Your boyfriend might go quiet for a mere or good reason. But, there is always a reason.
To define why your boyfriend is being distant, you need to take a closer look at his personality, attachment style, and how long you’ve been together.
Because disconnecting happens in any type of relationship. But what makes the difference is the reason he is choosing to disconnect with you.
Is it a manipulative method to get you under his control or does he just needs some space to collect himself?
To find the right answer, here are 11 possible cues why your boyfriend is being distant:
1. He might need some space to recharge
Needing emotional distance while being in a relationship is necessary and it happens.
It’s not something unusual and that will always harm your relationship.
It’s a maneuver to handle a healthy relationship.
But, if he chooses willingly to distance himself emotionally because he has lost feelings for you then that’s an issue.
- You can notice that he needs to recharge when your boyfriend is distant but says that nothing is wrong.
He still hangs out with you but tries to reschedule more and focus on his work or doing solo stuff.
◾Reminder: Keep in mind that emotional distance can be fixed when there’s a will to mend the relationship and there is still a spark.
2. He might be extremely stressed
Sometimes his attachment style and personality play a great role in his distancing.
He might be going through a hard period right now.
He might be having problems with his family or work but doesn’t know how to express his anxiety and stress.
In this case, your boyfriend might choose isolation as a tool to deal with his problems and stress.
◾Reminder: As the author Mark Manson claims attachment style has a lot to do with how one navigates her or his relationship.
Yet, he highlights that your boyfriend’s attachment style might not define everything that goes wrong.
3. He might have started to feel insecure about himself
Your boyfriend might be acting weird and distant when he starts to fight with his insecurities.
He might think that he is not pleasing you or that you might not be loving him like before.
- Suddenly he might feel out of your league and become extremely jealous.
- He might be self-criticizing himself and will withdraw from the situation.
- He might be constantly asking for your validation and he might feel like he doesn’t have your attention and then shuts down.
◾Reminder: You should support him while he’s dealing with low self-esteem. Yet, you shouldn’t make it look like it’s all your responsibility.
4. He doesn’t how he feels anymore about you
Feelings might change with time but not always and especially if they’re solid and you keep the flame alive in your relationship.
Nevertheless, if your boyfriend is being distant and cold this might mean that his feelings have started to dim.
There might be tons of reasons why he has become distant and lost feeling.
You might have hurt him or
◾Reminder: You should never pressure him to change his feelings or to control what he feels. Give him time and focus on yourself more, and hang out with your friends and family. Find yourself.
5. You’re codependent
Being codependent will come out as clingy or needy.
And sometimes if this continues for a long time, your boyfriend will distance himself.
Even in a relationship when both of you are crazy for one another, not living each other to ‘breathe” will become a problem.
So, if you were constantly up to his face, always needed his validation, and always fought to get his attention, he might need space.
◾Reminder: Try to reflect on your attachment style and work on it. You can work with a relationship coach and define what’s causing you to be dependent on him.
6. The relationship is impacting him negatively
If you have hurt him directly or indirectly and he doesn’t feel like himself in the relationship he will be distant and cold.
Maybe he has been trying to talk to you about this but nothing has changed.
You should take a step back and analyze your interaction too before you point the finger at him.
You’ll notice that he’ll want to spend less time with you and doesn’t want to be any more vulnerable with you.
You’ll sense that he has put his walls up.
◾Reminder: Don’t forget that in a relationship it takes two to dance.
Thus, before you always put your needs first, try to understand your boyfriend’s needs too.
7. He based the relationship only on interest
He might have been infatuated and did not develop feelings of love.
Thus, as the relationship develops, your boyfriend might start to act distant because he starts to feel different.
Where his feelings are strong from the beginning then the chances are that this won’t be a everlasting love.
As the dating coach Mathew Hussey explains, everlasting and pure love is built upon chemistry, attraction, and good values.
◾Reminder: If he is distant because he started to lovebomb you at the beginning and now is distant, talk to him.
Try to let him know how you feel and how you perceive this relationship.
8. He might be scared of the future
If you recently talked about your future or commitment, he might look like he’s fine with that but then he might pull away.
Especially, if you were trying to pressure him and upgrade your relationship then he might suddenly become distant.
In this situation, even if you ask him he will be distant but say that’s nothing wrong.
You’ll hang out together but you’ll notice that something is off. He won’t talk anymore about the future and will try to be a bit more official.
◾Reminder: If you pressured him then it’s your turn to change things a bit.
Ask him for forgiveness and try to talk about what caused you to act like it.
9. He might have taken you for granted
Your boyfriend is acting distant because he took you for granted.
Once he was done with getting your attention and chasing you, now he thinks that he doesn’t need to invest more.
Now, it might seem like he has lost interest or the spark but he just doesn’t feel the need to chase you or invest in you.
◾Reminder: Don’t let his behavior attack your self-confidence. I know that it’s hard to manage especially if you’ve been in a long-term with your boyfriend.
But try to invest in yourself more and set your boundaries too.
I have been in the same situation when my ex-boyfriend cheated on me.
Suddenly, my boyfriend said he loved me but was acting distant and started to become a bit more aggressive.
Everything that I said seemed like an accusation even if it was a mere sentence.
He acted like that because he was feeling guilty for what he did.
I didn’t find it out until my friends told me and he was constantly trying to blame me for making the relationship fail.
◾Reminder: Try to read the signs earlier and check whether he’s cheating on you or not. Even if you don’t have proof, try to have a conversation with him.
11. You might feel anxious and overthink it
If you constantly overthink your relationship and how he acts towards you then it might look like he is keeping his distance from you.
You might imagine even the worst scenarios because the anxiety impacts you to overthink every little thing related to him.
You might beat yourself up for every interaction that you have with him.
You might constantly ask yourself why did I say that or if he doesn’t love me anymore because you didn’t kiss him goodbye last night.
◾Reminder: If you notice these signs then I recommend you to talk with a therapist so you can work on your anxiety.
It will help you a lot to understand if he’s distant or if it’s all in your head.
How do you tell if your boyfriend is being distant from you?
You can tell that your boyfriend is being distant when he doesn’t communicate with you like before.
Also, according to the reason that he chose to be distant, he might act differently.
- He might be constantly cancelling plans and barely initiating one or he might be ill-tempered and might abuse you verbally or physically.
- He is not so enthusiastic when he is around you.
- He tries to belittle you and uses negative comments just to push you away.
- He ignores you and does not prioritize your relationship as much as he did before.
- He might do more activities on his own and still keep communicating with you to some extent.
Is it normal for a partner to be distant?
Yes, it’s very normal for a partner to be distant from time to time.
But what makes the difference and what matters the most is the reason he is initiating this.
In a healthy relationship, a partner distances himself a bit to just create space for attraction and healthy communication.
Yet, in this case, he’ll let you know that he needs some distance to recharge and still manages to talk normally with you.
On the other hand, if this is a toxic behavior then it’ll create heavy issues for your relationship.
He’ll just stop communicating with you and claim that there’s nothing wrong. He’ll let you hang on without certain answers.
My boyfriend is being distant. Do I address it or let him go whatever he’s going through?
The main thing to do is to address it and not act like nothing is happening because that would immediately turn into something bigger.
Communicating your and his needs is the key. Hence, you need to be careful and not pressure him to talk or express himself.
It’s important to give him space and time to feel whatever he’s going through.
If you feel disrespected and hurt in your relationship then try to talk with him.
1. Don’t blame yourself immediately.
If he becomes distant and cold don’t try to immediately blame yourself or take it personally.
Maybe it has to do with you to take a step back and reflect properly.
This isn’t about blaming him or you, it’s about finding a solution.
2. Have a conversation with him. Make it simple. You don’t need to make it look like an accusation or if you’re trying to end the relationship.
Just try to have a heart-to-heart talk with him.
- Ask him where he sees himself in this relationship.
- Does he want to change anything in this relationship or how does he feel?
3. Try to invest and focus on yourself and give him some space.
Whatever is going through him, pressure will make it worse.
Talk to him and show interest but don’t prioritize this problem. If you hurt him then it’s better to talk to him and ask for forgiveness.
Then just give him some space and time to reflect and heal.
The end: My boyfriend is acting distant!
Your boyfriend is acting distant because he might be slowly losing his feelings for you or needs some time to kindle the spark again.
Either way, he builds his walls up because for the moment he can’t connect with you emotionally or even physically.
It’s that wall or that dark aura that pushes you two in different directions.
I understand that it’s hard to deal with this type of rejection and confusion but don’t take this disconnecting personally or for granted.
Take a step back and try to remain calm. Focus on how his behavior is impacting you too!