Missing your ex after a breakup is an unavoidable feeling, no matter if you want him back in your life or not.
You can miss him for various reasons, starting from post-breakup anxiety to still have feelings for him.
Shortly, missing him so much is a result of the void that he leaves in your life.
It can be a feeling, an event, or just a thought that will make you miss him.
Hence, being unhappy or incomplete after the breakup will make you miss your ex.
Is the brain that does all the tricky things or do you really miss him?
Sometimes, the brain can impact you to miss the relationship in general and not him in particular.
You might avoid making assumptions by reading this article. Here are 10 reasons why you miss him so much:
1. You miss being loved by him
Missing being loved by him is slightly connected with missing him.
You miss the stability, the attention, the caring, and the feeling of being whole.
No matter if it was a healthy or a toxic relationship, you will miss the bond.
When you have strong feelings for him and fond memories, you might cling to this idea for a long time.
In general, being loved makes you feel good about yourself, it boosts your confidence.
The moment loneliness hits you, that’s when you miss him. Missing him and missing the relationship are always intertwined.
2. You miss the person you were back then
If you miss the old you and you lost yourself in the post-breakup era, that’s why you miss him so much.
You lost the connection with yourself. While you’re grieving and going through other stages of the breakup, you will look for your authentic self.
Now, you’re trying to recollect all the broken pieces and find what you want.
Feeling like this is quite understandable because spending time with partners helps in shaping your personality.
That’s why the loss of this relationship, will create anxiety and induce intrusive thoughts.
The moment you keep thinking about your ex, you will always end up missing him.
3. You had a long-term relationship
Long-term relationships tend to have a higher impact on you than those that last for a short time.
This also depends on the connection and what type of communication/attraction you had.
The bond that one creates in a long-term relationship will leave many unanswered questions after the breakup.
When this bond is broken, you will reflect differently.
- You will start to question your worth.
- It might be hard for you to trust others all over again.
- You will feel confused.
- You don’t know what you want anymore.
All of the complexity of this situation will make you miss him.
As Friedrich Nietzsche pointed out “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.”
This means that you will reflect differently on this situation. It will change your point of view on how you approach relationships in the future.
4. You feel like you’re behind in dating life
Sometimes what indicates you miss him so much is another failed relationship or not being able to date.
These two cases can lead you to negative thinking.
It’s normal to feel this way and feel like you can’t love them anymore like you used to love him.
Hence, keep always in mind that even if your ex jumps immediately into dating, that doesn’t mean that he’s complete.
Sometimes, to show you that he won the breakup or that he’s “happy”, he will jump into a rebound relationship.
Also, you might feel like this if you never accepted the feelings and grieved.
You might have not accepted yet that the relationship is over and this keeps hunting you.
5. You were invested too much in the relationship
It’s never a bad thing if you are invested in a relationship.
Hence, if you’re too invested in a relationship and you spend some time apart, you will feel alone and unhappy.
This comes all a result of being too dependent on your ex and now being lost on your own.
With a few words, you connected your self-worth and the meaning of life with your partner.
Now that you are apart, you might have low self-confidence and lose the meaning of life.
You miss him so much and it hurts because you are feeling incomplete and you lost someone on who you were dependent.
In this case, you need to try to spend more time alone just to learn more about yourself.
6. You were used to being controlled or manipulated
It is not easy to step out of a toxic relationship and when you do it, sometimes you will feel guilty and uncertain.
You might feel relieved but yet the trauma will hold you back.
The mix of all these feelings will make you miss your ex and it will hurt.
To cope with these feelings the best way is to have a one-on-one session with the breakup coaches of Relationship Hero.
With their help, you will disconnect easier yourself from the past and from still being connected with your ex.
They will find a solution based on if the breakup was mutual or not and for how long you’ve broken up.
7. You’re learning to recognize your feelings
The moment you start to process the breakup and recognize what you’re feeling, you will miss him.
When the breakup hits you, you will feel anguished and sad.
All this sadness will make you feel miserable to some point but that’s when you will start to let yourself feel it.
In this case, you will reminisce and everything, and everyone will remind you of him.
As you go through this process, you will miss him.
It will hit you hard in the beginning but once you let yourself go through this process, you will feel better afterward.
8. You still have feelings for him
When you have still feelings for him, you will miss him more and it will be difficult to get used to.
You will go through a roller coaster of feelings and forgetting your ex in this case is more difficult.
It will be a challenge for you to disconnect yourself from him. Knowing that you aren’t an item anymore makes you miss him.
I know that it hurts and makes you miss him because you know that you’re living on but can’t be together.
9. You are emotionally unavailable
Being emotionally unavailable can lead you to make some unnecessary decisions.
If you were trying to be too perfect and didn’t know what you want, this might have caused your breakup.
Because of this uncertainty, you will start to ponder your decisions and miss him.
When you’re emotionally unavailable, you will feel some uncertainty and avoid being too intimate.
This will cause ups and downs in the relationship that will lead you to the breakup.
Now spending time on your own, you will start to miss his presence and his impact on you.
10. You hold on only to the good part of the relationship
If you romanticize your past relationship too much, you will have a hard time moving on.
Not being able to move on from your ex and only replaying good parts will make you miss him so much.
When you miss him so much, you will think about him all the time and this will lead you to obsessive thoughts.
This will prevent you from healing or reattracting your ex.
I miss him but I have to move on…
Missing him is a part of moving on, this is one of the breakup stages that you experience.
If you let yourself feel the grief and acknowledge your feelings, you will miss your ex during the process.
There will be a sudden moment when it will make you miss him. Missing him is a natural part of grieving.
It doesn’t always necessarily mean that you’re holding back or that you still love him if you miss him.
On the contrary, you might be starting to acknowledge the pain, the loss, or you’re being resentful.
The moment that you hit the dumper’s remorse, you will start to miss your ex.
Acknowledging that you miss him but the relationship wasn’t working or it impacted you negatively, is a sign of maturity.
Just know that this feeling is quite normal. You don’t have to be ashamed to admit that you miss your ex at some point.
Know that you’re just sorting your feelings and you are leading yourself to move on.
What to do when I miss him so much?
When you miss him so much, the first thing that you have to do is let yourself feel that way.
Once you acknowledge your pain, void, and hurt, you will spot why you’re feeling this way.
1. Start with accepting these thoughts and this type of feeling.
If you try to avoid this feeling and push the memories to the back of your head that won’t be quite helpful.
It’s normal to feel some type of emptiness right after the breakup after a period. This all depends on everyone and every situation is different.
This feeling can appear suddenly when you’re having a good time or even when you’re sleeping.
It is just your consciousness that triggers the void that needs to be filled in another way.
2. Try new things, new hobbies, new places, or new activities.
Adding something else into your life can somehow detach you from always thinking about your ex.
I do not advise keeping yourself busy just to push this feeling away. I suggest trying new things just so you can find motivation again.
Keeping yourself busy just to forget won’t help you heal or move on.
3. Shift your focus from him to yourself.
Working on yourself will help to separate what’s right and what’s wrong. You will be able to take a step back and work on your flaws.
If you keep constantly thinking of him and missing him tremendously, this will make you even more miserable.
Once you focus on yourself, you will know what you want and what you’re capable of.
4. Reflect on the reasons why the breakup happened.
Reflecting on the reasons that you broke up will lead you to the reason that you miss your ex.
These two are connected pretty tightly. If you sort your thoughts and feelings then you will be able to think clearly.
You will know if you really miss him or just the relationship.
5. Engage yourself in things that you didn’t do until now.
Interacting with new people and trying new hobbies will help you give your life a new direction.
You won’t have time to focus only on missing him and not moving on. You will find your potential.
Do I miss him or the relationship?
To know if you miss him or the relationship, you need to know what makes you miss him. What trait of his made you comfortable or happy?
If you can’t see yourself doing those things with another partner then that means you miss the relationship.
When you are experiencing a breakup, I know that it will be very hard to make a differentiation between these two.
Hence, here are some questions that you should ask yourself.
- Does a scent like his perfume make you miss him?
- Does any similar laugh or smile like his make you miss him?
- Does spending time with friends in any place remind you something of him?
- You hear similar jokes or someone laughs at your jokes like he used to.
If you miss his traits and how they made you feel then you miss him.
If you miss just the time you spent together and the activities you did, then you miss the relationship.
FAQ: Why do I still miss him?
1. Why do I miss someone who hurt me?
You will miss someone who hurt you because once they used to make you happy.
The brain keeps replaying those memories from time to time and that indicates longing.
You will be reminded of good times when you are at your lowest.
This time you will compare the time when you were happy and now that you miss your ex’s presence.
2. Is it normal to miss him but not want him back in your life?
Sure, you can miss him and still be able to tell that you can move on.
You might say that I don’t want him back but I miss him, and that’s quite okay.
This means that he was someone important in your life but things didn’t work out.
Remember, that this doesn’t mean that you have to text, call, or talk to him if you don’t feel like it.
You will always miss them but with a different intensity and keep moving forward.
Missing him so much…
Missing him after the breakup is not always directly connected with the love that you have for him.
When you miss him it doesn’t always mean that you want him back.
Missing someone is just a feeling that is created from the absence of that person.
You need a small detail to make you reminisce on those moments, whether these moments are bad or good.
That’s why you should never feel guilty for missing him, even after a long period.
This feeling will never go away, it will just lose its intensity with time.