Deciphering men is a trouble on its own. One minute he’s all in, interested and attentive like he’s supposed to be. The next, he backs off, he’s gone.
You’re left puzzled, clueless on whether it was you or him…
Why does he do that? What can YOU do about this?
We’re in this together, friend! Let’s find out!
1. There’s a concern he hasn’t communicated.
The reason why he acted so interested and backed off out of nowhere can be as simple as misunderstandings or miscommunication.
It can be something personal that’s concerning to him, and it’s holding him back from pursuing the connection with you.
2. He’s facing his fears at the moment.
Men do go through a lot of emotions during the day just like women do. However, they express and process them differently.
Fear of rejection, commitment, his own strong feelings, and the like can be just a few of the things he can be dealing with.
Dealing with such fears for some people can be very overwhelming, hence the need to take time and space away from other people. If your guy is one of those people, he’s going to back off.
3. He’s insecure.
He can be dealing with low self-esteem and needs to step back to get a grip on this situation.
Maybe he feels threatened by your successes or feels that you’re out of his league.
Due to a lack of self-confidence, his behavior is likely to be unstable and, at times, unpredictable (like this case).
4. He’s not ready yet.
As long as things are casual, this guy will shower you with compliments, affection, and attention.
Once things take a more serious turn and exclusivity is on the table, this guy backs off in a blink of an eye.
He does it because he doesn’t see himself committing to a relationship yet, even if he’s capable of doing it.
He might be one of the guys enjoying the freedom of having a casual relationship.
5. The waters are tested.
WhYou got close with each other, and got to know each other better. This is the part where both of you can get to decide whether you take the next step or not.
And in this case, he might’ve tested the waters enough to know whether you and him are a compatible match, and found out that you’re not.
Feelings change with time, and it’s normal to not see yourself compatible with a person and share relationship responsibilities with them. This could be the case for your guy too.
6. He’s playing a manipulative game.
A lot of guys do this. They love-bomb you to the sky, just to drop you on the ground a few months later.
This will keep you attached, make you feel insecure, and perhaps become clingy.
Guys who do this are very aware of the effects, and they enjoy the experience to its maximum.
7. He’s convinced this will make you chase him.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s trying to manipulate you. It can mean he’s craving your attention so much that he’s not giving you his to get yours.
He probably read it from a blog written by a mansplainer, or heard it from a friend who swears this works on every single woman. He’s convinced backing off after showing up as interested will grant him your attention.
8. You took charge of everything.
Men tend to be pursuers. They like taking charge of things, and we (women) are often fond of that.
However, if you didn’t let him take charge from time to time, you might’ve led him to believe that there’s no longer need to show interest because he seized your attention, time, and affection. Hence the sudden back off.
Sometimes, when you’re trying to do everything by yourself, it might give him the message that you don’t want to be loved or taken care of.
You should lean into your strengths but also accept help and love from him.
9. Other people caught his attention.
If your connection is in its early beginnings, other options can also come into play.
You don’t have anything exclusive, hence the freedom to explore your options.
If he was exploring his options, he might have found someone he’s more interested in, hence it’s currently in his focus more than the connection with you.
10. He’s engaging with other priorities.
Romantic connections are not everyone’s priority. Your guy can have other priorities that are taking his time and effort.
He can believe that other things are more important, and devotes more of his time into them, leaving romance aside – and in turn, leaving you confused.
11. He got the attention that he craved.
Sometimes when a man needs to feel important, he craves a female’s love and attention. The moment that he gets it, he’s off the picture.
This is often a gesture of men with low self-esteem or very insecure ones. They need validation, and the moment they get it they run off just to get back at you when they need a refuel.
12. He just needs some space.
When he backs off after being genuinely interested, it doesn’t mean that he has immediately lost interest.
He might feel anxious or depressed and just needs some time to spend by himself.
And he might not be ready to share that with you, especially if he has difficulties opening up with people.
13. He was in for the sex only.
Unfortunately, this is another possibility. A lot of men tend to show interest and shower you with affection, until they get sex.
Once they get what they need, they flee. After a while, when they need sex with you again, they return with the same intensity of affection they gave you at the beginning.
What’s the right thing to do about a guy who backs off after an intense show of interest?
The obvious answer is communication. However, we both know that this is exactly what’s lacking on his side.
You mustn’t panic, instead, you shift perspective and communicate.
So, let’s not jump to conclusions yet! Here’s what you can do:
- Focus on what you need and whether those needs are being met in this connection.
- Ask yourself if this behavior is turning into a pattern. Try finding out when he backs off (e.g. is it after sex, or after a genuine conversation?)
- Stop acting hard to get it if you’ve been doing it all this time. This can be a turn-off, and your attitude might’ve pushed him away.
- Talk to him, and let him know if his behavior is crossing any of your boundaries. This way you set a healthy base for communication and a healthy connection of whatever nature you intend it to be.
- Focus on self-improvement. Participate in activities that are meaningful to you, hang out with people you love, and practice your hobbies.
- Do NOT romanticize his actions. What he’s doing isn’t okay. He’s backing off and not communicating to you the reasons. You must be cautious because this is often a red flag in men.
It can be a challenging situation, especially if you have strong feelings for him. However, it’s time for you to focus on whether he’s good for you instead of questioning yourself whether you’re good for him.
What he’s doing isn’t right because he’s not communicating things clearly for whatever reason he may have.
Focusing on your well-being, health, and life would be best. If he’s truly interested and has a valid reason for backing off, he’ll come back with an explanation.
Good luck!
Callisto Adams
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