Getting a text from your ex after the breakup will give you mixed vibes.
To know why an ex is texting you, you need to check how they craft their messages.
In particular, you need to check in detail if their messages convey something more than just a mere hello.
Most of the exes tend to breadcrumb you when it comes to texting you after the breakup.
When an ex keeps contacting you they either want to reengage or want to keep pushing your strings.
It’s quite distracting and it really bothers you especially when your ex has dumped you but keeps texting you.
If you want to know in which situation you belong, here are 12 reasons why your ex keeps texting you:
1. They need your attention
When an ex is an attention seeker then they will keep doing it even after the breakup.
At first, they will act like they are not interested in you and that they are having the best of their life.
In this situation, an ex wants to keep you engaged with them and keep you as a fan of him.
It doesn’t mean that when an ex wants you around them that they still have feelings for you.
They do it just to boost their ego and feel confident again.
Additionally, they might do it to spite you just by giving you glimpses of his life and to make you jealous.
2. They want to prevent you from dating others
If you were in a relationship with a controlling partner then they will text you just to keep you under their control.
They are nosey and quite curious about your life. This type of ex will always have trouble grieving and will be stuck in the past.
That’s why they want to control you, your future, and your happiness.
To know what to do exactly in this case you will need the extra help of a personal coach from Relationship Hero.
With their help, you can decipher their behavior and avoid falling into the trap of your ex.
The specialized coaches will create a specific plan for you to understand your situation.
In one-on-one sessions, you have the chance to discuss your feelings and how you should respond to their text.
Remember that every breakup is different and everyone is different. That’s why their help will give you the perfect solution.
3. They want to be just friends
When ex texts you suddenly or randomly that doesn’t always mean that they want to quench their sexual desires.
It all depends on the type of text that your ex sends you and how you broke up.
If you broke up on good terms then that means that they just want to know if you are doing well.
Other than this, they might just text you randomly on holidays or any other type of special occasion.
“Hey, Margot, Happy Birthday.”
“Jim, have a nice winter holiday.”
“Spencer, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.”
“Hope you are having a nice summer so far.”
All these texts are general and don’t include any specific feelings from your ex.
They see more you as a friend rather than a romantic person and that’s how they show their interest.
4. They can’t move on
An ex can come back for different reasons but one of them is because they can’t move on.
That means that they might still have feelings for you or they need your presence to function.
It all depends on your ex’s personality and how they were able to deal with the breakup.
When an ex is stuck in the past and can’t let the relationship go, they will text you randomly.
They will text you from time to time and give you uncertain and mixed vibes.
“Hey, Mary, miss you….”
“Anthony, I was just thinking about you.”
“Today is the 5th of January, remember it?”
All these texts have hidden messages to keep you reminiscing too hence their aim of contacting you is not clear.
5. You make yourself available to interact
After the breakup, you might have wondered multiple times why your ex still texts you?
Well, there are just two definite answers:
- They might still be in love with you and want to mend the relationship;
- They are bored or lonely and you are easy to catch up and chat with;
If after the breakup you didn’t make yourself distant from your ex then they would always consider you as an option.
They know that no matter what you will always be there for them. That’s why your ex will keep texting you randomly.
On the other hand, when they just want to rekindle the relationship, they will text randomly but will be persistent.
6. They probably feel sorry for what they have caused you
The dumper’s remorse will hit the dumper no matter what. Yes, they are some occasions when they don’t want to admit their mistakes or apologize.
That’s when an ex keeps texting you or texts you out of nowhere which means that they might feel guilty.
They might feel guilty for what they have done and they text you to make themselves feel better.
Until they give you a straightforward apology then that doesn’t mean that they want you back.
In this case, they send you uncertain texts such as:
“Hey, I am sorry…”
“I miss you, I am sorry about all of this.”
“Benn missing you lately a lot…”
They don’t give any explanation about how they are feeling or why they wrote that exact text.
They just don’t want to commit and they just want to string along.
7. They want to be friends with benefits
If he or she broke up with you and now texts you suddenly flirting, they just want to be friends with benefits.
In this case, their texts will be quite flirty and all sexual. They will send texts mostly during the night.
This is quite casual for partners who weren’t able to commit and just wanted the benefits of the relationship.
At the moment that they text you they might feel lonely and anxious after the breakup.
That’s why they need you to boost their ego and fulfill their needs without taking any responsibility.
Their texts will be something like:
“Hey Mel, you up?”
“I looked at the moon and it reminded me of you.”
“Missed you a lot. Been thinking about you being by my side.”
8. They couldn’t find someone better
An ex will jump into another relationship right after the breakup when they have slowly lost interest in you.
They thought they would live a better and happier life with someone else.
The moment they have issues and don’t find compatibility, they choose to text you.
Especially, when an ex is part of a rebound relationship, they will start to value you more.
“Quin, how have you been?”
“Henry….what’s going on?”
“Hi. Just wanted to check up on you.”
Their texts are confusing because it might look comforting but are still quite messy.
They won’t apologize immediately, they will only check if there is a second chance.
9. They realized that you are the one
Your ex keeps contacting you because they have concluded that you are the one for them.
Breaking up sometimes helps couples to reflect better on what was going on in the relationship.
That’s why if you use No Contact and then your ex texts you first, they started to appreciate you again.
“Hey, it’s been a long time since we talked, can we try again?”
“I thought you had no bars in your cellphone. Missed you.”
“I hope that we can start all over. Hi, my name is Jim. Nice to meet you.”
In this situation, their text messages are more specific than in other cases.
An ex includes more feelings and pursues you again.
10. They keep romanticizing the relationship
Everyone tends to romanticize a lost relationship after some time. They do it for different reasons.
- They might feel lonely;
- They couldn’t grieve properly;
- They just want something to hold on to;
Either way, in this situation, your ex is stuck in a loop and keeps texting you and coming back to you.
All their messages will be centered around reminiscing good old times.
“Just visited Venice again, remember that pinkish gelato that we had?”
“Talked to Janice today, she reminded me how we used to spent time in Chateau together.”
Your ex texts you even if you ignore him or her because your ex is hung up on good memories.
11. They just want to check up on you
Your ex would text you asking how are you just to show that they still care about you.
This doesn’t mean that they have still romantic feelings. It is just a friendly gesture that an ex would make.
Especially, if you ended up on good terms or have kids together. They just want to keep some type of balance.
Their texts will be straightforward and without any hidden meaning.
“Jules just wanted to check how are you today.”
“Hey, hope you are feeling better today.”
“It’s been a while since I went home, have you arrived yet?”
12. They just want to know what they did wrong
If you broke up with them and didn’t get closure, sometimes the dumpee reaches out to you to get some info.
Not everyone does this but there are some exes who can’t move without having a final talk.
It’s quite normal to ask for closure just to feel at ease with yourself.
If you were silent and just broke up without an explanation, here is what they will text:
“Hey Jim, how are you? Can we talk?”
“Hope you are doing good. I just wanted to have one final talk.”
“I have been caught in a misty fog since the breakup. Is there any explanation?”
Why did my ex text me then not reply?
An ex will text you and then not reply because they just want to check your reaction.
Especially, if your ex keeps texting you years later. It all depends on their intention of texting you.
~They might feel afraid of rejection and they just need some time to create another answer.
This isn’t always the case but depends on if your ex likes to take chances and feels comfortable continuing talking.
~Your answer might not be the one that they were looking for.
If your answers were short or dry or contrary to what they are looking for, they would not reply.
Maybe they were waiting for you to have a longer answer and to ask them more.
~If they don’t like confronting then this is what made them stop replying. They are not ready to hear and face the truth.
Either way, an ex that hurts you might text you as if nothing has happened.
The moment that you create your boundaries, they will not reply anymore.
~When your ex is a player then they will text and leave some time for you to chase them.
When your ex likes the attention and wants you to pursue them, they will just push your buttons.
~They want to keep you for security if another relationship doesn’t work. In this case, your ex just wants to keep you as a backup plan.
They just want to keep your strings attached and keep a slight communication with you.
What to say to an ex that keeps texting you?
Whether you should text back your ex or not depends on how you feel about your ex and how that benefits you.
If you were in a toxic relationship then it is better to not reply.
That’s because they just want to keep you under their control and take you back into that dark old place.
1. Take a step back and reflect on their text message. Don’t reply immediately.
I know that it is quite intriguing when an ex sends you a text but you should be distant at first.
I am not implying to ignore them or their message. I am just advising you to take some time to reflect on their message.
2. If they keep contacting you constantly and you don’t want to reply, block them or change your number.
In this situation, the best thing to do is to not let yourself interact with your ex in any form.
3. If they are politely asking you and apologizing then take some time to craft a text message.
If they are honest with you then you should transmit the same energy to them.
I am not implying oversharing but you can add some feelings too.
4. When your ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend keep texting you but you feel uncomfortable with their messages, don’t reply.
When an ex wants to be friends with benefits and you don’t just choose to not reply.
If you want to let them know then you can just tell them straightforwardly and draw your boundaries.
“Hey, I truly don’t feel like continuing like this. Wish you the best.”
What does it mean when an ex text you?
When ex texts you that means that either they want to stay friends, fulfill their needs, or they want to rekindle the relationship.
That all depends on what they text and how often they text you.
If your ex is persistent with their text and explains their behavior then they might want to be back.
Otherwise, if the texts are dry and without any meaning, they just need some attention and validation.
Keep focusing on yourself and be distant for some time. Avoid jumping to immediate conclusions without healing yourself first.
You can do it!