It’s certainly confusing when a guy never calls only texts. It put to question his intentions and motives towards you.
A guy never calls only texts because he might hate calling and can’t handle the pressure of having a conversation over the phone.
This is called telephobia. It refers to the fear of making and receiving calls, which is similar to the behavior he might be displaying.
You thought that once you’d started dating he would make an effort to start calling you but nothing has changed. You are still stuck texting.
It frustrates and makes you doubt him even more, especially when there seems to be a great connection.
So let’s make sense of his behavior. Here are 10 reasons he never calls and only texts:
1. He doesn’t like talking on the phone
For some men, calling might be as nerve-wracking as texting might be for some women. Thus, he might not like calling just as you don’t like texting.
He might only text because he finds that conversations run longer than necessary during phone calls and he doesn’t like that.
Whenever I called my boyfriend, he always found excuses not to talk on the phone and move it to chat. After some time I realized that phone calls make him nervous.
However, if your boyfriend only texts despite knowing your preference, you should sit and address this problem.
Here’s how to come to a beneficial solution:
- -talk to him about his feelings about phone calls and try to be understanding
- -Try to compromise: set a timeline for when you should call each other (e.g two times a week)
- -Engage with him during the phone call to lessen the burden and pressure of the conversation
2. He thinks you don’t like getting calls
Most men are left with the impression that women don’t like to get phone calls and prefer texting. That’s true if a stranger is calling for the first time.
So if a guy only texts and never calls, it might be because he doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. He only texts to be polite.
My partner used to never call me before since I never initiated a call. He thought that I don’t like calling because of it.
Here’s what to do to let him know you’re comfortable with calling:
- -tell him that you like calling too
- -initiate a phone call from time to time to let him know you are comfortable with him calling
- -give him space to call you and take the lead
3. He might be hiding something: Catfishing or married
When a guy only texts and never calls, it might be because he has something to hide- he has another love or you’re getting catfished.
I was talking to this guy not a long time ago, and no matter how much I told him to call me, he would decline. He gave numerous excuses for not being able to come to the phone.
Here’s how to deal with the situation:
- -assess the situation and gather information before jumping to concussions
- -keep an eye out for red flags (late-night texting, excuses not to call you, declining calls)
- -Tell him about your concerns and address any problems you might have.
Also, if a guy never calls, and only texts on irregular patterns, he might not be as into you as you think he is.
4. He’s using texting as a reason not to commit
If your boyfriend only texts and never calls despite the number of times you’ve called him out, he might not be ready for commitment.
No matter how much I told my ex to call me, he would never do it. He said that texting was less intimate and he was looking to keep things casual.
Here’s how to deal with him:
- -sit down and let him know how his behavior is affecting your feelings toward your relationship
- -ask him what he thinks of commitment and try to understand where he’s coming from
- -discuss the future and the progress of your relationship.
5. He might have social anxiety
Calls are just another form of social interaction, and if he’s already socially anxious, he finds it hard to talk on the phone.
My boyfriend told him that he only texts because he feels stressed, anxious and awkward on the phone.
According to Arlin Cuncic, those who have social anxiety are prone to phone anxiety too since they can’t read non-verbal cues.
Thus, when your boyfriend only texts and never calls that might be the case for him too. Some signs that he has phone anxiety are:
- Feras talking to strangers
- Is worried he will humiliate himself
- Profusely apologizing on the phone when your tone changes
- He stumbles until he initiates a conversation
Here’s how you can address the situation:
- -set a time for you to talk about his anxiety and try to understand where he’s coming from
- -practice phone skills by setting a specific time to talk on the phone to get used to it
- -Practice active listening during the phone call to make him comfortable and ease his anxiety
Consider his behavior in general terms before you sit and talk to him about it.
6. He might be introverted and shy
If a guy only texts and never calls it might be because he’s too shy to initiate it first, afraid that he’ll push you away.
My partner is very shy. He likes texting because he can think out his reply and calls put him on the spot. He’s afraid of offending and sharing his feelings verbally.
Here is what you can do to make him more comfortable:
- -use phone calls for specific purposes (setting date details, long explanations)
- -avoid making him express his feelings via the phone
- -embrace his attempts and show your gratitude.
7. He might not like to be locked down in a long conversation
Another reason why your boyfriend never calls only texts, just as I do, is because these phone calls can last a long time.
My partner says that my calls distract him from his task and can run very long and he feels bad for not actively listening to me.
So here’s how you can compromise:
- -call him for specific reasons only
- -try to be quick and economical with both of your times
- -text him if he has time for a quick call
- -set a time limit for the length of the phone call (3 to 5 minutes).
Thus, men who only text find it more convenient since they can commit to you a hundred percent when the time allows them to.
Nevertheless, you shouldn’t dismiss the situation if you’re in a long-distance relationship. Just like texting, calling fulfills you emotionally too.
So if you don’t meet as much in person, calling has its advantages to keeping the romance going. By refusing to do so, it might indicate that he’s not as serious about you.
8. He is not confident in keeping the flow of the conversation going
A guy might only text you because he isn’t confident in his ability to keep a conversation going over the phone.
My boyfriend hates calls because he feels the pressure to fill the gaps in conversation. He doesn’t have much to say so things can get awkward pretty quickly.
Here’s what you can do about it:
- -let him know that you just want to listen to his voice sometimes
- -help him to keep the conversation going to lessen his pressure
- -encourage him to end the call when he feels like he has nothing to say.
Texting leaves him more room to act, whereas calls pressure him to react instantaneously.
9. Texting is his preferred form of communication
Studies show that nowadays, people from their 20s to their 30s prefer texting to calls. Thus, further emphasizing the development of technology in the dating world.
So it has nothing to do with you or any events, he just grew up during a time when texting was the primary form of communication.
However, facetime is also pretty popular nowadays which can be a nice substitute for calls. Not only can you hear his voice but also see him.
In a relationship, finding a common language is important and compromises are inevitable. Thus, try to come to a solution that is beneficial to both and has fewer disadvantages.
Nevertheless, you shouldn’t dismiss the fact that when a man only texts, it’s because he’s only playing with you. He needs you to validate his feelings and be there to text when he has nothing to do.
I had a similar experience. I talked to this guy at the bar, exchanged numbers, and would try to initiate a date or call but with no success.
It turned out he had someone who he was really into and I was just The Other person. So you might feel the click and like him, but that doesn’t change anything.
Here is what to do not to fall into the same trap:
- -keep an eye out on his texting pattern (he texts often or from time to time)
- -ask them out and see if they dismiss your advances
- -model and see if they respond the same way
Sometimes even the form of communication might be an indicator of his feelings about you.
From texting to calling: Let’s do it!
Now the most awaited question: How do I get him to call me?
It isn’t really about making him do something, but rather sharing your preferences and letting him know that you’re okay with calling.
There are not many ways you can go about it. You can either hint it at him, call him out, or be proactive and ask him out.
1. Being complementary
When a guy never calls only texts, you can try hinting at him that you’d like to talk on the phone from time to time.
Thus, you can leave nice complementary hints that are quite explicit for him to follow. Here is what you can text him:
“I miss hearing your voice.”
“I haven’t heard your voice in a long time. I’ve forgotten what it sounds like.”
“It’s been ages since I haven’t heard from you. I literally mean heard. I miss your voice”
2. Call him out: Let’s talk on the phone
Still, you need to be polite and not accusatory when you call him out. Word choice matters when you’re trying to tell him something.
You don’t accuse him of not being a caller. Rather you let him know that you’ve noticed that he doesn’t prefer calling as much. Here’s what you can text him:
– “I think I’ve figured you out. You loooove texting.”
– “What are you good at, other than texting”
-” You never get tired of texting, do you?!”
3. Be proactive: Invite him out
If nothing seems to work, take the lead. You can take the initiative and invite him to do something with your friends.
This will let him know that you are okay with moving forwards. Here’s what you can text him:
– “Hey, I and some friends are doing something you’d enjoy on Thursday, would you like to join?”
– “Hi! A new Chinese restaurant opened downtown, and I know how much you love it. Do you wanna check it out together later?”
– “Hiii! Got some great news! I’ve managed to grab two tickets for the Bulls game next Saturday. Join me!”
Nonetheless, it is important to keep healthy communication with your partner who doesn’t like phone calls. Here are some tips you should follow:
–Be understanding of your partner’s feelings and respect them. You should keep in mind that some people experience a call differently.
He might be anxious and fear talking on the phone because he can’t read non-verbal clues or can’t verbalize them.
– Be open about your preferences, and don’t dismiss them. So communicate your preferences and be open to compromise accordingly.
-Try other mediums of communication and see what is something that fits both of you.
You can try video calling, audio messaging, or snapchating to help maintain a sense of intimacy and connection.
-Show patience and try to understand where he is coming from. Practice active listening to make him feel more comfortable.
Maintaining healthy communication takes a lot of time, and effort, and believe that things will work out.
-Encourage your partner to seek help, as it can help him understand the cause of such feelings.
A therapist can guide and encourage them to find and use tools to overcome these issues.
Are no phone calls a deal breaker?
I know that you’ve heard “put the same effort as he does” or “invest as much as he does” which is true to some extent.
Nevertheless, this is called mirroring of behavior which is a good way to start a relationship in which you’re not sure.
Dr. Jenn Berman says that “we train people how to treat us”. In other words,
model the behavior you want to see.
Remember that every relationship is special and what might be a deal breaker for you isn’t for others.
Be open and honest with your needs and let your partner know. Here are some things to consider while determining his behavior as a dealbreaker:
1. Personal values: Check if your values and boundaries are being respected. Consider if the lack of phone calls ruffles your relationship, and your needs aren’t met.
2. Trustfulness: Although there’s a lack of calling do you still feel like you can believe your partner or not?
Moreover, you should determine if the refusal of calls makes him less trustworthy.
3. Hindrance of communication: Determine if the lack of calls affects the way you communicate which in turn affects your relationship.
Do you feel heard or seen despite the lack of phone calls? Consider of the lack of it is affecting your personal feelings too.
4. Look ahead: Consider if you can live with this issue unresolved. Do you think that in the future you can do without phone calls?
Also, consider that if you already feel exhausted by the effort that you put in, think further ahead about what would happen.
After careful consideration, you can to the decision that his behavior is a deal breaker, and you should have an open and honest conversation with him.
Talk to him about your feelings and assess how your relationship can move further despite this issue.
Carefully think and come to a decision that is beneficial to both of you.
Bottom line: Does it mean he isn’t interested in me since he only texts?
Keep in mind that every relationship and individual is special. Not all share the same reason for acting a certain way.
When a guy only texts and never calls, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he isn’t interested in you. It might be that texting is his form of communication since he’s shy.
However, only he can tell you the truth that you need to hear, so ask him directly and share your thoughts on the topic.
Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that if you feel left behind and undervalued you still have to chase him. No, you can still choose to prioritize and respect yourself.
Remember, model the behavior you want to see to let him know that you’re comfortable with him calling you.