When a guy ghosts you out of nowhere, your ego, pride, heart, and mind are attacked instantly.
You go through grieving without realizing it and then you’re left confused and lonely.
The aim is to shift your emotional experience and your mindset. Yet, this isn’t easy to do from the place that you’re in.
The first thing I did wrong was blamed myself immediately and instilled the victim mentality. Wrong thing to do!
To avoid making the same mistakes as I did and to know what to do when a guy ghosts you, follow these 11 tips:
1. Don’t take it personally
The moment that he goes MIA, you slowly start to beat yourself up.
That’s the first thing that everyone does. Hence, the intensity of it changes according to your attachment style.
If you have an anxious attachment style, you tend to think that he has lost interest and is doing it on purpose.
- And, what I advise you to do is to pull yourself out of this situation. Get yourself out of the bubble and change your mindset.
- Even dating coach Mathew Hussey suggests that you should remove the I in this matter. Do not make it all about yourself.
- Don’t take ghosting always as a sign of rejection. This might be a redirection.
2. Try to understand what you’re feeling
A girl who has been in her mid-twenties has been ghosted more than 15 times. Yes, more than 15 times in the course of 6 months.
What I came to understand from our sessions is that she didn’t know that being ghosted can crush your self-confidence and self-esteem.
She was compressing her pain and passing it to another person. Through this journey, she tried to lose her identity so she can be what they wanted.
When we pinned this down together, I advised her to read “The Book of Human Emotions” by Tiffany Watts Smith and “The Year of Magical Thinking” by Joan Didion.
She needed to go back and forth and read these two books constantly.
Then she was ready to understand how she felt and what is grief and how can you navigate it.
3. Don’t get out of yourself to just impress him once again
Well, when you feel confused and rejected, you will go beyond yourself to just win him over once again.
But, what happens, in reality, is that you will only push him away by operating from the place of insecurity and longing.
- It’s okay to feel stressed and uncertain hence try to stick to your values.
- Give yourself some time to do activities that you like and upgrade yourself.
I’m not implying that you shouldn’t talk to him or ignore him. All I am asking is to not chase him without setting your boundaries.
4. Set your boundaries
The main thing that you should do when a guy ghosts you is to set your boundaries.
You can be understanding and work on the relationship even if you set your boundaries.
Technically, that will make things better because you have your principles and your rules.
So, he cannot control or manipulate you because he might do it until he figures out the rest of what he wants.
And, the popular author and life coach Jay Shetty advises you to set your boundaries because you’ll get hurt more because of the confusion.
5. Work on changing your mindset
You might think, yeah that’s easy to say.
Well, here is the thing. You cannot keep blaming yourself for being ghosted because that will only bring you negative outcomes.
And as the amazing author Simon Sinek would say “Mindset is a privilege.”
He claims that if you continue having a victim mindset, nothing good will come out of it and you’ll be stuck.
Thus, success comes from having your mind under control.
You cannot control your thoughts or your emotions, but you can try to solve what you can do to feel a certain emotion or feeling.
For more info: Is your mindset a privilege?
6. Keep your dating options open
Being ghosted while being in a long-term relationship is heavier than when you’ve been on a few dates.
This comes as a result of spending more time with one another, making a lot of memories together, and connecting emotionally.
- But, if you have been not dating officially, you should keep your dating options open.
- It’s not something easy to do if you get easily attached to him but try to not focus only on him.
- Because if you hyper-fixate on him and why he ghosted you, you will start to get obsessed.
- Try to use more dating apps or go out and join communities that you like.
7. Give him some space too
Sometimes a man even you might feel overwhelmed or scared or unprepared while dating.
And no, I don’t want to justify ghosting but sometimes the quickest thing that one might think and do to avoid an unpleasant thing is to disappear.
- 1. Yet, you should give him some space no matter for whatever reason he is ghosting you.
- 2. It’s not an easy task but try to move forward with your life. Keep in touch with him, don’t go full no contact but give him some space and time to reflect.
- 3. If he has had enough time to reflect then you might just check up on him if you want closure.
8. Ask for clarity and don’t ignore him
While working with a lot of clients and discussing ghosting with my colleagues, we saw that something is missing or isn’t right.
There were a lot of sources that impacted people who were ghosted negatively and instilled unnecessary anger in them.
Yes, being ghosted hurts like hell.
You don’t wish that on anybody but instead of hating on him and ignoring him, try to work on yourself and let him be him.
I’m not asking you to disrespect yourself or justify his actions. All that I’m asking is to communicate how this made you feel, calmly and steadily.
9. Avoid posting constantly sad things
If you can’t communicate with him at the moment don’t try indirect ways.
One indirect way that many people do is by posting sad stuff to make him feel guilty.
Well, that reverse psychology doesn’t work in this situation because you won’t draw his attention.
You’ll only maybe confuse him more if he is ghosting you because of past trauma.
And if he’s ghosting you to “control” you then you will trigger him and give him signs that you’re desperate.
10. Reflect on yourself and pin down what you want in this relationship
After all these types of advice is time to advise you to point the finger at yourself.
If he ghosted you because he was hurt by you and you weren’t working on your flaws maybe it’s time to work on them.
Take your time. Just make sure that you pin down the problem properly.
It’s not that simple to be subjective after you’ve been ghosted so you may ask for a relationship coach’s help.
And try to go to the root of what made him pull away.
The best tool is to journal. Write down everything that comes to your mind and then be selective.
Go through these feelings and reflect on what is causing that.
11. Talk to someone professional
If a guy ghosts you one final thing to do is to ask for extra help.
Why I need you to do this is because sometimes it’s hard to understand in depth what you and he are feeling.
If he has an avoidant attachment style or if he is dealing with BPD then extra help from a therapist is needed.
Or if you’re dealing with a lot of anxiety and other troubles that come with ghosting, here are a few sources to consider:
What to say when a guy ghosts you?
When a guy ghosts you there are a few things that you can say to him to set your boundaries, let him know how you feel, and give him space.
1. You can approach nicely.
Ask him how he has been or if there’s something that you can do.
“Hey, I’ve noticed that we haven’t talked for a couple of days. Is everything alright?”
2. Send him something that reminds him of you or your interaction.
If you’ve been just dating then you can send him a song, a movie, a meme, or anything that would make him feel good.
If he doesn’t respond to that then you just move forward and give him space.
3. Say how you feel but don’t be tactless.
You can say something like this:
“Hey, I’ve noticed that you’ve pulled away and I wanted to know if something bad happened that I didn’t notice.”
You can text this especially if you’ve been in a relationship for a while.
The formula to cope with ghosting!
When a guy ghosts you, the first thing that you should do is to understand that you’re human and you have feelings too.
Another thing that you should write it down on your healing list is to let yourself feel and not be mad.
Indeed, it’s not that easy to not blame yourself for something that is not working out the way you wanted.
Hence, start slowly to create a strong mindset, that will help you to reflect differently.
When suddenly all this weight falls off your shoulders, you’ll be ready to either move on or create space to let things improve.
Never give up and never settle for someone who doesn’t put effort on you.
Love,
Callisto
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