This article will provide you with tips and texts on how to let him know that he has hurt you and open up those bottled-up feelings.
The best way to signal his consciousness for hurting you is to be open and sincere with him.
Before jumping to any conclusion, approach this situation with respect and empathy, yet make sure to draw your boundaries.
18 texts to make him feel guilty for hurting you
These texts are designed to help you express your feelings and thoughts: you can ask for an apology or request him to change his behavior.
You don’t need to turn a blind eye and compromise. Understand your feelings, be flexible, listen to him, and follow up.
The following 18 texts are crafted from consulting different coaches/therapists, personal experience, and scientific research:
1. “I wish I could turn back time and unlive every moment with you. That’s how much I’m hurt!”
There is no need for drama or misbehaving while crafting a text to make him feel guilty for hurting you.
Use the pronoun “I” so he can understand how his behavior has impacted you.
Indeed, it’s understandable that cheating isn’t easy to forgive or easy to be healed from.
Yet, even in this case, you need to take a step back and focus on what you’re feeling.
I advise you to use texting as a form to express your discontent. Yet, do not rely only on this tool to express what you feel.
You can use a call or meet in person, to address your feelings and hurt in more detail.
2. “You were the only person that I believed on this planet. But, you proved me wrong.”
This sentence will reflect what you’re feelings: disappointment and betrayal.
If you put your trust in him and he cheated on you multiple times, you will let him know that this is making you feel small.
- Instead of being needy and asking him to come back, try to use the No Contact Rule
- Don’t talk to him for a few days or weeks, until you feel ready to define your feelings.
- When you understand what you’re feeling and what you want, you’ll be able to communicate your final decision.
3. “From now on I’m putting myself first. Don’t ever call me.”
Your partner might not get the gist of a guilt trip the same as you.
If he has already cheated on you, he might use it as a trampoline to get back to your life.
He might take it as a sign that you’re trying to get him back.
Well, how he processes it depends on his personality and his attachment style. Thus, be careful when you choose words to text.
- Take more time to process your feelings. Don’t contact him for some days;
- Be honest and precise;
- Avoid using metaphors or words that ignite ambiguity because they won’t deliver the message that you want.
4. “Getting rid of me, hurts like walking barefoot on fire. I don’t know if I will be able ever to forgive you.”
Dating for a year and being ghosted out of nowhere, hurts like hell.
Talking from my first experience with a man who refused to date exclusively because he was hurt in the other relationship., I give him time but then everything crumbled.
My self-esteem and confidence were attached first. Then it felt like I couldn’t feel like myself because I didn’t like who I was.
So, I thought for some time about what could I write. I wrote exactly what your seeing in this headline: disappointment, solitude, grief.
5. “Tonight, I was hurt by what you said. I’m still processing it and would want to reflect on it together.”
If you had a fight with your partner and in a moment he said something that hurt you, don’t jump immediately to the conclusion.
You can express disappointment gently without making it sound like an accusation.
Everyone makes sudden mistakes but you need to choose whether these mistakes are forgivable or not.
If it’s something that could be solved then make sure that you state your stance and listen to him actively.
In this case, it’s better to be subjective, and you can do it with the help of a relationship coach.
6. “I feel betrayed to some extent when you chose to change our plans multiple times at the last minute.”
It hurts when your boyfriend changes plans multiple times at the last moment.
If this keeps happening all the time then he might even be a player and living a double life.
Explain how he hurt you but without putting the blame directly on him. Try to understand why he’s doing it.
Guilt-tripping here might have positive and negative effects.
- If he’s lying to you then he’ll get defensive and accuse you of making him feel bad too.
- If he’s telling the truth and didn’t do this on purpose, he might provide you with the right reasons.
7. “I’m not wondering anymore where it went wrong”
This text will let him know that you’ve been trying to figure out a solution to make the relationship work.
Now, it’s time that you’ve concluded that there is no other way to save this relationship if he doesn’t try.
Especially if you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, he would hurt you and make you feel guilty about it.
So, you can send to him one last message to let him know that he has been hurting you constantly and this is the end.
8. “I did everything for you but you don’t seem to appreciate it.”
When a man has hurt you but feels awful about it will try to find a common ground and apologize.
Hence, if he has taken you for granted, avoided making the relationship work, and was not committed, you should state it.
Don’t be afraid that expressing your feelings will make things worse.
It will either open his eyes or he will continue with the same behavior.
The result will help you to either to move on or give him one last chance.
9. “I can’t believe someone I love could do this to me.”
This sentence is crafted in a way to express disappointment, hurt, and shock.
If he betrayed you or decided to separate from you suddenly, then you’re letting him know how his actions impacted you.
In this case, you might not use specific words about what he did, only if you text him immediately after you get this information.
Otherwise, in other cases, it’s important to state his actions so he understands in detail what he did.
10. “When I needed you, you let me down.”
According to this research, healthy relationships can be defined according to the community.
Sometimes, a healthy relationship can be labeled when your needs are being met.
So, if you’re in a long-term relationship and your needs are being constantly ignored, you have the right to express anger and disappointment.
Let him know that you need to talk about it and you’re not feeling appreciated.
11. “I deserve to be treated better. I felt like I didn’t belong there.”
If you’re just dating and he took you to meet his friends and colleagues and you seemed to not fit in, let him know.
When he doesn’t do anything to protect you or value you in front of others then let him know.
Don’t start with words like, “You didn’t do anything to protect me.” or “Why you didn’t correct or go against your friends when they were mistreating me?”
The tone of these sentences is very interrogative and it will feel like you’re accusing him.
In this case, this would lead you to another conflict.
So, to avoid it the relationship coach Rachel DeAlto will provide solutions on how to solve the communication challenges.
12. “I feel so bad when you don’t present me to others. It’s not the first time. ”
If you’ve been at a party with your boyfriend and he might “forget” a few times to present you to others, you need to address this issue.
If it’s eaten you up for some time already, then don’t write it immediately when you get home.
Give it some time, at least 24 hours. Try to understand why you’re feeling left out and what pushes him to exclude you at some point.
13. “My face can hide it well but my heart can’t. Lying to me about your family was shocking to me.”
Not being honest in a relationship can damage it a lot.
If he doesn’t open up about his family or hides something from you then you can easily let him know that this hurt you and should take some responsibility.
Triggering the responsibility part will trigger his guilty part.
Your trust is broken and you’re letting him know that even if you don’t want to show it, still you can feel the hurt.
If he didn’t do that on purpose, the guilt trip will work. If he did that on purpose, he will continue to act as if nothing happened.
14. “Well, I hope you feel at ease now for hurting me once again.”
You can express disappointment and throw the ball at his side.
When he keeps misbehaving and hurting you constantly then there’s no need to camouflage your feelings.
If you have let him know earlier on about how much he has hurt you and still he didn’t do anything, try it differently.
Let him know that every time he hurts you, you think that he feels at ease because he doesn’t act differently.
If he doesn’t think the same, he will either reflect on his actions and change or try to convince you that you’re wrong.
15. “I’ve been feeling upset these past few days. Can we talk when we’re both ready?”
The passive form is better to be used when you want to trigger his consciousness.
You’re letting him know that you’re hurt by him and you’re trying to find common ground.
In this case, you should not have too many expectations even though that depends on your relationship.
He will either agree to talk about his mistakes and find a solution or ask for a short break.
16. “You’ve put me such in a difficult position. You tore my heart to pieces and still act as if nothing has happened.”
You’re letting him know that you had a painful experience because of his actions.
Whatever the reason could be for making you feel this way, expressing your emotions will help you to find a solution or move on.
If he isn’t willing to acknowledge his mistakes then you should focus on yourself.
17. “Can we talk about what just happened lately? I haven’t slept for days.”
When you share feelings in a relationship, sometimes can impact it negatively.
It could result in a huge fight and it could complicate things even more.
If you want to make him regret hurting you through text, you need to state your feelings and work on emotional communication.
To do it, you need to follow a few steps:
- Understand your feelings;
- Try to understand how can he react to these feelings and which is the proper way to express these feelings;
- Don’t write a text as a reaction. Try to make it a response, and give a solution.
18. “You always said that you would fight for me. But guess what? That never happened.”
If he chose someone else over you or just gave up and wasn’t willing to fight for your relationship, you just need to cut ties.
To make him aware that he never kept his “promise”, you need to use specific words.
If this was something that he said and never did, let him know that you expected more from him.
In this case, it’s up to you whether you would prefer to keep in contact with him furthermore.
What to do if he doesn’t get the right message and things go wrong?
If your date, partner, husband, or boyfriend didn’t get the right message then you need to step back and reflect on the text message.
You might have used words that hurt him or you used too many unclear words or ambiguous ones.
1. Thus, try to craft another message. Write it down and don’t send it for a day or two.
Go back and read it again, and try to view it from another perspective.
Try to understand if you can easily get the message that you’re trying to send.
2. Try to understand his personality and attachment style.
If he’s stubborn and is a fearful-avoidant making him feel guilty for hurting you over text, won’t work.
Thus, reading the book “Why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft will help you understand his personality and how you should react.
3. Try to communicate with him differently.
Text isn’t the only tool to communicate with him and make him realize how much he hurt you.
You can write a letter, give him a call, or try to meet him in person.
As the famous author Thich Nhat Hanh said:
Words can travel thousands of miles.
May my words create mutual understanding and love.
May they be as beautiful as gems,
As lovely as flowers.”
If he hurt you mistakenly, then putting effort into meeting him can help you address accordingly your and his needs and actions.
4. If the latter tips aren’t working then try to talk to a therapist or a relationship coach.
They will help you to reveal your feelings and try to decode your partner’s behavior.
Here are two therapists and relationship coaches that you communicate with:
5. Spend some time on your own and reflect on the relationship.
If the situation is getting worse and you’re not getting cooperation from him then take a step back.
Let him also reflect on his behavior and his actions.
Reevaluate the relationship by comparing how you feel on your own and with your partner and checking if these issues are fixable or not.
Ring down the curtain!
To craft a text to make him feel guilty, you need to address the problem, listen to him, evaluate your needs, and take action.
To be more specific, triggering his consciousness doesn’t mean that you have to play the victim or use harsh language.
Instead of ignoring him or accusing him, try to process your feelings first.
Emotional communication is a key factor in setting a base to solve a misunderstanding or an issue over text.
Yet, any type of relationship is different. What may work for one couple cannot work for the other.