If a partner as much as slightly changes their behavior, we immediately pick up on it and start overthinking.
And that’s normal!
If lately, you feel as if your partner doesn’t text as much anymore, you’re not alone—men are notorious for doing that.
Why do they do that, though? And what can we do about it?
Today, I’m going to answer all of your questions!
But first, let’s take a look at 13 reasons why your boyfriend doesn’t text the person they’re in a relationship with!
1. He’s not texting you because life has him busy.
One of the most common reasons why guys stop texting is because they’re busy and other things need to be prioritized.
You might be doubting this and thinking: “Yeah, right.” but when we think about it, it makes sense!
When life gets too busy, we get too overwhelmed and as a result, shut down.
This could be the case with him too; his lack of free time is making him pull away and not text as much.
He could be busy with work, studies, family matters, or other things he just doesn’t have the time to share with you yet.
Is his course and/or job demanding?
Not to mention he still needs to scooch some sleep and family/friend quality time in his busy 24-hour schedule.
And in this case, he’s not texting as much because he’s trying to balance his life!
2. He doesn’t have anything important to say.
To our surprise, some people only text other people—even their significant others—about something important.
And men are the ones who usually do this…
He’s not texting you because he has nothing to say! Simple as that.
If he’s the type who texts you only to confirm plans, provide details, give updates, and do other technical stuff, then this is most likely the case!
This is his style of texting and there is nothing to be concerned about.
3. He thinks he can now take it easy since you’re already his!
There comes a point in relationships where one or both of the partners realize that they no longer have to try as much to keep their partner around.
This could be the case for your boyfriend as well.
Did he use to bombard you with texts and affection in the beginning, and now everything has changed?
If you answered yes, there’s a high chance that he’s now getting too comfortable with the relationship.
He doesn’t feel the need to chase you and over-text anymore; he’s now taking it easy.
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing though—in this case, he’s just allowing himself to relax and take things slow and without any pressure.
It’s understandable if this would make you feel upset. We want the person we’re in love with to make a constant effort to make us feel loved and wanted!
4. He’s trying to get you to chase him.
Men do this weird thing where they stop talking in hopes of getting the other person more intrigued and interested.
He’s sort of attempting to put himself on a pedestal.
Getting control in the relationship by making you want him more than he wants you—or even trying to balance it.
He’s probably thinking something like “Okay, I need to take it easy and stop making myself too available.”
In this case, he’s not going to text you as much because he doesn’t want to seem clingy, needy, and/or desperate.
5. He is going through something.
Another reason why people push other people away is because they’re going through stuff.
They aren’t in a great place and don’t feel like communicating.
Does your partner have a difficult life and he often pushes you away when things get too much?
If he does, then I wouldn’t be surprised if some other factor is playing a big role in his silence.
Say, a medical condition, his past, or a hurtful event that just took place.
This would mean that he’s not texting you out of ill intent.
He genuinely can’t.
If a partner is going through something, they need us more than ever; we must be understanding and show compassion.
6. He’s hurt or irritated by something you did.
And as a result, he’s gone silent.
According to Healthline, people give silent treatment in relationships for reasons such as anger, frustration, and/or being too overwhelmed to deal with a problem.
Have you two recently had an argument from which neither of you ever really recovered?
The type of argument that you two never sorted out completely.
If yes, then that explains it.
The argument—or something else you might have done—has made him go quiet.
He doesn’t want to argue either though, so he’s stuck in a weird place of distancing himself from you.
Things will most likely go back to normal as soon as you two calm down and sort things out.
7. He’s ‘punishing’ you for something you did.
As opposed to going silent because he doesn’t want to argue, he could also not be texting you for manipulative reasons.
“Punishing” you for something you did, to be more exact.
Maybe you two argued, or you did something that he didn’t approve of—as a result, he’s punishing you by giving you the silent treatment.
You’re not a kid getting grounded by having your video games taken away.
If he’s doing this for the sole purpose of punishing you, he’s using unhealthy ways to communicate his feelings and boundaries.
He’s punishing you by not texting and hoping to get his point across.
“If you do this again, this is what will happen.” basically.
8. He prefers real-life conversations: He’s not a great texter.
We only hear myths of people being “bad texters”, but to our surprise, they exist!
Bad texters are people who:
- Leave you wondering about them;
- Disappear in the middle of the conversation, etc.
If this sounds like your boyfriend, then we’re dealing with a bad texter!
This is especially the case if he scarcely texted you from the very beginning; this is just his texting style!
Don’t worry, though—this is usually nothing to worry about, but if it upsets you, that’s reasonable.
These are often the people who prefer live conversations over text. If he’s caring and loving in person, then we’ve got nothing to worry about.
9. He just needs some space to maintain his individuality!
One of the possible reasons why he doesn’t text you as much is that he needs some ‘me time’.
He could need time to reflect on his life, thoughts, opinions, values, or other important aspects of his life.
According to BetterHelp, some people may need more time to themselves or with different people, but that doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy our company.
In this aspect, a balance needs to be created in a relationship.
He needs some time away to recharge and be more in tune with himself; he wants/needs to do more things he enjoys, hang out with his family and friends, prioritize his goals, etc.
He could even be needing a little break from all the lovey-dovey stuff—a relationship is demanding, after all.
Once he feels satisfied and comfortable with the balance he’s created between his love life and his normal life, he’ll most likely text you again.
Just give him some time to recharge!
10. You two often hang out and/or call.
If your form of communication/quality time is hanging out or calling, then he probably doesn’t feel the need to text as often.
That’s because, to him, you two already spend enough time together as is; he doesn’t want to overdo it, after all.
And, you might be thinking “That’s weird. Why wouldn’t he text me for this reason?”
People have their thoughts and opinions regarding romantic relationships.
But, I can say with full confidence that no one wants their significant other to get bored of them or view them as “clingy” or “needy”.
There’s a chance your boyfriend is trying to—again—balance different aspects of his life while also giving you a breather.
And to do that, he’s taking it easy with the texting.
11. He is thinking about the relationship.
When men get too overwhelmed to the point they become unsure of something, they slowly pull away.
In this case, he’s not texting as much because he’s thinking things through about you and your relationship.
He’s thinking if he’s truly happy and whether he wants to pursue this relationship with you.
This could be a result of his past trauma, or something currently happening; intimacy issues could also be the culprit.
He doesn’t know how to process his and your feelings, so instead, he’s shutting you out.
12. He’s not committed to you and the relationship.
Aka keeping his options open.
Or simply doesn’t think the relationship is serious enough to commit to you.
He doesn’t text you because he doesn’t think he’s “obligated” to; whether he’s dating you exclusively or not, he doesn’t want to deal with any relationship responsibilities.
As a result, he has this patchy pattern of texting and has no problem going hours or even days without talking to you.
It’s also possible that he’s keeping his options open by talking to other women.
So, he only texts whenever he feels like it and whenever it’s convenient.
And if you notice uncertainty and unfaithfulness on his part, immediately take action.
Time is precious and we need to stop wasting it on immature people.
13. He has lost feelings or is in the process of losing them.
Unfortunately, this is another possibility.
When people are in the process of losing feelings, their behavior slowly changes until it reaches its final form.
If it’s been a while since your boyfriend has exhibited behavior like this for no reason, it’s time we consider the possibility of him losing interest.
If he’s losing feelings, he will no longer pay attention to what he’s doing; he won’t care even if you break up with him.
Sadly, lack of effort is a dead giveaway in this case.
However, you see that I’ve been using the word “possibility’ often—that’s because that’s what this is, just a possibility.
We shouldn’t jump to conclusions.
Nothing is 100% sure, and there’s no need to assume so!
What to do when he doesn’t text you back?
There is a lot of ambiguity in this situation, especially if you haven’t addressed this problem with your boyfriend.
When he doesn’t text you back, you’re left with nothing much to work with, hence thinking about the right thing to do in this situation.
Here’s what to do when your boyfriend doesn’t text you back as much!
– First of all, try to be understanding: he could have a good reason.
I know it’s normal to overthink in situations like these and put the blame on ourselves, but that’s not the way to go!
Try understanding that he could have a legit reason for not texting you back; say, his phone isn’t working, he’s too busy, or he could be feeling under the weather.
He’s not necessarily doing this with bad intentions—especially not if you know he’s a good guy.
So, try relaxing and looking at things from a rational angle!
– Most importantly: don’t over-text him!
It’s an unwritten rule: don’t over-text people, especially someone you’ve recently gotten involved with.
Now, when we think about it when a partner doesn’t text us back, it’s for two reasons:
- They can’t due to external factors, or;
- They don’t want to.
And in both cases, over-texting will have a negative effect.
We might be seen as desperate, needy, and/or insecure—we don’t want that.
Let him be and focus on yourself!
Don’t double-text him or anything like that—if he’s busy, he’ll come back and have a good explanation.
– Live your life!
That anxious feeling of waiting for someone’s reply—we’ve all been there.
It’s not a good feeling and worst of all, it can’t be helped; it lingers around until the very moment a partner finally responds.
Despite that, we should try our best to live our life normally!
Go out with friends or family, do something that relaxes you, focus on your goals and well-being, talk to your therapist, and don’t leave yourself behind.
When and if he texts you back, you can deal with him then, but for now (and always) you’re the most important person in your life.
– Learn his patterns.
The most logical thing to do with a “hot and cold” partner is to learn their patterns.
I’m talking about things that make him go silent and get upset, his routine and day-to-day life, his character, and the way he deals with stuff.
For example, if he tends to push people away for a couple of days whenever he gets too busy, expect that the next time as well.
Do not overthink and blame yourself, learn about his character and tendencies!
– Give him the space he wants/needs.
If he wants/needs space, respect his decision and give it to him.
Chances are that he wants it for a reason—whether it be good or bad, there’s no use in forcing him to keep contact.
Again, he could have a very good reason as to why he’s not texting, and just in case, let him have some space.
If he hasn’t texted you in a few days or more, don’t send him multiple texts a day begging him to come back or anything like that.
As hard as it may be, all we can do is be patient and understanding.
– Talk to him about it.
If it gets too much, you can always try communicating your feelings to him.
I’m talking about having a genuine conversation the next time you two talk.
Ask whether he’s aware of what he’s doing, ask him about his reasons, and tell him how it makes you feel—encourage him to open up.
Don’t point fingers or react harshly; be the mature one and let him explain himself.
Be understanding and compassionate, but not pushy.
“Hey, babe, just checking up on you. It’s been a few days since we last talked and I’m getting really worried. Is everything okay? Know that I’m here for you,”
Something like this.
Also, pay attention to the frequency of your texts; we don’t want to overdo it and end up annoying the other person!
If this behavior bothers you, let him know, though avoid trying to impose a particular behavior on him.
Sooner or later…
Everybody faces difficulties and dilemmas in a relationship—love doesn’t always sail smoothly.
It’s painful witnessing someone you hold near and dear to your heart communicate less and less.
That goes without saying.
However, realize that people have their reasons.
For your own sake, don’t blame yourself for every bad thing that happens.