Oh, it messes you up! I know, because I’ve been there.
The tiring thoughts and troubled mind join the room, as a matter of fact, they kick out the calm thoughts, and peace of mind. He won’t text back!
Not to mention the almost compulsive urge to check the phone every time a notification pops up, with the thought of ‘Oh this could be him!’. Yet again, he won’t text back!
The solution to this problem is in you, it’s just that it’s a little blurry because, well, because he didn’t text back.
Alrighty, ladies, let’s tackle this mess together!
I’d like you to consider something before we get into ‘what to do if/when he doesn’t text back’:
Think of this: What would getting a text back from him make you feel?
Would you feel more valuable? Respected? Important? Your thought of yourself as valuable, respected, and important shouldn’t depend on his texts, nor anyone else’s texts. Take the time you need to work on this aspect, and learn how to stop thinking that you’re the problem.
If you feel ignored, not valued, or not respected, then see if it is coming from a place of insecurities or if it is a result of his behavior towards you. If it is the latter, then this can be considered as one of the signs of a toxic relationship.
Would you feel that he cares? Just one reply cannot indicate whether someone cares for you or not. You want to pay attention to his approach towards you and your boundaries. Let things flow, and see if where they’re headed is something that’s suitable for you or not.
If he never texts back, and you’re the only one making the move, then take this as a sign to move on from this relationship. It’ll be draining and exhausting for you.
9 things you can do when a guy doesn’t text you back:
1. Change the perspective on how you’re seeing the situation
When a guy doesn’t text you back, honestly, it’s not him causing you the stress and anxiety of waiting. It’s not you either. It’s more of the point of view and perspective through which you’re seeing the situation.
Drop the “I did something wrong, hence he’s not responding”, or “How do I win him back?” mindset.
I do understand that it can be difficult, because you like him a lot, and you’re attracted to him, and that you don’t want to lose him. But you might want to take a second and think on how this attraction is affecting your emotional state.
When he doesn’t text back, it can be damaging, and it can make you drop things, perhaps question your value, and so on. That’s why I’d like you to think of it as “He doesn’t seem to be very respectful towards me, do I want to continue keeping in touch with this guy?”
It is honestly more of a pragmatic way of seeing it. I’d like you to ask yourself right now: “Am I happy with the way this way of communication from his side makes me feel? Is he deserving of it? Would I tolerate this, for the sake of self-respect?”
2. Don’t make up scenarios/assumptions in your mind
There could be so many reasons why he doesn’t text back. He can show signs he likes you through text, but they feel absent once the assumptions start to kick in.
Making assumptions about this will drive you to a place of low self-esteem and almost desperation. It’s not a healthy place to be in. If you want to get out of it, you want to drop the assumptions.
I know all about the “Oh I shouldn’t have said that! I know it’s the reason he’s not texting!”, “He’s probably met someone more fun, or interesting than me.”, “He’s lost interest, I was kissing his a*s.”
Sincerely speaking, this gets worse, and the assumptions get more than 3 in number, more nonsense, and more crazy the more you keep them going.
If you want peace of mind, drop them.
3. Wait for a certain period of time – Don’t text him
“Oh, he didn’t respond to my text, I’m going to text him again to see why!” Hold on a little, wait for a little…
When I say wait, don’t text him for a certain period of time, not wait around for him to text you. I mean just don’t send him another text.
He didn’t communicate the reasons to you, hence you don’t want to rush in and text him something ‘wrong’, or something that’ll make the situation get worse.
Since we have no clue why he didn’t text us, we give him that space, but most importantly we respect our own. We acknowledge that it’s not our fault, and just leave it at that, continuing our lives like we did before we met this mind conqueror.
Set yourself a limit (time wise), if he crosses that limit, move on. Let’s say you set that limit to 7 days. If he doesn’t text until then, then you move on. And if you just feel like doing it, send him a closure text.
4. Don’t put your energy into waiting for him, you’ve got better things to do
The thought of ‘He won’t text me back, I’ll lose him’ is scary itself. Stop fearing things not working with him, or even things ending with him. This fear will control you from showing your true self to him, and actually enjoy and be present in the moment with him.
Do whatever you have to do, don’t let a guy that doesn’t text back get in the way of you living your usual things. Don’t let that disrupt your peace of mind.
Don’t put too much energy into this. By not putting your energy into this, you won’t let it affect you as much as it is right now. You’ll be focusing on other things that help to improve, instead of things that just mess up your head.
5. Turn off the notifications, or at least put your phone on mute
Find ways to become ‘independent’ of your phone, especially if your mood started depending on it, and even more especially if your mood started depending on it because he’s on the contact list.
Just turn off the notifications, it’ll make it easier for you to not get disappointed or obsessed with it every time your phone rings to notify you of a text.
If you don’t feel like turning off the notifications, then at least put your phone on mute. Or just find a way to not let that ringtone affect you into thinking that it must be him.
6. Don’t text him to ask for explanations to why he didn’t text back
Resist the urge, sister! I feel you and everything, but for god’s sake resist texting him that one or two times more to ask explanations from him. I’m all about texting him first, but not in this case. No.
It’s a sign of desperation, and it’ll most likely turn him off. That’s not the point of it though, it’s not about him, it’s about you. It’s not about his opinion on you, it’s about you understanding that it’s not worth becoming desperate for a ‘virtual cruel move’ of someone else.
I know you’re stronger than that. You’re stronger than simply letting a person have such a big effect on your daily life, and your emotional state.
It’s part of being humans – impacting one another in different aspects. But, the levels in which this behavior affects us can sometimes get extreme and disturbing. Introduce yourself to ‘freedom’:
7. Understand that your world doesn’t depend on him
Take however much time you need to understand this: a day, a week, a month, a year. Even if it makes you question your definitions of respect, love, or self-development. I’d love you to truly comprehend this, and make it your new mantra.
Your world doesn’t depend on him. Your world doesn’t depend on him. Your world doesn’t depend on him.
You’re your own individual, you experience joy, happiness, life through you, through your being. Why shake these solid truths?
I know, it may sound like I’m getting a little too dramatic with this, but honestly it gets exhausting at some point:
Unanswered questions, checking the phone every single time, questioning if “I’m enough”, questioning “what I’ve said”. These mess up your mind a little, and shake your world a little.
Do what you do, what brings you joy. Go out with friends, because you feel like going, not because “I don’t care about him, and I want to show it to him”. Do what you’d normally do on that day/those days.
8. Try your best to not obsess about it – Don’t overthink it, and don’t blame yourself
He didn’t text back, it’s just a guy not texting you back, not the world ending. Wake up!
Just asking what to do when a guy doesn’t text back, means you’re asking for clues, reasons, actions. It means you’re thinking about it, perhaps a lot, perhaps so much that you couldn’t help but search the question.
Obsessively Thinking about it will not help anything. On the contrary, you’ll be damaging yourself, it won’t benefit you.
If he doesn’t text back, he has his reasons. And whatever those reasons are, you’ll eventually find out. You won’t solve any mystery inside your head until he gives you the truth himself.
One of the worst things you can do is blame yourself. Though I’ve been there and I understand that blaming yourself is one of the ways to give sense to the situation.
Find ways to entertain yourself and go on with whatever you usually do. Again, don’t let your world depend on a*s.
9. Don’t play games
If he’s honest and genuine enough, he’ll find ways to stick around, and you two will find ways to each other.
When he doesn’t text you back there’s this “He didn’t text me back, but I’ll find my ways around it, he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with” Girl no! Don’t you dare find your ways around it!
If it’s not something that you’d tolerate, and if it is something that messes with your head, just tell him.
If that’s something he does unconsciously, or he’s just busy, or whatever it is behind it, then you’ll have an understanding of it and you’ll let him know if you don’t want to move any further with him because that’s not something you’re okay with.
Otherwise, if you want to turn it around and make him taste his own medicine, it’ll get worse: If a guy doesn’t text you for a day, you don’t text him 48 hours, and the next things you know is that not responding to each other for at least 48 hours became the new norm for your communication.
Drop the mind games. Stick to genuinity and sincerity.
What to text him back when he finally texts? – How to react after all that mess?
It entirely depends on what he texts you and how he texts you, on how long since the last text he sent you.
For example, if a guy doesn’t text you for a day (like 24 hours), or like 6 hours or something similar, it’s usually not something to worry about, unless it is something that bothers you, and you feel like you can’t go on with such a behavior, then simply let him know through clear and honest communication.
However, when he doesn’t text back for days, it’s slightly a different story. For example, if a guy doesn’t text you for a week and comes back pretending nothing happened, while you’ve been going crazy ‘behind the scenes’, I’d send him this:
He’ll either bullshit you about something and give you a lame excuse, or he’ll give you an honest reason. Whatever his answer is, judge it and see if it is something you want to keep up with. It’s up to you.
Approach the situation with calmness, and don’t let it disrupt your peace. Let your answer come from a place of self-respect, and peace of mind.
If a guy doesn’t text you back – Responses for when he doesn’t text back
Alright, we’ve come to ‘He doesn’t respond to my texts, what do I respond to that?’
If it is truly disturbing you and you feel like you want to end things, you can send him something like:
“Hey [name]. It’s been lovely to get to know you, but this is not a way of communicating which I’m comfortable with, so I’ll have to let you go. Wishing you the best!”
“Hi [name]. I hope you’re doing ok. I just wanted to let you know that I’m not comfortable continuing things between us due to your lack of communication. I wish you well!”
“Hello [name]. Lack of communication is not something I’m okay with. Despite the fact that it’s been amazing to get to know you, I’m gonna have to let you go. I wish you the best!”
On the other hand, if it is bothering you, but you still want to continue things with him, and want to know the reasons, (even though I wouldn’t recommend texting him until he comes back)you can send him something like this:
“Hey [name]. It’s been a while since I haven’t heard from you. Is everything ok?”
“Hey [name]. I’d rather not guess what happened, is everything ok?”
You’re showing concern, and it’s not coming from a place of neediness. If he doesn’t respond to that either, then you’ve GOT to move on. Honestly!
Why doesn’t he text back? – 4 reasons why guys don’t text back
I’ll briefly explain 4 of the reasons why he doesn’t text back. Although, I’d like you to keep in mind that the only way to know for sure is him communicating his reasons to you.
1. He’s just not very good at doing two/three things at a time – He could be busy
It’s a little bit on the way we perceive things and how good we are at multitasking. In this case, he might suck at multitasking, and can’t focus on whatever he’s doing AND texting you at the same time.
It might take him a bit to reply, but if/when he’s interested and cares, he will reply, he will text you. It’s too obvious not to see it.
Sometimes we focus a lot on what we’re getting, and when he doesn’t text back, that type of focus is more intense. It’s good to step back and reflect on what we’re giving too.
One of the reasons why he doesn’t text back, surprisingly a lot of times, is that he plainly doesn’t have a clue what to respond back to your text. If it isn’t a question that you sent him, or at least something that requires a text back, then he might just get stuck and he just ends up having no idea what to say back.
When he doesn’t text you back too often, as in, this becoming something repetitive, it could be one of those signs that he’s not interested through text.
If he’s interested, he will at least text you every now and then and ask you how you’ve been. You can connect the dots with the way and the approach he has with you through texting, but also when you spend time together in the flesh (if you meet).
One of the reasons why he won’t text back, or why he doesn’t text back is that this is some sort of a tool he uses to get the control in the relationship, or whatever ship it is that you’re building together.
He perhaps feels that he doesn’t have enough power, or he feels intimidated, or inferior towards you, there are a ton of reasons why he’d be wanting to get control.
This is a pretty powerful tool to use, as it leaves you with unanswered questions like “Why doesn’t he text back?”, or “Did I do something wrong?”, or “Is he still interested in me?”, and so on.
What does it mean when a guy doesn’t text you back?
There’s only one way to know the exact truth when guys don’t text back. That is a solid, honest, genuine explanation from the guys who don’t text back themselves.
I know that when/if a guy doesn’t text back, it leaves a lot of room for self-doubt, and confusion. You seek for a meaning, you try to connect dots, or just get any crumb that makes sense in order to end having troubling thoughts. It gets chaotic up there.
We can make assumptions as much as we like, but the best way to solve this “mystery”, is to take care of yourself, mind your own business, take care of your joy and peace of mind, and move on once you see that he crossed your limits and boundaries.
FAQ – What to do if he doesn’t text you back?
What to do when a guy doesn’t text you back?
I explained it all above in the article, but I’ll sum it up for you. Here, the 9 things to do when your boyfriend doesn’t text you back:
- Change the perspective on how you’re seeing the situation;
- Don’t make up scenarios/assumptions in your mind;
- Wait for a certain period of time – Don’t text him;
- Don’t put your energy into waiting for him, you’ve got better things to do;
- Turn off the notifications, or at least put your phone on mute;
- Don’t text him to ask for explanations to why he didn’t text back;
- Understand that your world doesn’t depend on him;
- Try your best to not obsess about it – Don’t overthink it, and don’t blame yourself;
- Don’t play games.
Will he ever text me back? – Will he text again?
There’s no definite “don’t text him and he will text you” answer to this. And there’s definitely no definite answer on whether he’ll text you back again.
Most of the time they do text again, he could be one of the guys that stops texting and starts again.
Whatever the case, it’s important that your joy doesn’t depend on it.
What to text when he doesn’t reply?
I wrote a few lines on the article, here they are again:
- t’s been lovely to get to know you, but this is not a way of communicating which I’m comfortable with, so I’ll have to let you go. Wishing you the best!”
- wanted to let you know that I’m not comfortable continuing things between us due to your lack of communication. I wish you well!”
- “Hello [name]. Lack of communication is not something I’m okay with. Despite the fact that it’s been amazing to get to know you, I’m gonna have to let you go. I wish you the best!”
I don’t recommend you text him to ask him about the reasons, hence, I’m not going to rewrite those lines here.
He read my message but didn’t reply. What should I do?
If your response required an answer and your boyfriend didn’t respond/reply, then you can text him just once more but not come from a place of neediness. If your question was of high importance, go ahead text him.
If not then stick to those 9 things I mentioned 2 times already. It’s important that you don’t let your mood be affected by it. Be joyful, and don’t stop the activities you’d normally do. You’ll be fine, trust me!