Relationships are not always peace and love between two people who love each other.
When you love someone, even a small thing that they might do can make you mad or upset.
Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing in relationships is to not make mistakes that are unforgivable and that can break the relationship apart.
We all have pet peeves and things that trigger our nerves and it makes us mad when our partners do them.
If you’ve noticed that your partner is mad at you and you want to make peace with him, here’s what you can do:
1. Try to clarify things: Ask him what’s wrong
Before jumping to conclusions, ask him why he is mad at you.
You might think that he is mad for something when he might be mad for something else completely.
The first step is for him to tell you what you did that made him mad, then it’s easier to find a solution for that problem.
However, if he is giving you the silent treatment and doesn’t tell you what’s wrong, try to give him some time.
Maybe he is still hurt and needs some time to calm down before telling you what is bothering him.
When he is ready to talk, he will tell you what you did that made him mad and you can take it from there.
2. Consider his feelings before saying anything
When he starts telling you what you did that made him mad, try to consider how he’s feeling and not put him down.
He might be mad at you and wants you to know that you hurt him.
Try to avoid saying things like “Get over it! It’s not that big of a deal.”
Listen to what he has to say while being considerate of what he’s feeling and how he perceives your behavior.
It probably is a big deal for him, since he is mad about it.
If you want to comfort him, be gentle, try to understand him, and not be selfish.
3. Try to see things from his point of view
When your partner is mad at you, it’s good to try to walk in their shoes to see what it’s like and see what they’re seeing.
People tend to only watch their interests and what is convenient for them. That’s why they often don’t understand how their actions affect others.
It’s not fair to do something to someone when you don’t want that done to you.
So, when your partner tells you what you did that made him mad, imagine him doing the same thing to you and ask yourself:
Would you be mad too?
Before starting to judge if the reason he’s mad is valid or not, try to see things from his point of view in order to understand him more.
4. Take accountability for what you did
Unless it was a misunderstanding where he thinks that you did something that you didn’t actually do, you should always take accountability for your actions.
Acknowledging what you did, your wrongdoings, and being aware of how much you hurt someone is vital.
When you take accountability for your actions, you come off as a responsible person and your partner will most likely forgive you for at least accepting it.
It’s better to accept what you did rather than deny it and try to defend yourself.
This will soothe his temper because he will appreciate you seeing the mistake you did, and accepting it instead of making his feelings seem not valid and unimportant.
5. Try to find a mutual understanding
Nothing will be solved if you try to go about this by fighting and having arguments.
The more the voices are raised, the less he’s likely to calm his nerves with you.
When you agree on staying calm while trying to solve this, you will understand each other’s points more clearly.
How do you find mutual understanding?
- By being honest;
- By communicating your feelings;
- By sharing, being attentive, and listening.
Relationships are about compromise, and if sometimes something doesn’t fit your views or attitudes, it’s good to find something that both of you agree on.
When you find a mutual understanding, you solve everything more easily.
6. Apologize for hurting his feelings
Apologizing for making him mad comes after you have talked about it and after you have accepted that you’ve made a mistake.
If you just apologize without accepting your mistake first, that might not be very sincere.
An apology should be clear, genuine, and sincere.
An honest apology will soothe the situation and will likely make him forgive you.
7. Reassure him
Another way to calm his nerves is by reassuring him, in the sense of letting him know you won’t make him mad for that reason again.
When you apologize for making a mistake that he got mad for, promising to him that you will not do that mistake will reassure him that it won’t happen again.
He needs to be reassured because he might hesitate to stop being mad at you because of your behavior.
How can I reassure him?
– Tell him that you understand why he is mad;
– Promise you will not repeat what you did to make him mad.
Reassurance will put his mind at ease, and it will offer him a sense of security within the relationship.
What to avoid doing if he’s mad at me?
When he’s mad at you, instead of calming him down, you might do something that just heats the situation.
If you fail to let your guard down and accept your mistake then you might create an unpleasant situation with your partner.
This often leads to toxicity building up within the relationship, having a chain effect on the upcoming events within your relationship.
Here are some things that you can avoid doing not to make the situation worse:
– Making fun of why he’s mad.
Making fun of why he’s mad means you’re not taking it seriously that you have hurt his feelings.
This will only make him mad and will decrease the chances of him forgiving you.
Avoid making fun of why he’s mad and take him seriously. This way you build a path for genuine connection and communication to take place within the relationship.
– Adding fuel to the fire.
If he’s mad at you, and instead of trying to solve the problems you bring up other problems that you have, you might only make it worse.
When you know why he’s mad at you, try to focus on that issue without bringing up other things.
It’s better to take one thing at a time and get a better understanding of which areas you can improve to strengthen the quality of your connection.
– Being mad at him for being mad at you.
When he is mad at you, let him be mad at you.
If you’re mad at him for being mad at you, you are not allowing him to feel what he’s feeling.
Denying him this feeling might make him think that you want to turn the attention on you and it might be a form of manipulation.
– Pressuring him to forgive you.
When he’s mad at you, your part is to acknowledge what you did, apologize, and promise not to do it again.
It’s on him to decide if he wants to calm down and forgive you or if he still needs time.
Pressuring him to forgive you might not be a good idea because if he still needs time to calm down, he’s not ready to forgive you yet.
Try to not pressure him and let him process things for as long as he needs to and he’ll forgive you when he’s ready.
– Raising your voice at him.
Raising your voice won’t solve the problem, won’t stop him from being mad, and won’t calm the situation down.
The more the voices are raised, the less you’ll listen to each other and actually understand each other’s feelings.
When he’s mad at you, try to be as calm as you can because you will think and talk more clearly and he’ll consider your words more than if you raise your voice.
Tackling the issue: What makes a man mad?
Depending on his personality, and what he tolerates and doesn’t tolerate, he can be mad about many things.
Here are some specific situations that make men mad in general, and your boyfriend might be mad because of one of them:
– You ignored him.
No one likes to be ignored, especially by your partner.
Men who are serious about having a relationship that they commit to will get mad if you ignore them.
Chances are he’s giving you the silent treatment because you ignored him, and maybe he’s trying to tell you what it’s like to be ignored.
– You made fun of his friends or family.
His family is usually where he draws the line, but his true friends are as well.
Many men will not tolerate you talking badly about their family or their friends, and rightfully so.
It’s never good to make fun of people regardless of who they are, so try to apologize and not do it again.
– You mentioned an ex.
If you mention an ex to him while telling a story, it’s less likely for him to be mad.
Sometimes women mention their exes in an attempt to make their boyfriends jealous somehow.
If you mention him and talk too much about him, then he will probably be mad because there’s no need to talk about an ex when you have a boyfriend.
He might think you still have feelings for your ex since you’re thinking about him.
– You watched your TV show without him.
This is a modern-day problem with couples.
When you decide to start watching a TV show together, you agree that you will always watch it together, not alone.
But then, you might get tempted to watch the next episode without him because he’s not home and you can’t wait.
This to him might feel like he’s been betrayed since you agreed to always watch it together.
– You take his clothes all the time.
It’s very usual for women to wear their boyfriend’s clothes.
However, some boyfriends might not like it very much when you take their clothes, so they stay mad at you for taking them.
He might be mad because he has warned you that he doesn’t want to and you still do it.
Some men just don’t like to share and you should try to accept it.
– You said something to offend him.
Whether you meant it or not, a single word is capable of hurting his feelings resulting in him being mad at you.
Sometimes we say words that don’t mean anything to us, but they might hurt someone like a sharp knife.
We all perceive things and reality differently. That means nothing to you could mean a lot to him.
– You did something that he finds inappropriate.
Love is often easy, and is sometimes complicated. Having the attention on the one you love makes it almost inevitable for your feelings to get hurt at some point.
You might have done something he didn’t find pleasant, something like leaving the dishes dirty in the sink, or using your phone while he’s talking.
Sometimes it’s the small accidental things, and some other times it’s about large things that take time to be processed.
How to make him smile when he’s mad at me?
Many men will be content with little things and if you know your boyfriend well, you will know what makes him smile.
If you are not sure what to do to make him smile, here are some suggestions to help you:
– Give him extra love, kisses, and cuddles;
– Leave him cute and funny notes everywhere in the house;
– Cook his favorite meal;
– Do activities with him that he loves, like playing video games or something else that he likes;
– Make weird funny faces that he can’t take you seriously;
– Send him funny texts or memes;
– Tell him how much you love him.
One of those things will surely make him smile, and if it doesn’t, try thinking about what he likes the most, and do that thing for him.
What to do when my boyfriend is mad at me over text?
When he’s mad at you, especially if the relationship is long-distance, it’s more difficult to deal with it over text.
You don’t know how much he is mad, you can’t be there to comfort him and it’s not easy to calm him down over text.
Apart from calling him and making him calm down by hearing your voice, you can also send him some texts that can calm him down.
Here are some examples of texts you can send him to calm him down when he’s mad:
- “I understand that I messed up and hurt your feelings. It was not my intention to hurt you and I hope you can forgive me.”
- “If you need time to calm down first, that’s okay. Just know that I love you and I know what I put you through. I’m really sorry about it. Text me when you’re ready to talk about it.”
- “You know that I would never do anything to hurt you. I see how much this has affected you but it really was unintentional. I am truly sorry and I hope you will let me fix it.”
- “I know you’re mad at me for what I did and you’re right. I made a mistake and I’m going to fix it. I can’t risk losing you.“
- “You’re my favorite person and I would never hurt you on purpose. I overreacted and I’m aware of that. I will never do it again and I’m hoping you will not stay mad at me because I miss you.”
To wrap up: Is it acceptable if he becomes really angry?
If you made a big mistake that is not forgivable and he gets angry about it, without leading to abuse of any kind, it might be acceptable.
However, if what you did is a mistake that is not very serious and he becomes really angry about it, he might have anger issues.
It’s not a good sign if he gets angry and mad at you for little things because every relationship has misunderstandings and problems that might come up.
Screaming, yelling, and abuse are not acceptable.
You should have a mutual understanding with each other, and not stay mad at each other for a long time.
You might be asking yourself, does this mean that he cares if he’s mad at me?
It does mean that he cares. If he didn’t care and wasn’t interested in you, he wouldn’t be mad.
But even that should go to an extent, even that has a limit.
When he starts overreacting without a valid reason to, that’s when you reconsider things, and perhaps even seek help.
Keep in mind that there’s a difference between narcissistic manipulation and genuine hurt feelings because of what you did.
Love,
Callisto
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