Texting after the first day seems to be the biggest problem in the dating world.
Well, it is because texting too soon you might think can make you desperate.
On the other hand, by not texting immediately you might seem uninterested or that date didn’t go too well.
The way how you interact after the first date shows your seriousness regarding him and the relationship.
It also depends if you knew one another before. You can text to keep the communication alive.
Your texts can be short and simple just to show appreciation and show him that you enjoyed that date.
I know that right now, you might be asking yourself whether you should mirror a guy’s behavior after the date.
You are asking how long guys wait to text after the first date and whether you should follow that guide.
In fact, you don’t need to follow his actions because dating psychology and game is different for male and female.
Well, whether you should or shouldn’t text him and when to do it depends on a few situations:
1. If he just wants to hook up
Every first date is different. How your date develops depends on your chemistry and on your intentions.
In general, a man who wants to hook up usually uses dating apps.
If you met online and immediately he was interested in having sex with you then it’s better to not text him after the first date.
If you take him first then it means that you’re agreeing with his request, unless this is something that you want too.
Now, wait a few days if he reaches out to you or not.
When a guy isn’t interested to have a relationship with you, he won’t text you after the first date.
Especially, if you do not follow the hookup culture.
You will notice that he will be pissed off and will act differently than he did while texting or even calling or facetime.
2. When both of you knew one another before
If you have been friends before or just know one another, you should text him after the first date.
If you want to know when to text him after the first date then you can do it a couple of hours later.
- If you have a mutual great connection then you can text him after the first date something flirty or funny.
- You need to use this tool to enhance your relationship. Otherwise, if he doesn’t initiate texts as much as you, it will be pointless.
Being persistent isn’t bad but if you constantly do it then he might start to take you for granted.
To have a wrap and reflect on your situation, a relationship coach will be a huge help.
They have a free session where you can introduce yourself and create a common plan.
Knowing that every relationship is different and the outcomes are different, will be a huge help.
3. When he is interested in creating a serious relationship
A guy’s intentions toward you will be shown mostly during the first date.
I am not implying that he will decide immediately to date you exclusively but you will notice if he is interested or not.
If he is interested in you he will initiate texts, dates, pay for your meal, and so on.
So, in this case, if a guy is pursuing a real connection, don’t overthink it.
- He won’t feel smothering because he wants you to mirror his energy too.
- You can text him something funny or an inside joke that you have within the next day.
- If you truly have a deep connection then text him as soon as you go home or before sleeping. You can send him a goodnight text.
Just by doing it, you will be able to enhance your communication skills and relationship.
4. If he initiated the first date
If you have already let him know that the date was good or maybe you have given him the first kiss, you shouldn’t text him immediately.
Now, it is up to him to initiate contact and check up on you.
Let him process everything that has happened and how he feels about you.
A guy who likes you enough, won’t go longer than a day without texting.
He will find a way to communicate with you no matter what.
If you have already made your stance clear then now is his time to make a move.
5. If you are just getting to know him
If you have just started talking and you had your first date it is better to let him know that you exist.
Not to the extent that you are feeling lonely or that your world revolves around him.
Texting isn’t the best tool to get to know a guy if you haven’t met yet or haven’t been going out together much.
If you just want to shoot your shot then you should text him after the first date.
Maybe you will make him feel more comfortable around you and he will be more interested.
Remember, that not all guys are the same.
Someone who is shy and maybe doesn’t know how to text will miss a big time.
That’s why allowing him to open up, then you can’t miss anything if you text first after the first date.
6. When you’re dealing with situationship
If you are not officially dating and he always keeps you hanging on then you shouldn’t text him after this first “date”.
You should draw your boundaries and let him know that you’re a woman of value.
Texting him after the first date isn’t the right thing to do. Just focus on yourself and let him show his true intentions.
Because being in a situationship can be very confusing and can leave you brokenhearted.
A man who isn’t sure about his feelings will keep breadcrumbing you constantly.
So, it’s better to just take a step back and let him do his part.
7. If you want to clear up your head
If he has been giving you some type of mixed signals and you need an answer, you should text him after the first date.
It doesn’t mean that you should text him immediately but take your time.
- If he doesn’t text you for two days then maybe he isn’t that interested or he has been keeping his dating options open.
Either way, you can try your luck and see what could happen that he seemed off that day.
This is one of the specific cases when you can text after the first date. A simple “How are you doing?” text will be enough.
8. If you used to communicate more than him
Even if you had the first date but you always, always used to text first or kind of push him towards you, you shouldn’t text him.
Give him some time to appreciate your absence.
Now during the date, you might have let him know that you enjoy his presence.
~Maybe he doesn’t like to communicate over text but if you constantly text him first after a few dates, something must be off.
You should take a closer look at his behavior and how he has been behaving around you.
If his body language was positive around you and he doesn’t like to text then that’s another thing.
The most important thing is to learn his texting pattern but also you need to respect yourself.
If you constantly text him after your dates and he never does it, he might be playing.
9. If there was immense chemistry between you
Then you shouldn’t waste your time and text him immediately after the first date.
Try to list out what you like about him and how he might have made you feel, but just keep it short.
Because texting isn’t made to pour your heart out and write paragraphs.
I am not implying that is something wrong to do, but you might seem like you’re progressing faster than he is.
- In general, a man even though how much he might be interested in you, when you write a paragraph, it gives him the ick.
- Texting too much after the first date won’t allow him to miss you or want to know more about you.
A man likes to chase and pursue, and being an open book immediately will fade away the desire to get to know you more.
How long do guys wait to text after the first date?
How long a guy waits to text you have to do more with his attachment style and personality than his gender.
The same goes for women too.
Yes, a man might be designed to protect and provide, but not always.
He will choose to text you back after the first date or not according to his needs, intentions, and personality.
If he has an anxious attachment style then the chances are more that he will text first after that date.
On the other hand, if he is interested in you and cares about you, he would text first to let you know that.
For example, he might text you to ask whether you went home safely or if you’re able to sleep.
Depending on the reason that he wants to connect with you and how he feels about you defines when he will text.
How long after the first date should you text?
You don’t need to leave him hanging on if you had a great first date. Yet, you should be cautious and not seem needy.
To avoid it you need to know what to text. So, keep your texts short and simple. You can show appreciation but not make yourself look miserable or needy.
Are there any specific rules when you have to text after the first date?
Well, yes there are some unwritten rules that will help you to know exactly what to do after the first date.
- Don’t leave it at that point if you had a good time.
- You can keep him interested just by texting him often and casually. Let him gradually come to you.
- Don’t play hard to get because by ignoring him you won’t be mysterious.
Ignoring him after the first date will only cause you trouble because he might start to pull away, taking this as a sign of disinterest.
That’s why you shouldn’t always wait for him to initiate a text. Without taking a chance, you will never know.
Who should text after the first date: Is it gender related?
Who should text after the first date or in general is and isn’t gender-related?
For many years this has been a problem. Many sources, experts, and relationship coaches might have advised you to not text first.
Most of them will say that man should be doing the chasing and pursuing.
Well, in general, especially, if he is an alpha man, he would like to dominate somehow the relationship.
What I mean by dominating is that he would like to initiate texts, calls, and even dates.
Hence, even an alpha man would like to have someone who shows that she cares and is interested.
Never mistake drawing boundaries and letting him have his own space with ignoring him.
Before knowing whether you should text him first or not, you should check your vibe.
How the date went and whether your needs and interests are being met.
Then, if a guy is shy or needs a little push to keep forward, there is nothing wrong if you text him first.
How much to text after the first date?
You should text accordingly to your situation. That means you should text according to your chemistry and enough to not bother them.
~You should text him after the first date just to keep the conversation going and to show interest.
Yet, keep it balanced because if you text more than he does then he will start to feel overwhelmed.
Put yourself in his shoes, if a guy that you have recently started dating is love-bombing you that would feel great for some time.
~Hence, to balance the texting game you need to mirror him to some extent.
Don’t try to force communication because it doesn’t work that way.
Indeed, he might be a bad texter and maybe likes calls. Before jumping to a conclusion make sure that you learn his texting patterns.
If he likes calls then maybe you should switch it up. Use also funny jokes or flirty texts, then you will get his attention.
~In the end, don’t try to overdo it. I know that you might have chemistry and everything went great.
Yet, knowing that both of you might have different love experiences and traumas, it’s better to keep it slow and take one step at a time.
People share their experiences on whether they texted after the first date
Most of our clients have been dealing with the same problem of how to react and when to text after the first date.
Even for them, the fear of blowing it up is evident and they just want to know exactly what to do.
So here is an email that we got from a guy who was dealing with
*His name was changed due to confidentiality.
Hope that you are doing great. I just came across your page and I wanted to know your opinion.
I have been trying to date for a while but casually women lose interest in me. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong because the dates were always good.We had great chemistry and even in the last one we kissed.
And it’s true, I had enormous chemistry with this girl. Yet, a day or two passed by and somehow it felt like she was pulling away.A friend of mine told me that what I must be doing wrong was not contacting them after the first day. Until now I didn’t know that women need reassurance or if I might say a little bit of attention after the first date.
Please, if you would share your opinion with me, it would be quite helpful.”
~Matt, 30 years old
Hope you’re doing great too and I am so sorry that you’re going through this type of uncertainty.
Indeed, it is hard to understand how a woman is feeling after the first date. Because just like men even women might keep their feelings to themselves and not open up.
This depends on how long you’ve been talking or how long you’ve known one another.
To get a grip on this situation, I would recommend you start and read more or work with a therapist to know your attachment style. Once you know your attachment style it will be easier to understand how you are delivering your emotions and why you aren’t texting right back.
Because, if you had great chemistry and she was interested in you, it is wrong if you don’t initiate a text.
That girl might have gotten mixed vibes after you shared that you’ve been interested in her. So, don’t worry because this is something that you can work on, and then you’ll understand also how a female mind works.
Love and good luck,
Final verdict: Should you text him after the first date?
If there is no future and interest from him, you shouldn’t. If he is interested in you, you should text short and simple.
In the end, you shouldn’t wait too long to text him after the first date and make him wonder whether you’re interested or not.
It is all balance. You should text when you think that there is a chance for your relationship to enhance.
Otherwise, if you keep texting after the first date and he isn’t interested too much in you, you will put him on a pedestal.
You will give him the power to control your emotions and you’ll be left in limbo without knowing what to think and feel.
Avoid numbness and unclarity. Make sure to draw boundaries and mirror his style to a certain extent.