For those in a hurry… Here’s your “Should I text him?” flowchart:
This guy is awesome, you like him, a lot! But then the ‘love gurus’ tell you to wait for his move. Let’s set them aside, shall we?!
It’s okay to text him first. Although when it comes to tackling the question of “Should I text him first or wait for him to text me?” it’s about a myriad of situations.
It’s not just a black-and-white situation.
To every rule, there’s an exception, and perhaps another rule, and perhaps another big bunch of exceptions!
Let’s explore everything about texting him first or not!
When shouldn’t you text him first? Texting him first is a big no-no in these 12 situations!
If it is coming from a place of fear, insecurities, negative emotions, and negative thoughts about yourself then don’t text him first.
Here’s exactly when you shouldn’t be texting him first:
– If you’re the one to always text him first.
Always texting him first would mean you’re the only one to initiate texts and contact with him.
There’s nothing wrong with initiating contact, it isn’t bad, but if he doesn’t engage or reciprocate the energy you’re giving it could mean he’s not interested.
In this case, don’t text him first and allow him to have some space to show his interest as well.
– He’s been ignoring you since the first date.
If he’s been ignoring you after the first date, it could mean he’s not properly communicating the reasons why he’s ignoring you. It’s not a good sign.
Do not text him if he ignores you after hanging out, especially if you already tried reaching out to him. That’s because he has the chance to reach back to you.
If he’s ignoring you, pursuing him further could get you into an unrequited connection that’ll be hard to get out of.
– He doesn’t reciprocate.
This is usually a sign of uninterest. If he doesn’t reciprocate then stop wasting your energy on a person who’s not willing to give that energy back.
I strongly believe that love should be built on: “I don’t care how much I get, I’m giving as much as I can!”
BUT, in this case, there’s no point in trying if someone isn’t interested. Give it time, don’t text him.
– After a breakup.
After a break-up both of you need your own time to heal, to grow from the experience.
Hence, texting him first is not the best idea after a breakup. Try respecting the time it takes for you to heal and move on.
– He left your message on read.
Avoid texting him first if he left your message on read, please! Especially if the message was a question he could easily answer!
To send a text takes a) a few seconds, and b) desire to text the person.
In this case, he’s not showing that he’s got exactly the desire to text you back. Do you think he forgot? Well, give him the time it takes for him to remember!
– You’re looking for validation from him.
You shouldn’t text him if validation is what you’re looking for.
It is okay that you feel the need of getting validation, it is human and sometimes we can’t help it, however, the way you choose to fulfill that need is very important.
Texting him to fulfill your need for validation can make you want more of his validation and you risk measuring your worth according to his opinions.
That’s not a healthy path to take for your mental or emotional well-being.
– You haven’t heard from him in a week or more.
If you haven’t heard from him in a week, then you shouldn’t text him. Period.
Of course, I’ll explain why. It’s very easy for a person to send a text, and all it takes is to spare a few moments and the desire to hear from that person.
Generally speaking, men that ‘disappear’ for a week or more are not usually interested or are in doubt/confused about what they want.
Do not text him first if he hasn’t been responding for days, weeks, or more. His lack of response it’s enough of a response already!
– Your reasons aren’t genuine.
Are you texting him because you really want to? Or because you’re in need of an ego boost? Whatever your reasons are, if they’re not genuine then don’t text him.
Take some time to think of why you’re wanting to text him, if it turns out to be something ingenuine then breathe it out.
Think of what you can do to help yourself find healthy ways to get whatever you’re looking to get from the guy.
– It’s as if you’d never have a conversation together if you don’t text him.
Do you want to text him because you feel like if you don’t he won’t either? Don’t text him. The reason? Well, it’s storytime!!
– After a fight that made you feel horrible.
You shouldn’t text him first after a fight that made you feel horrible, sad, or less worthy.
When you’re involved with someone emotionally a fight will negatively affect both of you.
However, there are times when one hurts the other more through words or actions.
If you’re the one who got hurt in the fight, then you’re the one deserving an apology!
– When you’re drunk.
No, it is not a good idea to text him first when you’re drunk.
You’re having fun, feeling a little reckless, at this point it feels like you’ve got nothing to lose.
Well, the next morning might just not feel as empowering as this moment, so spare yourself the embarrassment and don’t text him first when you’re drunk!
It is fun, or at least a fun story to tell when you’re old), but in general, it is not suggested.
When should you text him first? – 6 situations that give you the green light to text him first!
We’ve got to the good part. To the reasons why you should text him!
You are free, independent, and confident. You’ve got what it takes to text someone first. Let’s go together through the ‘whys’ and ‘whens’!
– You genuinely feel like texting him first.
…But not if you’ve been ‘feeling like texting him first’ for the past week, all seven days in a row!
No mind games, pure energy. If you feel like texting him for him, and you genuinely want to know how he’s doing then go for it!
Social constructs are part of the reason why a big part of the modern dating world is kind of messed up.
I’m talking about the “A guy should text first”, or “A woman should be chased – she’s the price!”
For god’s sake, throw away the standards, remember you’re human, and just text him!
– After a fight where you did him wrong.
You should text him first after a fight where you said hurtful and mean things to him. This time, you’re the one owing him a heartfelt apology!
After calming down, and knowing that you’re thinking clearly, and you’re not overwhelmed by emotions and feelings caused by the fight, text him.
There’s no reason not to do so.
Whether you want to apologize, just break the ice, or let him know of something he said that hurt you. Text him first, and do it with a calm approach.
– After a date or after meeting him after a long time.
Of course, it’s okay to text him first after a date, whether that’s after the first date, or just after meeting him sometime.
As long as you genuinely feel like texting him because you enjoy the conversation with him, there’s nothing wrong with texting him first!
Reminder: If you don’t want to see him again after the first date, text him the next day and tell him “thank you”.
– In the morning.
Most of us enjoy receiving a good morning text, or at least something positive to start our day off.
Considering that men are human too, he’d enjoy a good morning text as well.
– After your first phone call.
Of course, you can text him after your first phone call with him.
I know the feeling you get both after a good first phone call and after a horrible first phone call.
Communicating what’s going on in your head about him is healthy.
Do let him know you enjoyed the conversation, but also do let him know if you don’t see you two being suitable for one another to have something together.
How long should I wait before texting him first? Things to consider before, when, and after texting him first!
You don’t have to wait too long before you text him first. Take the time you need to feel comfortable, and when you think it’s the right moment text him.
If it’s been a week or a few days since you texted him, then wait a bit more before you send him your final text.
Make sure your ‘waiting’ period isn’t actually marking the days on the calendar. Live on, and do other things in the meantime.
Don’t let your time and energy depend on it.
Here are some things you should consider when you text him first:
- Don’t go crazy if he doesn’t reply right away. Give him space and don’t jump to conclusions.
- If he doesn’t care to reciprocate, then leave it there.
- Don’t panic if he doesn’t reply at all, avoid texting him “just once more.”
- Too much texting would be texting him 3 times. If he doesn’t respond after the second time, then you’ve got to stop texting him.
- If you feel like he’s not interested, then let go.
- Whoever feels like texting can text as long as it is genuine. Texting is a form of communication, and it flows naturally. That’s it – that’s the answer.
- You should text him if the interest is on both sides, and let go if he told you he’s not interested.
- Understand that you’re not being needy or asking too much if you’re sending him a text first.
- Text him first if you have a feeling that he’s waiting for you to text him first.
Conclusion: Should you text him first for realsies?!
Drop mindsets that stop you from having a good time and doing things you like.
In this case, drop the “I am the prize and I should be chased” (that you probably read on Reddit or seen on Tik Tok/Youtube) and simply text him.
If he’s your boyfriend, text him first if things are reciprocated. Don’t pay too much attention to who texted first and who texted last.
Text him when you feel like texting, and drop the “I’m the prize” mindset.
It is a relationship, it’s about giving, receiving, dropping the ego, the “I’m the important one” mindset, and the games or the games that wear off the more real the relationship starts becoming.
FAQ – Are men really supposed to be the ones texting first?
1. Who should text first?
Hell, whoever feels like texting!
The communication between you should be more focused on if it is genuine, sincere, clear, and honest, not on who texts first and how many times that happens.
A real love expert knows that texting first has no gender or sex. If you feel it, you text it!
2. Do guys get annoyed if you text him first?
No, guys don’t get annoyed if you text them first. As a matter of fact, a lot of guys LOVE IT when a woman texts them first;
They take it as a sign of confidence, and we’ve known that confidence is something men look for in a woman.
However, they do get annoyed if you text them constantly without waiting for an answer from them.
3. Should the guy always text first?
No, the guy shouldn’t always text first, unless he feels like it. If you really think about it, why would the guy be always the one texting first? Because he’s a guy?!
4. Should I text him after “No Contact”?
If the reason you started No Contact is to benefit you both, to help you move on from the relationship, then consider the reasons you’re wanting to text him.
You don’t have to necessarily text him after your No Contact period is over if you don’t feel like texting him and clearing up what you left unsolved.
You shouldn’t text him if No Contact didn’t give you a lesson; if your thoughts on the relationship aren’t clear yet.
Take some time, and don’t text him unless your urge to text him after No Contact is strongly backed up by reason.