If a guy pushes you away, it doesn’t always mean that he doesn’t or didn’t ever love you.
But, when a guy pushes you away it means that he either needs some space to reflect on the relationship or he has been faking his feelings.
To define his intentions, you should approach the situation calmly and try to be honest with him.
Here are 12 reasons why he is pushing you away:
1. He might be going through some past trauma
When one goes once through trauma, it scares him to develop new feelings or try again to love and be loved.
He might have had bad experiences before with his parents or his exes.
If he was neglected as a child or was in a relationship with a toxic ex, then he might be afraid to love and to be loved.
Thus, when he starts to experience it, this unusual feeling makes him take a step back.
Because he doesn’t know how to process it, he chooses the safest thing to do, go back to the old feeling of loneliness and lack of love.
2. He upgraded and thinks he’s better than you
If he is egocentric and had low-self confidence then he might push you away.
Especially, when it comes to the moment that he works hard to look and be better than you.
You’ll notice that his energy will shift from being lovely and giving you attention to bringing you down and not trying to be needy.
He might even become jealous of you out of nowhere and pushes you away by isolating himself.
A relationship coach can help you to save a relationship, by approaching this situation with wisdom and empathy!
3. He might think that you’re out of his league
Low self-esteem and outside factors are the main indicators for a man to push you away.
If a man has low self-esteem or others tend to push you away even if he loves you because he’s convinced you’re out of his league.
He thinks that he is not good enough for you and that you might end up leaving him at some point.
This is a result of paranoia and peer pressure because he finds a reason to get rid of this situation without facing his fears and doubts first.
A guy pushes you away when he gets slowly tired of pretending to love you.
Especially, if you were in a relationship with a guy who just got his heart broken.
If he got into a relationship with you without being healed, he wouldn’t be able to fully experience it.
He might even gaslight himself or you into thinking that everything is going okay.
But, you might notice that once he got all the energy from you to boost his ego, he will withdraw.
5. He wants to be in control of you
If he is a narcissist then he will use this as a mechanism to have a hold on your emotions
He wants to have power over you by trying to manipulate and play with your emotions.
A narcissistic boyfriend or date will push you away because he is afraid that he’ll lose his superiority.
If he has been showing you a lot of attention and love and suddenly he pushes you away then he does it to devalue you.
6. He might have found you incompatible
It’s nothing wrong if you change through a relationship and then find out that your values don’t fit.
There’s nothing wrong with it. But, the wrong part is not communicating his feelings.
Indeed, he might find it hard to tell you that this relationship is no longer functioning properly.
Thus, he chooses to push you away, hoping that you might soon lose interest.
7. You put a lot of pressure on him
The dating coach Chris Rackliffe says when you have an anxious attachment style, you spend the whole time spiraling.
One of the biggest mistakes that I made in my first relationship was trying to “control” every situation: how he feels about me and what he has to do.
I thought that I was having the situation under control and everything was going fine.
But, no. Everything happened because of my lack of experience in relationships and my anxious attachment.
He started to slowly communicate less and spend less time with me until he just cut contact totally with me.
8. You do things to despise him
You might have hurt him directly or indirectly and now he has pushed you away even if he said he loved you.
Basically, you must have disrespected him or made him feel bad about himself.
If he has asked you constantly to talk or change your behavior but you didn’t listen then he now pushes you away.
He finds no other solution but to create space so he can be safe and in peace.
9. He is not emotionally stable
Some people when they’re emotionally unstable, they tend to isolate themselves.
A guy that might deal with bipolar disorder or someone who deals with depression, feels like he has nothing interesting to contribute to the relationship.
Maybe you have tried to be understanding and put yourself in his shoes too but he has isolated himself more and more.
You might have done nothing wrong, but he tries hard to find the inner peace that’s why he suddenly and from time to time needs to be alone.
He might notice that he doesn’t have strong feelings for you and might slowly gaslight you.
He might try to convince you that he needs to take it slow or that he just isn’t the romantic type.
He might even act like you’re putting pressure on him and now he might be confused or maybe his ego doesn’t let him let you go or be honest.
Thus, in this situation, it’s better to confront him and set your boundaries without accusing him.
If he hasn’t had a purpose from the beginning to join this relationship, he will become confused later on.
This confusion will be translated into a rage, isolation, and mixed signals.
The life coach Jay Shetty claims that there are three types of personalities in a relationship:
- The fixer;
- The supporter;
- The fragile one;
So, if you were always trying to fix the relationship and he gives you mixed signals, he doesn’t know if he wants to be in a relationship or not.
12. He is afraid that you will stop loving him
Guys push you away even if they love you because they might have difficulties loving themselves.
If he is struggling with self-love, he will build a wall and kind of play hot and cold just to reassure himself that you still have feelings for him.
This depends n his personality, and how he chooses to manifest and express his feelings and struggles.
On the other hand, if he is a fearful-avoidant, he will push you away because he doesn’t want to experience all that intimacy.
If you deal with the same situation, choose kindness and compassion. Give him some time to deal with these feelings. Don’t be afraid to ask questions too.
What to do when he pushes you away?
When he pushes away the first thing that you should do is not panic.
I know that is hard to do especially when you have been in a long-term relationship and suddenly you find yourself dealing with this problem.
~Don’t pressure him or yourself to do better. Just give him the time and space that he needs to deal with these types of issues.
You can continue to talk to him or be with him but just text him or call him at least once away just to check up on him.
~But, if you’re the one who hurt him then reflect on your behavior and don’t hesitate to apologize.
If you ignore how he feels and you continue to hurt him or do not accept your mistakes, he will only pull away.
What keeps a healthy relationship going is reflecting on mistakes and communicating each other’s feelings and needs.
~Indeed, chasing a guy who pushes you away might give him the ick or boost his confidence and he will continue to ignore you.
But, it doesn’t mean that you have to never talk to him. It’s important to work on yourself too and create a strong and independent version of yourself.
Slowly, he will be more curious to know why you’re not chasing him and what he’s missing.
~If the problem gets bigger and he cuts contact with you try to talk with a therapist or a counselor.
Because this time can be quite confusing. You don’t know how he is feeling or what is he thinking at the moment.
A good therapist will help you to reflect mostly on yourself and not manipulate the feelings of others or him to get him back to you!
In the end: Why does he push me away?
He pushes you away due to low self-esteem or lack of strong feelings.
But, not only internal feelings can be factors that help him to push you away.
Also, elements such as peer pressure and different life goals might impact him to create a wall between you too.
Yet, it’s important to not choose an accusation right away and don’t cut contact with him immediately.
Give him time and try to understand the reason.