Once he pulls away, it’s going to be all over the place.
Different individuals experience and manifest withdrawal from their partners differently. However, we’re the same kind, the same species, and there are commonalities in our behaviors, even though we’re individuals.
When he’s pulling away, you’ll notice something to be off. It can even be one of the reasons you’re here reading this.
Before you get to the end of this list, you’ll get the answer clear and simple.
Turning tables around isn’t as easy, however, it’s something that can be done. You’ll eventually get to reach out and see the depths behind his behavior.
To have a better understanding of what you can do about the situation, you’ll have to know if pulling away is what he’s doing.
Here are the 9 most common signs a man shows when he’s pulling away:
1. You feel emotional distance
In romantic relationships when a man is pulling away he distances himself emotionally as well.
Emotional distance is manifested through different behaviors depending on the individual. However, in romantic relationships, it’s easily noticeable because a romantic relationship is more intimate and it allows you to see more of each other.
One of the biggest signs he’s pulling away is when there’s no hearing or understanding between you; when his emotional attraction towards you is gone.
Especially you, you don’t feel seen when you’re around him.
You don’t feel appreciated, instead, you feel tolerated in his presence. It’s almost like your time together lost its meaning.
- He doesn’t engage in conversations.
- He forgets important things about you.
2. No more “I just wanted to hear your voice” calls
When he’s pulling away, you’ll sense his lack of interest in you in the smallest details, including calls, texts, and communication in general.
He’ll pull away in his contact too, and it’ll be noticeable once he does. If he’d often call you to simply hear your voice, or because he misses you, and suddenly stops doing it, then there’s something off…
He’s pulling away, this is even more notable if you have a long-distance relationship.
A “just because” phone call shows care and connection. Stopping those calls for other reasons than physical closeness(i.e. You don’t live far from each other) indicates emotional distance and pulling away.
If this is your case, especially long-distance, start taking notes.
3. He gives you mixed signals
One of the most common signs a man is pulling away from you is when he’s on and off with his affection and contribution to the relationship.
This means he’s super close in one minute and super distant in the next two minutes after that. A day goes well, but then two days go like you’re strangers.
This will reflect on your emotional state too. You’ll catch yourself feeling confused, and part of this emotional rollercoaster that goes to extreme highs of happiness and extreme highs of sadness.
You start questioning your self-worth and value and start asking yourself if you’re doing something wrong whenever he’s distant.
If there were no particular events to cause you to grow distant from each other, and he’s behaving this way out of the blue without letting you know of his reasons whenever you ask him, take this as a sign.
4. He’s not attentive
You spend time together, right? You do. Another common thing to happen once he starts distancing himself is his lack of attention and real presence when he’s around you.
Now, keep in mind that this has more to do with him than it has to do with you or something that you’re doing.
When he’s not attentive and when he doesn’t recognize your presence the questions about you and your well-being start vanishing. He won’t ask you things anymore.
It can feel like he doesn’t care anymore; like he’s seeing you as this stranger occupying his space. He doesn’t care to truly listen to you and seek understanding beneath your words. He’s there, but only physically.
- He doesn’t notice changes (e.g. mood changes, changes in your look, etc).
- He doesn’t remember “that thing” that you told him… multiple times.
5. He’s starting to forget important dates
Some people, both men, and women have a hard time remembering numbers and dates. In those cases forgetting birthdays is taken with a grain of salt, because we understand their inability to remember things.
However, when someone’s very important to you, there’s this thing on your phone called a reminder, right? He did it before, and it made you feel special, heard, and seen by him.
But, now that stopped happening. Instead of reminders for the important dates, he has excuses. It’s a warning.
Such drastic changes in his behavior are a warning and are signs of the importance of this relationship to him. If those drastic changes are negative, then so are the levels of importance the relationship has to him.
6. Sex life feels like it’s dying out
Besides the emotional signs, there’s another part to it: it’s the sexual activity. It’s not backed up by science, however, most people believe that men are more sexually driven than women are.
Once he’s sexually distant from his partner in a relationship, then chances are he’s withdrawing or losing interest.
Again, it’s important to keep note if this behavior of his is occurring due to a particular event/situation leading you both to grow apart, or if it’s behavior coming out of nowhere.
- He refuses you under the sheets.
- He’s suddenly not interested in the idea of having sex.
7. He’s absent
Emotionally, sexually, and physically – he’s absent. Even when he’s present, he’s absent. He doesn’t seem to have time for you and your stories.
When it comes to plans, he cancels things even at the last minute. Now, this is normal if it happens a limited number of times throughout the relationship, but it’s concerning once it becomes “the new normal”.
Even when he’s around, he’s on his phone, he’s not there with you. His absence in your relationship, whether that’s reflected in commitment, love, affection, or physical presence, is a huge indicator of distance and pull away.
At times such changes don’t happen suddenly. They happen slowly and lead you to think he’s just getting comfortable instead of pulling away.
Of course, it’s normal for a relationship to not have the same love intensity as it did in the beginning once years go by. But this behavior isn’t.
Not hearing from him for weeks isn’t normal.
When love is there, and willing to work things out, there’s presence instead of absence – no matter how much you get used to your partner.
8. He doesn’t engage in activities with you
The beginnings of relationships are often more exciting, filled with new activities you didn’t try together before, with more time for each other, and more engagement in general.
Once you get used to each other it’s normal for the activity engagement to be less intensive than it was at the beginning of the relationship.
However, it’s not normal when there’s a complete lack of enthusiasm and engagement in activities that somehow became your ‘tradition’ – something you’d both enjoy.
He’ll find excuses as to why he can’t attend, he’ll avoid having that conversation.
- He doesn’t seem passionate when it comes to you.
- He’s taking longer hours outside.
9. Your conversations are no longer meaningful
It takes two to tango. It takes both your effort and engagement to make your conversations meaningful and heartfelt.
If one of you doesn’t put effort and engagement as well, the conversations start getting duller as time goes by. This is why it makes it so easy to spot once it happens.
His lack of engagement in communication reflects even in texts, calls, and in-person conversations. He simply won’t make the effort to ask that question, to say that word, or to truly listen.
He takes very long to reply to your texts, he doesn’t initiate conversations, and he’ll be fine with absolute silence for very long periods.
Once he pulls away, the balance of effort put into a conversation is ruined. The conversations lose meaning, and they start dying off eventually.
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Basics: What to do when he’s pulling away?
There are some fundamental things when it comes to turning the tables when he pulls away.
It’s not an easy situation to be faced with, especially if you love this guy so much. The following steps are a guide for you to deal with the situation you’re in.
Here are 3 important things to do when he’s pulling away:
1. Don’t conclude without talking to him about this. There’s a reason he’s pulling away, and the way to know it is through his responses to your questions and worries.
Calmly let him know what you’re willing to do about this, even if that means leaving. Let him know, and communicate to him your thoughts on the situation.
2. Consider everything and make a decision. Take your time on this because it’s time to make a decision.
Consider his behavior, and how much you’re willing to sacrifice for this relationship, most importantly, consider if it’s worth a sacrifice!
Once a relationship shows signs of an ending, it’s difficult to pick your feet back up and start fresh. Read: difficult, not impossible.
3. Do nothing. Instead of investing your energy in him and into thoughts of what you did and didn’t do, invest it in self-improvement.
This will work for you whether you’re trying to win him back, to move on, or to help you make a decision.
Simple as that: when he pulls away, do nothing. You tried, now it’s time to start a journey of healing and improving.
Avoid self-blaming and self-pity, they’re not healthy and can lead to self-sabotage.
10 signs he will come back after pulling away – What to do once he comes back?
Why did he pull away?
Some men pull away after a long while in the relationship, and some men pull away at the early stages. The reasons behind this behavior are various.
Some are confused about their feelings, some are simply blind to the harm they’re causing you…
However, you cannot know for sure exactly why he’s doing this unless he speaks up his mind and lets you know about it.
Here’s a list of 5 reasons why men, in general, pull away from romantic relationships:
1. Out of fear/s. This usually happens during the early stages of the relationship. Men often pull away out of fear of commitment, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, and fear of things not working out.
Something about the relationship scares him. It could be something that resonates with him with past experiences he had, it could be something coming out of anxiety, or it could be something he’s sensed recently.
2. Insecurities. When a man is insecure in/about a relationship it often causes him to pull away from it.
He could be insecure about himself and his abilities to provide for this relationship, or he could be insecure about the road that the relationship is headed.
He closes in on himself refusing to open up about it, causing things to get worse. It becomes a chain of actions leading you both to withdraw from one another, causing his insecurities to influence his actions more and more.
3. Past traumas. Unsolved traumas lead to unhealthy and toxic behaviors in romantic relationships.
Past trauma can make him use the method of pulling away as a way of responding to particular situations, words, and behaviors in the relationship.
Traumas need effort and time to heal. Therapy is tremendously helpful in their healing process of them. It takes acknowledgment as the first step to a journey of healing.
4. Immaturity. Immature men tend to take immature actions when they’re faced with certain situations in a romantic relationship.
Immaturity can also affect one’s emotional intelligence which oftentimes worsens the situation.
He doesn’t comprehend the weight of his actions. He does unreasonable things as a way to get what he wants instead of having direct and honest communication.
Hence, his reasoning for his actions doesn’t make sense to you.
Pulling away is something immature men do to get what they want instead of communicating properly.
5. Disinterest in the relationship. When men lose interest in the relationship, some of them, have a hard time communicating it.
They don’t want to hurt your feelings by being abrupt about it, so they choose the easy way out: slowly pulling away until the relationship dies out.
Let’s put a period on this!
Whatever your case is, whatever his reason is, as long as the willingness to work things out is mutual then there’s a chance for both of you to start fresh and re-flourish the relationship.
However, if he’s persistent in his actions, you’ve got every right to walk away for the sake of your well-being.
You’ve got this, I know!
Love,
Callisto
I love him more than life itsel for almost 4 years. I have been told it’s an obsession but i know my feelings. We’ve both been divorced 30 years. We have never lived together although i want that desperate ly. Were both older. He has told people he has,a girl and it fits my description. But im too clingy. How can i be too clingy when i hardly ever see him? He’s black im white. To me he is gorgeous. He only calls when he needs something. What can i do? I’m trying not to call or text,but it’s killing me. I know im being used but it doesn’t change my feelings. Please help
Thank you for this article. It gave it so much clarity to a recent breakup of mine. I realized he was not attentive and not interested me far too late. My friend helped me get out of the relationship and I had a lot of confusion about the breakup. I feel I cleared up and made sense of mostly everything now. I’m ready to heal and develop myself into a happier life. But, I’m also grateful for the people and lessons that has guided me up until now. Thankful for this insightful article as well. Good vibes and cheers.