Direct flirtation over text sometimes can come on as too strong, overwhelming, and slightly disturbing.
Especially when you’re flirting with a guy you never met IRL. When you flirt in person, you use your body language and words to captivate him.
Whereas, over text, this isn’t possible and a lot of things might be misunderstood.
But, don’t worry, our team got your back. Let’s dive into 12 tips to flirt with a guy over text without being obvious:
1. Check his profile and find something interesting to talk about
If you want to flirt over text without coming too strong and seeming off, try to dig into his background a little.
Checking his profile and getting some info will be a helpful hand to open and make a flirty and meaningful conversation.
If you don’t know so much about him, you might try to compliment him only on his looks or exaggerate things you want to say based only on his looks.
- Try to find out what you have in common with him. If he has a photo of skydiving and you like it, try to talk about it.
- Never try to pretend that you like something that he does just to flirt with him. This will come out as too strong and strange at the same time.
2. Don’t be afraid to be weird and crazy on some scale
Be authentic because originality will never come on as too strong.
If you push yourself too much to sound like a person that he might like, your flirting over text will be obvious.
Thus, what catches a guy’s attention is something unordinary. Something that makes you outstanding from other women.
- So, state your opinion. If you like dogs and he has a dog on his profile pic, text him something like: “I thought only I was into chihuahuas.”
3. Make him feel good about himself
Giving him compliments isn’t the only way of flirting subtly or without being too obvious.
Asking him about his interests and listening to him actively will help you to flirt and build a connection with him.
- “I noticed that you’re a pretty good soccer player. Have you considered giving lessons to anyone?”
- “It looks like you’re a food expert. Any recommendations?”
4. Make a funny assumption about him or both of you
Making a funny assumption about you both will help you to break the ice even if you know him or not.
Choose something lighthearted that will make him laugh and feel good.
Avoid using anything that will make him feel comfortable such as planning the future with him and having kids together.
You can text him something like: “I know deep down that in another multiverse we’re close to one another😆.”
If you find it hard to decode how a man can perceive this type of flirtation, a relationship coach might help you with mansplaining.
5. Inform him about you by making a funny but heartfelt statement
If you want to make a guy flustered over text and without saying something wrong, share a funny detail about yourself.
I’m not implying that you should reveal everything about yourself instantly.
What I mean is that you need to give him a glimpse of who you are and why should he talk to you.
Think of it as a movie trailer. You need to grasp his attention without putting too much pressure.
“No one asked but quick fun fact about me. I have always been kind of a travel addict. If you would ask me right now to go and climb mount Everest, would I do it? Who knows, maybe.”
6. Send him a line from a song or movie
If you want to flirt with a guy over text without making it obvious then send him a line from a song or a movie.
Find something that he might know and might find interesting.
It’s important to not text him something explicit because that will only pull him away or give him a chance to manipulate you.
So, what you send to him depends on your relationship with him.
If you knew him earlier on or if you just want to know him online and never talked to him before, try to send a common movie line.
For example, “I wanna dance with somebody, I wanna feel the heat with somebody: said Whitney Houston, not me.”
7. Play the ‘Innocent Game’
When you play the Innocent Game you interact with this guy without being too straightforward and without making it feel awkward.
You can do it in three different ways.
First by asking him “innocent” questions such as: “Hey, what did you do today? I just had a nice shower and laid down in my bed.”
You just give him a glimpse of your day using sensual elements that will give him a flirty vibe but not be too much.
The second thing that you might do is tease him subtly and use a few emojis to enhance the meaning.
“You said that you were terrible at cooking and I was hoping you would make me dinner sometimes😭.”
8. Be more interested in his life
Being interested in his life doesn’t mean that one should ask personal questions or disturb his privacy.
Try to ask more open-ended questions but still avoid asking personal questions such as about his incoming or love life.
Especially, if you don’t know him in real life, it’s better to ask him about his hobbies and what he likes to do daily.
If he informs you about his day or depending on what type of conversation you’re having, you can text him something like:
“That’s very impressive. I have always wanted to try hiking and I think there is no one better than you that can teach the game.”
Remember that you can balance between showing interest in his life and being flirty just by being genuinely interested in him.
9. Treat him like you’re talking in person
If you want to flirt over text without coming on too strong, you should treat the situation from another perspective.
If you treat the situation or the conversation like you do when you meet in person, can help you a lot to avoid making mistakes while texting.
Because when we text, sometimes we tend to forget that we’re not that close to that person to ask him something personal or extraordinary.
And being behind the telephone screen can make flirting seem like something quite easy and that is the moment that pushes you to cross boundaries.
- If you text something like “I admire your passion” then think how he would react to this type of sentence if you were in the same place.
10. Be enthusiastic when you reply to him
Being enthusiastic when you interact with him can impact him positively and show that you have a genuine interest in him.
This is considered a subtle way of flirting because you create a positive impact on him and a positive aura.
“Wow, that’s very nice of you. No one has said that to me. You’re number one.”
Also, avoid letting him wait for hours to get your reply.
This will only irritate him. Even if he liked you, he will start to move on and flirt or talk to other women.
11. Send a funny meme or joke that is relatable
Memes. Yes, memes are life savers when it comes to flirting subtly over text without being too obvious.
You make him laugh and give him a glimpse of what type of a person you are or what you want.
Memes or any type of joke that does not hurt him will give him special attention.
Try to find out what you have in common or what type of jokes he likes so you can use proper memes.
12. Try to be in the moment
Don’t dwell in the past or the future, avoid romanticizing him because that would make your texts come on too strong
The dating expert Mathew Hussey claimed that our brain needs 5% of information to use the other 95% to create different scenarios in our heads.
So, if you romanticize him, you might flirt hard and say things you shouldn’t say.
Instead, try to know him step by step and build up an emotional attraction and connection.
- Share jokes;
- Ask about his day;
- Be his friend first;
- Be original and let him notice that you impact him for good;
What to do if flirting over text came on too strong?
The first thing that you should do if flirting over text came on too strong and he pulled away is to notice your action and apologize.
You can say to him that maybe the language that you have used came on as something inappropriate and you would like to apologize.
1. Avoid being in your defensive mode and not embracing reality.
It’s normal after you get rejected to deny your actions.
As the psychotherapist, Dr. Sheri Jacobson claimed that denying reality is taken as a form of defense mechanism.
You find a way to escape reality and not embrace the pain that rejection brings.
So, to avoid it, try to convince yourself that there are multiple other chances and other guys that might be waiting to talk and flirt with you.
2. Respect his boundaries.
Everyone has boundaries when it comes to dating.
If he doesn’t feel the same as you or needs more time to flirt with you because he might be dealing with a lot of things.
One of those things could be past relationship trauma and he still can’t allow himself to flirt or start over.
In this situation, it’s better to respect his boundaries and focus on yourself.
3. Give him some space to reflect.
Pressure is bad, in every situation.
But, especially, when he doesn’t flirt with you back because he didn’t get the right message or doesn’t feel the same about you.
When a guy likes you or when he is secure enough, he will take immediately the sign when a woman is flirting with him.
Hence, if a guy has an insecure attachment or is shy, he will take signs of flirting as something negative.
He might think that you’re making fun of him.
4. Be straightforward and see how things go.
In the end, one thing that you should do is, to be honest with him.
If you have tried every method to flirt with him but didn’t get any clear signs, it’s time to get things on your hands.
You can find a moment and say something to him like: “There has been a good time talking to you these past few months. I think I like you.”
Here, you throw the bomb. Now let it explode. He will either react positively or negatively and you’ll know whether to move on or not.
What if he doesn’t get the proper message? Or doesn’t flirt back?
If he doesn’t get the proper message, you should reflect on your texting style.
I am not implying that you should overanalyze it.
Only, you should ask a few people even maybe look for the help of a dating coach or a therapist.
They will help you to reflect on your messages and not be biased.
~Try to use more direct hints but without crossing his boundaries.
Because some guys don’t grasp fast as others that these are signs that a woman likes you and is flirting with you.
It takes time to process what is happening.
So, don’t take it personally if he doesn’t flirt back. It all depends on his personality and his dating resume and style.
One final statement
You can find the right balance in flirting over text without coming too strong by being respectful, authentic, and positive.
You shouldn’t take it as a daily task and focus all your energy on these types of texts.
Anything unoriginal and forced will lead you to come on too strong in your flirty messages.
So be yourself and risk it by sending the first message. Hence, if you don’t get the same energy back, don’t take it personally.
Keep growing as a person and get in touch with your authentic self.