It’s normal to think about your ex. But if these thoughts make you feel bad, it’s a problem.
Maybe you think about them every day because you haven’t dealt with your feelings. You’re still affected by the breakup.
But if you randomly think about your ex after some time, that’s okay. You can’t control your thoughts or feelings about them. You just have to accept them.
Let yourself feel the pain until it fades away. When you’re done grieving, you can still remember your ex, but it won’t consume you.
13 reasons why you keep thinking about your ex:
1. You were emotionally attached & attracted
When you’re close to your partner, they become a big part of your life. You rely on each other and share everything. So, when things change, it’s tough. Moving on or ending the relationship can be really difficult.
You might find yourself thinking about your ex a lot. These feelings can be overwhelming, but they’ll fade with time.
2. You’re not happy with your current life
Feeling sad after a breakup makes you think about your ex. You do this because you want a confidence boost. You depend on them for your happiness right away.
You’re not over your ex because you still see the time you spent together as happy. So, you believe you’d be happier if you were still with them.
3. You have an anxious attachment style
This attachment type makes you dwell on your ex. Childhood experiences shape your current attachment style, says Freud.
Insecure attachment leads to dependence on your ex. You rely heavily on the relationship and their opinions.
Difficulty moving on intensifies thoughts of your ex and future fantasies.
4.. Your ex committed to another relationship
If you’re still thinking about your ex after a decade, it’s probably because they’ve moved on. Maybe you haven’t properly dealt with your feelings about the breakup. Until you’re able to accept that they’ve moved on and let go, you’ll keep dwelling on them.
Whether you were dumped or did the breaking up doesn’t change things. When your ex moves on, it can feel like everything is fake, including the love and the relationship.
It’s tough to accept, but being clingy won’t bring them back or help you move forward.
5. The reason why you broke up is still unknown
Not knowing why your ex left makes you keep thinking about them.
You want answers, like an apology or a reason for their actions.
Getting closure would stop these intrusive thoughts.
Even if the breakup wasn’t bad, not understanding why will bother you.
The pain and no communication make you wonder if you were important to them.
This confusion stops you from moving forward.
6. You didn’t go through the process of grieving
How you handle a breakup depends on your personality and emotions. If you avoid dealing with your feelings, they’ll linger and make you think about your ex.
Suppressing emotions triggers subconscious thoughts.
Avoiding grief leads to shame, guilt, and sadness, keeping you stuck on your ex.
7. You haven’t forgiven yourself/your ex, yet!
Forgiving yourself or your ex stops thoughts about them. If you haven’t forgiven yet, you’ll feel hate, anger, love, and uncertainty.
This sticks with you for months or years. To move on, forgive yourself first, or you’ll keep dwelling on your ex.
8. You found yourself in a similar situation
Long-term relationships shape your life. Even small things bring back memories of your ex.
You might wonder why you’re thinking about your ex after so long or out of the blue.
It’s simple. When you encounter similar situations, old feelings resurface.
If your ex used to flirt or approach you a certain way, you’ll think of them momentarily.
These thoughts pop up because they remind you of moments shared with your ex.
9. You still keep your ex’s gifts
Everyone wants to keep their best memories in a box. Yet, if these memories had already an ending that will remind you of what went wrong.
If you wonder: Why do I think about my ex so much? You think about your ex so much because you’re exposed to their presence in a form.
Maybe you don’t feel the same about your ex anymore, but the moment you keep their things, you’ll think about them.
10. You still think your ex is perfect
Your ex might have impacted you in different ways, whether for good or bad.
It’s quite understandable that after the breakup to feel that maybe you’ll never find love again.
This feeling leads you to think that your ex was the perfect candidate. Being hung up on this idea will keep you thinking about your ex.
You might compare it with your current partner, and you might do it subconsciously.
Your opinion of perfection will change with time. When you take a step back from that relationship, you reflect on it.
11. You’re feeling nostalgic
Nostalgia is a crucial factor in triggering old memories and feelings.
You experience a wave of nostalgia when you start to fall in love with someone else or you have some other life transition.
As you feel that you’re falling again in love, you might feel scared that the same is going to happen in this relationship too.
You keep thinking about your ex or even miss them because you would like to experience this with them.
Now, experiencing this feeling of happiness, you trigger the feeling of sorrow and loss.
12. You’re bored
Wondering why your ex is on your mind? Maybe you’re just bored. If you’re single, old memories tend to pop up. Feeling lonely? That’s when thoughts of your ex might resurface.
Even if you’re over them, sometimes you crave company.
13. Your ego triggers your thoughts/feelings
Ego makes you think about your ex, even after years.You feel the urge to prove you’ve changed or are doing better without them.
Constantly dwelling on what could have been different fuels these thoughts.Ego pushes you to prove yourself, leading to obsession.
Accept these feelings, learn from the experience, and move forward to stop the constant thoughts about your ex.
How do I stop thinking about my ex?
To move on from your ex, the best way is to accept reality. Here’s how:
- Don’t rush yourself.
- Understand your feelings; it’s normal to feel this way.
- Allow yourself to express your emotions.
- Remember why the breakup occurred.
- Treat yourself to things you enjoy.
- Use the No Contact Rule to shift your focus away from your ex.
Remember, everyone’s situation is unique, so choose advice that fits yours!
What does it mean when you think about your ex?
That means that you haven’t overcome your feelings yet, you’re having a deja vu, or a bad experience is holding you back.
It’s normal to think or miss your ex at some point in your life.
Sometimes, even little daily activities might make you think about your ex.
Yet, the most important thing is to learn to balance these thoughts and feelings.
Don’t rush into moving on or force it, embrace your feelings!
You got this!
Best,
Callisto
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