Texting before the first date is crucial in building emotional and physical attraction.
It allows you to get a glimpse of what your date might look like and what you can do or talk about during the first date.
In the meantime, you can text him randomly just to keep him interested in you until the date.
Therefore, pre-first-date texting should be casual, funny, and enough to not feel like strangers on the first date.
To seem interesting and ignite the spark before the first date over text, here are 12 tips:
1. You should try to avoid chitchat
If you go from having heart-to-heart conversations to barely texting before the first date, this might give him the wrong impression.
This will be a drastic change in your behavior that will leave him puzzled.
Maybe you’re not doing it on purpose and you want to seem fresh when you go on the first date.
Hence, instead of switching your long conversations into short ones, try to combine small talks with interesting topics.
Therefore, if you want to keep him interested in you over text, try to casually light up the conversation. Spontaneous acts will trigger excitement.
- You can ask him about his day;
- You can tell him about anything that might have reminded you of him;
- You can send anything funny that will be related to your past conversations;
You can keep the tempo just by replying to his text or initiating text the same way you did until now.
As discussed on the podcast On the Down Bad Show, a man might not like when you start ignoring him right after the date is set.
He might think that you started to lose interest or you are keeping your dating options open.
2. Try to initiate a text two to three times a week
During the talking stage, you can text more often because you’re getting to know one another.
Then after this, it comes the part when you make the transition between talking and dating.
Now, you need to stay truthful to your texting habits but not text many questions or text him daily.
During the frizzle period, you should be interested in him, reply but keep going on with your life too.
If you keep texting him every day before the first text then he might lose the excitement of meeting you in person.
There might not be left anything much to talk about when you have your first date.
3. Make funny assumptions about your date
Once you set the date then it might be pointless to text him beforehand and make sure he is still going.
This small act of yours might impact a lot him.
Instead of asking him directly about the date, try to joke about it.
This will help you release some tension and get his opinion on what he thinks about the date.
You might tell him a few jokes that are related to the date like:
“I am sure that you will look way hotter in person.”
“I don’t know about you, but I am thrilled to try that steak at Kat’z Deli.”
Having this type of conversation is beneficial for both of you because it will give a preview of what the date might be like.
4. Try to reveal your intentions step by step and not put pressure on him
Even if you knew him earlier on when you start dating, you should gradually reveal your feelings.
I am not implying that you shouldn’t be vulnerable or open with him. What I am saying is that you should take this process slowly.
Especially, if you don’t know him in person then you should try to increase the intensity of your feelings slowly.
Otherwise, if you keep constantly texting him and being an open book then you will start to attach to him more quickly.
Then when you go on the first date you might not get the same energy from him and you might get disappointed and hurt.
To avoid all this drama, you can connect with him emotionally by being honest and funny.
- Try to use simple jokes or memes that will make him talk about himself too;
Remember, that when you’re confident and mysterious, he will be eager to know more about you during the first date.
Pre-date texting should include lighthearted elements that will make him look forward to meeting you.
The reason that I am pointing out this right now is that you should gradually build a connection with him.
You can keep the excitement going on with two simple texts. The good morning and good night texts will help you keep in touch with him and not be needy.
These texts will help you keep in touch and show him that you care too and you’re looking forward to meeting him.
- “Hey Mike, the sun is out and I just wanted to wish you a good day.”
- “Sleep tight tonight.”
What I suggest you not text before the first date is sexting too much.
If both of you have the same dating presumptions then you might sext.
Hence, if you met him on a dating app like Tinder or Hinge then you might know from his bio if he wants a fling or something more.
6. Find the balance between your feelings and how he feels
Texting before the first date can be quite tricky because you might never feel like you’re texting too much.
You might be quite excited to meet him and go on with the date but never be over-excited.
This might push him away and he might instantly start to lose interest from the very start.
- To not put much pressure on him and contain yourself, you can start to reply only when he texts.
- Try to not ignore his texts or ghost him, just try to reduce a bit your texting.
- If you feel like sending something to him, just write it down in your journal or notes.
7. Keep him wondering
To keep a guy interested in you, you shouldn’t act like you’re busy or ignore his texts.
The first principle is to not always initiate the texts.
In general, a man likes when a woman initiates texts but if you constantly do it then he might get bored.
Especially, a guy who is an alpha man then he would like his space to initiate conversations and make the first step.
- Be authentic! You don’t need to pretend to be someone else because this will reflect on the conversations a lot.
- Avoid feeling insecure and express your opinions more often.
- Give direct answers.
- Don’t dwell on his earlier relationships if he opens up to you priorly
Additionally, one of the behaviors that build attraction before the first date is to be direct.
Once, you have a strong personality, he will be more interested to know you.
8. Try to show your playful side
You can text before the first date to keep the excitement alive.
Just try to be more competitive and open an interesting discussion so you can keep the conversation going.
Try to think clearly about what you want to discuss and avoid talking about controversial topics.
Try to keep it slow and show your flirty side gradually.
~You can be flirty if you send him a joke or a meme and tease him about maybe his taste in music or any type of food.
~Ask him some playful questions.
Asking him these types of questions will help you to build prior attraction and it will help you avoid awkward moments.
Also, while you flirt over text before the first date it will make you more attractive and interesting.
9. Get to know more about his texting habits
Not everyone has the same texting habits.
He might like to text rarely and when he texts maybe he wants to use it rarely and randomly.
I am aware that this might be hard to decipher when you don’t know this guy in real life.
When you don’t know a person IRL then a lot of things can be misunderstood as you text.
Take into consideration that he might not be good at being vulnerable over text with someone he doesn’t know.
Then you can also match his energy and not overload him with too much info about you.
Just don’t give up and don’t text constantly if you notice that he doesn’t do the same from the beginning.
In addition, you will slowly learn his texting habits and you will notice whether he likes more jokes than just random talks or heartfelt talks.
10. Try not to take anything personal
When the transition from the talking stage to dating happens and a lot of things can be confusing too.
Also, while texting it is hard to get to know someone’s personality entirely.
Because it is easier for everyone to pretend for someone that they’re not and being behind a phone screen makes it easier.
~So, my advice is to not assume anything and have no expectations before the first date.
This will make texting before the first date more casual and not fetched.
If you want to work more on your communication skills and work on yourself too, you should work with an expert.
A relationship coach will help you to decode his behavior over text.
11. Text a few hours before the date starts
If you text a few hours before the first date then that means that your intentions are genuine.
In general, nor a woman nor a man likes ambiguity while going on the first date.
That’s why you should consider texting randomly at least two days before the first date.
On the other hand, if you can’t do it because you have a hectic week then let him know.
Text something subtle and genuine like:
“How are you doing Jake? This week is very busy because of the holidays and I might not be texting much.”
12. Consider not using sarcasm
If you haven’t spent too much time together with this guy then you should avoid being sarcastic.
On the other hand, if you have noticed that he likes to be sarcastic too over text then you might try it.
But, if you are waiting for your first date and you constantly try to be “funny” by being sarcastic but he doesn’t respond, you should avoid it.
Most of the time people do not have the same humor and a lot of things might be misunderstood.
This will impact negatively him and he might start to lose interest slowly.
So, instead of using too much humor in your texts before the first date try to be more neutral and compassionate.
Then during the first date, you might get to know more about him and his sense of humor.
Therefore, before going on the first date, check the first date guidelines for ladies.
How often to text before the first date?
How much you should be texting before the first date depends on your attachment styles and your perspective on dating.
1. If you are a fearful-avoidant then you try to text less and you want the same from your date.
Shortly, you are comfortable with having small talk and texting less before the first date.
2. On the other hand, if you have an anxious attachment style then you end up craving more texting before the first date.
And if he gives you constant attention that won’t give you the ick.
Therefore, if you want to know how often to text before the first date, try to do it according to his and your text patterns.
No one has the same texting patterns but you should try to find some balance.
If you like texting too much then try to at least contact him once in two days.
3. Also, how long you should wait to text before the first date depends on when you have set the date.
If you have set the date after two weeks then you can text him two to three times a week.
Yet, it depends on what you’re going to text him if it’s a simple question or if you want to tell him how excited you are.
In conclusion: Texting before the date
Texting before the first date should be done gently and step by step.
I am aware that you are excited about this date and that you want to constantly text him.
Yet, you should first focus on yourself and work on your ego and self-confidence.
Once you truly love yourself, texting before the first date won’t be an issue.
Unconsciously, you will go with the flow because now you have your priorities and ways of living.
In the end, try to understand that he might not like to text a lot with someone that he hasn’t met yet.
It’s all about perspective. So be bold and confident, everything else will fall into place.