The truth is that the relationship it’ll always have its ups and downs but the thrill should always be present to keep it alive.
More specifically, not all guys lose attraction or interest after the chase for the same reason.
Whether his decision is gender or personality-based, this article will offer 13 reasons to explore a male’s mind and find the truth.
Understanding the psychology of men!
To understand better why a guy loses interest after a chase, it’s important to know how a man feels and thinks.
Jesse Kahn, a sex therapist claims a man and a woman have different societal expectations and approaches to any situation differently.
More than a woman that craves respect from others or her partner, a man wants more respect to boost his ego.
So, the moment that he doesn’t get that once you settle down, he might pull away.
On the other hand, men’s desire for the challenge has been present forever.
Because he connects his masculinity with being able to chase and get what he wants.
To conclude this matter, a man is rarely encouraged to interact with his feelings.
Thus, when he starts to get in touch with his feelings, he might not feel comfortable or don’t know how to utter these feelings, and withdraws.
Here are 13 reasons why a guy loses interest after the chase:
1. He’s a fearful-avoidant
Attachment style plays a crucial role in the fact how a guy interacts with you, once he gets you.
Taking for example, if he has a fearful avoidant attachment style then the moment he gets closer to you, he will withdraw.
This isn’t connected to the reason that he’s afraid of commitment. That’s totally another case.
A fearful avoidant cannot bear the fact that he’s this close to you and that someone is showing this much attention and affection to him.
So the moment he gets comfortable with you and the chase is over, he starts to lose interest to protect himself.
2. He only wanted your attention for a while
When the thrill is over for him then he starts to lose interest.
This might happen when he wasn’t seeking to date you exclusively and just wanted to experience the thrill that the chase gives to him.
In most cases, a guy challenges himself to see if he could win a woman.
Indeed, a man takes challenges quite seriously.
So, if he was chasing you to get the wanted attention and admiration, after winning you, he will slowly lose interest.
3. He was romanticizing you or “the relationship”
I understand that being ignored after being chased is a hard pill to swallow. Hence, feelings and people can change.
These two factors aren’t linear, thus when dating and once you get into a relationship, you should avoid having certain expectations.
- If he created a version of you in his head, he might not accept the version that he’s encountering.
It’s hard I know, but you shouldn’t blame yourself for his unrealistic expectations when you were being authentic.
Instead, you should cut contact with him and focus on yourself until you find someone that values you for who you are.
4. He might be dealing with borderline personality disorder
This is one of the fragile signs.
Before assuming that your partner loses interest after the chase because of this mental issue, you should talk to a therapist.
Having an unstable relationship with himself and dealing with the constant change of mood, it might be hard for him to be in a relationship.
He might have enjoyed the thrill of the chase but as he’s dealing with the fear of abandonment or rejection he makes an impulsive decision.
Thus, before detaching from him, try to talk to him and understand how he’s feeling and if there’s something that might be mended.
5. He wasn’t seeking a relationship
If the chase was the main attraction for him and he got what he wanted, he will lose interest.
Not all men do this, but the one that wants attention or is looking for a fling will lose interest immediately after you become more intimate.
If he was craving sex and he got it on the first, second, or third date, then you might notice that he avoids texting or calling you.
Chasing you was a boost to his ego and once he gets it, he continues to seek the attention of other women.
6. He isn’t ready to commit
Based on my experience, my then-boyfriend did everything to get me even when I wasn’t interested in him.
Once, I gave him the chance to get to know me and date me, he started to pull away because he thought everything was going too fast.
He was just admiring me from afar and having an imaginary relationship.
When he approached me and I was interested, then he noticed that he couldn’t take the responsibility of being only with me.
I gave him a month to think and resolve his issues but he never did. In the meantime, I tried to focus on myself and not on the fact that he was gone.
7. He wants to play hard to chase now
A study obtained by the University of Chicago has found that a man who is a smooth talker wants to chase the unknown, a woman that he cannot reach.
On the other hand, a man who is shy likes to approach a woman that he finds approachable.
Thus, a man that wins you might want then you to win you.
He tried the unknown but now might want to know what he means to the unknown (to you).
In this case, he might still text, call and give attention to you but the intensity won’t be the same.
8. Realised that you have different communication styles
How both of you communicate with one another depends on your attachment style, personality, and ability to utter your emotions and needs.
During the period when the chase happens, even you or he might ignore some basic things that make the relationship work.
- He might avoid the fact that you don’t have the same texting habits or style.
- He might have avoided the fact that both of you don’t utter feelings the same.
- You might have constant misunderstandings, but you might have ignored those because he just wanted to make this work.
So, since there was a lack of proper communication, he might have chosen to withdraw slowly from you.
9. He’s going through past trauma
If he’s dealing with past trauma he doesn’t feel secure enough to open up and invest in the relationship.
Thus, he might still be thrilled to be with you even after the chase but still cannot process what he has been through.
Usually, this happens in the situation when he was looking for a rebound and he didn’t focus to grieve properly and heal.
In this case, you should approach the situation with empathy.
Talk to him openly and be patient, also to approach the situation more professionally check out a relationship coach.
10. He found somebody new
If a guy lost interest after the chase that might mean that in the meantime, he was seeing someone new.
If he didn’t have strong feelings for you and his intention wasn’t to date you exclusively, he might have kept his dating options open.
On the other hand, he might have found someone more compatible, or he might have been afraid to just commit only to you.
It’s quite understandable that is hard to confront him and go through this situation.
But, remember that his actions don’t define your worth.
11. You were always available for him
If while he was chasing you, you were always available for him then he might lose interest.
This might happen because he no longer feels challenged to win you over.
Within time he gets way too comfortable with you and then he might not feel any type of thrill and enjoyment in the relationship.
If you never stated your opinion or never let him some space to fight for you, he might slowly detach himself.
The relationship coach Jaime Bronstein in an interview stated that to detach your relationship from boredom you need to do something different.
- Go on dates and do something that you haven’t done.
- Give him time to process these dates without putting pressure on him.
12. He felt disrespected
If he can’t feel like himself in a relationship, this can be such a huge turn-off for him.
Thus, if your relationship lacks respect, he might not trust you and might be hurt.
Dealing with these issues might drive him to show less interest in you or the relationship.
It’s important to work together on this issue if both of you want to make the relationship work.
13. He always needed to be entertained
If your sex drive is different from one another then this might make him lose interest after the chase.
If he always required to be entertained and watched porn then this might make him look for other places to find joy.
In this case, it’s better to talk with one another and try to find the middle ground.
Otherwise, if you don’t find a middle way to deal with this issue, he will end up cheating on you or just ending the relationship.
What to do when a guy starts to lose interest after the chase?
Before rushing to a conclusion and making an instant decision, you might consider talking about this with him.
If he stops being interested in you or disconnects from you, it doesn’t always mean that he’s over you.
At this very fine moment, he might be dealing with uncertainty himself.
1. If you’ve been dealing with his disinterest recently, try to have a conversation with him.
You can manage to invite him for a coffee or picnic, or a date and talk.
Remember, that you don’t need to make it look like an accusation or make excuses just to get his attention.
Start by telling him how you see your relationship and your reflections about it.
Communicating what you feel doesn’t need to be labeled as clingy behavior.
On the contrary, if he’s willing to work on needs and behavior, the relationship will work.
2. If this relationship is healthy but he is dealing with commitment issues or his attachment style, remind him why he fell in love with you.
In addition, to keep him interested, you need to give him some time to work on his feelings.
Putting pressure on him won’t help you to bring him closer, that will only impact him negatively and create an unpleasant situation.
3. Instead of obsessing over this fact, try to focus more on yourself.
In this situation, it’s crucial to reflect on your behavior too. Reflect on how you impact him in this relationship.
You can do it by distancing a bit and trying to understand how you function alone and when you’re with him.
Try to work on yourself and your insecurities more.
4. Try to be present in the moment. It’s important to take things slowly and not rush the relationship.
In general, a man likes to take things slowly, and if he lovebombs you then withdraws which is closely connected to narcissistic behavior.
Thus, if you communicate your feelings, are patient, and set your boundaries, you’ll slowly solve this issue.
5. In the end, if he avoids communication or ghosts you completely, then it’s better to lean on your own.
Try to withdraw slowly from him and put yourself first.
I am aware that during this time you’ll be confused and hurt but it’s better to focus on yourself instead of dwelling on him.
Because if he’s not genuinely interested in you, he will avoid you constantly.
Once he needs something, he’ll come back, to play hot and cold once again.
In the end: Do guys get bored after the chase?
A guy gets bored after the chase only if he wasn’t interested to pursue you genuinely in the first place.
Yet, this is not always the case. He might be interested but slowly the relationship might have lost the spark for various reasons.
Any external and internal factor might have triggered him to lose interest, such as he isn’t appreciated by you or found you incompatible.
In addition, a healthy and functional relationship is based on maintaining the ups and downs of a relationship.
However, it’s important to remember that not every guy is the same and the loss of interest is based on gender and personality too.
Still, during this time be yourself and never lose your spark!
Wish you the best,
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