You’re in a tricky situation, he’s pulling away…
This scene in a romantic relationship can cause you to feel confused, hopeless, it can make you question your actions, yourself, and your self-worth.
Depending on your ways of coping with this, you’ll be faced with difficulties while trying to decide what to do about it.
He pulled away after all, what’s there left to do, right?
Well, there are a lot of things you can do, depending on where you see the relationship going from this.
Leaving things not communicated and ‘solving’ them in a passive way will only lead the relationship to an end without properly ending.
So, yes. There are a couple of things left to do that’ll have a tremendously good effect on you, and him as well, if the clarity is what you’re looking for!
6 things to do when a man pulls away from you:
1. Have some time for yourself: reflect on your behavior and thoughts as well
Having your partner pull away from you without knowing the reasons behind it can emotionally overwhelm you.
This emotional state can highly affect your thought process and thought quality.
Due to this, you’re more likely to rush into decisions and conclusions highly ruled and influenced by stress, anxiety, and unease.
That’s why it’s important to have some time for yourself and reflect on your behavior and thoughts before jumping to conclusions and decisions.
It’s a way to do nothing when he pulls away, at least at the initial stages of it.
So whether he just started pulling away, or this is you after noticing that he’s pulling away:
– Think of how his behavior makes you feel, and where it is stemming from.
Reflecting on how your partner’s behavior is making you feel will help you tremendously in knowing how your thoughts are affected by it.
You’ll be having a better understanding of why his behavior is affecting you that way, and you’ll have an easier time communicating that to him.
– Find what part of his behavior is indicating that he’s pulling away.
In other words, find out what he is exactly doing to give you the impression he’s pulling away.
Is he acting differently, is he being less affectionate, and is his behavior directly linked with you?
Again, this will help you to communicate your concerns to him more clearly and confidently.
– Look at it from both points of view: is this something triggering your insecurities, or is it a disrespectful behavior of his?
Think it through with ease, without being harsh on yourself.
You’ll be discussing this behavior with him and have a clear understanding of the reasoning behind his behavior anyway.
However, it’s important to make sure to be aware of your actions, behavior, and thoughts regarding the situation without being judgmental of yourself.
Self-blaming isn’t healthy, though it’s a practice commonly seen in such situations.
Keep in mind that this has to do more with your partner dealing with his inner issues than it has to do with you.
2. Address the situation: talk with him
The importance of open verbal communication mustn’t be underestimated in such circumstances within a relationship.
Make sure you address the issue calmly and in a non-attacking approach.
It’s crucial to create a safe space in which a calm discussion can begin, even if it turns messy later on.
A conversation with him will give you a distinct picture of how he acknowledges his behavior and how he handles your concerns regarding the relationship.
Therefore, making it easier for you to make up your mind on what’ll be your next move in this direction.
– Ask him the questions that are bothering you.
It’s best that you address the questions that are bothering you, rather than thinking about them and coming up with a conclusion that doesn’t fit the bill.
This will not only clear up your thoughts, but it’ll also help you move forward and understand his point of view and reasoning behind why he’s pulling away.
– Let him know how the way he’s pulling away is affecting you, and what part of his behavior is particularly concerning for you.
This way you open the path to a genuine conversation.
It’s an easier way for both of you to give and receive honest answers that’ll help you clear up your thoughts.
It also helps you detect manipulative or toxic behavior towards you and be cautious of the weight and truthness of the words you give and receive.
– Don’t be persistent on “I want you to stay”; it can draw him away even further.
Being persistent and begging him to stay when he pulls away is very likely to draw him away from you even further.
When he pulls away, let him go.
Give him the space, and respect his decision despite the effect of his absence on you.
Try to listen to his explanation and try to express and articulate your thoughts and opinions as well-defined and clear as possible.
3. Try to have a pragmatic view of the situation: Weight his behavior and yours
In such situations, it’s normal to be overwhelmed and for words and actions to appear on a larger scale than they are.
Watching your partner pull away with or without a clue behind the reasoning behind his actions can be heavy on your mind.
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed and experience emotions and feelings more intense than usual.
However, that can sometimes affect your perception of the situation.
It can lead you to be driven and affected by those very intense feelings and emotions you’re experiencing at the moment.
That’s why the presence of a pragmatic view of the situation is crucial.
– Weigh his behavior and yours within the relationship.
He likely has inner issues rather than a particular issue with you or your behavior.
However, after having a conversation with him, you must weigh both your behaviors and ways of handling this situation from a pragmatic perspective.
– Vent to a trusted friend, or talk to your therapist.
Letting it out verbally (spoken or written) can be very eye-opening in this situation. It helps you ‘hear’ yourself.
A therapist can be a tremendous help to guide you with your thought and decision-making process.
Either way, venting it all out, or taking advice from a professional is healthy for you and will help you out with this situation.
– Don’t resist the feelings and emotions that are coming through.
Instead, accept them and analyze them.
This allows you to grow from the experience and see past those moments – often short-lasting – emotions and feelings.
A better analysis of how and why you’re feeling will prevent the “shoulds” and “what ifs” distort your judgment and perception.
Let your body and mind do their thing without interfering.
Instead, observe yourself and use this as a way to learn more about yourself and the situation you’re in with him.
4. Give him space: respect his decision
This experience can take a toll on you and it certainly knows how to make you desperate at some levels.
He’s pulling away, so this can make you feel like you’re responsible for it, or that you have to take action to not let this happen.
It’s difficult to cope with, and it can truly mess around with your head and thoughts.
However, despite the urge to convince him to stay, win him back, or convince him that he can’t afford to walk away from you, you’ve got to give him space.
Let him pull away if that’s his decision.
It’s a bit ironic, but giving him the space he needs seems to be one of the ways to win him back after he pulls away.
– Cut off mind games to “make him chase you back”.
A lot of women (and men) tend to pull every trick under their sleeve thinking that they’ll charm their partner back into the relationship.
It can work, but it only works temporarily. On the other hand, it can go wrong.
– If it’s his conscious decision, then respect it by giving him the space he demands/needs.
Whether he communicated it to you verbally or has been expressing it through passive-aggressive behavior, let him have that space.
In these situations, most people feel the need to do something about it and go out of their way to convince their partner to stay.
In this case, the only way to have peace of mind is to do nothing about it. Let your partner pull away, and respect his decision.
– Self-respect can’t leave the picture.
Again, it has to do with going out of your way to convince him he can’t afford to pull away from you.
However, this is something that’ll damage you emotionally.
When you don’t stay true to yourself for the sake of convincing or proving to him that pulling away isn’t a decision he wants to make, you tend to lose yourself in the process.
You might have this urge to please him more or to turn into someone else with the hope of him changing his mind.
You should resist those urges and keep self-respect within the picture, it’s best for your mental and emotional state in this situation especially.
5. Make a decision: what’s going to be your next move?
After reflecting on the situation, addressing it with your partner, and reflecting by having a pragmatic approach to the situation, it’s time to make a decision.
You want to give him space and not impose a decision on him as that would be considered a toxic way of continuing the relationship.
You can take your time to think it through by not being harsh on yourself, as this isn’t a very light decision to make.
– It’s ok to end the relationship if you don’t see this relationship going further on.
Sometimes one of the safest bets is to end the relationship instead of having illusionary hopes that he’ll eventually come back as if nothing has ever happened.
You can decide to move on with your life and let this relationship be a lesson and a place of good memories you shared with your partner.
Making this decision is ok, and you have every right to do so.
– You can take a break.
Taking a break is different from entirely ending the relationship.
If you both agree to take a break for a particular period and check in with each other after that time is done, then it’ll help you out with your stances on the relationship.
Taking a break doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re both going to want to get back together after the break.
That’s why you’re doing this in the first place, to see where you’re standing, and what are the next steps you’re both taking in the relationship.
– You can decide along with your partner.
When a man pulls away, he tends to leave a lot of gray areas along the way, depending on how your boyfriend pulls away:
- He could simply vanish from your life.
- He could slowly pull away from you without communicating the reasons.
- He withdraws from you by getting cold or even cheating.
- He indirectly asks to break up with you.
If he’s choosing the passive ways to pull away and withdraw, this is where you can both make a decision that suits you best in your situation.
Having an open conversation about what’s been bothering both of you, how you can fix it, answering and making questions genuinely, will eventually lead to a decision that you both agree on making.
6. Shift your focus on your well-being
It’s easy to say when he pulls away, do nothing about it, let him go, and just let it be.
Indeed, it’s easier said than done. However, after solving this the healthy way, it’ll be time for you to turn to yourself and your well-being.
– Activities that make you feel in touch with yourself.
This will surely help you with your self-esteem which is prone to lowering after he pulled away, and after what you’re going through.
You’ll be shifting your focus on something that brings you joy and calm instead of something that reminds you of trouble, and starts a negative chain of thoughts.
It can be anything you love doing. Start investing time and energy in yourself. It’ll do wonders!
– Physical activity, exercise, or walks.
These will release those feel-good hormones and will do wonders with your self-esteem, mental and physical health.
Besides, you’ll be investing your time and attention into something else besides your relationship which might’ve been exhausting for your emotional and mental state.
It’s not easy to just get up and do something. It requires mental strength, that’s why you can take your time until you reach that level of willingness to get up and exercise.
However, this is one of the most effective ways to start your journey of healing!
– Spend time with people you love.
After exhausting thoughts, and push-pulls that your mind has done, you tend to forget what love feels like, and what caring behavior feels like.
That’s why spending time and surrounding yourself with people you love is yet another one of the most effective ways to heal.
You’ll get to remind yourself of the love you deserve, the care, and the feeling of being thought of.
It’s been there all along, you simply need to recognize it.
What to do when he pulls away and comes back?
Pulling away and coming back can give you a hard time understanding his intentions.
That’s why you might end up feeling confused and divided on what could be the best decision to make in this situation.
With a deep breath, ease, and consideration for yourself, here are 6 things to do when comes back after pulling away:
– Reflect on his approach, the situation, and the relationship.
The way he handled it, the way he communicated it to you will give you a lot of material to consider whether getting back is a good idea or not.
Take things slow and don’t rush yourself into a decision due to the pressure you might be feeling at the moment.
– Think of how getting back with him would make you feel.
The flowery filter usually wears out after what you’re desperate for comes right at you.
When he comes back after pulling away, take your time to think things through, think of how getting back with him would make you feel as a person and as a character.
How would this affect your self-perception, self-respect, and self-love?
If you’d feel any less than you are because of deciding to get back with him, then it’s not worth it.
– Talk to him.
Talking to him will allow you to have your questions answered through his approach to the situation, his explanation, and his reasoning behind his return.
This will make it a lot easier for you to comprehend his intentions towards you and his expectations from the relationship.
– Don’t take anything less than what you’re deserving of.
If he approaches you with arrogant and insincere behavior then that’s something you’re not deserving of.
Be aware of manipulative, toxic, playing behavior. Try to make a difference between a sincere apology, and a manipulative “please take me back”.
– Is it worth giving this another try?
Weigh his actions, words, and approaches to you before and after he pulled away. Take this easy, and don’t be harsh on yourself.
Take your time to think this through, is it worth giving this another try?
– Communicate your decision to him.
After taking your time to talk to him, reflect, and clear the blurry thoughts it’s time to communicate your decision to him.
Keep in mind, not him, not anyone is worthy of questioning your self-worth and self-love for!
That being said, I know you’ll decide what’s best for you. You’ve got this!
Conclusion: What to do when he pulls away?
Putting the pieces back in their places, we get a full picture. This means when he pulls away:
1. Do nothing, instead, take your time to reflect on the situation and its causes.
2. Address the situation.
3. Don’t let your perception of the situation be influenced by the heavyweight of emotions and feelings you’re experiencing at the moment.
4. Give him space and respect his decision.
5. Decide what will be the decision on your side: leaving, or waiting for his return?
6. Shift your focus entirely to your well-being.
You’re capable of handling this situation, and what you’re experiencing is valid.
You’re strong and you can handle this situation, I know!