Sleepless nights, some crying now and then, and finally: self-blaming. He stopped texting.
You’re left questioning every word you said, everything you did the past month or so, just so you can get some sort of explanation or reason for his leaving with no warning.
There are different reasons why a guy suddenly stops texting, but it is mostly a sign of immaturity, a sign of lack of emotional intelligence and empathy.
He stopped texting you for a reason. There are 5 common reasons why guys stop texting you.
In such situations, there is a lot of potentials for you to blame yourself.
Don’t reflect on the situation in a way that hurts you or makes you feel less valuable!
Reflect on the situation in a way that helps you improve your self-valuing and your ways of understanding your self-worth.
Let’s tackle the mess together!
Why did he stop texting me? 5 reasons he stopped texting you:
1. Fear of commitment/fear of pain
(especially if engaging with you triggers those emotions that remind him of a past failed relationship).
Understand that this is him reflecting or projecting his fears into the relationship with you, it is not your fault, as this is something he’s dealing with personally.
He could be seeing the potential for you two to commit to one another, he might not be ready (or he fears he’s not ready) for that.
He doesn’t know how to tell you, hence he chooses the ‘easy’ way out: not texting back.
The other option of fear could be his fear of pain – this, especially if engaging with you triggers emotions that remind him of a past, failed relationship.
It’s more on his perception of your words and actions, a perception that is based on former experiences.
In this situation, it could be bitter experiences that led him to feel pain: He could be fearful that those exact things happen with other relationships.
2. It is his way of ‘getting the control’ in the relationship: he’s giving you the silent treatment
He wants to be the person who decides when or how things in the relationship flow.
It’s just like those arguments in which we’re feeling like we’re lacking a more powerful comeback and the only way to take ‘control’ or ‘power’ over the situation seems to be withdrawing.
This is a passive-aggressive way of taking control of the relationship. And it is not healthy, not even a single bit.
In this case, there’s no argument.
He suddenly stopped texting because he wants to hold power in this relationship/connection.
He’s wanting you to go after him, he’s demanding to be superior.
3. He’s not into you, or he’s not ready for a deep connection
He doesn’t think that you two can have a future together.
He might see the potential but knows he’s not ready to deepen the connection with you.
He stopped texting you, he chose the easy way out because he doesn’t want to hurt you by being straightforward.
To put it simply, he’s not interested in a relationship with you, or he’s not ready or capable of one and didn’t know how to tell you, so he just stopped texting you.
Keep in mind that this does not mean that you’re not worthy of attention or a relationship.
4. He’s not seeing you as a challenge any longer
I’ve been seeing things like: “men love challenges”, well I’d say humans love challenges.
We like things/people that keep us interested, but what we find interesting or not also depends on our current state (physical, emotional, physio-emotive, etc).
In a few words, we like things that intrigue us, that make us seek them.
In this case, for whatever reasons, he could be not feeling the ‘need for seeking’ or the challenging part in the relationship with you.
We can break this down into two points:
– He’s taking you for granted – “I got her!”
He thinks that you will be there whenever he needs you to be there (for whatever thing he could be needing you).
– He’s keeping you as one of his options.
He thinks you’ll be there, so he goes around, thinking he can come back whenever he pleases.
He might come back from time to time. Go and get back to make sure you’re still there.
5. He’s busy or dealing with something
I do understand that sending one simple text takes seconds only, but I also do understand a busy life, or ways of dealing with difficulties.
He could be busy or dealing with something very overwhelming for a few days, and he might not want to project that onto you.
If the silence lasts more than a week, this[being busy, dealing with something] might not be your man’s reason.
Do not forget that all it takes is one text: “I’m sorry I’m going to be gone for a few days because of something I’m dealing with. I’ll get back to you whenever I’m ready to talk about it…”, that’s it.
That’s all it takes for your heart and mind to not feel troubled.
He Stopped Texting Me – What to do, and what not to do?
You can’t help but think of reasons why he would do it. This guy stopped texting you out of nowhere, “but, he was so into me, then just stopped”
You now feel like you’ve got to do something about it. Well, there are things you can do about this.
Here are things to do, and not to do when he suddenly stops texting:
1. Don’t text him – Especially not asking him to answer back.
However long it has been, he’s taking his time for whatever reason, let him.
Stay high value when he pulls away, especially if he chooses such unhealthy ways to do it.
Texting him might worsen the situation, although it depends on the content of the text you send.
Considering that I’ve known a lot of women in this situation, and I was in such a situation, I am very well aware of the incredibly strong yet stupid urges to text him things like “For the third time, is everything okay?”, or “Did I do something wrong?”.
Resist, woman! Resist such ugly (yet very human) urges.
2. Keep your expectations low & don’t imagine things.
When he suddenly stops texting you start imagining and creating these expectations of the situation.
Here’s the scenario made simple: You expect and imagine him apologizing to you, letting you know how sorry he is.
You imagine his phone is broken or lost and he’s going crazy to find ways to text you.
Or you expect to see him sitting in the front of your door and his eyes glowing when he sees you, so he could finally say: “My phone got stolen, and I thought I lost you forever-”
This didn’t happen to me, nor hundreds of other women found in a similar situation as you. The scenario continues:
None of the things you expect or imagine happen, so you’re left checking your phone constantly, or looking carefully when coming back from work because you might see him.
You end up disappointed, and heartbroken.
Do not expect, nor imagine. Let him do whatever he has to do, while you mind your own business and wellness.
3. Don’t blame yourself, instead reflect on the situation and get a lesson from it.
From whichever angle you look at the situation, you’ll end up with one conclusion: It is something he’s dealing with personally.
Whether it is an opinion of his about you and your connection, his fear, or him being busy, it ends up at his place: at himself.
Whatever the case and the situation, do not let it affect your definition of your personality.
There’s no chance for such a situation to define a grown-up human being.
I see it as a reminder to rethink self-appreciation, you don’t appreciate yourself enough if you notice yourself questioning your values just because a guy didn’t text you for days.
I see and feel you. Take your time and space, redefine your boundaries and determine how you want them to be respected by others. You’ve got this!
4. If you think you must text him: 5 Texts you can send him when a guy suddenly stops texting
It is okay and human to feel the need for closure, especially if you felt the connection, or if you had an emotionally deep relationship.
Here are some texts that might just make him text you back and let you know his reasons for doing what he did:
- “Hey [name], I’d rather not be guessing about your reasons for not texting me for such a long time, hence I’m asking for an honest answer from you. I promise I won’t get upset, nor be judgemental towards your answer.”
If the reason he decided to ghost you is “she won’t be able to understand”, or “I’m scared/afraid”, this will give him the freedom and that push he needs to let you know the reason.
- “Hey [name], it’s been great to be spending time with you. Considering your way of communicating recently, I decided to end it here. Thank you very much for the time you shared with me. I wish you the best!”
Send this text only if you’re ready to end things with him – Only if you mean it. If he’s that interested in you and has been busy, he will make an effort and will try to give you an explanation.
- “Would you take the effort to tell me why you stopped communicating with me? I am not going to get defensive, nor am I going to get upset. I just need the truth so I can reflect on myself.”
This is a genuine text, a polite way of asking for an explanation. If he cares enough, he will put effort into giving you an explanation.
Note: If he doesn’t reply to your text, please let it be the last one you sent. Move on, and start the healing.
5. Don’t go back
Unless his reason is genuine and you completely believe him, for god’s sake don’t go back when he returns with a lame excuse for his disappearance.
You care enough for him to find the time to answer, to explain when you’re unable to text with him when you’re busy;
You even go crazy when you can’t find time and something happens and stops you from texting him and letting him know in a matter of hours.
I’m not saying to expect the same from him (as I said before, no expectations), but at least have your boundaries of how much of behavior you can tolerate.
It is a form of self-respect to make decisions when your boundaries are not respected.
Think it through, and ask yourself: Is it worth it?
Does He Love Me? Yes or No? – The Unquestionable Signs He Loves You
How Long Has It Been Since He Stopped Texting? – If it Has Been…
Whatever you’re going through, it made you ask for peace of mind to ask a phone, or a computer “What does it mean when he stops texting?”.
The answer to that also depends on how long it has been since he stopped texting. If it has been:
– If it’s been hours since he stopped texting
This may happen at the beginning of a relationship, but whatever the case for you is, understand that communication builds through time.
It is okay for him (and you) to take the time needed to text/text back. You’re not obligated to be constantly texting, as communication comes naturally.
Plus, you’ve got separate lives, and you do have other things to do besides texting one another, right?
– If it’s been days/weeks since he stopped texting
If you’ve been texting regularly (whether it was daily, or weekly) and he stopped texting you all of a sudden, there is for sure something going on.
When a guy stops texting you for weeks, he could be wanting control and power, he could be finding a way out instead of telling you he’s not interested, or he could just be playing you.
– If it’s been months since he stopped texting
For ‘small reasons’ it takes less time for him to get back to you. However, the bigger the deal, the longer it takes for him to reach back at you if he ever plans to.
Texting takes only a few seconds, whatever his reason is (except if he died, is in a coma, got paralyzed, his memory got erased, or any other reason that would make him incapable of texting), he could find a few seconds to text you.
If it took him so long (in this case, months) it is not worth waiting any longer he made his choice.
He texted me every day then stopped: He didn’t return…
A study made by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in 2018 showed that out of 1,300 people, around a quarter (note: around) of them, have been ghosted in past relationships.
Yet another study made in the same year by Bank My Cell on 1,521 people, showed that 29% of women and 20% of men have been ghosted. Now, the surprise? 82% of the women and 71% of men in the study are ghosts.
We can surely say that if such a study was to be made today, in 2021, the numbers would be a lot higher.
Ghosting can be considered a form of abandonment. Since we humans are social beings (i.e we’re constantly in need of one another’s constant), ghosting is also a form of social rejection. And boy, we don’t take it well. It is our basic need – communication, connection.
Now if he decided that he won’t return for whatever reason, here’s what you can do about it:
1. Accept that he left.
Take your time, and accept whatever emotion that you’re going through. It is your body, mind, and psyche responding naturally to the situation. Do not force, nor suppress anything. Give yourself time to accept whatever and however happened.
Also accept that you will move on, and you will think of this as just a memory of something you went through and made you stronger.
2. Let go.
I’ll let you know something out of my own experience as a ghostee. I developed this sort of fear; I’d think that eventually whenever I’d meet someone new, they too would just leave with no explanation and I’d be left wounded. That was until I let go of it.
To whoever is reading this: This fear will not let you live the amazing experiences awaiting, it will be an obstacle when it comes to meeting amazing, caring, kind people.
Accept whatever happened, and let yourself be open to new experiences. Open your mind, and don’t let it affect your future decisions or actions.
At the end of the day, it is better that they did this. If they’re not capable of explaining to someone they feel a connection with, it is better that they left themselves. Once again, it is a sign of a lack of emotional intelligence, empathy, and immaturity.
He did not respect you, your feelings, or your effort. It is something he’s dealing with himself. This experience doesn’t take away any of your values, on the contrary, it makes you stronger, and gives you the opportunity of learning to let go.
Let go, set yourself free.
A study made by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in 2018 showed that out of 1,300 people, around a quarter (note: around) of them, have been ghosted in past relationships.
Yet another study made in the same year by Bank My Cell on 1,521 people, showed that 29% of women and 20% of men have been ghosted. Now, the surprise? 82% of the women and 71% of men in the study are ghosts.
We can surely say that if such a study was to be made today, in 2022, the numbers would be a lot higher.
Ghosting can be considered a form of abandonment.
Since we humans are social beings (i.e we’re constantly in need of one another’s contact), ghosting is also a form of social rejection. And boy, we don’t take it well.
It is our basic need – communication, connection.
Now if he decided that he won’t return for whatever reason, here’s what you can do about it:
1. Accept that he left.
Take your time, and accept whatever emotion that you’re going through.
It is your body, mind, and psyche responding naturally to the situation.
Do not force, nor suppress anything. Give yourself time to accept whatever and however happened.
Accept that you will move on, and you will think of this as just a memory of something you went through and made you stronger.
2. Let go.
Accept whatever happened, and let yourself be open to new experiences. Open your mind, and don’t let it affect your future decisions or actions.
At the end of the day, it is better that he did this. If he’s not capable of explaining to someone he feels a connection with, it is better that he left.
Once again, it is a sign of lack of emotional intelligence, empathy, and a sign of immaturity.
He did not respect you, your feelings, or your effort. It is something he’s dealing with himself.
This experience doesn’t take away any of your values, on the contrary, it makes you stronger, and gives you the opportunity of learning to let go.
Let go, set yourself free.
He Stopped Texting Me – Questions You Asked
1. “I forgot my brand new purse at his house. Now he ghosted me, how do I handle this? How do I get back my precious LV?”
Ok, hopefully, Louis is safe wherever he is. You send him this: “I need my purse this Friday at 13:00! Let’s set a place where you can leave it so I can pick it up.”
Or you can send him this: “I left my purse at your place, and I need it this Friday before noon. If you can’t mail it to me, we can set a place, you leave the purse there, and I go pick it up. It is urgent!”
You can send a thank you at the end if you feel like it. Good luck!!
2. “He stops texting me from time to time. There are times he vanishes for 3 weeks or more. What does it mean?”
Okay, there are signs through text that he’s not interested. This could be one of those signs, however, we cannot know exactly what it means unless you ask him personally.
A few common assumptions about this situation could be:
- He needs his time on his own and he takes it.
- He’s busy dealing with something.
- He comes and goes, just to make sure you’re there as an option.
- He’s scared of something. Could be commitment, fear related to his past, etc.
You can have a discussion with him about this, it is a healthier way of solving things, rather than just making assumptions.
3. “We are in a relationship, it’s been more than 2 weeks that I haven’t heard from him. What should I do?”
You can wait for a few more days, and/or simply send him something like this:
“I’m grateful to have known you. Your lack of communication is something that’s bothering me, and because of self-respect, I decided to end it here. Thank you for everything, I wish you the best!”
Whatever his reason is, when he sees this text, if he cares, he will put effort and take his time to reply/explain to you.
On the other hand, if he doesn’t, just let go.
Note: do not send the text if you don’t feel ready to end things.
4. “He used to text me every day – He stopped texting me every day. What does that mean?”
Perhaps you’ve met, and it’s been a while since you’ve been dating. Now your communication is clearer when you meet in person. Hence he might not feel the need to contact you every day.
As long as his texting is consistent, you’re good. However, if you feel like it is bothering you, try to explain it to him. It is a healthy way of finding the answer to your question.
5. “Why do guys stop texting, and then start texting again?”
I mentioned them in the article, and one of the answers to the questions above.
I’ll sum them up once again:
1. Having issues with a fear of some sort.
2. He wants to be the one to take ‘control’ over the relationship (as in, I decide when I leave).
3. He might not feel the connection with you.
4. He’s taking you for granted and is keeping you as one of his options.
5. He’s busy. Dealing with something that takes time.
6. “It’s been 5 months since we’ve been texting. Why did he stop now?”
5 months is a relatively long time, and if he doesn’t return soon I’d suggest you move on.
It is possible that he’s either wanting a connection with you and isn’t capable/is afraid of one, or kept you as an option.
Give yourself time, and take care of yourself. Try to avoid overthinking the possible reasons.
Conclusion – Don’t Panic!
It makes you feel out of control, you have no idea if it is something you’ve done/said, or if something happened to him.
The most important and self-helping thing you can do is let go and leave it to him. It is something personal that’s going on with him.
If/when he solves it, he might come back or not. Until then, you take good care of yourself, by letting healthy thoughts come your way.
Take care,
Callisto
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