Have you been talking to this “amazing” guy recently, who turned out to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing?
Everything was going well and you even trusted him enough to have sex with him, but he went ahead and did this. Apparently, he had a trick up his sleeve.
You’re not alone.
An alarmingly high number of women experience ghosting from a man whom they slept with.
First of all, this is a horrible thing to do.
Treating a person this way is morally wrong.
Sex is about making the body, heart, and mind one; it’s about sincerity and connection.
Hell, even if it was a one-night stand, he should’ve made his intentions clear!
Whatever a man’s reason may be for doing this, it’s seldom a good one.
This time, it’s not you, it’s him!
Why did he stop texting after you slept together?
I know you’re doubting if there’s any reason justifiable enough for ghosting you after sleeping with you. There might or might not be.
Now let’s take a look at why guys ghost women after sleeping with them!
– He only wanted to sleep with you and nothing else.
I want to go ahead and get over with the most obvious—and hurtful—explanation.
There’s a high chance that he wanted sex and nothing more: he got it, and now doesn’t feel the need to reach out anymore. This is a despicable thing to do.
We could be dealing with a player here!
There’s nothing wrong with hooking up, it’s a completely normal thing to do if that’s what both sides are looking for.
However, there is something wrong with ghosting the person you slept with after leading them on for the sole purpose of sex.
– You two have different ideas of sex.
And that doesn’t make you compatible.
I’m not saying that you were bad in bed, however, there’s a possibility that this is not what he was looking for.
Some men pull away when this happens instead of doing the mature thing and communicating their reasons.
If he didn’t like it, he should’ve been open about it even though that is a generally uncomfortable thing to talk about.
But again, that discomfort is probably the reason he decided it would be easier to stop texting you altogether.
This is in no way your fault; you two simply weren’t a match.
People have their own sexual preferences and/or fetishes that do it for them, and we can’t be blamed for not playing along and knowing beforehand.
– He did something that embarrassed him.
Think back to the night it happened.
Did he do something that may be perceived as embarrassing?
- He made a rather…interesting sound;
- He had a difficult time getting hard;
- He failed to make you orgasm;
- He finished a bit more quickly than expected.
There’s a surprisingly high chance that the reason he’s ghosting you right after having sex is because he feels embarrassed.
He did something that isn’t “flattering”, his ego is shattered, and now he can’t bring himself to text you.
He might even be thinking that you don’t want to hear from him either, so instead of texting, he’s taking the easy way out, ghosting you.
But what he doesn’t realize is that intercourse isn’t exactly too refined of an activity and slip-ups can happen.
You’re having sex, not performing an opera; of course, there are going to be all sorts of unflattering noises, fluids, and positions involved!
– He is playing mind games with you.
Unfortunately, this is exactly what it sounds like.
He’s playing with you and purposely not reaching out to keep you on your toes.
He wants you to keep guessing to gain control over the relationship by creating a superior image of himself to make you feel inferior to his presence.
Note that these people shouldn’t be given the time of day.
They are willing to put us through all this just so that they can gain a sense of control, they should do us all a favor and stay out of our lives. Good riddance!
– He’s in a relationship with someone else.
This probably isn’t what you want to hear right now, but it’s possible he’s in a committed relationship and doesn’t want to place it in jeopardy.
A 2022 survey on cheating indicates that 33% of Americans who partook, confessed to cheating on their partner—physically or emotionally.
Your guy could just be part of the cheaters’ percentage, pushing him not to talk to you anymore.
There’s a chance that he has a girlfriend or a wife whom he cheated on with you; he is trying to lower the risk of her finding out about you two.
He’s doing that by no longer reaching out to you. Whatever the reason might be, at the end of the day, he’s a cheater.
– He’s not mature enough to be straightforward.
Oftentimes, instead of doing the mature thing and sitting down to communicate, men tend to completely disappear.
He isn’t texting you—and most likely won’t for a while—because for him, it’s easier.
He doesn’t want to feel the discomfort of having to say that he doesn’t want a relationship, he wasn’t serious, or that he didn’t feel the chemistry.
Although the mature and decent thing would be to talk about things and be sincere, he doesn’t want to.
If someone is not mature enough to have an adult conversation with us, do we really want them in our lives?
– He doesn’t feel the need to chase anymore and is taking it easy.
It’s a well-known fact that men enjoy the chase—oftentimes more than the actual thing or person they’re chasing.
They love the rush and adrenaline that the process of winning a woman over provides.
He’s the type of man who only enjoys the chase; after he got what he wanted, his interest in you got dull.
He only wanted you for one night to prove to himself that he can win this challenge. Keep in mind that this isn’t your fault. It’s his flawed ideology’s fault.
– He thought that’s what you were looking for too.
He believed that you two were on the same page regarding the hook-up and the fact that there were no strings attached.
As opposed to him leading you just to get you in his bed, there’s nothing wrong with two people consenting to a casual hook-up with no strings attached.
He thought that that’s what you wanted as well, in which case, he’s not making a big deal out of not reaching out to you and most likely won’t come back.
– He’s afraid you might be expecting more from him.
This is his thought process: “We had an amazing night together, but what if she wants more from me?”
Say, a relationship?
Now whether this is him assuming stuff, or if he was able to pick up on already-existing feelings, he’s afraid of your expectations.
He might’ve wanted a hook-up and nothing more, so if he sensed something more on your part, that might’ve concerned him enough to stop texting you.
– He can’t or doesn’t want to commit.
Another common reason why men stop texting after sleeping together is their unwillingness to commit.
He either doesn’t want to commit simply because he doesn’t want a relationship with you, or he has a genuine fear of commitment.
The fear of commitment discourages a person from entering a serious and long-term relationship with another person.
According to Diana Kirschner Ph.D., fears that come out of committing have roots in childhood and adolescence.
There’s a high chance that your guy doesn’t want to be “tied down” and runs away as soon as the possibility creates itself.
Men who have problems committing, oftentimes tend to partake in one-night stands as opposed to sexual intercourse with a significant other.
The reason he’s not texting you is because of possible commitment issues that urge him to pull away instead of facing you and the situation.
– He has a fear of emotional intimacy.
To a lot of people, sex is an activity that allows and creates space for things to further develop emotionally and for those people to get closer.
Sex can easily lead to emotional intimacy, and if your guy has difficulties regarding intimate relationships, then that can be a problem.
Fear of emotional intimacy is the fear of sharing a close emotional relationship with another person.
As opposed to fear of commitment, people with this fear don’t usually wish to avoid intimacy or relationships but end up sabotaging or pulling away regardless.
He may have stopped texting you as a self-defense barrier between him and the pain of the aftermath.
If this is the case, it’s not that he doesn’t want to reach out to you; his fear of intimacy is stopping him.
– He has a good reason and will text you soon.
As unlikely as this may sound to us, I can’t help but give people the benefit of the doubt.
We can’t go ahead and assume that everybody has ill intentions towards us and no good reason for their actions.
There could be a chance—as slight as it could be—that he has a valid reason for not texting you.
That, or it hasn’t been long since you two slept together, and he will text you soon.
There’s a chance he has his reasons and will text you soon, especially if it hasn’t been too long since he stopped texting you after sleeping together.
What’s the decent thing to do when he stops texting after sleeping together?
First off, don’t beat yourself up about it!
Aside from the reasons, one of the aspects that hurt the most is dealing with the aftermath.
The right thing to do?
Here are some tips on what to do when a guy doesn’t contact you after sex:
1. Don’t assume anything too soon.
Don’t overthink or be too harsh on yourself. Instead, do other things that might help your emotional state and keep you occupied.
As mentioned earlier, he might have a valid reason and explanation for not texting you right away.
Give him the benefit of the doubt and wait a couple of days in case he responds and explains stuff to you.
Unless it’s been too long since you two last talked, then there’s no need to panic—yet.
I know that in a situation like this, we tend to get impatient and overthink everything; we always assume the worst.
And in this case, the worst means that he only was in it for sex and doesn’t plan on reaching out again.
2. Keep yourself busy and distracted!
You don’t have to sit there with your phone in your hands and wait for him to text.
Do something enjoyable to distract yourself from the thought of him.
- Spend time with family and friends;
- Indulge in your hobbies and pastimes;
- Go somewhere fun;
- Get into physical activity;
- Watch a movie;
Do anything that you know will help take your mind off of things and entertain you.
Being active helps reduce stress and promotes well-being, as opposed to sitting down and doing nothing aside from sulking.
3. Don’t put your life on hold.
Whatever his reason for ghosting you might be, don’t put your life on hold for him. Or anyone, actually.
Don’t leave yourself, your well-being, your priorities, and your responsibilities behind.
It’s not fair for you to be stuck in the same, dark place while he’s out there living his life to the fullest and with no care in the world.
I know that what he did feels horrible; being ghosted, especially after sex, would take a toll on anybody.
You might be wondering what went wrong, or even if it’s your fault, but let me tell you this: it’s none of those things.
A man who’s willing to hurt a person who put their trust in him isn’t worth even a second of your day, let alone pieces of you.
4. Don’t over-text him.
Two things we should avoid at all costs are bombarding him with texts and panicking.
Try to come to terms with the fact that if he doesn’t text you it’s still cool.
Do not over-text him or show him that your happiness depends on him.
First of all, it doesn’t, and second of all, this will only further push him away and/or stroke his ego.
Don’t panic and don’t immediately grab your phone to double, triple, or quadruple text him to catch and beg for his attention.
Don’t over-text him or repeatedly ask for an explanation as this will make you seem clingy, obsessive, and insecure.
Instead, keep calm and live your life as if he was never part of it.
Confusingly, no contact has a higher effect on men than contact does.
5. Understand that these things happen.
We need to understand that these things happen more often than not.
You’re not the first—or last—person who experienced this; it’s, unfortunately, been sort of normalized for men to pull this behavior.
No matter how normalized things like this get, it doesn’t take away from their cruelty.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of or beat oneself up over this.
You might be thinking “How could I have made the mistake?”
However, you didn’t do anything wrong.
These things can happen to anybody, and in no way do they define one’s worth.
6. Come to terms with the possibility that he’s not good for you.
Whether the chances of him coming back are slim or not, we have to come to terms and get used to his absence.
If it’s been a while, say, over a week, since he last spoke to you, it’s time to consider the possibility that he might not speak again.
And that’s probably for the best.
I know it hurts, however, if he’s the kind of person who is okay with doing this, he’s not good for you.
7. Talk to a loved one about the whole thing.
Vent to a loved one about what you’re going through.
Chances are that you’re sick and tired of bottling your thoughts and emotions up; there’s no need to bottle anything up.
Express what you’re going through and how it’s affecting you to someone you trust and who trusts you.
Communicating your feelings to someone will help rid your mind of any negative thoughts and will take a weight off your chest.
8. Don’t stalk his social media every day.
Try your best to stop the habit of checking his social media regularly.
As I said, it’s not fair he gets to do whatever he wants while you’re stuck thinking and worrying about him.
We might sometimes feel the urge to check a person’s socials to see if they’ve been active.
We sit there, scrolling, reading comments, and checking their following; looking out for any potential clue or sign as to why they haven’t reached out yet.
If this is what you’re doing, I suggest stopping at once.
This way, you’re only making yourself think about him more and not allowing yourself to move on.
Don’t check his social media too often, or even at all if you can.
9. Ask yourself: “Why do I want him to text me?”
Ask yourself why you want a text from him, or even if you want one.
Is it because you have developed feelings for him and are hoping to create a relationship, or is it because your pride has taken a blow?
If you’re looking for an explanation that will put your mind at ease, or if you’re overthinking whether it’s something regarding you, it’s best you forget about him and realize that his opinion doesn’t matter.
However, if you have feelings for the guy, think “Is he who I want to be my partner?”
Chances are he’s probably not; if he is purposely ignoring you and doesn’t have the guts to face you, he’s not a suitable partner.
Oftentimes, when our pride takes a hit, we’re blinded and can’t think rationally.
That’s exactly why it’s important to take a deep breath and ask ourselves the important questions.
10. If it really bothers you, consider reaching out to him first.
They say that if you want something done, do it yourself! However, that mindset doesn’t always apply in every situation.
I realize that you’re most likely trying to avoid being the initiator in this case, and you want him to text you instead.
However, if it bothers you that much, why not consider sending the first message?
Doing so might help put your mind at ease regarding what his intentions were—ill or decent.
You can try saying something like: “Last night was amazing. Did you get home safely?”
Something simple and subtle to test the waters.
11. Cut him out of your life.
If nothing works and he hasn’t texted for a long time, it’s time we let him go.
Don’t text him, don’t wait for him, and don’t tolerate his behavior; cut him out of your life.
Block his number, his socials, and whatever you need to do to not have any sort of contact with him again.
Now, I’m well aware that this is easier said than done, however, keep in mind that he’s in the wrong for not reaching out to you and you deserve better.
If he’s so immature and selfish to the point he doesn’t bother or care to give any sort of explanation, then you really lucked out when he left for good.
Because trust me, you don’t want a guy like that.
No one defines your worth but you!
Whatever happens, always keep in mind that you’re the only one who defines your worth.
Unfortunately, people are different and may not share the same morals and values as we do.
They act a certain way and hurt us without giving it much thought.
However, that’s on them.
Their actions don’t define us or our worth as people.