When an ex suddenly comes back months later, a lot of confusion precedes his actions and intent.
Despite how your relationship ended, when he reaches back months later if you haven’t fully recovered, it might send you on a spiral.
A man might come back just because of that, to not let you fully enjoy life without him and disturb your happiness.
Nonetheless, questions about his intentions are countless in our heads. So you shouldn’t try to find the meaning of his motives any longer.
Be careful, here are 14 reasons men come back months later:
1. He was unsure of the progress of your relationship
A man comes back months later because he needed a break from the fast-paced development of your relationship
Thus, after breaking things off with you and having time to resolve his inner conflicts, he finally came back.
Additionally, he might have realized that he still loves you and regretted his decision to leave you. As a result, he came back months later.
Thus, you can have an honest and open conversation about your and his expectations.
Depending on the information you get and if it matches your expectations as well, you can come to a decision.
2. He is yet to move on
Your ex might come back after months because he still hasn’t moved on and might be looking for closure.
However, you should consider the situation of your break up too. If you were the dumper, it’s more normal for him to ask for closure.
Nevertheless, if you were the dumpee and things didn’t end on a good note, then he probably wants to make things right. Lessen his guilt.
If you want to allow him to apologize, it’s up to you. However, an apology might relieve some of the grudges you might have against him.
3. He might be looking for sex only
He might be feeling lonely and is looking for some temporary satisfaction with his needs, and who better than his ex?
When a man comes back after months, he might not be missing you but rather he’s missing the sex and physical intimacy he had with you.
Despite accepting or not his advances, you should make your boundaries clear to him. If you don’t want him back, let him know and block him on any potential platform.
If you want FWB, communicate effectively your needs, and expectations and set strict boundaries to protect yourself.
Some things you should discuss are:
- The expectations from this relationship
- How much you’re allowed to get involved in each other’s lives
- The level of commitment
- What counts as cheating
- If you’re allowed to sleep with other people.
4. He’s looking for a second chance
After breaking up, he grew up and realized that he is ready for a committed relationship, that’s why he came back after months.
He might have outgrown his playboy phase and now is looking forward to having a future with you.
Furthermore, the sudden epiphany of his feelings pushed him to come back months later in hopes to win you back.
You can see his sincere and honest feelings through his behavior and actions, such as:
- Showing consistency
- Keeping his promises
- Allows you time to process your feelings
- He isn’t aloof in his actions or words
5. He’s looking to reconnect with someone familiar
The feeling of loneliness after breaking things off is why he’s trying to reconnect with you after months.
So guys come back after months because they want to pursue someone who they’re already familiar with to avoid putting in too much work.
Additionally, don’t think just because you’re rejecting him, it makes you selfish and rude.
Rather, you have the right to say no when you know that the relationship will still be one-sided.
6. He has an ulterior motive: Revenge
Another reason why men come back after months is that they still can’t come to terms that you have already broken up.
Surely, we can’t predict what he wants to achieve (heartbreak, making you feel similar things…) but that doesn’t mean you should be careless.
Moreover, he might be trying to get revenge on someone else by using you. Although you’ve broken up, he might try to use you to make his ex jealous.
Thus, such dishonest intentions can’t be pinned on only one encounter. Rather repetitive patterns such as:
- Hanging out at a specific spot from a specific time
- Always looking around
- Isn’t interested in having conversations
- His behavior changes between minutes.
If you notice this pattern he’s likely using you to get back at his ex.
Furthermore, you can directly tell him that you aren’t okay with such a display of behavior and rightfully leave.
7. He needs your emotional support
Something might have happened in his life that he’s seeking reassurance and advice from you. Because he knows you won’t judge him.
Thus, some men come back after months because they need your emotional support.
You can still offer him help, however, you shouldn’t let yourself be plugged back into his life.
Don’t let him drag you into his life, as you might start a toxic cycle that will be hard to break from.
Nevertheless, you shouldn’t feel pressured to do so. Putting yourself first isn’t selfish, rather it’s prioritization.
8. His friends and family are pressuring him
Feeling pressured by those around him might be why he came back months later. The constant nagging might have been unbearable.
So your ex might want to come back to you because his loved ones realize the huge mistake of leaving an amazing woman like you. But he’s yet to realize it.
Some signs you should be on the lookout for are:
- Unreasonable expectations
- Lack of compassion and compromise
- Thinks he has the power to determine your self-worth
- He keeps saying “It’s because of my family that I want you back”.
You can talk to his friends and family about it. Let them know that as much as you appreciate them for caring, you don’t plan on getting back together.
9. He’s still in shock
He might still be in denial at this stage of the breakup. Thus, confusion about emotions and facts led him to come back after months.
Usually, this ‘shock’ behavior is followed by anger, sadness, low self-esteem, and self-doubt. You might notice a change in his demeanor.
All of these emotions make him come back to you since he still can’t believe they broke up.
You can try to give him time to process his feelings by telling him the cause of your breakup. In other words, offer him closure.
10. He’s seeing whether you’ll take him back
Another reason a man comes back after months is that he wants to test whether you’ll accept them again.
It’s still up to you whether you want to get him back or not, however, consider the cause of the breakup first.
Since his intentions are yet to be determined, you need to be careful not to let his approach confuse your judgment.
Reflect upon his previous behavior to determine if he’s sincere or he’s just fooling around.
11. He couldn’t find anyone better
When a man comes back months later, it’s because he found out that the grass is not always greener on the other side.
Since he was searching for someone better than you and couldn’t find her, you still were the better option.
The enthusiasm, fun, and wandering eyes he once thought would be better, didn’t prove as exciting and now wants you back.
You should make your decision based on knowing that you are worthy of great things. Additionally, you deserve to be loved and respected fully.
Thus, you shouldn’t settle for less if you feel like you won’t get that from your ex partner.
12. He is missing being someone’s special person
Being someone’s special person means you are valued, appreciated, and given enormous attention, thus, this is why men come back.
Also, he came back because he needs a confidence boost that he’s used to getting by your encouraging words.
You can figure out such a tactic by paying attention to what he says. If he constantly talks about himself, he just wants your attention.
So consider whether you can put up with such behavior in the long term, and have an honest discussion about it with him.
13. He’s curious to know how you’re doing without him
After breaking up, he is curious to know the progress you’ve made on your own.
Honestly, he came months later because he wants to know if you’re still hung in him.
It’s the excessive questions about your personal life that give him out. Nonetheless, you can choose to not answer anything you don’t want to share.
Also, you can let him know that if this continues you might have to cut him off from your life
14. He wants to remain, friends,
Reinitiating contact months later is because he might want to restore your relationship as friends only. Especially, if you ended your relationship on a good note.
Because you might have been someone special in his life, just because you broke up, he doesn’t want to lose you.
Just because your relationship didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean that your friendship should dissolve as well.
Some signs that he wants to just be friends are:
- Not talking about his partner too much
- Being moderately friendly with you
- He told you he wants to be friends
- He doesn’t ask personal questions
It’s okay to be friends if you feel the same. Many ex-s are good friends.
However, don’t forget to set boundaries that even as friends you can’t cross to have a healthy friendship.
Let’s assess his intentions: The good and the bad
When a man comes back months later, his intentions are unknown but also it’s yet to be determined if his intentions are right.
‘The good” intentions are mostly associated with selflessness and an acknowledgment of his mistakes.
So he might have come back months later to apologize for his mistakes (cheating, accusations, negligence…) without expecting you to go back to him.
He might have realized that his behavior was wrong and is longing to apologize to you, despite whether you’ll forgive him or not.
Additionally, the reason for his reappearance might be that he’s finally ready to fully commit to you. He has changed himself for the better and wants a second chance.
Moreover, he came back after understanding the importance of setting boundaries and acting accordingly is essential to keep a strong and healthy connection.
Finally, the reason he came back months later is that he finally realized both of you wanted the same things but weren’t speaking the same language.
On the other hand, ‘the bad’ intentions are likely to be selfish and focused on the self rather than his ex-partner.
So might have come back months later because he was too lazy to try and build a new relationship, and it’s easier to go back to his ex, you.
Also, he might selfishly make advances toward you because he’s feeling lonely and is looking for someone to fill that void.
He might still be emotionally unavailable for you but might be looking forward to having a physical relationship only.
He might try to meddle in your life by trying to control and manipulate you by pretending to be your friend. Thus, interfering in your love life.
Some signs that he’s trying to control and manipulate you are:
- Stopping you from entering new relationships
- Negatively responding to your already-established relationship
- Excessively giving his opinion when new opportunities present to you
What to do when an ex comes back months later?
When an ex comes back months late, a lot of confusion proceeds his initial contact.
However, you don’t have to respond right away. Take your time to process your emotions and expectations.
– Set boundaries and be consistent in practicing them. Also, you should define your limits and openly communicate them to your ex.
Also, you should think about what you want to accomplish by creating them. Furthermore, you should base them on your values and beliefs.
– Prioritize your self-care and worth despite the decision you make. You need to take time to relax and process the situation.
Furthermore, prioritize your mental health. You shouldn’t think that if you reject his advances, you won’t get another chance at love.
Rather, write down on a piece of paper why you deserve to be loved, respected, and valued. This will raise your confidence too.
– Ask him openly about his intentions for coming back and ask him to be honest with you.
You as well need to be honest and open about your decision so that you can communicate effectively.
My tips on how to communicate with an ex are:
- Don’t stray out of topic
- Avoid jumping to conclusions
- Take everything with a grain of salt
- Address each problem
– As yourself, if you trust your ex and evaluate his behavior and how his reaction affected your relationship.
You should reflect and ask yourself whether you can trust him after he crossed a boundary or even had an affair.
– Seek support
When a man comes back months later, overwhelming emotions might follow suit, thus, it’s important to seek help from friends and family.
They will be able to help you deal with the abundance of emotions and provide emotional support.
Moreover, you should also consult with a therapist or relationship coach, as they can guide you to process your emotions more easily.
Also, they can help you consider new perspectives to conclude your own which you won’t regret later.
Do men always come back eventually?
It all depends on the reason that you broke up, his personality, and the intensity of your relationship.
Many sources might inform you that, yes a man will always come back after a breakup.
Well, that is not always a sure thing.
~If the relationship was toxic and you were controlling, he would not come back.
This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel nostalgic or miss you. Time and space will make him reminisce on good memories.
He just keeps himself out of something that impacted him negatively and left him hurt.
~If he has a greater ego or has an avoidant attachment style then he will either postpone it or will never come back.
In this situation, he will wait for you to reach out to him first.
It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to come back, his ego prevents him in both cases.
~If he still has feelings for you and is ready to commit, he will come back.
When a guy needed some time on his own to reflect differently, he will find a way to come back.
Usually, this is more likely to happen when the breakup was mutual or he gave you closure.
~He would come back after he has hurt you if he regretted doing it.
If having still feelings for you is combined with regret, then he will come back.
The moment he realizes that he has lost something important then he will act differently.
Many people might regret initiating a breakup but never do anything.
The moment he decided to communicate with you and ask for forgiveness, he wants to get back.
Bottom line: The same man, the same relationship
Whether he came back because he is ready for commitment, is feeling lonely, or still can’t believe you’ve broken up, you should consider his intentions.
If you’ve decided that once is enough, that’s okay too. You shouldn’t let anyone meddle with your decisions.
Here is a word of advice on how to move on:
- -Focus on yourself
- -block his number and socials
- -start networking
- -lean of friends/family
- -pursue your passions
- -do a self-reflection
- -chase new experiences
Finally, own the situation and trust your gut feeling. Do what you think is the best decision for yourself, with no regrets.
You shouldn’t let your fears direct the pursuit of a relationship. Keep true and strong.