Why would a guy suddenly stop texting you?
Sleepless nights, some crying every now and then, and finally: self-blaming. He stopped texting you.
When he stops texting you, you’re left questioning every word you said, everything you did the past month or so, just so you can get some sort of explanation or reason for his leaving with no warning.
There are different reasons why a guy suddenly stops texting, but it is mostly a sign of immaturity, a sign of lack of emotional intelligence, and empathy.
He stopped texting you for a reason, the only direct way of knowing why is by him telling you.
Don’t reflect on the situation in a way that hurts you or makes you feel less valuable!
Reflect on the situation in a way that helps you improve your self-valuing and your ways of understanding your self-worth.
Let’s tackle the mess together!
Did he just stop texting you out of nowhere? Here are 5 reasons he stopped texting you:
1. Fear of commitment/fear of pain
(especially if engaging with you triggers those emotions that remind him of a past failed relationship).
When a guy stops texting you it is likely to be related to fear due to his past relationships.
This is likely him reflecting or projecting his fears into the relationship with you, it is not your fault, as this is something he’s dealing with personally.
He could be seeing the potential for you two to commit to one another, but he might not be ready (or he fears he’s not ready) for that.
He doesn’t know how to tell you, hence he chooses the ‘easy’ way out: not texting back.
The other option of fear could be his fear of pain – this, especially if engaging with you triggers emotions that remind him of a past, failed relationship.
It’s more on his perception of your words and actions, a perception that is based on former experiences.
In this situation, it could be bitter experiences that led him to feel pain: He could be fearful that those exact things happen in other relationships.
2. It is his way of getting control in the relationship: he’s giving you the silent treatment
When a guy stops texting you, it often means that he’s looking for control within the connection.
He wants to be the person who decides when or how things in the relationship flow.
It’s just like those arguments in which we’re feeling like we’re lacking a more powerful comeback and the only way to take ‘control’ or ‘power’ over the situation seems to be withdrawing.
This is a passive-aggressive way of taking control of the relationship. And it is not healthy, not even a single bit.
In this case, there’s no argument.
He suddenly stopped texting because he wants to hold power in this relationship/connection.
He’s wanting you to go after him, he’s demanding to be superior, so he stops messaging you to get you running after him.
3. He’s not into you, or he’s not ready for a deep connection
A common reason why he is not texting you can also be his lack of interest in you.
He used to text you every day but now stopped. It can be that the sense of the realness of the relationship kicked in and now he’s scared, or he’s just not into you anymore.
The latter is a hard pill to swallow, but unfortunately, it’s very likely as a scenario.
He doesn’t think that you two can have a future together.
On the other hand, he might also see the potential but knows he’s not ready to deepen the connection with you.
He stopped texting you, he chose the easy way out because he doesn’t want to hurt you by being straightforward.
To put it simply, he’s not interested in a relationship with you, or he’s not ready or capable of one and didn’t know how to tell you, so he just stopped texting you.
Keep in mind that this does absolutely not mean that you’re not worthy of attention or a relationship.
He can’t define you as a person or you’re worth. His preferences don’t define you or your right to feel joy.
4. He’s not seeing you as a challenge any longer
If he’s into chasing, into games, and into tricks, he’s likely to seek a challenge. If he saw genuinity within you, he stopped contacting you.
On the other hand, we like things and people that keep us interested, but what we find exciting or not also depends on our current state (physical, emotional, physio-emotive, etc).
We like things that intrigue us, that make us seek them.
In this case, for whatever reasons, he could be not feeling the ‘need for seeking’ or the challenging part of the relationship with you.
We can break this down into two points:
– He’s taking you for granted – “I got her!” He thinks that you will be there whenever he needs you to be there for him.
– He’s keeping you as one of his options. He thinks you’ll be there, so he goes around, thinking he can come back whenever he pleases.
If this is the case, you might have dodged a bullet!
5. He’s actually busy or dealing with something
When he suddenly stops texting it could also be because he’s actually busy with something that abruptly went into his life.
I do understand that sending one simple text takes seconds only, but I also do understand a busy life, or ways of dealing with difficulties.
He could be busy or dealing with something very overwhelming for a few days, and he might not want to project that onto you.
If the silence lasts more than a week, then being busy, or dealing with something might not be your man’s reason for suddenly stopping communicating.
Do not forget that all it takes is one text: “I’m sorry I’m going to be gone for a few days because of something I’m dealing with. I’ll get back to you whenever I’m ready to talk about it…”
That’s all it takes for your heart and mind to not feel troubled.
Should I text a guy who stopped texting me? 5 Texts you can send him when a guy suddenly stops texting!
Knowing why a guy suddenly stops texting can help you a bit more on your next move.
One of the ways of directly knowing why he stopped texting you all of a sudden is by asking him directly.
Sure, but how to ask a guy why he stopped texting?
It is absolutely okay and human to feel the need for closure, especially if you felt the connection, or if you had an emotionally deep relationship.
You can be high-value and text him by making your boundaries clear when you send him the text.
Here’s what to text him if he suddenly stopped texting you:
1. “Hey [name], I’d rather not be guessing about your reasons for not texting me for such a long time, hence I’m asking for an honest answer from you.”
If the reason he decided to ghost you is “she won’t be able to understand”, or “I’m scared/afraid”, this will give him the freedom and that push he needs to let you know the reason.
2. “Hey [name], it’s been great to be spending time with you. Considering your way of communicating recently, I decided to end it here. Thank you very much for the time you shared with me. I wish you the best!”
Send this text only if you’re ready to actually end things with him – Only if you mean it.
3. “Would you take the effort to tell me why you stopped communicating with me? I am not going to get defensive, nor am I going to get upset. I just need the truth so I can reflect on myself.”
This is a genuine text, a polite way of asking for an explanation. If he cares enough, he will put effort into giving you an explanation.
4. “Hey there! It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you. Is everything ok?”
This text is likely to help you both make the first step to an honest conversation if there have been issues. If he doesn’t reply but reads your text, he’s likely to be playing games.
5. “I’ve had a good time getting to know you, but this way of communicating is not something I’m okay with. If there’s something I can do to help you, I’d be happy to. However, I can’t wait for a reply from you any longer, I’m sorry.”
This is a way of telling him about where your boundaries are. It’ll ring a bell in his head by letting him know you won’t be sticking around for long if he keeps doing this.
If he doesn’t reply to your text, please let it be the last one you sent. Move on, and start the healing.
How Long Has It Been Since He Stopped Texting? – If it Has Been…
Whatever you’re going through, it makes you ask for peace of mind to ask a phone, or a computer “What does it mean when he stops texting?”.
The answer to that also depends on how long it has been since he stopped texting. If it has been:
– It’s not as concerning when a guy doesn’t text you for hours.
This may happen at the beginning of a relationship, but whatever the case for you is, understand that communication builds through time.
It is okay for him (and you) to take the time needed to text/text back. You’re not obligated to be constantly texting, as communication comes naturally.
Plus, you’ve got separate lives, and you do have other things to do besides texting one another.
– When a guy stops texting you for weeks it’s something other than a busy period.
If you’ve been texting regularly and he stopped texting you all of a sudden and the silence lasts for weeks, there is for sure something going on.
When a guy stops texting you for weeks, he could be wanting control and power, he could be finding a way out instead of telling you he’s not interested, or he could just be playing games with you.
– If it’s been months since he stopped texting, you’ve got to move on.
For ‘small reasons’ it takes less time for him to get back to you. However, the bigger the deal, the longer it takes for him to reach back at you if he ever plans to.
Texting takes only a few seconds, whatever his reason (except if he died, is in a coma, got paralyzed, his memory got erased, or any other reason that would make him incapable of texting), he could find a few seconds to text you.
If it took him so long, we’re talking months here, it is not worth waiting any longer, because clearly, he made his choice.
He texted me every day then stopped: He didn’t return…
If he stopped texting you first for a short while, it could mean that he’s wanting you to text him first sometimes.
Though when he stops replying and simply vanishes all of a sudden, that’s when things get a bit more concerning…
A study made by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in 2018 showed that out of 1,300 people, around a quarter of them, have been ghosted in past relationships.
Yet another study made in the same year by Bank My Cell on 1,521 people, showed that 29% of women and 20% of men have been ghosted. Now, the surprise? 82% of the women and 71% of the men in the study are ghosts.
We can surely say that if such a study were to be made today, in 2022, the numbers would be much higher.
Ghosting can, in fact, be considered a form of abandonment.
Since we humans are social beings (i.e we’re constantly in need of one another’s contact), ghosting is also a form of social rejection. And boy, we don’t take it well!
It is our basic need – communication, and connection.
If he decided that he won’t return for whatever reason, here’s what you can do about it:
1. Accept that he left.
Take your time, and accept whatever emotion you’re going through.
Your body, mind, and psyche respond naturally to the situation.
Do not force, nor suppress anything. Give yourself time to accept whatever and however happened. Talk to your therapist about it if needed.
Accept that you will move on, and you will think of this as just a memory of something you went through that made you stronger.
2. Let go.
Accept whatever happened and let yourself be open to new experiences. Open your mind, and don’t let it affect your future decisions or actions.
At the end of the day, it is better that he did this. If he’s not capable of explaining to someone he feels a connection with, it is better that he left. You dodged a bullet here!
Once again, it is a sign of a lack of emotional intelligence, empathy, and a sign of immaturity.
He did not respect you, your feelings, or your effort.
This experience doesn’t take away any of your values, on the contrary, it makes you stronger, and gives you the opportunity of learning to let go.
Let go, and set yourself free. You’ve got this, truly!
He Stopped Texting Me – Questions You Asked
1. “I forgot my brand new purse at his house. Now he ghosted me, how do I handle this? How do I get back my precious LV?”
You need to send him this: “I need my purse this Friday at 13:00! Let’s set a place where you can leave it so I can pick it up.”
Or this: “I left my purse at your place, and I need it this Friday before noon. If you can’t mail it to me, we can set a place, you leave the purse there, and I go pick it up. It is urgent!”
You can send a thank you at the end if you feel like it. Good luck!
2. “He stops texting me from time to time. There are times he vanishes for 3 weeks or more. What does it mean?”
This could be one of the signs through text that he’s not interested. However, we cannot know exactly what it means unless you ask him personally.
A few common assumptions about this situation could be:
- He needs his time on his own and he takes it.
- He comes and goes, just to make sure you’re there as an option.
- He likes playing games with you by breadcrumbing you.
3. “We are in a relationship, it’s been more than 2 weeks that I haven’t heard from him. What should I do?”
You can wait for a few more days, and/or simply send him something like this:
“I’m grateful to have known you. Your lack of communication is something that’s bothering me, and because of self-respect, I decided to end it here. Thank you for everything, I wish you the best!”
Whatever his reason is, when he sees this text, if he cares, he will put effort and take his time to reply/explain to you. On the other hand, if he doesn’t, just let go.
Note: do not send the text if you don’t feel ready to end things.
4. “He used to text me every day – He stopped texting me every day. What does that mean?”
If he stopped texting you every day, he might not feel the need to contact you every day, he might be waiting for you to initiate sometimes, or he’s not interested.
As long as his texting is consistent, you’re good. However, if you feel like it is bothering you, try to explain it to him. It is a healthy way of finding the answer to your question.
5. “Why do guys stop texting, and then start texting again?”
Guys might text and stop texting for various reasons, some of which”
- Having issues with a fear of some sort.
- He wants to be the one to take ‘control’ over the relationship (as in, I decide when I leave).
- He might not feel a connection with you.
- He’s taking you for granted and is keeping you as one of his options.
- He’s actually busy. Dealing with something that takes time.
6. “It’s been 5 months since we’ve been texting. Why did he stop now?”
5 months is a relatively long time, and if he doesn’t return soon I’d suggest you move on.
It is possible that he either wants a connection with you and isn’t capable/is afraid of one, or kept you as an option.
Give yourself time, and take care of yourself. Try to avoid overthinking assumptions.
We have been comminicating (long distance) online for 2 and a half years. Because of Covid, we’ve only met very recently & had a really lovely, 6-hour first date. We both said how comfortable we felt together & that we should do it again.
Since the date, we continued texting & sending voice messages to each other – he wished he could have spent longer on our date & that he wished he was here when I sent him a photo of the view from the restaurant I went to the next day. We also had a 3-hour telephone call which he afterwards said he really enjoyed & valued. Then he said (by text) about meeting again but that he couldn’t commit to specific dates yet & recently he suggested having another phone call to answer some questions I just needed clarity on & to explain why he couldn’t plan to meet again just yet. I said I’d like that & was happy to hear what he has to say.
I carried on as normal texting about the holiday I was on & saying I wish he was there to enjoy some time together in the beautiful place where I was.
Now he has stopped texting out of the blue. The last time was just over 2 weeks ago.
He was recently busy moving house (literally around the time he stopped replying) & he started a new job 2 months ago.
I know you mention in your article not to have expectations but I think, because we have been messaging each other for so long, that I am allowed to expect better treatment from him.
Anyway, I stopped texting him about 10 days ago because he was being totally unresponsive but it is his birthday next week so I have sent a small parcel as I had already bought some things before he went quiet. I shall see if that prompts contact from him.
I am clear, patient & kind with him & I know we have something special so I really want to understand why he’s not even taking the time to message at the end of the day to say, ‘another busy day so not adequate time to message properly but night, night & I’ll phone you soon like I said to catch up. Sorry.’
Surely 2 and a half years is worth that bare minimum.
I’d love to know what you think about my scenario.
Big thank you for reading. :))
You absolutely are allowed to expect better treatment from him, however, you also are absolutely allowed to move on if you don’t get treated the way you deserve to be treated.
If he went MIA and isn’t responding at all, I’d suggest you stop texting him until he decides to come back. Texting him continuously might agitate the situation, and could be often seen as impatience or even disrespect to his need for space.
On the other hand, two and a half years of a connection is no short time. Now, surely you do have that in mind, hence your concern to keep trying. But he’s got to have consideration over this as well, just like you have.
You can’t know for sure the reason for his disappearance without a warning, and you can’t force him to give you an answer or to respond to your texts… What you can do is take good care of yourself and not let this affect the way you perceive yourself and value.
You did the right thing, and you did what you felt needed to be done. Now it’s time to let him have the space he needs. If he isn’t responding at all, stop texting him until he feels ready to get back to you. Don’t forget yourself and your well-being. Take care of yourself as much as you can.
A note to take with you: You deserve to be treated well and respectfully.