This article is dedicated to the “he stops texting for a few days and then he starts texting you again” club. Fun isn’t it?!
Jokes aside, I understand that when he suddenly stops contacting you and comes back again can make it feel anything but fun. In fact, the feeling that such behavior gives is far from fun.
You’re left feeling miserable for a while (let’s say he stops texting you for a few days) just so that he can suddenly text you again and give you that dopamine hit. Whether he does this too often, or he did it just once, he surely has reasons for doing so.
The reasons vary from completely innocent, to stupid, mean ones. You’ve got your reasons why you’re searching this very topic, hence I don’t want to make this intro any longer. Here are the top 10 possible reasons why guys text loads then stop:
1. Personal things & issues
This stands a lot especially if it is the beginning of the relationship – it’s just the beginning of you two knowing one another.
It is difficult to start opening up right away. Hence if he had a problem – or whatever personal that could be related to his job, personal life that he just doesn’t feel comfortable sharing with you just yet – he solved it/went through it, and now is back.
It could also be that he’s busy, his phone broke down, or anything that doesn’t relate to you or the relation with you. You can notice this can be the case if he hasn’t been very much active on his socials (if not not active at all).
2. He needs space – He doesn’t move too fast
It’s just men and their ways of doing things. They need space and they need time to process things.
Plus, many of them suck at communicating and are not very in touch with their emotional expression due to social standards and constructs on this very particular case (men showing emotion), which also affects a lot on the way they process the emotions.
If you feel like this is not something you can keep up with, talk it out with him instead of letting this spin your head every time such a scenario occurs.
3. He feels you’re not interested
He feels you’re not interested, takes some time off, and then says he might give it another shot because he might’ve just misunderstood the whole situation.
Reasons why he feels you’re not interested could be:
- Your behaviour. For whatever reason, you could be acting cold, not interested, playing games/mind games, playing hard to get, and so on.
- His past experiences have ‘trained’ his defensive mechanisms and something triggered it. This, by no means is your fault, or has anything to do with you. It’s his perception, and his way of processing things and thoughts.
So he just takes some time off, to come back and give it a try. Let’s welcome the insecurities on, shall we? It is a mix up of insecurities, mixed signals from your side, and past experiences on both sides.
Healthy and clear communication from both sides can be the best way to solve this and make it work out.
4. He’s seeking your attention, validation
You’re one busy bee, and he can’t seem to get his way to reach the honey. So, he wants the bee to get curious, and decides to pull up a ‘disappearance’ act on her.
This could also be the case when a man feels like he doesn’t have ‘control’ over the relationship, so he finds this as a way to gain the control back.
In other words, if he’s seeking attention and/or validation for whatever reasons, this can be a pretty effective way of doing so. The fact that you’re reading this article can be proof of how much it works.
It’s his way of showing you how ‘missable’ he is, or how you can’t take him for granted because he can disappear anytime you do so (take him for granted).
5. He could be confused
It could be one of those internal conflicts (in one of which I’m pretty sure most of us have found ourselves to be in), where he’s not sure of what he wants. Perhaps he likes you, but doesn’t know exactly how he feels yet, so he takes his time apart from you so that he knows where he is.
He solves whatever is messing with his pretty little head, and comes flying back to your nest.
There’s another option to this though, which is pretty f*cking messed up:
He doesn’t want a relationship, but he likes you too much. Now he feels the need to come back now and then to see if you’re taken or still in the sea of the singles in which he’s swimming on.
Be vigilant and check out if he likes you or not, you want things to be genuine, not constantly having doubts and questions spinning around your head.
6. He might be intimidated by you
So you’re this beautiful, gorgeous, busy bee. Men can get intimidated, as they’re humans too(duh?). This might seem a bit absurd, but the way out of intimidation can be the ‘no contact period’ for them to feel more validated, or more in control.
When he’s intimidated he also might run out of things to say, or feel unsure of what could be in your interest to discuss with you.
Also, intimidating him might make him feel like he’s not enough, or that he’s disappointing you in one way or another. So, instead of having a conversation about it, they choose the easy way out, which is vanishing for a while, and then coming back once they see things are going downhill (when you don’t text them).
7. He’s read some advice that convinced him playing games is a good idea
We’re all googling everything, so he might’ve stumbled upon some toxic advice that has nothing to do with genuinity, convinced himself that this is one of the ways to make you fall for him, and that doing this is the best idea ever!
I see such toxic advice around the internet a lot, and I try to warn people out of it as much as I can, in the best possible ways that I can. But it is out there, it is easily reachable, and the ones who spread such advice are pretty good at convincing you how well that advice can work for you.
The thing about those ‘advice’ is that they wear out eventually. Perhaps it is working right now, because it obviously started messing around with your head, and now you can’t stop thinking about him. But once the things get more real, and genuine, you’ll eventually get tired out of it, and just drop it. It is about time that he realizes this.
8. He feels that you two are not very compatible with one another
He’s seen that you and him have certain qualities or values that don’t match very well with one another, and that just are not the most compatible. It could be that he’s still not sure about it and he’s just testing the waters out.
He comes and goes until he decides what’s the deal with the relationship. He could be wanting to keep things ‘casual’ and just go for the cookie when he can get it, but not work enough to earn it, if you know what I mean.
9. Perhaps he got insulted/hurt by something you said or did
We say and do things without thinking them through sometimes, it is understandable as we’re not gods, not even close to being perfect.
Hence, somewhere along the lines he could’ve got offended, insulted, or hurt by something you did or said in relation to him. He took the time he needed to process/go through it, and now came back. Whether he’s going to discuss it with you or not, entirely depends on his personality and ways of processing things and expectations he sets on certain people in his life.
10. There could be another girl into the picture
This one can sting a little, but there are chances he’s texting someone else too, or he’s doing the dating things as something fun, casual, and water-testing.
Men that do this are usually called players, but this is also considered normal in the very early stages of people knowing one another. You both have options through which you go through until you decide with who you decide to get exclusive with.
You can say this can be the case for you if he’s ‘tasted the cookie’ but is playing around with your time, and is not being forward with his intentions towards you. If you’re not okay with this way of doing this, I’d highly suggest you have a conversation about it instead of thinking that you’ll change his mindset and eventually convince him that ‘there’s no one better for him’, please!
When a man stops texting and comes back again – What to do about it?
If it bothers you, talk about it.
You can’t just let it mess with your head and question it whenever your mind is free of other thoughts. If it really bothers you on this level or any other level, please, please talk about it.
A good, genuine conversation will help both of you figure out where you’re standing, and why/how/when things are happening the way they are happening.
Don’t be afraid, have the conversation. It’s better than letting it weigh you down.
Keep and respect your standards.
If you don’t feel good about the fact that he sends you to the stars today, and brings you back to zero tomorrow – “we went from texting everyday to nothing” – then simply talk about it, find a way to let him know you’re not okay with that behavior.
Even if it takes for you to stop contact with him, or just break things off, do it. For the sake of self-respect and self-worth, do it.
Do what you have to do – keep it busy.
You’ll be so much into your business that you won’t even notice when he’s present or absent. You won’t even mind whenever he comes and goes. He’ll just be someone in your life. He’ll know where to find you, and how to find you, and how to reach out to you.
Respect your standards, and mind your business. Once you’re not okay with something he’s doing, find ways to communicate it to him.
If this is a repetitive behavior of his, you can text him first and see what’s going on to have peace of mind.
At the end of the day, if it keeps going too far and crosses your borders and feels disrespectful towards your lines of ‘enough’, just leave it – for your own good.
Keep your standards, and your life going.
Take good care of yourself,