Coping with heartbreak after the breakup raises a lot of questions.
You’re still in denial, confused, or full of regrets. It’s quite understandable to find it hard to move on.
You still have hope and wonder why you haven’t heard from your ex since the breakup.
Usually, the reason that lies behind your ex’s silence is related to them but also you.
It all depends on your breakup and your relationship dynamics.
It might be that your ex needs some time to reflect or they find it hard to redeem after the breakup.
Add to this, the remorseful action of your ex.
We’re tackling this matter from both: the dumpee and dumper’s point of view.
To have a bigger picture of it, here are 11 reasons why your ex hasn’t tried to contact you:
1. Your ex is hurt by you
One of the main reasons that an ex hasn’t tried to contact you is because they’re dealing with their feelings.
Your ex can’t be resilient if they were hurt by your actions.
They need to go first through the stages of grief and refine themselves.
They need to take time to reflect and heal. Your ex can’t go immediately to the source that caused their pain.
Tip #1: During this time you should be patient. Take this time to reflect on your actions too.
If you think that you can make this relationship work then apologize.
Be the first to take action. In this conversation after the breakup, let your ex know that you’ve changed. Show it!
2. Your ex is mixed up
The dumper doesn’t get confused at the first stage of the breakup.
Whereas, the dumpee is confused and feels devastated immediately after the breakup.
During this time, the dumper enjoys a little of their free time.
Then, they might keep their dating option open, so they don’t try to reach out to you yet.
On the other hand, the dumpee is sorting their feelings: are they in love, hurt, or out of this love.
Tip #2:
For the dumper~ Give your ex time to work on themselves. Don’t call or text out of boredom, loneliness, or anxiety.
For the dumpee~ During this time focus more on your improvement. Don’t keep waiting and wasting time while focusing only on your ex.
3. Your ex feels ashamed for their actions
Another reason why your ex hasn’t tried to contact you is that they are feeling guilty.
The moment they doubt their decisions they don’t feel ready to reach out to you.
They’re hesitating to make the first move. Which means that they might be scared of your reaction and rejection.
Hence, they hesitate to reach out to you because they don’t want to hurt you more.
Tip #3: In this case, nothing is under the dumpee’s control. You need only focus on your improvement.
After some time, if you’re completely healed then you might give one last call.
4. Your ex cut you off from their life
When you part ways, using No Contact is always a possibility.
If your ex wants to heal or wants to forget you, then they don’t bother to reach out to you.
Especially, the dumpee needs the isolation phase to refind their purpose of life and reflect.
Often, they can delete your number or remove you from their social media.
They use this time alone to improve themselves but also to send a signal that you’ll know you messed it up.
Tip #4: You should focus more on reflecting on what your flaws were during the relationship. Reflect on what could be fixed and whatnot.
If you’re able to balance these then you can talk to your ex. Before doing it make sure to know your ex’s stance towards you.
5. Your ex doesn’t feel emotionally connected to you
How your ex reacts after the breakup depends on the circumstances in which you broke up and on your relationship.
For some, it might take 2-5 months to heal or more.
If the breakup was bad and your ex hasn’t reached out, there are two reasons.
They are either healing or aren’t interested in having a relationship with you.
If they have already disconnected with you emotionally too then your ex is ready to move on.
That all depends on how long they haven’t contacted you.
If it is longer than 5 months then your ex has probably moved on.
Tip #5: The moment your ex is detached from you even emotionally is your turn to work on yourself.
Try to spot what made your ex emotionally disconnected from you.
6. Your ex wants both of you to heal
Not contacting you in a week or two weeks after parting ways amicably isn’t something bad.
Your ex hasn’t contacted you in a week or two weeks because they want to use this time to heal and reflect.
Both of you have been making mistakes and avoiding working on the relationship.
To avoid hurting one another it’s better to take some time apart from each other.
In this case, they want what’s best for you and for themselves too.
They value you and respect you. That’s why your ex takes this time to work on themselves to make the relationship work.
Tip #6: Use this time wisely and don’t cling to your ex. If you do that then you’ll only push them away.
7. Your ex might be avoiding you
If you haven’t heard from your ex since the breakup then they might’ve been avoiding you.
It could be either that your ex hates or loves you.
If your ex still has feelings for you then being in touch with you will bring back the memories.
The memories will bring back mixed feelings.
Hence, the pain and the negative impact that your relationship had, make your ex avoid and not call you.
Tip #7: Don’t insist on contacting them first. If you initiated the breakup then you should give your ex time and space to heal.
8. Your ex is testing you
After experiencing a breakup, there is that type of person who wants to test your feelings.
If your ex still has feelings for you then they want to see what you would do to get them back.
This all depends on the character of your ex.
They would not reach you out because they now want you to chase them.
They don’t want to be the first to make things work or apologize.
Since it’s you who broke up with them, they want to be sure if they should restart the relationship.
Tip #8:
First, check out for signs that your ex is wanting you to chase them.
Second, don’t jump immediately into recreating the relationship. If you’re not completely healed and improved that will create other issues.
9. Your ex is afraid of commitment
Depending on the situation, an ex puts as much effort into your relationship as you do. Yet, sometimes they lack something that fails the relationship.
Being afraid to take responsibility in a relationship is one of the reasons why an ex won’t reach out.
It’s normal to worry and say: My ex has never contacted me again.
You might still have feelings and this might prevent you from healing.
This doesn’t mean your ex has stopped loving you. At this moment your ex is having inner issues that they need to solve.
They are not able to face reality and work on their flaws. That’s why they try to avoid it rather than contact you and fix the relationship.
Tip #9: Don’t push your ex to change. Commitment can be learned but not forced.
You should let yourself focus on your improvement this time!
10. Your ex doesn’t want to sound miserable
This is quite an ambivalent motive. Both the dumper and the dumpee will feel miserable if they reach out to one another first.
This can be an ongoing ‘game’ if one of you doesn’t break the pattern and take the first step.
The dumper won’t reach because of their ego, pride, or fear of hurting you or being rejected.
On the other hand, the dumpee won’t reach because of being afraid of being hurt.
If you were dumped, then you’ll be afraid that your ex would break your heart again.
Tip #10: First, try to move on from the breakup. Then, you should be open to listening and try to be listened to.
If you think that your relationship could work out then work in that direction.
11. Your ex isn’t able to forgive you
When you experience a breakup, after a few days or even weeks you’ll wonder why my ex has gone quiet. Will they call or contact me ever again?
When your ex doesn’t contact you and are quiet then they’re working on:
- Their anger, their feelings;
- Resentment;
- Pain;
- Guilt;
Your ex is still processing their feelings and trying to rebuild their confidence.
The negative feelings that evoke after the breakup lead your ex to have difficulties in forgiving you.
Tip #11: Know that forgiving after being dumped is quite hard.
You should take responsibility for your actions. Start small. Spot your mistakes and work on them.
When will my ex contact me?
Your ex will contact you the moment they feel ready or when they lack something. There is no in-between.
Hence, if you ask: will your ex ever contact you again? The answer is yes and no.
That all depends on the way you broke up and if your ex is willing to change things.
Here are a few situations when your ex will reach out:
~ Your ex will contact you when they’re able to forgive.
A dumpee will reach out to you when they are already past the breakup.
They either reach out to ask for closure if there wasn’t one.
On the other hand, they might want to have a final conversation that may either reconcile things or not.
~ When they feel lonely and bored.
This applies to both dumpers and the dumpees.
A dumpee reaches out right after the breakup when they feel lonely and crumbled.
Whereas, the dumper reaches out later on after the breakup. They contact you when the breakup hits them.
At the fourth stage of the breakup, or after 3 weeks, the dumper feels lonely.
This triggers your memories and they might text or call you.
Note: Be aware of breadcrumbing during this period. If you answer breadcrumbing then you’ll be even more confused and hurt.
~ When they have realized their mistakes and are willing to change.
That’s the moment when No Contact works. When you detach from them, then they’ll be able to feel your absence.
Your ex can reflect on their mistakes and also on your behavior.
If they’re still in love with you, they will try to find a middle way.
Until they realize it, depends on how things ended.
Don’t be afraid and ask if he or she will talk to you again.
They’ll talk to you sooner or later. Yet, take a close look at the reason that they’re contacting you again.
Should I wait for my ex to contact me first?
Whether you should text your ex first or wait depends on if you’re healed already or willing to change.
These two are the main reasons that matter before making this decision.
~If you’re already healed and think that your relationship can work, text your ex first.
You shouldn’t contact your ex (dumper) first if you aren’t over the breakup and if it’s a few weeks after the breakup.
This will make you seem needy and you won’t be ready to reflect properly.
It’s still early, that’s why you can’t define and sort your ex’s feelings or actions.
~Also, if you’re the dumper and want to contact them first in the first week after breaking up, don’t do it.
Give them some time to overcome their feelings.
If your ex hasn’t gone through the process of grief then they won’t know what they want or what they feel in reality.
They will still be stuck between fantasy and pain.
Instead of focusing on being the winner of the breakup or whether you should contact your ex first, focus on yourself.
Once you’re healed and you’ve reflected on your flaws, it doesn’t matter if you text first or not.
If you think that you’ve improved, don’t hesitate to contact your ex if you want to recover the relationship.
Additional articles to handle this situation:
- Nourish yourself first: How to heal from the breakup?
- Distance yourself and reflect: 30 days of No Contact
- Learn some tips and tricks to make your ex jealous: How to make your ex jealous
With the help of these articles, you can turn the situation around! Hang in there!
The end: Why hasn’t my ex reached out?
Your ex hasn’t reached out because they can’t find a reason to contact you or have been solving a battle within themselves.
In none of these cases doesn’t mean that your ex doesn’t love you anymore.
It means that they just grew apart because they neither could work on their feelings nor yours.
Meanwhile, instead of waiting for your ex to contact you, work on yourself.
When you’re nourished you can reflect differently. You’ll either move on forever or try to reconcile.
Never give up!
Warm hugs,
Callisto
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