The first reaction that you might have when a guy acts interested and then backs off might be: “Oh, no don’t do this to me” or “You got to be kidding me.”
Either way, you’re left puzzled and immediately your consciousness and ego are activated. You’re hurt and you start to feel small and unworthy.
But, why does he do that? Has he lost interest or is he struggling?
First, let’s explain the Rubber Band theory!
Explaining the Rubber Band theory shortly!
This theory explains that when he pulls away means that he wasn’t interested or isn’t interested in you at all.
It means that every guy needs some space during the dating process. Some of them communicate their needs and some don’t.
Yet, what this method teaches us is to give him space so he can reflect and not be under pressure. If he’s really interested, he’ll come back.
Thus, the dating coach Dating with Aly explains that if you keep insisting and trying to ignite the relationship, everything will crumble!
So let’s go and check 12 reasons why a guy acts interested then backs off:
1. You were using your masculine energy more
If you constantly used more of your masculine energy and didn’t let him pursue you or take care of you, he might back off.
Sometimes, when you’re trying to do everything by yourself, it might give him the message that you don’t want to be loved or taken care of.
According to my research in this article, to balance your masculine and feminine energy you should blend the Yin and Yan.
A licensed acupuncturist and writer Deganit Nuur, explains how she came across the idea of balancing the feminine and masculine sides.
You should lean into your strengths but also accept help and love from him.
2. He got to know you on a deeper level
If you got close to one another and he saw you at the worst moments, sometimes this might be a problem.
I’m not implying that this should be a problem, but sometimes a man can’t deal with the real version of you.
And hey, this isn’t about you, but about him. He might have been idolizing you and when he got to know another side of you, he stepped back.
A relationship cannot be healthy if it doesn’t have mutuality and you cannot understand one another.
So, it’s better to step back and know your self-worth.
3. He might have started having feelings for someone else
Been there, done that. I met a guy while I was working in an office and started to talk frequently.
In the beginning, he was interested and didn’t pressure me or anything. We spent a lot of time together and got to know one another.
Hence, suddenly, he started to act weird and just started to text less, ignore my texts, and ignore me in person.
I thought that I did something wrong but then a colleague of mine told me that he has been seeing someone else for two weeks.
I was devastated and tried to talk to him but he refused and just ghosted me. I was devastated but refused to give up. I changed my job and moved on.
4. He got the attention that he craved
Sometimes when a man needs to feel important, he craves a female’s love and attention.
The moment that he gets it, he starts to push you away.
Now, it’s time for him to get the attention of another person. It’s like an ongoing process.
So, in this case, it’s better to pull yourself out of this situation and let him know about your needs and intentions too.
5. You were way too invested in him than he was in you
When you are head over heels for him, it’s very easy to push him away.
- You might have given him rapid attention and love bombed him (even accidentally) and this might have scarred him off.
- You might have opened up faster than him and proceeded with the relationship faster.
He might have even talked about this with you but you might have ignored this fact.
Nevertheless, try to reflect on how you’ve acted since the beginning of the relationship. Work with a relationship coach and you’ll spot what’s wrong in this situation.
He might be interested in you from the beginning and now he is just playing mind games.
He just needs something to keep him entertained in his life and he chooses to court girls and then disappear.
If he slowly captured you but now disappears and comes and goes out of your life then he might be playing.
In this case, try to not fall for his words because a player is really good at convincing you that he’s not doing anything wrong.
Take a step back and choose a place where you can think clearly.
7. He might feel insecure
Men do go through a lot of emotions during the day just like women do.
So he might be dealing with low self-esteem and needs to step back in order to get a grip on this situation.
Maybe he feels threatened by your successes or feels that you’re out of his league.
Due to a lack of self-confidence, he will find out that even a mere situation just to compare himself with you.
8. He wants to play it safe
He might be just testing the waters and doesn’t want to get involved too much in this relationship.
He does it because if his feelings change with time then he doesn’t want to get the relationship responsibilities earlier on.
So, he acts uninterested from time to time just to keep strings attached.
Now, in this case, this guy might even build a wall because he doesn’t want to get hurt or is dating someone else at the same time.
9. He just doesn’t see himself in a committed relationship
As long as things are casual, he will shower you will love and attention.
But when things get pretty serious and you ask to date exclusively, this guy acts interested but suddenly backs off.
- He does it because he never saw himself committing to one relationship even if he’s capable of doing it.
- He just wants to enjoy the freedom of having a casual relationship.
- He might even be interested in having an open relationship.
Now, try to talk to him and state your opinion.
10. He might not be available as you are
Sometimes putting too much pressure on him to meet you or spend time with you, might push him away.
So, having different schedules and different attachment styles will create a void in a relationship, that you should fill it.
This void cannot be filled if you don’t try to find a middle way and communicate more with one another.
Try to learn also what his love language is and give him space and time to reach out to you first.
11. He might go through a variety of emotions
When he backs off after being genuinely interested that doesn’t mean that he has immediately lost interest.
He might feel anxious or depressed or just needs some time to spend by himself.
Sometimes, when you’re not dating exclusively, he doesn’t feel the need to let you know about everything.
Especially, if he has a problem with opening up to someone.
Try to be understandable. Give him time and try to open up first with him and let him know that it’s okay.
12. He’s scarred of developing strong feelings for you
When a guy is scarred from dealing with serious and deep feelings, he might step back even when he’s interested in you.
You might notice that he will back off at the peak of the relationship.
It doesn’t only mean that he might be afraid of intimacy but he might even be afraid of being loved and loving deeply.
This might be a sign of past trauma, whether from his relationships with other women or his family.
When a guy acts interested then backs off: Is he manipulating you?
Yes and no. This depends on his personality and what type of intentions he has.
If you were trying hard to get then maybe he might be using reverse psychology to convince you.
Or on the other hand, he might be a narcissist and tries to keep you glued to him.
Because he likes to be in control of the situation and people at the same time.
~Thus, before claiming that he’s being manipulative, try to know him better and give him some space to reflect and show his true intentions.
~Spare some time just to write down how he reacted on special occasions and which were the red flags.
What would you do when he shows interest in you, but then he pulls away out of nowhere?
When he’s interested but then backs off, it’s important for you to not panic, shift perspectives, and communicate.
So, don’t act immediately distant and jump to conclusions.
Ending a relationship that has already started or not, is not a solution in this case.
And ending it is the simplest thing to do.
1. Focus on your needs and not on your flaws or what turned him off.
At this moment, it might be better to focus on what you need and what you feel.
Because if you only focus on your flaws, you’ll only put yourself down.
I’m not implying that you need to ignore what you might have done wrong.
Just don’t focus only on the bad part, try to blend it.
2. If you were acting hard to get then it’s time to change your attitude.
Try to see things from his perspective too.
If he was genuine from the beginning, cared for you, and didn’t love bomb or pressure you then the problem must be something else.
You might have tried to give him less attention and didn’t participate in the relationship as he did.
So, he might back off now because of it. If this is the case, then try to slowly approach him and let him know about your intentions.
3. Let him know your point of view and how you see the situation.
When it feels right for you and him, try to talk. Let’s set boundaries here.
So, don’t try to act like nothing happened or just turn him the cold shoulder.
Give him space then try to tell him how this situation makes you feel.
Also, if you feel comfortable and already you have it figured out then try to list some solutions.
4. Focus on improving yourself.
Shift your perspective. From dragging and blaming yourself to improving.
Try to write down what you want to do right now. What type of activity would fulfill you?
Go and try new hobbies and meet new people. Surround yourself with people who inspire you to be a better version of yourself.
5. Don’t romanticize his actions and be ready to move on.
If he disappeared for some time and comes back like nothing happened, then you should reflect properly.
Indeed, it’s a hard situation, especially if you have strong feelings for him.
But, it’s better for you to cut contact for some time and go back to life without him.
Then, you’ll realize how he impacts your life and if staying in contact or getting him back will be a positive or negative addition to your life.
In conclusion: When a guy comes on strong then backs off?
When a guy comes on strong and then suddenly backs off it’s because something might be bothering or scaring him.
It could be his insecurities or your persistence.
Either way, the reason that keeps the process of your relationship stagnant relies on many factors: his attachment style and external circumstances.
The reason can be anything. Thus, don’t go and immediately blame yourself even though you’re struggling with your confidence and self-love now.
Give him time and surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you.