openness, and willingness to reach out to one another from both sides involved.
– Would you two talk if you wouldn’t text him first?
A friend of mine recently told me that if it wasn’t for her texting him they would never talk. I had to stop her there and have a talk with her at that moment.
If his level of interest in you and in the connection with you is that low, then you must avoid forcing him into the connection.
In a way, you’re making him commit to a conversation he’s fine not having, he might even not be that interested in it after all!
If you have to constantly remind him of your existence, then you should stop and give him space until he thinks of you without you reminding him of yourself.
– Try understanding where you’re standing as a duo.
If it’s the early stages of dating you can’t really expect him to text you first quite so often.
This is why it is very important to understand where you’re standing as a duo. Here are a few questions you need to tackle to see where you’re standing:
- Is the power dynamic healthily balanced?
- Is affection between you two requited?
- Does he try to keep the conversation going?
- Does he express guilt for not being able to text you first more often?
- Does he put effort into the conversation?
– Set your boundaries and expectations.
Try understanding what works for you and what doesn’t in this situation.
Try figuring out what’s too far for you, what’s unacceptable, what’s tolerable, and what treatment you want from a potential partner.
Set your boundaries and expectations and see whether a connection with him would respect or fulfill those boundaries and expectations.
Think of how you want to be treated, how you deserve to be treated, and what you ask for in a connection.
Can’t figure this out? Reach the hand of a therapist!
You’ve got this!
Leave a Reply