You thought it was going great, in fact, it was going awesome. You like the guy, and he seemed like no other!
Your smiling face suddenly turned… well, not so smiling, with his sudden lack of texts.
Texting makes it easier for people to disappear.
The mystery behind his reasons for his disappearance is what keeps your mind tired. How do you put your mind at rest?
A simple text as your last move is what puts your mind at rest. I’ve got you on this!
What to text him when he disappears?
When you decide to text someone who has disappeared, keep your texts neutral, instead of accusing or angry.
You don’t need to text him when he disappears. But you can text him if you feel like speaking out of your mind.
If that’s the case, keep your tone light, polite, and kind, while also calling out on his behavior that you find inexcusable.
What you text a guy doesn’t matter on the length, but rather the content and the wording of it.
As Dr. Raffaello Antonino points out, communication becomes ambiguous through texting because we can’t read social cues, emotions, and facial expressions.
Text him only once after he disappears. If he still doesn’t answer then you’ve got to let it go. You can send him a text where you:
- Call him out and stand up for yourself;
- Ask him a question pretending as if nothing happened;
- Start a conversation casually without addressing his behavior yet;
Here are 15 texts you can send a guy when he disappears:
1. I’m confused by your actions and I sense that you are too. That’s okay but I am going to have some space and also let you figure out what you want. Because I want to guard my heart as well.
2. Hey, I can tell you’re so preoccupied with things, which is fine. However, I’m not ready to get close to someone who isn’t aware of what they want. I wish the best for you.
3. Hi! Did you get to see the last episode of GOT? I can’t believe they left us on such a cliffhanger. That’s so unfair!
4. Hey, I’ve got a question. Since you know a lot about tech, what kind of laptop should I invest in for long-term service?
5. Hi, I’ve got an extra ticket to the jazz bar tonight. I know you love jazz and thought you wouldn’t miss the opportunity to join.
6. Hey, there is a new cafe shop open in town that I’ve been meaning to try. I hear they make a great espresso ;). Care to join?
7. Hi, I’m getting worried. Is everything ok?
8. Talking to you was lovely, but I’m afraid this is not how I like things to flow within the communication. Wish you all the best!
9. Considering this is my second attempt to reach you, I’ll take this as it is. I find this way of communicating a bit disrespectful, hence I’ll have to let you go. It was lovely meeting you, and I wish you the best!
10. Wanna share what’s going on? No hard feelings.
11. It’s been a while. How have you been?
12. It’s been amazing getting to know you but this is where I let you go. You disappeared out of nowhere and that’s a behavior I don’t tolerate generally. Thank you and good luck!
13. If you feel like sharing a “problematic” thought, I’m here to listen without judgment. Is everything alright?
14. Would you like to talk about this? I’m not going to judge.
15. Hej [name]. I hope you’re doing well. I just wanted to let you know that it was great getting to know you but this is where I draw the line. I wish you good luck and all the best!
Warning: Don’t chase him when he disappears
As a guy disappears when you think things are going alright, his sudden behavior leaves you stunned and confused about the next step.
Flooding him with texts for days without him replying to the first one you sent is what turns you into a chaser.
Chasing likely is what he wants you to do. That can play a bit with your morals, self-esteem, and self-perception.
You’re likely to see yourself as less than you are, putting him on a pedestal, and over-romanticizing his figure.
What you shouldn’t text when a guy disappears is:
– I miss you so much! Why haven’t you reached back?
– Hi! I miss you. Please respond.
– Why haven’t you texted me yet?
– Why aren’t you answering my texts?
Not only will this make you look clingy and accusatory of his actions, but also create a disbalance of power in his favor and assign you the role of the chaser.
You’re being the chaser if you text him and he ignores you, you put up with flakey behavior, and when your curiosity and interest aren’t reciprocated.
When a guy disappears on you, don’t text him love confessions or accusations, let it go and turn to yourself because she needs you.
Why did he disappear?
Things were flowing nicely until he chose to vanish from the picture.
That left you with questions about your behavior toward him, whether you did something wrong, or whether he likes you or not.
A guy might disappear for a range of reasons such as loss of interest, priority to anything excusable, to something like his phone dying.
Only he knows the exact reason, and only he can give you the exact one. But we’re allowed to make reasonable assumptions for the sake of minds!
Here are 7 reasons why he disappeared:
– The initial attraction he felt isn’t there.
After going on a couple of dates, and having good text conversations, he just disappeared because he might not find you as attractive as he did in the beginning.
Interpersonal attraction, which is the strength of emotions of love and how we feel for the other person, has dimmed because of a lack of similarity.
The similarity makes things easier, validates self-values, and requires putting less effort than when two partners have opposite interests.
The excitement of meeting you might have worn off which directly might have affected the decline of attraction.
Thus, instead of choosing to end things on a good note and maturely, he disappeared because it was the easy way out.
Social exchange and equity play a significant role in determining the progress of a relationship.
You need to be met with the same openness, and not just disappear, making the relationship short-lived
As ghosting is becoming more pronounced nowadays, he might have thought that it was okay to do it since that might have happened to him too.
– He’s scared of your reaction to his “rejection”
A guy will disappear without letting you know because he isn’t comfortable enough to tell you that he wants to break things off.
An immature man will find it difficult to take responsibility for his actions, thus, deciding to just abandon them and leave things on air.
He’s afraid of your reaction to his ‘rejection’ and can’t muster the courage to tell you about it, hence he just disappears.
The general belief that women react to rejection is exaggerated by the film industry, painting them as hysterical beings when someone doesn’t want them.
Texting such a man would boost his ego and will likely show repetitive behavior whenever he needs self-validation. Drop him.
– You might have been coming on too strong.
His disappearance could be a reaction to your actions, which he might have interpreted as coming off too strong.
That might have made him feel overwhelmed with emotions, making it necessary to have some space to recollect himself.
However, that doesn’t excuse his sudden behavior of disappearance. Perhaps wait a few days to see if he will initiate contact.
And if he doesn’t text after 10 days or so, it’s not him taking a break, it’s him leaving or being disrespectful to you and your presence.
– He didn’t see a long committed relationship.
Commitment is something serious, and he either wasn’t looking for it or didn’t see you two being together in the long term.
However, instead of discussing his concerns and his decision like an adult, he disappeared because that saves the trouble of having to explain it to you.
Although you might have thought that your personalities matched, you might have been projecting your ideals on him, while also choosing to focus on certain qualities.
There might have been no connection at all, however, the desire to be together with him blinded you into not expecting his disappearance.
– You might have avoided initiating contact.
Lack of effort to contact him might have been the cause of his disappearance. A form of reassuring himself that you’re also investing in the relationship.
However, you need to be aware of your behavior to decide whether this is the case or not.
Because if so, then you should give it a try and text him first.
Some initiating texts to send a guy who disappeared:
- Hi! What was the name of that place we went to eat at last time? It had fantastic food!
- Hello stranger! How have you been?
- Hi [name], is everything ok?
– He found a connection with someone else.
Dating multiple people at once is the new trend nowadays, thus feeding the expectation that he disappears because he sees someone else.
Each connection has its development speed, and he might have chosen to foster the one that progressed faster.
He chose to disappear because he might have found it awkward to tell you that he has found someone whom he feels a stronger connection with.
– He was just playing around with you.
There might have been a misalignment of interests, and he chose to disappear since he knows that you won’t meet those expectations.
He might have been looking for a big reward(sex) for minimal investment. In other words, he was looking for something casual.
If he managed to achieve his objective, he disappeared because there is nothing he wants from you anymore.
On the other hand, you might have maintained your standards and he wasn’t ready to put in the work, thus disappearing.
Either way, he either chose the easy way out by disappearing, or he’s stepping his game up in an attempt to make you obsessed with him.
He disappeared and then texted me – What should I do?
Dating today can be easy, difficult, troubling, nicely flowing, or all these mixed up together.
You find yourself with a seemingly impossible-to-answer question in your head, and you’re ready to just give up.
You don’t have to give it up though! You can reach out to someone with a professional perspective on what you’re dealing with!
When the guy who disappears suddenly makes a reappearance by texting you, you’re now left with another puzzling question in your head: What should I do?!
Just before making your decision, think of his actions, and how they made you feel, and let your values guide you into making the right decision.
Doing anything that goes against what you believe and defines you as a human shouldn’t be treated as something disposable.
Therefore, if you’d like to keep talking to him and develop a healthy relationship, you should address problems and lay out your conditions and expectations, and he should do the same.
In any case, be careful not to let yourself be played or used.
Some things you should keep an eye out for are:
- He texts and calls only when he needs favors;
- Constantly wants something from you;
- Avoids getting invested and personal;
- Never asks about what or how you’re doing;
- He isn’t consistent in his behavior;
Nonetheless, when a guy disappears and then texts, you don’t have to continue the conversation as if nothing happened.
On the contrary, when he texts after he disappeared, let him know that you don’t put up with this kind of behavior.
What to text him when he disappears has also to do with your ability to text while being stressed and anxious.
Anxiety will often lead you to make rushed decisions that you might regret later.
Especially since texting brings a lot of uncertainty and anticipation of his reaction to your texts, says Dr. Holly Sciff.
Psychotherapist Leah Aguirre, LCSW provides us with 4 tips that you can implement to deal with texting anxiety:
- Don’t try to decode his texts;
- Ask for clarifications;
- Cut back on using your phone;
- Initiate face-to-face communication;
Therefore, when he texts after disappearing, take your time, allow yourself some breathing room, and react calmly and clearly to his text.
Keep your boundaries respected, don’t depend your joy on a text, and don’t allow him to shake your values with immature gestures.
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