What to do when a guy finally texts after ignoring you? The 17 Do’s and Don’ts of dealing with him.

Having the only person you enjoy talking to delay his replies leaves you confused, upset, and strangely irritated.

Concerning what you need to do next when a guy finally texts back, keep in mind you need to behave with decorum despite the anger you’re feeling!

Take a deep breath…he might have a very good reason for not responding to your texts.

The Do’s: This is how you deal with a man who *might* have been ignoring you.

Out of respect for him and the relationship (or situationship) you two have, you must give him the benefit of the doubt.

You need to be understanding, confident, and most importantly, mature.

These are my tips for dealing with a man who’s only now responding after avoiding you for hours or even days:

1. Before anything, ask him if he’s doing well.

Imagine you decide to take a break from social media for your mental health’s sake only to return to no one asking you how you’re doing.

To avoid this very scenario, I recommend you ask him if life is treating him well before jumping to any conclusions!

He’ll appreciate your concern and might even start opening up to you—your relationship will grow closer and he’ll cheer up.

• “Hey! It’s been a while since we last talked, you had me worried for a minute. Is everything fine?”.

2. Show kindness.

Be compassionate throughout every step of the way—this will show him he’s cared for and you’re not an inconsiderate person.

Even if he’s ignoring you just to be petty (which, by the way, you don’t know for sure if he is), being mature will render his little games useless.

But most importantly, you’re showing him there’s still good in the world on the off chance he’s going through something.

3. Encourage him to give you an explanation.

Let him know it’s okay to explain to you what’s going on, whether it is your fault or not he had to take a step back.

This is why being understanding comes in handy because being empathetic will make him more prone to spilling his feelings out to you.

• “I am getting worried about you. Is there something going on that’s making you distant? Is it me? You know you can tell me anything. I wouldn’t judge you.”

This is how you’ll find out if he needs your support, or if you two are simply incompatible.

4. Make sure he’s not mistaking your kindness for weakness.

Ask yourself, “Is he leading me on because he knows I’m not going to leave no matter what he does?” because you’re not a stepping mat!

If he habitually leaves and comes back with no good reason or explanation, then he’s most likely playing with you by not making more of an effort.

He thinks you like him too much to care about not getting the girlfriend treatment, so he confidently treats you as he pleases.

5. Assess whether he’s cheating or not.

A primary sign of cheating is pulling away—if he’s avoiding you without a good reason, he might be cheating on you.

Alternatively, if he never talked to you much from the very beginning despite telling you he loves you, he might be cheating with you.

Regardless of which receiving end of the cheating stick you’re on, make sure you’re not dealing with a player.

• Want to know a bit more? His side partner is most likely the girl who’s becoming increasingly closer to him. YOU are the side partner if he refuses to make things official.

6. Ask yourself whether you did anything to prompt his delay.

I mean, did you two fight? Did you say something that might have unintentionally hurt him or anything?

If so, that’s why he’s avoiding texting you back, and you should give him his space until he cools down.

After he does reply, you two must talk things out and apologize to one another—a misunderstanding is powerful enough to separate two people.

• Approach him calmly and don’t be too prideful to apologize if it was your fault. He needs to know you’re not immature and that you two as a couple or capable enough to fix things.

7. Take into account what your relationship is.

The thing with talking stages is that you cannot treat them how you would a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Some things you can’t say to someone you’re not dating; in this context, you can’t demand an explanation from this guy.

You can’t argue with him either, seeing how you two aren’t quite a couple yet. The most you can do is make sure everything is fine on his part.

You can politely ask him if there’s anything you can help with, but it’s normally unacceptable to order consistency.

8. Keep yourself occupied.

You don’t want him to be the sole purpose of your existence, so what you must do is keep yourself busy and fulfilled.

Do something fun, or better yet, get on with the tasks you’ve procrastinated!

Get back to your workout regime and social group—the point is do not let his idleness depress you into isolation.

The sooner you find out how much fun you can have without this guy, the less tempted you’ll feel to double-text him. 

Besides, some independence ought to do you good.

9. Re-draw your boundaries with him once more.

Mistakes happen, in the sense that he might have not realized how much his actions have hurt you.

Start by re-establishing your boundaries by communicating! Tell him his not texting you back for long periods worries you sick, but do so calmly.

Regardless of the reason, prove to him that he can trust you with whatever, as long as he gives you a heads-up before he leaves.

10. Decide whether he’s worth the wait or not.

We’re not patient creatures—waiting for days for a text back has most likely indescribably irritated you. And you’re not to blame.

Sit back and ask yourself, “Is he worth it?”, because it’s not fair for him to do this and hurt you over and over again despite being aware of it.

• If there are times when he often leaves for days without explaining to you why, that’s a sign of disrespect, and you’d be better off cutting ties.

What’s the point of having a relationship with someone who brings you more pain than joy, when you could get with someone who appreciates you?

The Don’ts: Things you MUST avoid doing after getting a reply from him.

And equally as important as the Do’s, we got the Don’ts—things you need to refrain from when a guy texts back after ignoring you.

In a nutshell, these are the things you must ABSOLUTELY avoid after he comes back from ignoring you.

1. Don’t immediately text him back.

He kept you waiting, so it’s only fair you return the favor—not to sound toxic, but he needs to know he’s not the only fun thing going on in your life.

The fact he did this means he either wants some space or to make a statement, something you’ll happily give him.

• I recommend you mimic his actions and take as long as he did. If he texted back after a few hours, do the same thing. If he took a whole day, take a whole day as well. 

Use this time to cool down and avoid looking desperate.

2. But also, don’t ignore him out of spite.

You don’t want to be that person who ignores a guy for days just because he did it for a few hours. What if he genuinely could not text you back?

He’s bound to feel hurt if you purposely leave him on seen while being online, so make sure you don’t overdo it.

If both of you keep ignoring each other, the communication factor will cease to exist, putting your relationship in danger.

Be the mature and understanding one—put in the effort to make things right!

3. Don’t cut him out of your life without hearing his side of the story.

If you couldn’t care less about a relationship with this man, then feel free to skip this tip.

If you do, however, make sure not to cut him out without hearing his explanation as it might save you a heartbreak.

Everybody deserves a chance to explain, especially if they never do things to purposely hurt you.

4. Don’t take his actions personally.

It’s not like he’s “ignoring” you per se; he might be drowning in assignments and have no time to talk to you!

• He is most likely busy if he told you beforehand he would be. Another way to tell is if he has a habit of pulling away whenever he gets busy.

Instead of letting your insecurities get the best of you, ask your friends for support and advice.

5. Don’t be publicly bitter.

I suggest you refrain from posting anything on your social media accounts that implies you’re angry and/or heartbroken.

This will feed his ego even more if he’s manipulating you, and ick him if he’s actually too occupied to reply.

If you want to hold him accountable, do it by talking to him—not by posting on your Snapchat story about how disappointing people are.

6. Don’t show even ONE smidge of desperation.

If you want to show him you are a high-value person, do not text him multiple times begging for a reply.

And no, don’t call him either: let him do his thing and come back when he decides to come back

He needs to know you’re not going to play his games, or at least that you can hold your own without him.

• If you’re new to this relationship (or if you’re not officially an item yet), then this is for you!

7. Do not lash out at him.

The last thing on your list should be lashing out as it’s only going to affect his opinion of you.

Rather than insulting him, be neutral or understanding—neutral if he comes back with no explanation, and understanding if he tells you what’s going on.

Aggressiveness won’t take you anywhere in this aspect, whether he was intentionally ignoring you or not.

– Why do guys ignore, for days at a time sometimes?

The reasons for ignoring differ from guy to guy, but one thing is for certain: something is most definitely going on.

Possible reasons include:

• Him being busy;
• Him not being in a great place;
• Him wanting you to crave him;
• Him “punishing” you for something by pulling away;
• Him losing interest, and only breadcrumbing you as a result;
• Him taking things slow after acting too lovey-dovey.

It also depends on what your relationship is; if you’re not dating, for instance, he might not think of you as a priority.

Whereas he would never treat his own girlfriend like this.

In retrospect, you’re hurt by his actions because your feelings for him go deeper than his do—he doesn’t think he’s ignoring you because he believes he’s not “obligated” to maintain regular contact!

– Is this a recurring pattern?

At the end of the day, being ignored for unspecified amounts of time by the person you like is painful.

You don’t know what’s going on with them, or even if they’re safe—you’re left alone, thinking of the worst.

Having his reasons means it’s probably fine (although you’re still entitled to feeling hurt), but maybe you need to start re-evaluating your relationship if he:

• Doesn’t give any valid reasons for his absence;
• And leaves often.

I said it before, and I’m going to say it again: it’s not fair you have to get hurt, regardless of the reasons he provides.

Take care,

Callisto.