This question comes from a state of disbelief and desperation.
You sit back and think well, I never thought that this person would hurt me like this.
Hence there is no absolute answer to this question.
Whether an ex will contact you ever again depends on their personality and the breakup.
It’s quite hard to decipher what your ex is feeling or thinking and whether they’ll come back.
The ambiguity comes from how they feel after the breakup and how they process it.
If they’re the dumper then they will continue their game of the grass is greener on the other side.
The moment that your ex won’t find something better in another relationship, they will contact you.
Your ex will reach out for different reasons. These reasons can be related to their obscurity or realization of their feelings about you.
Either way, here are 10 different reasons/occasions that your ex will and won’t contact you again:
1. An ex will contact again if they feel lonely
It’s quite normal to be lonely and anxious after a breakup.
Hence, this is not a good reason for your ex to contact you but they’ll do it.
The dumper and the dumpee go through different stages of a breakup.
What I am implying is that they might miss you either at the beginning of the breakup or later.
When an ex feels anxious and lonely, they start to miss you. That’s when they decide to reach out to you.
Your ex can reach out to you in different ways. It doesn’t mean that they will initiate a text or a call.
They can do it by breadcrumbing you and interacting indirectly with you through your friends or family.
2. They won’t contact you if they are still hurting/healing
If you never heard of your ex that means that they might be still hurting or are focused on their healing journey.
For your ex to contact you, you need to give your ex some space.
Yet, if you do this and they don’t contact you, that means that they are focused on themselves.
In the end, the No Contact Rule helps your ex to work on themselves and reflect on the relationship.
How your ex deals with the breakup and whether they reach out to you depends also on their gender.
The percentage of men is higher than that of women when they try to initiate contact after the breakup.
This means that men and women sort their feelings differently and their healing journey is different.
It might take weeks, months, or even years.
You might hear or not hear at all from them depending on their emotional state.
3. When you break up on good terms, you might hear from them
Breaking up on good terms most of the time means that both of you are agreeing to give each other some space.
In this situation, you decide what’s best for you, and sometimes to rekindle a relationship you need some time alone.
When they are already healed and still have feelings for you they will contact you.
During this time, you also need to work on yourself so you can show improvement.
If you tend to stay the same while your ex is working on themselves, the new relationship won’t work.
If you want to know exactly which steps to take so you can work on yourself, you need the help of a coach.
A personal coach will give you the opportunity to work on your flaws and create the best version of yourself.
4. It depends on their ability to cultivate a new relationship
Whether your ex will contact you or not all depends on their will and skill to make the relationship work.
It might seem a bit cliche or strange but they will contact you if this is already their aim.
When a relationship ends on bad or good terms, it’s the will of the ex to make it work.
What I mean by it is that if an ex wants to make it work, they will work on their flaws.
Of course, if you were the one holding the relationship together then they might do it too.
This happens only when your ex is ready to face their mistakes and regrets the breakup.
Otherwise, if they have a big ego, it will be hard for them to admit they’re wrong.
Without admitting their mistakes, they won’t be able to start the change.
5. They won’t contact you if they are emotionally hurt
Emotional trauma is something that takes a lot of time to work on.
If you have cheated on them or played with their emotions constantly then it will be harder for them to recover.
Yes, in this case, your ex will be more attached to you in the first stages of the breakup.
They might try to contact you and seem clingy but at that time you must have been enjoying your freedom.
That’s normal but for your ex was a time of rejection and confusion. This is why they start later on to reflect and focus their energy on them.
Especially, fearful avoidants tend to end things to find their comfort.
This leaves the dumper will all the burden and all the questions that they don’t have the answer to.
6. An ex will contact you if they are bored
Boredom is one of the reasons that an ex will contact you.
When you encounter suddenly your ex liking your stories or posts this might be the reason.
This might be the moment when they don’t have a relationship going or they feel scared to be alone.
Either way, when they don’t have anything exciting going on, they will try and reach out to you.
They need this type of excitement to boost their confidence whenever they feel low.
In this case, your ex will contact you and give you mixed signals.
7. They will contact you if they want to get or give closure
An ex will contact you if they want an answer from you or if they want to give closure.
Sometimes relationships end without any particular reason and abruptly.
You might have gone separate ways and never had a chance to discuss the breakup.
They might not be able to deal with the breakup and with the reasons that caused it.
So after the breakup, they or you might have been using the No Contact Rule.
During this time, you and they might have reflected differently.
You might need just one last conversation to either end it permanently or rekindle it.
8. Curiosity makes them contact you
When they are interested in your life, they will initiate contact with you.
Especially, if you have not been talking to them then you create space for them to miss you.
No communication at all will make him quite curious regarding your life.
If you have not posted on social media or blocked them, this will make him want to know more.
They will contact you and ask you a random question or share a meaningful moment with you.
Nevertheless, your ex will also give you a random compliment or anything to get your attention.
Sometimes, the addiction or obsession with the breakup doesn’t end immediately.
So, also an ex that is obsessed in a form with winning the breakup will contact you just to get a glimpse of your life.
9. Your ex will contact you again if they have still feelings for you
When an ex has still feelings for you they will contact you.
They have that urge that they still need to be by your side.
When they will contact you because they still have feelings for you depends on their attachment style.
If they have an anxious attachment style then they will contact you immediately.
Yet this doesn’t mean that they have sorted their feelings out yet.
Know, that is hard for them to stay away from you but yet they might not be sure about their feelings.
Once, they are sure that they can’t move on, they will want to check up on you and see where you’re at.
How long until your ex contacts you?
The period when an ex will contact you depends on the level of their hurt or their interest.
When an ex is still interested in you but wants to work on themselves that might take more than a month.
~Most of the articles state that the rule thumb of your ex contacting you is 30 days.
Hence, whether the breakup was good or bad, 30 days of No Contact is the minimum period of working on yourself.
During this time, an ex and you should concentrate at least working on yourselves.
Adjusting to this new situation and all that’s going on, you need at least three weeks.
After that, you start to reflect differently and see that you need a little bit more time to heal.
~Sometimes, it might take a year and even years for your ex to reach out to you.
This all depends on how they are able to process the breakup and how they feel about you.
In some cases, it takes just a mere reason or just a memory to make them contact you.
Did your ex ever contact you after breaking up with them?
Yes, an ex will contact you after breaking up with them. While working with different cases and with different women and their breakups, here is Claire’s story.
*Disclaimer: Her name is changed due to confidentiality.
I have been dating this guy for three years now and have been friends for six years.
Our relationship started as a friendship and then first he developed feelings for me.
Since I have a fearful avoidant attachment style, I was dependent on him and somehow made the wrong turn in this relationship.
When I say ‘the wrong turn’, I mean that I missed him and loved him but couldn’t bear being always with him. Thus, I needed some time out.
I chose to break up and then couldn’t even initiate a single conversation with him to give him closure.
What I did was work on my feelings and on my flaws.
I never blocked them or even interacted, I just wanted some distance.
After a year, my ex contacted me just to have closure for one last time. I just needed a little boost for him to make the first move and then we worked on our flaws to reconcile.
Is it normal for someone to never speak to you when you break up?
Whether it’s normal for an ex to never speak to you again or not depends on whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee.
Especially, if you break up with them then they will tend to connect with you in the beginning.
If they’re hurt, they will try to use the No Contact Rule, because they need something to hang on to.
They might just take that time to reflect, get the lessons learned, and move on.
One thing that should be understood is that breakups are quite hard to deal with.
Even if the relationship ends on good terms, adjusting to the new pattern of life is hard.
During this time, you and your ex need to learn to live without one another and be engaged in new activities.
Bottom line: Will my ex reach out?
Chances are more for an ex to reach out to you but the real question should be when.
There are only a few cases when an ex doesn’t reach out.
Usually, when the relationship was toxic that’s when an ex won’t initiate the relationship
You need to remember that you need to work on yourself. Don’t think that you’re doing it for your ex.
You’re doing it for yourself. So elevate yourself instead of getting stuck and thinking constantly if your ex will ever contact you again.
Love and light,
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