A guy might just ignore you if he’s developing strong feelings for you.
Love puts us all in a vulnerable position and that can be scary for the majority of us. However, for some people, specifically men, this feeling can be terrifying!
Men distancing themselves once they realize they’re feeling strong feelings is a very common scenario in the dating world. But why though?
Let’s explore the 11 reasons why guys avoid you once their feelings become stronger!
1. He’s afraid the past may repeat itself through you.
His past could definitely be the culprit here!
By putting some distance between you two, he could be trying to protect himself from what he thinks is inevitable pain.
The human brain works in a way that tries to protect itself from any pain or danger.
Once you experience something negative, the brain will remember it for future reference.
Trauma could have been created due to a long history of horrible relationships, making him question and expect only the worst from people he loves and considers close.
Bessel van der Kolk, M.D, says that trauma lives on in the form of the past, always coming back.
If he’s experienced trauma from past relationships, then he’s very likely to back off once he catches himself feeling strong emotions about another person.
2. He started developing paranoia about losing you.
When you develop serious feelings for someone, you also get a big, emotional roller coaster that makes your brain wander in dark, unlikely places.
One other reason why men go cold when in love is because they start becoming afraid of losing you.
If you two have been together for a while, you have also become an important part of each other’s life: routine, of sorts.
When he’s used to your presence, of course, he’s going to think thoughts like “What if I lose her?”
This will make his thoughts and feelings spiral out of control, requiring him to get them in order by probably going quiet and shunning you out.
3. He thinks he’s not good enough for you.
As we all know, men—since the dawn of time—have had the role of “the provider” given to them by society.
Men are expected to provide and protect all while keeping their cool and showing how brave and ‘emotionless’ they are.
What if he thinks he’s not enough? What if he thinks that someone who has more to offer might come along?
He could be feeling insecure and start questioning his abilities to make you happy and take care of you both financially and emotionally.
These thoughts could be a result of society’s standards or expectations, the social environment he grew up in, or his connection with his parent(s) or caregiver(s).
This can make him paint you as superior and himself as inferior, resulting in him thinking you’re way too good for him.
This then results in him ignoring you or avoiding you the moment he realizes he’s developing strong feelings for you.
4. There’s stuff going on in his life and he can’t focus on you.
He could not be in the right place for a relationship right now: there could be other important stuff occupying his time.
What do I mean by this?
A relationship is not easy to maintain, and that’s because it’s a two-person thing, constantly requiring effort.
We can’t know for sure just what a person is going through struggles, problems, and obstacles that need to be prioritized.
If he’s, say, busy with work, school, or family matters, then of course the last thing on his mind is love.
Not that he doesn’t want to focus on you, he simply can’t and knows it’s not fair for either of you to continue a relationship he’s incapable of maintaining.
5. He knows that things will change for him in his life.
He knows that change is unavoidable once he catches strong feelings and welcomes another person in his life.
He knows that you will become his other half and that he might have to let go of certain aspects of his life, for example, he:
- Is going to have to start liking certain stuff he never thought he would.
- Might have to start tolerating a lot more, and retaliating a lot less.
- Is not going to have a lot of free time like he normally would.
- Needs to spend effort into a relationship and another person other than himself.
To a lot of people, this is a hard pill to swallow, especially the freedom part. No one really likes being held back and restricted.
However, at the end of the day, it all boils down to the definition of a relationship one defines for themselves.
Some men who develop serious feelings for their partner know that a lot of their normalcy will have to be compromised.
6. He’s uncomfortable with the idea of love and intimacy.
A lot of men have a fear of intimacy because of reasons like low self-esteem, childhood trauma, past experiences, or just social constructs.
Relationship anxiety tends to be a rarely mentioned and recognized phenomenon, however, so many people have it that it’s almost a norm among us.
Dr. Elena Touroni states that the fear of intimacy makes people reluctant to get emotionally or physically too close to other people and this results in them pulling away when a relationship gets too serious.
Women are often encouraged to talk about their feelings, whereas men find themselves less able to talk about their emotional state.
This is because of ridiculous ideas in our society, which make sensitive men seem “girly”, so they’re left with not knowing how to express their feelings.
Intimacy and expression are usually treated as hush-hush topics amongst groups of men.
As a result, they never discuss the way they feel, and end up getting ridiculed when they do.
It’s a cycle that needs to be broken, as intimacy and expression are both very important skills to have!
7. He’s questioning his feelings and is unsure about you.
As hurtful as this may sound, he could be giving the whole situation a longer thought.
A study on the rate at which people fall in love shows that—shockingly—men fall in love faster than women do; they rush.
He has yet to think about what he wants and whether you’re the one for him.
He knows that a relationship is no joke, and—although a bit late—has started thinking things through.
“Is this what I want?” “Is she who I want to spend the rest of my life with?”
These are thoughts he might be thinking.
Although painful, maybe it’s for the best that he takes a step back and analyzes your relationship before he jumps in!
8. He doesn’t want to be tied down to one woman.
It’s hardly surprising that men want to explore their options, they don’t want to settle down while wondering if there’s a better “option” out there.
Some men like having options to pick from, and since being in a relationship mean they can’t be with other women, they tend to shy away from their current relationship.
Some of these men are called players, and once they develop strong feelings they back off to have a moment to clear their heads.
Maybe he doesn’t want to feel like he’s missing out on what other women have to offer, and potentially meet his soulmate.
He chose the bachelor life, and the bachelor life chose him!
9. He’s trying to take it slow.
Have you ever started falling for someone so much that you can no longer contain all the excitement?
He could be experiencing that very same feeling and trying to tone it down a notch. This could especially be the case if:
- You’re not an overly-affectionate person,
- He becomes nonchalant after giving you too much affection.
It’s his way of keeping himself in check and not coming off as absolutely desperate.
10. He knows you expect a lot from him.
Once you allow another person to be this important in your life, you will try to be as careful as you can to not let them down or hurt them.
People usually expect a lot from their partners, and this can lead to them getting stressed.
Pressure comes in all shapes and forms; Some people feel pressured or stressed from other factors, and pressure in a relationship may not be ideal for them.
Now, don’t get me wrong, some expectations are healthy in a relationship, and it is completely fine to have them.
However, unrealistic ones can be too much to handle and will completely make him lose will due to the pressure he may be experiencing.
11. You haven’t made your feelings quite clear to him.
If only we knew how other people thought and felt, right?
Have you considered the fact that he might not be confident enough and doesn’t want to get too ahead of himself?
He might be thinking that you’re both looking for different things and don’t want to ruin what you two already have.
He’s stopping himself and trying to put a wall between you too as a form of self-restriction.
You could be interested in someone else, for all he knows!
He might even think you dislike him! And although it’s not your intention, you might come off as not interested.
In this case, it doesn’t hurt to show a bit of affection and reassurance.
What can you do when you’re sensing he’s avoiding you because of strong feelings?
Well, since it usually has to do with him, consider one of two options:
- Encourage him to express himself in a way he doesn’t feel pressured or called out;
- For both of your sakes, give him the time and space he wants and needs to evaluate your relationship;
- Take care of yourself in the meanwhile;
- Try to not make your life all about him and this connection with him;
- Avoid imposing a particular decision on him.
As worrying as his distance might be, you should take care of your well-being too!
Most people usually take this sign as the end of the world, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that he has lost feelings or is giving up.
It could be his way of re-evaluating himself and the situation, trying to slow things down a little bit, or even seeming less needy and clingy!
Don’t go ahead and assume only the worst.
If you find yourself questioning your worth or blaming yourself for this situation, then a relationship expert is just one click away!
Men pulling away is a pretty common thing, as a lot don’t know what they’re feeling and how to deal with it.
Men become distant for different reasons, and whatever reason that might be—good or bad—it’s important to not panic.
He could be all you ever wanted, but you also have a life on your own. Try not to revolve your life and being around this guy.
If and when he’s ready, he’ll get back to you, naturally and unforced.