Online infidelity is widespread across the world. Though there’s one thing that stands out from the pattern: dating sites and apps are filled with taken men!
The research found that only on Tinder more than 42% of its users are either in a relationship or married.
Now that creates room for curiosity. Especially considering that most of these people in relationships or married that use dating sites are men.
Why do men go on dating sites while in a relationship?
Here are the 18 mind-blowing reasons why men in relationships go on dating sites!
1. Commitment issues.
People with commitment issues are likely to stray away when the relationship goes through rough patches.
If your partner is on dating sites, he’s probably there because he has commitment issues.
He’s likely to choose ‘the easy way out’ instead of communicating. Hence, he relies on dating apps to find ‘his peace’ once things get rough within the relationship.
In this case, using dating sites can be his way—no matter how immature—of dealing with tough situations in the relationship.
2. He’s looking for someone else.
It’s a hard pill to swallow and it’s a harsh truth to face, however, most men that are in relationships that go on dating sites are looking for someone else.
They’re willingly choosing to create a dating profile, it takes a few steps, so they do have plenty of opportunities to opt out of the act.
However, their intention is what makes them continue.
Be it a solely sexual connection, another romantic partner, or someone to flirt with. They’re out there looking for someone else other than their partner.
3. Curiosity to know what’s out there.
A lot of men have confessed on the internet on platforms such as Reddit, Quora, and the like that one of the main reasons why they use dating apps is curiosity.
It’s just some curiosity. He doesn’t intend to see any of the people shown on his feed, he’s simply curious to know what is out there in the single realm.
This tends to be the case in long-term relationships that lose the spark along the way. Making him more likely to wander and see the ‘options’ of single men.
Immaturity manifests itself quite a lot when it comes to dating and relationships.
An immature man tends to act upon his impulses and emotions right away. He’s not quite self-aware, nor does he think through his decisions.
It’s yet one of the most common reasons why a man in a relationship uses dating sites.
5. Sexual frustration.
A large number of married men tend to join dating sites due to their sexual frustration.
The sexual activity they desire to have doesn’t match the sexual activity they have in actuality, eventually, they become sexually frustrated.
He joins dating apps in an illusional hope that he’ll get under someone else’s sheets.
These are the same men that make sexual and inappropriate comments to women on social media.
Sexual frustration is also a root cause of many other problems in society, including sexual harassment, or even rape.
6. He doesn’t respect you and your boundaries.
If your boyfriend is on dating sites, he’s likely to be disrespectful to you, your boundaries, and your relationship.
Let’s not portray him as ‘innocent’. This is also a possibility, and it’s very likely to be the reason in most cases.
If he doesn’t consider your feelings and if he doesn’t have a deep sense of care for you and your needs, he’s likely to engage in disrespectful behavior.
Being on dating apps while in a relationship is disrespectful.
7. It’s his way of feeling powerful or in control of the relationship.
One of the least mentioned reasons why men in relationships join dating sites is the need for them to feel in control of the relationship.
This interrelates with his self-esteem and his insecurities.
A man in a relationship or marriage that chooses to go on dating sites is quite likely to feel powerless or inferior to you.
So, his next move, his solution to that, to gain power and control becomes serving himself with options that might not even give him a chance after all!
8. Insecurity and intimidation.
One of the main causes behind infidelity has been found by research to be insecurity and low self-esteem.
An insecure and intimidated man is likely to go beyond his ways to feed his ego, gain power, or feel somewhat that he’s one-upping you by joining dating sites.
Most men who are insecure or intimidated by their partner tend to behave in disrespectful manners to compensate for their feelings of insecurity about themselves.
9. Low relationship quality.
Married men tend to go on dating sites when they share a relationship of low quality with their partner.
Low relationship quality is also known as one of the main reasons behind infidelity.
Studies have shown that 77% of the people who engaged in infidelity reported doing so due to a low-quality relationship with their primary partner.
A lot of things make up a relationship’s quality including communication and happiness.
Poor communication causes them to stray away when problems occur, making them more likely to disrespect or cheat on their partner.
10. The illusion of variety that dating apps represent.
Dating apps are presented as these ‘deep seas full of fish’.
And a lot of people fall prey to the illusion that they’ll have variety in their disposition the moment they join dating apps or sites.
This is yet another one of the least mentioned reasons why married men or men in relationships join dating sites or apps.
11. He’s looking for ways to sabotage the relationship.
Unfortunately, some relationships are over before the partners involved conclude it is over.
He’s no longer interested in a relationship with his partner, however, he doesn’t want to communicate that to his partner.
The ‘easy solution’ crosses his mind, and he actively seeks ways to sabotage the relationship, one of them being joining dating sites.
12. The need for emotional or sexual exploration.
He might not be open to his partner about his preferences (sexual or emotional), yet he feels the need to explore himself more in this area.
This, however, does not justify his action. But it is one of the fairly uncommon and undiscussed reasons why men use dating apps while in a relationship.
He might be inexperienced and curiosity starts getting the best of him.
Instead of communicating this to his partner, he sees this as an ‘It’s not a big deal’ thing to do to feed his curiosity behind his partner’s back.
13. He relies on external sources for validation.
When a person relies on external sources to feel validated they’re likely to become addicted to it.
In this case, his definition of feeling validated is based on how other women interact with him.
He relies on such a ‘source’ so when he feels desperate to feel validated he’ll go back to that source and get what he’s desperate for.
14. You didn’t define your relationship yet.
He can like you, yet he can still online date. The reason? You haven’t defined your connection just yet.
Often, this is the norm when it comes to the very early stages of dating.
You’re both checking out ‘the market’ while still exploring a connection or more than one with other people.
That being said, if you haven’t discussed exclusivity yet, then it’s probably okay in his eyes to use dating sites because you’re not his partner yet.
15. The belief, idea, or illusion that he deserves better.
Your partner could be going on dating sites because he believes, or has the idea or illusion that he deserves better.
Relationships can go through rough patches and the partners involved may start struggling to see themselves as compatible with one another.
On the other hand, some people are just plainly arrogant, or even narcissistic.
If your partner is one or the other, this could just explain the reason why he’s on dating sites.
He might see himself as superior to you, and he just can’t shake off the idea that he deserves better than you.
Unresolved issues within a relationship lead to resentment.
Some men go to dating sites while in a relationship because their partner has done something wrong or hurtful to them.
This is their way of taking revenge and payback.
Anger, resentment, and other negative emotions tend to lead to irrational decisions.
One of them is joining dating sites for the sake of hurting your partner’s back!
17. He thinks you’re doing the same thing.
If he has convinced himself that you’re exploring other options as well, then he might just do it for the hell of it.
“She’s doing the same thing” could be a reason for a man in a relationship to join dating sites, or it could be his way of excusing his wrongful behavior.
This often happens due to a lack of communication, unresolved issues within the relationship, and a lack of openness between partners to understand each other.
18. He’s addicted to dating apps.
One more possible reason to consider when it comes to men in relationships using dating apps is addiction.
Believe it or not, dating apps are addictive. Research has shown that more than 85% of single people are addicted to dating apps.
Dating sites and apps are designed in such a way – getting addicted to them is very likely due to the hormones released in your brain when using them.
In this case, he might not use dating sites to find other people, go on dates with other people, or form a connection.
He’s likely to be using dating sites to just feed his addiction.
Is being on a dating site while in a relationship cheating?
Infidelity statistics have shown that 17% of the people in all dating apps use them to commit an affair or to engage in infidelity.
Although the intention partially defines the act, the act itself is also seen, in most cases, as cheating.
If someone in a relationship uses dating sites to simply look at profiles and not interact with the people it can be considered as not cheating.
However, anything outside those boundaries can be considered cheating.
There are various forms of cheating, emotional, sexual, cybernetic, etc.
It all depends on the frames you put to the definition of cheating.
But, generally, being on a dating site while in a relationship and engaging with people on the dating site is seen as cheating.
Trust plays a major role in a relationship, in a marriage, and in any connection be it romantic, familial, collegial, or platonic.
Breaking trust can cause immense problems and issues within a relationship, especially a romantic one.
His act may have broken your trust in him, and it can feel irreparable.
A talk with an expert can help you gain a clearer view of the path you want to take regarding your relationship with this man.
It depends on your boundaries, standards, and views on relationships and their ‘packages’. If you haven’t defined them yet, take this as a sign to start doing so!
Is using dating sites while in a relationship a forgivable act? Is forgiving him really a good idea?
If you both agreed to an exclusive relationship— it’s only you and him, no one else—then this violates one of the fundamental foundations of your relationship.
If he’s using dating sites secretly knowing that it would upset and make you feel sad, then it’s a symptom of major issues within your connection.
Here are some viewpoints you might want to consider
- Using dating sites while in a relationship could signal resentment, disrespect, deficiency in communication, and other underlying issues.
This, however, does not mean he didn’t have a choice.
- Keep in mind that creating a dating profile is not something that happens accidentally. He has to take some steps to create a dating profile.
- He kept it secretive from you because he knew this would cause trouble within the relationship, yet, he kept engaging with the sites.
These point to the ‘unforgivable’ route.
But, depending on your standards, boundaries, ethics, and moral views on relationships, using dating sites can either be an unforgivable or forgivable act.
However, generally, forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean staying in the relationship.
You can forgive him, choose to get out of the relationship, and move on with your life.
Or you can forgive him and choose to work things out together while still being in the relationship.
The most crucial thing in whichever decision you take is not forgetting yourself in the process.