Writing a letter to your ex after a breakup: The Dos and Don’ts!

Writing a letter to an ex is quite a challenge.

Hence, you can make the process easier if you know the motive and purpose of writing it.

Indeed, when reaching out to an ex after a breakup it’s an overwhelming process.

You want to be vulnerable and write everything that you feel and think.

Yet, the way you craft those feelings and thoughts has a big impact on how your ex is going to react.

What to do before writing the letter?

Before writing the letter to your ex, make sure to know why you’re writing that letter for.

Do you want to get your ex back, do you want to apologize, or do you want to show your pain?

1. Define your purpose. Ask yourself what you want to confess to your ex. Is it love, or pain, or you will ask them for forgiveness?

2. Brainstorm every day about how you’re feeling. Going through the breakup stages you won’t feel the same every day.

3. Spend your time reflecting on your relationship and on the reason that made you end the relationship.

4.. Choose the right time to write that letter when knowing exactly what you want to say.

You don’t have just to pour out everything that is going through your head and heart right now.

Just keep small notes every day of how you’re feeling and track your progression.

Here are 5 types of letters to send to your ex-boyfriend according to your situation:

1. Heartbroken letter to your ex

In a heartbroken or sad letter, you need to let your ex know about your wound.

This letter should help you find your inner peace and embrace reality.

A heartbroken doesn’t mean that always should be a final goodbye.

Depending on your situation, the letter should be crafted around how this situation makes you feel.

“Dear ex,

I am writing these words from the bottom of my heart and from the deepest part of my soul.

I have come to the point that the past has been tough on both of us.

Yet, the pain and mark that has been left in my life have been a bigger one.

You and I know how much I tried to make everything work and how that tore me to pieces.

Just so you know a part of me is still adjusting to this situation but I came to the point of realization.

I might still keep you in a special place because you were a part of me for so long.

Hence, unrequited love and thinking of every ounce of how you couldn’t fight for us hurt me.

This is not even a letter to disturb your peace or reconcile, it’s just an open letter to let you go.

Best,

(Insert your name)

An open letter to an ex-boyfriend!

2. Accountability letter

Make sure you check your emotional state before sitting and writing the accountability letter.

This letter is not a love letter. In this letter, you shouldn’t include how much you miss or adore your ex.

Before sending this letter you should be focused on reflecting on yourself and the breakup.

~In this situation, you shouldn’t be focused only on your ex and how to get them back.

~Keep in mind that you shouldn’t use this as a letter to show love or ask for forgiveness.

This letter is more about reflecting fully on the breakup and finding out what happened.

The accountability letter is the type of letter to that your ex will reply.

They will reply because of your vulnerability and setting boundaries, they will let their guard down.

“Hey, (insert your ex’s name),

I know that 8 months have passed since our breakup and I’ve been reflecting a lot.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect but wasn’t the worst either.

I understand that both of us put ourselves first and didn’t think twice to work more on the relationship.

Hence, while spending this time alone, I have learned more about myself and my potential.

Now I am ready and I know for sure what I can offer to this relationship and what I cannot.

At the end of the day, I realized that I had to work more on my communication skills.

Being vulnerable and expressing my feelings wasn’t my strongest point in the relationship.

But now I am working towards it and I would love to reconnect if you consider my effort.

I understand that you might have a different post-breakup journey.

Best,

(Insert your name)

3. “I still love you” letter to your ex

The I still love you letter might not always be written to get your ex back.

You might still love your ex but you need to move on for good and let the past be in the past.

Your ex doesn’t need to have the same feelings and maybe they might have lost interest in the meantime.

Yet, if you feel the need to write this letter to pour out your love then you can do it subtly.

“Dear Michael,

I know that these past few months and this year haven’t been easy for any of us.

We went through many ups and downs and I know I had made a lot of mistakes that have hurt you.

What I want to say is that this time apart has helped me to realize how bad I was to you.

I was drowned in my thoughts and feelings and didn’t realize how good you were to me.

Only when I lost you, I started to notice how big your love was for me. I still love you, loved you, and I will always going to love you.

Life without you has been mere and mediocre.

Whether you forgive me or not, you will have a soft spot in my heart.

Sincerely,

Jenny”

4. Closure letter to ex

A goodbye closure letter should be written precisely and you should not add unneeded information.

You should be straightforward and just let him know that you’re moving on and letting this uncertainty go.

If you’re asking way too many questions about the breakup and why he did that to you, you will give him the upper hand.

You should send your ex this letter only if it helps you to move on and there is no other choice!

“Dear (your ex’s name),

After some time, even I realized that we needed some time for our own good.

I don’t think that the time we spent together was not worth it. On the contrary, it made me realize who I am.

Hence, even though I tried to reflect on my own behavior and decisions, I never understood your choice.

Either way, even though how hard it might have been to embrace reality, I am letting all of that go.

I just want to let you know that I wish you nothing but the best on your new journey.

Sincerely,

(Your name)

5. Letter to get ex back

A second chance letter to get your ex back isn’t complicated to write but you should say why you want them back.

Also, you should state why they would want you back or why would they accept you again.

A perfect letter to get an ex back doesn’t exist. You just need to be honest and true to yourself too.

Write how you feel and why you would deserve to give yourself a second chance.

Put the letter from another perspective.

Put yourself in the shoes of your ex and then you’ll have a better idea of what they would accept as an apology or love letter.

“Dear Tom,

It might sound cliche but if I could go back in time I would change many things.

Starting from the way that I communicated my feelings and being afraid to be committed.

I didn’t realize that I was afraid to admit to myself first regarding these issues.

It took me a lot of time and blaming you for not understanding me and I am so sorry about that.

I know that just a simple apology won’t change things and a relationship needs consistency.

This is what I am trying daily to work on my negative thoughts and feelings.

It’s not an easy journey but I made the decision to change myself for good.

I just want to let you know that you were the one with that I started this new journey.

I am forever thankful for that and for you.

I hope you will take my words into consideration and if not I am fully aware of it.

Best of luck to you,

Meredith”

🔴Before wanting to get your ex back and write the letter, you should learn to deal with your feelings first.
To be able to control your emotional intelligence, you might need the extra help of a relationship coach!

How to write a letter to your ex?

While writing a letter to your ex you should already be healed and not expecting anything.

Depending on your purpose and the type of letter, you should or shouldn’t express your love and feelings.

Avoid insults. Even if your ex was bitter and hurt you, you should never use mean words.

That’s why it’s important to not write a letter when you’re feeling mad and you’re extremely hurt.

Keep it straight to the point and not too long. You should avoid writing a long and unclear letter.

The longer the letter is, the more unnecessary things will be added. Your ex will take it as a sign of desperation.

Reread it after a few days. After you write your letter, just leave it there.

When you reflect on it after some days, you will be able to add or remove some things.

Don’t try to camouflage your feelings.

That’s why is important to write a letter to your ex when you’re healed and your mind is clear.

Holding back to what you’re wanting to say or adding unnecessary things will create confusion.

Can you win an ex back with a letter?

Just writing a letter cannot get your ex back.

Getting your ex back is a process that doesn’t start or end with a letter.

To have this letter have an impact on your ex, you should start first with the No Contact Rule.

If you use distance and detach yourself from your ex then the letter will have a greater effect.

That’s because during this time you will allow yourself and him to have some time on their own.

Both of you will reflect on yourselves, your decisions, and what was your life like before entering this relationship.

Hence, the letter will give them some idea of what you think and feel about them.

You’re initiating contact to either move on for good or reconcile.

Then it’s up to your ex what he will decide to do. His response won’t be always based on what you wrote.

It’s based on how he feels right now after the breakup and how he dealt with his emotions.