Disappearing after you’ve let someone know you like them might be one of the most disrespectful things you can do.
And this issue has become so common that it’s starting to be normalized.
Each day, it’s becoming harder for people to be honest and communicate why they can’t talk to their partners anymore, so their easy way out is to disappear.
For some men, no matter how much they like her, it has become a habit to disappear without thinking about how it affects her.
On the other hand, women are left wondering why he disappeared, what she did wrong or where the problem was.
So, why did he disappear?
Men disappear for a lot of reasons. Maybe it was one strong reason or multiple reasons altogether that made him disappear.
While it is not reasonable for men to disappear without an explanation, they still disappear even if their reasons make no sense to you.
Here is why guys might disappear when they like you:
1. He’s having second thoughts
His disappearing out of nowhere while you’re thinking he likes you can be very confusing.
One sign points to a happy ending, while the other in the opposite direction: a sad ending.
The truth is, men often disappear when having second thoughts about being with you.
He could be reconsidering everything about you and your relationship together and he’s just not sure if you’re the one.
He’s likely to have begun doubting his decision about being with you and wants to think peacefully without interruptions.
That’s why he probably thinks that disappearing is the right choice and an easy way out of this.
2. He went back to his ex
It’s prevalent for men to go back to their exes.
When they start seeing another girl, the feeling of regret hits them and they often go back to their ex.
In your case, he might be used to the old habits of having his ex as a girlfriend and it just feels more right to be with her.
Perhaps he got back to his ex while he told you he liked you and it could have been hard for him to tell you because he thought he would hurt your feelings.
Well, your feelings are hurt whether he told you or not because he disappeared.
It’s always best to be true to yourself and others even if it hurts them. It’s better to be hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.
3. He feels a lack of chemistry: it’s just not there!
That ‘click’ between two people who like each other might not have been there, at least not for him.
Relationships can work out even if there is no great chemistry between people, but the chemistry is what keeps the spark alive.
How do I know if there wasn’t any chemistry?
- You didn’t feel excitement;
- The connection felt very dull;
- There was no flirting;
- There was no passion;
When he saw that he didn’t find that chemistry with you he probably thought it would be better to disappear.
4. He is dealing with personal issues
Everybody has problems and conflicts in their life that pop up through difficult times.
Some of us are better at dealing with them on our own rather than with other people’s support.
If he’s dealing with personal issues and needs time to process and solve them, the best decision would be to tell you he’s going through them even if he doesn’t want to go into details.
What would not be good is disappearing with no explanation.
He might think that he needs time alone to solve his problems and will probably come back after he’s done with that.
That doesn’t excuse his behavior and the confusion or even hurt that it caused you. However, it is a fairly common reason why guys disappear even when they like you.
5. He thinks you deserve better…
He might be one of those men who are insecure in himself and thinks that you deserve better than him.
He might think that you’re too good for him and he can’t give you what you deserve so he decides to disappear.
He is willing to let you go without saying anything about it.
While it is good if he thinks that you deserve better because he might start to be a better version of himself, however, it’s not good if he disappears.
Disappearing wouldn’t solve anything and it surely wouldn’t increase his confidence.
So, if he disappears because he thinks that you deserve better, then you probably deserve better because you deserve someone who stays.
6. He thinks he deserves better
When things don’t go according to his expectations, he might think he deserves better and disappears even though he likes you.
When he says that he likes you but nothing that you do pleases him, he’s likely to think that he’s deserving of something better.
If he can’t be straightforward with you to tell you that he feels like he deserves better than you, he might disappear and you might never hear from him again.
Is this a good enough reason to disappear?
No. The least he can do is tell you that he wants different things and it’s not working with you.
It’s not fair to be left with a head full of questions, doubts, and insecurities.
A man who is afraid of putting a ‘label’ on the relationship is a man who is afraid of commitment.
The fear of settling down in a relationship is what makes him want to be single and free and enjoy a life of situationships as much as he can.
He’s likely to think that putting a label on the relationship would prevent him from having fun and living life.
Perhaps you showed him that you wanted something more serious and he didn’t react very well to that.
So, what would a man who is afraid of commitment say?
He would say something similar to: “We’re good as we are. Why is there a need to put a label on it?”
If he’s the type to not say much or the one who tries to avoid hurting you, then he’s likely to simply vanish from the picture.
What does being a narcissist have to do with disappearing?
It has a lot to do with it actually. Narcissists use ghosting as a power move very frequently.
A narcissist disappears when he wants you to give more, put more effort, and give more attention to him.
Not only he doesn’t take accountability for disappearing, he somehow turns everything to revolve around him.
See the rest of the signs of a narcissist, if he’s the one to practice more than just disappearance from your life, then you don’t want him back again.
9. His interest in you was only sexual
Unfortunately, this is one of the most common reasons that men act interested and then disappear.
When his interest in you was only sexual, he will disappear when you don’t give in to his desires, or when you fulfill what he needed.
He is not into you emotionally, so the physical attraction by itself won’t be something that makes him stay in a relationship.
That is why, when get gets what he wants for a moment, he is not interested in you anymore, he will disappear.
10. You were a rebound
When you know that he has recently ended a relationship and is now dating you, there are a lot of chances that you are his rebound.
When he is not healed from the previous breakup, it is not always possible to be able to give his best in another relationship right after the breakup.
When you’re his rebound, his feelings might still be stuck on his ex.
When he’s still thinking about his ex, he might disappear and get back to his ex, or he just can’t attach to you emotionally.
Some signs that you were his rebound are:
- The relationship moved at a fast pace;
- He doesn’t open up emotionally;
- The relationship is mostly physical;
- He talks about his ex a lot.
So, if he disappears even though he liked you, chances are you were his rebound.
Some men prefer to go after a woman, but a lot of them like the chase.
One of the reasons why men disappear when they like you is because they want you to chase after them.
They think that disappearing will make you run after them and want them more.
He likes to play hard to get, thinking he can attract you by that.
This situation can be difficult for you because it’s hard to decide what to do when he wants you to chase him.
And maybe you don’t even know that he wants to chase you and you don’t know how to react to those mixed signals.
12. You were not the only one he liked
When you were not the only one he liked or dated, he might have disappeared because you were just another one on his list.
This is also a dating trend called cookie-jarring. Essentially he has backups, people that he likes on his list, but comes and goes in their life whenever he doesn’t want to end up alone.
The chance of him disappearing is higher when he has other girls that he likes because he might be into one of them more than he’s into you.
He might come strong at the beginning, showing intense love and interest in you, but as soon as he starts to feel for another girl, he disappears.
How can I know if I wasn’t the only one he liked?
- He hides his phone around you;
- He makes little time for you;
- He doesn’t post pictures with you on social media;
- You’re not his priority.
13. He’s scared of his feelings
When a man is scared of his feelings, he’ll also be scared of the person who’s causing him to feel those feelings.
The reasons why he could be scared of his feelings can be numerous, however, that fear is very likely to be the reason why he disappears when he likes you.
Liking someone automatically puts us in a vulnerable position, someone scared of this vulnerability is likely to vanish from the picture ‘before it’s too late’ for them.
This is one of the most common reasons why men, guys disappear when they like you: They’re scared of the fragility of feeling for someone else.
What to do when he disappears and how to get over it?
When he disappears, the unspoken message from that is that he doesn’t want to hear from you, unless he wants you to chase him.
It’s true that when someone disappears from your life, it leaves an empty feeling which can be very difficult to cope with.
It might leave you feeling insecure about where you went wrong or if it was your fault.
When the man disappears, it’s him that has issues with himself and it usually has nothing to do with you.
If he had issues with you and if something you did bothered him, he should have let you know about it and communicated the problem with you.
So, if he disappears without warning, here’s what you can do and what to avoid doing:
– It was not your fault.
Women tend to take the blame when it’s not theirs to take because of their insecurities.
If he disappears, try not to burden yourself with the feeling of guilt about it because it has nothing to do with you.
If he disappeared, he’s the one with issues, not you.
It takes very few seconds to explain something through a message. It’s the maturity of the person that indicates whether that message will be written or not.
– Avoid focusing on why he disappeared: Focus on yourself instead.
If you focus on why he disappeared, you might only waste your time and energy.
The best thing you can do in this case is to focus on yourself and move on from that situation.
If you want to move on from that, it’s good to keep yourself occupied with things that you like doing.
- Try new hobbies;
- Read new books;
- Explore new opportunities.
– Avoid excusing his behavior.
When a man disappears, he has a reason for that.
If you excuse his behavior, he might come back and disappear again because he might think that it’s okay since you excuse him.
He won’t learn the lesson if you keep excusing this behavior.
If he comes back with an explanation, then excusing his behavior can be acceptable.
On the other hand, if he comes back with no sense of responsibility for his misguiding behavior, then try to be rational and choose what’s best for you instead of excusing his behavior however he presents it.
– Seeing the positive side: feel grateful that he disappeared.
A person who disappears from your life, for whatever reason, is a person who chose to not stay in your life.
Try to see it in the way that he was not the right person for you and if he continued talking to you things would only get worse.
So, if he disappeared, he did you a favor and saved you from being with the wrong guy.
Why is that something you should feel grateful for?
He saved you time, effort, tears, and even a harshly learned lesson from what could possibly be a chaotic or even toxic relationship.
If he decided to leave, let it be so. Trust me, your older self will understand this and will be grateful of it someday.
– Be open to seeing other people.
It’s not the end of the world if a guy you were talking to disappears. There’s plenty of fish in the sea.
Closing yourself and thinking about it too much will decrease the chances of you getting to know someone else who is better.
Try to be open to new opportunities, talk to new people and create new experiences without letting his disappearance hold you back.
– Talk to a therapist.
A therapist can be of tremendous help when it comes to guiding you while you navigate relationships.
Guys often disappear when they like during the early stages of dating. However, long-term relationships aren’t excluded from this occurrence either.
The doubt and the insecurities that come as a result of this experience can possibly lead you to overthink and have a difficult time accepting that someone you liked so much is out of the picture within a simple second.
A therapist’s pragmatic view and a different perspective can help you see the situation through their eyes, hence having a clearer mind helps you have a more rational approach to the situation.
Do guys that disappear ever come back?
Depending on the reason they disappeared and on their personality, some guys come back and some don’t.
Guys that want you to chase them are more likely to come back and see if you missed them.
Similarly, guys who were dealing with personal issues might come back when they solve their problems.
Those who are likely to not come back are guys who did not feel the chemistry with you, guys who were afraid of commitment, or guys who were interested in you only sexually.
So, why do they come back?
- They didn’t find someone better;
- They realize you are the one they want – if they were having second thoughts;
- They want attention;
- They want to check how you’re doing;
- They’re ready for a relationship;
- They want to take advantage of you again and disappear.
After all: Should I take him back if he reappears?
You might be tempted to take back the guy who came back after he disappeared despite what his reasons were.
Before considering if you should take him back or not, here’s what you can do:
- Ask him why he disappeared in the first place;
- Evaluate if his excuse is strongly reasonable;
- Let him know your boundaries;
- Be clear about what you want.
When he has a strong reason that he had to disappear, it’s okay to take him back if you still have feelings for him.
But, when his reasons do not add up and it’s clear that he didn’t want to talk to you, try to reconsider your options and have what’s best for you.
Sometimes, his coming back to you might be because he’s lonely and doesn’t have anyone else, and he might disappear the next chance he gets.
Think it through, and take your time. Would this guy be worth another shot?