To flirt or not to flirt? Is the question, and ‘to flirt’ is the answer!
Flirting with a guy over text is about not being over-the-top with flirty phrases, tickling his imagination the right way, and getting him going crazy, just a little.
Wanna learn how to do it?!
Here is the very-needed genius guideline on flirting with a guy over text in style!!
1. Start slow and see if he’s into flirting.
One key element you must consider before doing anything really, is reading the room.
In other words, you want to see whether the guy you want to flirt with over text is actually into flirting.
You can start slow and test the waters by
- mentioning his name;
- sending him a compliment or two and see if he’s reciprocating;
- making a joke and getting a glimpse of his response;
If he responds well and reciprocates your playful and lightly flirtatious behavior, then you’ve got the green light to start the real-deal flirting!
2. Make a positive comment on something you like about him.
Since you’re not seeing each other in person, flirting through text, has to be a bit more blunt and out there.
In person, there would be eye contact, giggling, and touching. While through text, you’ll have to make it slightly more obvious verbally.
Start by making a positive comment on something you like about him, be it something about his appearance, work, talent, or personality. Anything!
Here are some examples:
- “I like how you’re so passionate about what you do.”
- “Somebody call the firefighters! Your eyes are setting me on fire!”
- “You’re very talented at what you do. I really like that about you!”
3. Build tension, but don’t make it entirely sexual.
Once you test the waters and get the green light, it’ll be time for a little positive tension and some sexual sparks but not too blunt or purely sexual.
This is the part where you’ve got to let him do the work a little and run after you.
You can flirt sexually over text by sending him something light that gives him just enough to work with. For example,
- “I wonder… How would you spend your time with me at this very moment?”
- “Your lips look so soft, it makes me wonder…” he asks some generic question requiring an explanation, you can go “If you use lip balm, or they’re just natural like that.”
- Let’s say you’ve got a new tattoo, and he asks where’d you get it. You can respond with “I’ll let you find it, next time we meet up ;)”
If you want to level it up a notch, you can send him something along the lines of “Your lips look so soft, it makes me wonder…” and let him wait.
If he asks you about it, let him wait for your response. That way you build positive tension and drive him a little crazy. In turn, making him chase you a little!
4. Ask him fun, flirty, and interesting questions.
A good flirting over text involves a good list of fun, flirty, and interesting questions.
You want to make it playful and fun, build tension, but always respecting boundaries.
By asking him questions you not only give space to one another to know each other better, but you also show interest in him.
You’ll make him talk about himself, and he’s going to love that! Here’s something you can work with:
- “Tell me, what does your ideal day look like?”
- “[his name], I want you to be honest with me and tell me what’s the weirdest phase you’ve gone through? Surprise me!”
- “Tell me, [his name], how do you think your ex would describe you?”
- “What’s something super interesting about you that I have no idea of?”
5. Make good use of flirty texts.
Flirty texts include playfulness, positive tension, positive comments, and compliments.
You want to make it artistic here. And please, for god’s sake, spare him the generic outdated flirty texts that most sites tell you are a good idea!
A good and decent flirty text involves his name, a funny joke, a question, or a compliment.
Here are some good examples of decent flirty texts:
- “My flirting is usually confused with being nice. Do you want me to be more straightforward?”
- “You’re too smart and handsome and funny to be true. When are you going to tell me what the catch is, mister?”
- “Hey mind invader! What are you up to tonight?”
- “You’re kinda charming. And handsome. Well, okay, funny too. And talented. Alright, tell me the catch!”
6. Send him teasing texts.
An important part of the teasing text that makes your flirting game unforgettable is a good challenge.
Teasing leads to potential inside jokes, and good flirting, of course, and inside jokes lead to a stronger connection.
You’ve got to find the right timing, the right words, and just the right moment to tease him.
You can pull his leg a little and enjoy the banter from there! Here are some good examples:
- Let’s say he said ‘fay’ instead of ‘day’ (a typo): “Oh I sure did have a fonderful fay. How afout you handsome fuy?”
- “Is there any possible way for you to not connect everything with science? Because if there is, I won’t talk to you anymore”
- “You’re really good at everything, aren’t you? Well, I bet you can’t beat me at basketball!”
7. Intrigue him with a little mystery.
Another big game-changer when it comes to flirting through text is getting him curious and keeping him asking questions!
A great way to do that is to let him wait for your responses a little, expand his imagination with intriguing texts, and let his curiosity go wild!
You don’t want to text all day long. You have a life, get on with it. Respond to him after you’re done with your activities!
So, what’s something flirty to text a guy, something that’s intriguing yet not exaggerated? Read and learn, ladies!
- “Wanna guess what you did in my head today?”
- “Guess the crazy thing I did today!”
- “Oh, I’ve done some crazy things today. How about your day, handsome?”
- “I think I overdid with reading today, haha. And your day?”
8. ‘Innocently’ make him think dirty.
Don’t give all you’ve got just yet, let him want more. But a bit of initiation won’t hurt!
This one is about taking advantage of those little moments, through which you can create room for his imagination to go beyond clothes.
It’s about the moments where you’re indirect and you can seem completely ‘innocent’ but it’s slightly obvious. Here are some examples:
- Randomly, text him: “You’ve got no idea what you’ve been doing in my mind today!”
- Let’s say he asks you what you want to do later the next time you see him, your reply: “Let’s have some fun 😈”
- “I don’t know if I should be feeling guilty about something I thought of you today.”
- “Up for some troublemaking?”
You can be direct if that would represent your personality. But bear in mind, overdoing is usually not the way to go when it comes to flirting!
9. Give hints that you like him.
Giving hints that you like him means reciprocating the text conversation, complimenting him, making him blush a bit, and showing interest.
Showing interest is part of flirting. You don’t want to go all crazy now and shower him with all the compliments or interesting questions you can possibly think of.
Be a little playful, be a little push and pull, and show him just enough interest. Here are some examples:
- “Yellow is your color, change my mind!”
- “You seem interesting, and I’m curious: What’s your all-time favorite song?”
- “Is it just me or you’re trying to flirt with me?”
You can also be direct and tell him you like him straightforwardly!
10. Give him some sweet and unique nicknames.
Giving each other nicknames helps in building a bond and creating a sense of intimacy between you two.
Feel free to feel the vibe he’s giving you, and give it a nickname. Anything that feels natural to you.
Try finding unique parts of his character and give him unique nicknames according to that (e.g. his profession, physical traits, personality traits, etc).
Here are some nicknames you can use:
- Mister Handsome;
- Green-eyed Scientist;
- Walking Sun;
- Mister Scientist;
You can drop this if it doesn’t feel natural. You don’t have to go out of your way to please people or make them want you.
11. Make the conversation colorful: use memes, emojis, and pictures!
A cute way to flirt with a guy over text is to make the conversation colorful with memes, emojis, pictures, etc.
You want to keep it light with the emojis though! The winky face one is not bad, or the kissy face, or a heart maybe?
If you overdo it you can give off immature vibes and it can be a turn-off. Keep that in mind, next time you’re sending the 5th laughing emoji!
Here are some examples
- “Thank god you make lame jokes sometimes 😋”
- “I’m down if you’re down 😈”
- “Okay, Mr. Perfect, we’ll figure something out 😉”
If you’re an emoji girl, knock yourself out. At the end of the day, if he isn’t an emoji fella, but if he likes talking to you, he’ll stick around. And if not… thank you, next!
12. Put his imagination to work!
Pay attention to what he tells you, and use that. We’re not into some mean, evil business, though it strangely sounds like we are, doesn’t it?!
We want him to imagine what it’s like to be in our presence, all the fun we can have together.
This adds major points to your flirting game, and it might just make him crave you! Here are some fantastic examples:
- “Imagine we got drunk together! A disaster without a warning to the poor citizens, perhaps?”
- “If I’d be there, I’d show you what fun is!”
- “You’ve got no idea what I’m capable of doing in the presence of another crazy one. And you, you sir, would be the perfect another crazy one!”
13. Mention his name. It’ll drive him crazy!
A friend of mine once said to me, “Say his name, woman! Say it like it’s Jesus’ name!”
She’s usually not the one you’d typically get advice from, but in this case, she was right!
Research shows that mentioning a person’s name in a conversation grabs their attention, shows respect, and makes them feel acknowledged!
Understanding how to flirt with guys over text, takes a bit more understanding of what they like too. And I’ll tell you this, they like it when we say their names.
Here are some examples comparing texts when you use his name and when you don’t use it:
- “Come on Ben, think of something better :P” vs “Come on, think of something better :P”
- “Ben, you’re deadly handsome in yellow, how dare you!” vs “You’re deadly handsome in yellow, how dare you!”
- “This song reminded me of you, Ben.” vs “This song reminded me of you.”
14. Send him pictures of you.
Since men like things visual, sending him a picture of you and your activities can be a great idea to flirt with him!
See the vibe with the guy and be selective of the picture(s) you send him.
This is an awesome way to keep the flirt going, but also to keep him interested in the text conversation!
You can send him pictures of you wearing something and asking him whether you should buy it, or pictures of you in a cafe, or pictures of your activities.
You don’t want to forget to make it fun by adding a nice little description such as:
- “Alright, folks! Here’s the food for today, stay tuned for tomorrow’s lunch!”
- “My friend says I’ll blind people with this shirt. Do you think she has a point?”
- “I need your opinion on this one. Red or green?”
Don’t send a picture if you don’t feel safe doing so. And, do not, ever, send him a picture if you feel he’s putting pressure on you to do so!
15. Get fun and make a joke when you get the chance.
If you’re naturally funny, and you’re not forcing your ‘funniness’, then please, go ahead and use it.
You can send gifs, memes, make jokes, or even tease him in a joking way.
Making him laugh is a positive thing. Besides positive tension and compliments, flirting depends a lot on laughter too! Here are some examples:
- “A simple hello can lead to infinite possibilities… Like butt touches.”
- “How dare you be so funningly unfunny :P”
- “Listen, sir, that made me automatically like you more. How dare you?”
- “Oh please, don’t blame yourself! Let me do it for ya 😛”
If he doesn’t laugh at your jokes or doesn’t show signs that he’s enjoying it, takes it as a sign to stop the joking, memes, or gifs.
If he doesn’t reciprocate, there’s a chance he’s not into this.
16. Take the initiative.
If you haven’t started texting yet, please text him first. Let go of the stigma, and start mingling for god’s sake!
He might as well be waiting for your text.
Now, when you start the text, you don’t want to come on too strong.
Avoid the boring and generic openers, take it easy, and keep in mind that a simple “Hi” is not going to level up your flirting game, seriously!
So, how do you actually start flirting over text? Small talk? Not a brilliant idea. Here are some useful examples of flirty openers for him:
- “Hello, beautiful stranger! It’s Nara, from the coffee shop.”
- “Your profile picture is not doing any justice, you’re way more handsome in person! This is Nara by the way.”
- “Well hello there, mister scientist! How have you been?!”
Keep in mind, just because you started the conversation first, or started the flirting first, it doesn’t mean you always have to be the one initiating.
No no no. That’s not the point of flirting. If he texts you every day, it’s cool for you to initiate too sometimes. This should be reciprocated.
17. If you wouldn’t say it in real life, don’t say it through text either.
My point? Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not.
Ignore my advice or anyone’s advice and examples on this. If you don’t feel like the texts you’re sending don’t represent you, then don’t send them.
To make it simpler, if you wouldn’t say it in person, don’t say it through text either. You’ll meet up at some point, right?
You can genuinely tell if he likes you through text and whatever ‘game’ you practice, it’ll wear out, and eventually, you won’t have a persona to play or act out.
You’ll confuse him, big time! But you’ll also risk losing a genuine connection with this guy!
18. Ask him out!
Part of good flirting through text, is knowing the right way to ask him out.
Let the stigma, social norms, and ‘the right thing to do’ aside. If you feel like seeing him, then ask him out and do it in style!
If you don’t like the indirect way of doing things, you can ask him out, cut the teasing, and get straight to the point. Here are some examples:
- “If you’re up for an adventure tomorrow, you can join me for a hike!”
- “I bet I can beat you at basketball. If we place the bet, we’ve got to meet up at the park tomorrow!”
- “Well, since you’re not asking me! I’d love to take you out for coffee this week. Would Friday work for you?”
- “Let me pick you up tomorrow and show you how fun a date can be!”
You must avoid these mistakes when flirting with him over text!
Since the flirting is over text, you’ve got to consider that he can’t see your facial expressions nor hear your tone of voice.
That can make a lot of room for misinterpretation!
You can get way ‘too into the role’ of flirting and you might just make some mistakes you should avoid. To prevent that, here’s what you must consider:
- Stick to authenticity. Do not pretend to be someone else;
- Don’t say something you wouldn’t normally say;
- Avoid forcing things;
- Make sure to not cross his boundaries;
- Avoid over-texting him;
- Avoid being overly sexual as that can come off as vulgar or inappropriate;
- Give him space to respond;
- Slow it down or stop flirting when he doesn’t reciprocate, you’re not feeling it, it feels forced, or if you catch yourself overdoing it!
Flirting is not some fixed science, nor a fixed script for everyone to follow.
That means you can add your flavors, and your ways to it. You can be flexible with the tips and ‘tricks’ (I don’t like to call them tricks, really).
If you don’t feel comfortable making it sexual, don’t do it. Flirting is meant to be enjoyable, not a burden. Feel free to be flexible with it.
Whatever you present, feel, and are, take that and own it! Don’t go out of your way or become someone you’re not. Stick to yourself, sista!
You’ve got this!