To flirt or not to flirt? To flirt, sure. To flirt in person or to flirt over text? To flirt, sure.
I understand the struggle, you know the one: Innocent nice words taken for flirting, while when you ACTUALLY try to flirt they take it as you being nice. Umm? 😊
Knowing how to flirt with a guy, or how to flirt with a guy over text, whether it is when you already met, or in a long-distance, or you’re in a relationship, is not about the “kiss me, baby, oh yes, oh yes”.
We’ll go through texts as flirting examples, we’ll get disappointed, sure, but we’ll learn.
Keep in mind though, this is not just about pleasing some stranger, and going out of our ways to do it. If that’s what you expected, then I’m sorry. That’s not exactly what you’ll find here.
Should you consider anything before you get into this flirting & texting thingy?
To have a better understanding of how to flirt with a guy over text, we gotta consider some stuff first:
Don’t force things. If it doesn’t happen naturally, and you find yourself getting stressed about it, it’s forced. Let it flow, let it be enjoyable for both, let it feel natural – If you like him, and he likes you back, it will be so.
To do that, you don’t force words and/or behavior. This is for both sides. You don’t try to force yourself to say something, nor try to ‘manipulate’ him to say something that he normally and originally wouldn’t say.
Think that eventually, you’ll meet up with him. This is just a little reminder. In case you want to see him, try to think of this every now and then when you’re sending something you wouldn’t normally say, or if you’re sending something too ‘out’.
Authenticity is the way to go. Absolutely yes. A little ‘game’ here and there, a little ‘play’ here and there is perfect as long as they’re things you’d really say, and feel comfortable coming, or to say it better, going from your side to his receiving end.
Flirting is not some fixed science, nor a fixed script for everyone to follow. That means you can add your own flavors, your own ways to it. You can be flexible with the tips and ‘tricks’(I don’t like to call them tricks, really).
If you don’t really feel comfortable making it sexual, don’t do it. If you feel like you’re going out of yourself, then you might just be missing a point when it comes to flirting. It’s meant to be enjoyable, not a burden. Feel free to be flexible with it.
Eeeh, how do you flirt with a guy over the phone?
1. Start the text & the flirt, duh?
Now, when you start the text, you don’t want to come on too strong. If you don’t really have anything to tell him, or talk about, don’t start the conversation at all: Wait for him instead.
I want you to avoid the boring and generic openers, I’d like you to take it easy, and keep in mind that a simple “Hi” is not going to level up your flirting game, seriously!
So, how do you actually start flirting over text? Small talk? Not a brilliant idea. Here are some flirty texts for him – useful examples:
“Hello, beautiful stranger! It’s Nara, from the coffeeshop.”
“Your profile picture is not doing any justice, you’re way more handsome in person! This is Nara by the way.”
Take with you
Just because you started the conversation first, or started the flirting first, it doesn’t mean you always have to be the one initiating. No no no. That’s not the point of flirting. If he texts you everyday, it’s cool for you to initiate too sometimes. It should be reciprocated.
2. If you wouldn’t say it in real life, don’t say it through text either
My point? Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. F*ck my advice, or anyone’s advice, or examples and whatever. If you don’t feel like the texts you’re sending represent you, don’t send them.
To make it more simple, more understandable: If you wouldn’t say it in person, don’t say it through text either. You’ll meet up at some point, right?
You can genuinely tell if he likes you through text. Whatever ‘game’ you practice, eventually, it’ll wear out, and eventually, EVENTUALLY you won’t have a persona to play or act out. You’ll have yourself left, and the realsies will kick in. You’ll confuse the sh*t out of him. Let’s not do that, shall we?
Take with you
EMBRACE WHATEVER YOU PRESENT! OWN IT, BE IT.
3. Easy peasy, lemon less obviously sexual
There are plenty of seductive text messages for him, they can be direct and indirect. I can’t stress this enough, but we don’t want to overdo it, we don’t wanna get out ourselves and make it vulgar.
If we want to understand how to flirt sexually over text, we want to first, embrace ourselves, and what we’re comfortable with. We want to send a few flirty texts, you know the ones for him to turn him on, give hints, play a little this a little that.
Some of those flirty texts that lead to the sexual convo are good to send at night, since you know… you know the deal.
Here are some examples (some of which are pretty appropriate if you’re looking for seductive text messages for him long distance):
Let’s say it’s night, and you want to initiate something “I wonder, how would you spend your time with me at this moment?”
“Your lips look so soft, it makes me wonder…” he asks, what or some other generic question requiring an explanation, you can go with “If you use lip balm, or they’re just natural like that.”
Let’s say you’ve got a new tattoo, and he asks where’d you get it. You can respond with something like: “I’ll let you find it, next time we meet up ;)”
Take with you
Hell, if direct is your way to go, then don’t hold yourself; If ‘sexual’ is not your way to go, then don’t push yourself.
4. Intrigue him
If you want to know how to flirt over text, you want to know a bit about exaggeration too. I’m the one exaggerating right now, actually. You want to intrigue him, you want to show excitement. Forget the exaggeration. No, seriously, forget the exaggeration!
Let’s start this again: How do you flirt with a guy over text? Expand his imagination by an intriguing text that gets his curiosity going wild. Of course, if that’s your type, don’t let this slip in any case.
What is something flirty to text a guy, something that’s intriguing yet not exaggerated?I’ll make my point:
“You’re gonna be surprised when you find out what you did in my head today!”
“Guess the crazy thing I did today.”
“I heard this song and I think it represents you, it’s your song.”
Take with you
Don’t get too dramatic about things you normally wouldn’t get dramatic about, chill.
5. Nicknames might just be handy
Handsome? Mister? Handsome guy? Mr. Perfect? Feel free to feel the vibe he’s giving you, and give it a nickname. Perhaps not something offensive, but anything that feels natural to you.
Feel absolutely free to drop this if it doesn’t feel natural to you. Seriously! You don’t have to go out of your way to please someone you probably don’t even know. But, if you’d enjoy it, and you’d think he’d enjoy it too (based on what you’ve seen from him), then knock yourself out:
“How’s the handsome doing today?”
“Okay, mr. Perfect, we’ll figure something out.”
“Oh I see, mr. Scientist , I see…”
Take with you
Don’t do it if it’s not your thing. It’ll be obvious that it’s forced, and it’ll be a turnoff.
6. Give hints that you like him
Giving hints that you like him means reciprocating on the conversation, really! It means complimenting him on something, asking him interesting questions, making him blush a little, showing him a little appreciation, you know.
Showing interest is part of flirting. You don’t want to go all crazy now and shower him with all the compliments or interesting questions you can possibly think of. Be a little playful, be a little push and pull, show him just enough interest. Give him just enough hints that you like him.
Here, examples to feed on:
“Yellow is your color, change my mind!”
“You seem interesting, and I’m curious: What’s your all-time favorite song?”
Take with you
Hell, even tell him that you like him if you do. There’s nothing wrong with that either.
7. Keep the mystery going: Honey, you don’t want to text all day long. You have a life, don’t you?
I told you that texting him first is a good idea, but I’m also telling you that you don’t want to be kissing his a*s.
What I mean by that is that you want to mind your business too, do what you gotta do, and don’t sacrifice anything just to reply to him as soon as possible. Do what you have to do, avoid long texts that give off too much information.
It’s about getting rid of that need to make him like you, or to impress him. Set yourself free from that ‘need’ or ‘want’.
I’ll give you some flirty texts for him examples:
“Oh, I’ve done some crazy things today. How about your day, handsome?”
“I think I overdid with reading today, haha. And your day?”
Take with you
The guy is carrying the conversation, and it doesn’t seem fair. You want to be mysterious, not cold, not not responsive, and not not engaging. Being that is not exactly the point of flirting.
8. ‘Innocently’ make him think dirty
Don’t give all you’ve got just yet, let him want more. But a bit of initiation doesn’t hurt either of you doesn’t it?
This one is about taking advantage of those little moments, through which you can create room for his imagination to go beyond clothes and stuff. It’s about the moments where you’re indirect and you can seem completely ‘innocent’ but it’s slightly obvious. That’s the tension, and the flirting part of the flirting.
You can use your flirty texts for him at night or at daytime, it’s fine. He won’t help but think about the ‘beyond clothes’ anyway. Here’s how you do it:
Randomly, text him: “You’ve got no idea what you’ve been doing in my mind today!”
Let’s say he asks you what you want to do later next time you see him, your reply: “Let’s have some fun.”
“I don’t know if I should be feeling guilty about something I thought of you today.”
And when he asks, tell him anything but sexual stuff.
Take with you
You can be direct if you want to, if that’s what you wish, and if that would represent your personality. Though try to find a balance, overdoing is usually not the way to go. You can tell when he’s not interested through text, so I believe that won’t be a big of a deal.
9. Not my personal favorite, but you can use emojis
I don’t want to write about this. F*ck you Chris!
You can get your flirty text messages to get cute with emojis. But for god’s sake don’t overdo them! Men in general aren’t into emojis. The emojis can give off immature-ish vibes, or child-ish vibes. Keep that in mind, next time you’re sending the 5th laughing emoji.
So, what is an actual cute way to flirt with a guy? Is to be who you are, and not use too much of the emojis. Gosh! But fine, the winky face one is not bad, or the kissy face, or a heart maybe? Before this gets out of hand, I better show you:
“Thank god you make lame jokes sometimes 🤣 ”
“I’m down, if you’re down 😉”
Take with you
If you’re an emoji girl, knock yourself out. At the end of the day, if he isn’t an emoji fella, but he really likes talking to you, he’ll stick around. And if not… neeeext!
10. Tease him a little, but don’t overdo it
When he sends a typo or something, you can pull his leg a little and enjoy. Teasing leads to potential inside jokes, and good flirting of course, and inside jokes lead to a stronger connection. Like a team… great…
A very important part of the flirt, is knowing how to tease a guy, in this case, we’re doing that over text. What that means is, we need to be more careful. Why? Because he cannot see your facial expressions, nor hear the tone of your voice changing. Hence? Hence the room for misunderstandings is larger.
I’ll let you have a better understanding of what I’m talking about:
Let’s say he said ‘fay’ instead of ‘day’ (a typo): “Oh I sure did have a fonderful fay. How afout you handsome fuy?”
“Is there any possible way for you to not connect everything with science? Because if there is, I won’t talk to you anymore”
“Thank god you make lame jokes sometimes!”
Take with you
Careful not to touch sensitive spots that could potentially hurt him. Avoid teasing him on things like family, or status. Or anything about him you don’t know much about, because you might just hit him in a weak spot.
21 Body language signs shown by science he is attracted to you
11. Double text, double don’t
Watch out for the rhetorics!!! Aaaaa!
OVERTEXTING IS A BAD IDEA! Girl, you want to give him room to flirt back. He needs breathing, let him. Flirting is all about back and forth, giving and receiving signals, joy, pleasure and stuff.
I’d suggest you avoid double texting. You’ve got things you can do, if you don’t find something. Seriously, he can’t be the only interesting thing going on in your life. Do you hear that? Origami, drawing a giraffe with crayons, cleaning, reading, movie-ing, dancing…
The list goes on, and it’s full of things you can do without texting him.
Take with you
Not double texting, doesn’t mean you don’t have to engage in the conversation. On the contrary, engage in the conversation, avoid super dull, short answers.
12. His imagination, oh his imagination!
How do I flirt with a guy over text? Intrigue his imagination. It’s good to do in person too. But, through text, it’s a different story. A better story, if you will.
Pay attention to what he tells you, and use that. We’re not into some mean, evil business, though it strangely sounds like we are. We’re just presenting them the idea of them hanging out with us, but not directly… at all… well, sort of.
We want him to imagine what it’s like to be in our presence, all the fun we can have together. Intrigue his imagination:
“Imagine we got drunk together! A disaster without a warning to the poor citizens, perhaps?”
“If I’d be there, I’d show you what fun is!”
“You’ve got no idea what I’m capable of doing in the presence of another crazy one. And you, you sir, would be the perfect other crazy one!”
Take with you
If you don’t like the indirect way of doing things, you can absolutely ask him out, and just cut the bs, and get straight to the point.
13. His name, say it like it’s Jesus’ name
You do you, and you just add his name to the text you’re about to send. Not in every text though. Understanding how to flirt with guys over text, takes a bit more understanding on what they like too. And I’ll tell you this, they like it when we say their names. Unless we over do it, and make them hate their names, and the fact that they’re spending time with us.
Eeeh, let’s not overthink this. I’ll compare some texts, and you’ll get my point:
“Come on Ben, think of something better :P” vs “Come on, think of something better :P”
“Ben, you’re deadly handsome in yellow, how dare you!” vs “You’re deadly handsome in yellow, how dare you!”
“This song reminded me of you, Ben.” vs “This song reminded me of you.”
Take with you
If you hate his name, but like him a lot. Find a nickname, or don’t say his name at all. Really, flirting could be done without this one too.
14. Joke, woman!
Now it’s the part that we look for flirty texts to make him laugh. If you’re naturally funny, and you’re not forcing your ‘funniness’, then please, go ahead and use it. You can send gifs, memes, make jokes, or even tease him in a joking way.
Making him laugh is a positive thing. Flirting needs laughter too, you know, besides the tension and the sexual tension…
“A simple hello can lead to infinite possibilities… Like butt touches.”
“How dare you be so funningly unfunny :P”
“Listen sir, that made me automatically like you more. How dare you?”
Take with you
If he doesn’t laugh at your jokes, or doesn’t show signs that he’s enjoying it, take it as a sign to stop the joking, memes, or gifs. If he doesn’t reciprocate, there’s a chance he’s not into this. Signs he secretly likes you but is hiding it – Why is he hiding it?
15. Pictures, sure!
Logic and emotions, find a balance between those, important. Your emotions are so into feely goody vibey and you just want to send him a good, lovely, sexy picture of you, and then your logic takes over saying “B*tch, you don’t even know this guy, you might regret this later!”.
Well, what do we do? We do a bit of a balance between these two: your logic isn’t that wrong, you might regret this later, but hey you might also not regret this. See the vibe with the guy, and please SELECT, be selective of the picture/s you choose to send him.
In this case Snapchat could be more helpful. But now comes the other question: How to flirt with a guy over Snapchat? Well, you do exactly what I told you above, except you send him pictures too, not just of yourself, but things and activities you’re doing. Of course, if you feel like it.
The good thing about this app, in my opinion, is that it lets you know when someone is taking a screenshot of what you sent, but also you get to decide how long they get to see the picture you’re sending.
You can keep sending your flirt messages on whatsapp, if you feel that other platforms aren’t suitable for you.
Take with you
DON’T send a picture if you don’t feel safe doing so! DON’T send a picture if you feel he’s putting pressure on you to do so. You DON’T have to please anyone.
When to slow down or even stop the flirting and/or texting?
There’s a reason you’re wanting to know more about how to flirt with a guy on the phone, or over text. Part of learning how to do that is also knowing when to stop doing that.
You want to slow it down, or stop it entirely:
When he doesn’t reciprocate
There’s no point in continuing to try to flirt if he doesn’t reciprocate. As a matter of fact, it shouldn’t even seem like ‘trying’. You know. Flirting takes at least two to be practiced, so if he doesn’t bother much about it, why should you?
When you’re overdoing things
If you’re not in a relationship already, you might want to cool it down a little. Especially when it comes to sexting. Let it flow naturally, don’t overdo anything for the sake of getting his attention, or for the sake of making him like you, or for the sake of pleasing him in order to impress him.
When you’re not feeling it. When it feels forced, and like you’re carrying the entire conversation yourself
End the conversation when you have to, don’t go out of your way, honestly! If you’re not feeling the flirting, or the texting, a goodbye text will do the work. Especially if it’s been a long time since you haven’t been enjoying this exchange of texts, cut it off.
When you constantly find yourself being the first to text him
It’s part of the unreciprocated communication. If he is interested he’ll initiate every now and then. I believe you get my point already, but I just put it there, at least as a reminder.
To make it less complicated…
Whatever you present, feel, and are, take that and own it. If you feel comfortable doing this, do it, please; And if you don’t, f*ck the magazines, f*ck every advice you’ve read, don’t do it.
You’ve got this, I know.