No one reacts the same during and after the breakup. And even the results of No Contact are different for each one.
I know that the period after No Contact is more critical than the moment you started the NC rule! Now, you wonder, what to do after No Contact or how do I respond?
Well, that depends on your current approach toward your ex and whether your ex wants to get back to you or not after this period.
If you have been following this rule properly (there is no I texted or called my ex first) and yet during this, your ex didn’t reply: That depends on the character of your ex.
Some people may be stubborn or not ready yet to reconcile the relationship. Or maybe while implementing this rule you got to the point to end things for good.
Whether you should call or text your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend first, get back to that relationship, stay friends, move on, or get your ex back that all depends if you have been nourished enough and found the will to go back to it again or not.
But to understand specifically what to do after the No Contact here are three different scenarios:
1. You go for 30 days or more of no texting, calling, or interaction with your ex. After that your ex reaches you but now you don’t want to reconcile;
2. Your ex reaches you first and you want to re-establish your relationship too;
3. Your ex doesn’t didn’t reach you yet but you still have feelings: How to get your ex back?
…. And here are 12 tips on what to do during these 3 different scenarios!
First situation: You have been in No Contact for more than 30 days & your ex reaches you first but you don’t want to reconcile
1. Define if you’re ready to reconnect and reconcile
It is pretty common to not want to reconcile things with your ex after the No Contact Rule.
You might not feel the same about your ex anymore. Because during NC you see things from a different perspective. You will even analyze the fights and what lead or made your ex break up with you.
If your ex reaches you after 30 days max (since reaching you during the No Contact might cause confusion) then you should be able to tell if you are good with yourself first.
Then you’ll know if you’re happy on your own or with your ex.
2. Do not make an impulsive act to respond without thinking and reconciling things
When an ex reaches you first after No Contact that can be quite tempting. I mean, that is what everyone wants after implying the rule (other than nourishing oneself).
But, if even after the No Contact Rule you do not feel ready or do not want to get back to that relationship, do not reply or even call back.
Distract yourself from that. You might even delete his or her number or close your social media. An impulsive act can lead you more to uncertainty and might give your ex false hopes.
3. Be straightforward and firm with your ex but keep the conversation light
If your ex keeps constantly texting or calling you after the NC rule then you can text a short and firm text to let him know that you’ve made a decision.
That decision can be whether you see yourself better on your own or being just friends.
You can text something like: “Hey, hope you’re doing good too. But, listen. I’ve reflected through this time and I need to step out of this relationship. Take care”.
| Note: If you feel like not responding, you don’t have to do it at all. Your silence will be a response to your ex! |
Second situation: Your ex reaches you first and you want to re-establish your relationship too
1. Don’t panic or feel anxious
It is quite hard to jump in again in a relationship when there used to be fights and bitter memories.
The main aim of this distance was to overcome mistakes and make yourself better. If you two have learned communication, there is no room for panic. Now, you’ll know how to react and what to do.
2. Avoid bridging up to the conversation bad times, what you did to get through, or try to make your ex jealous
One of the mistakes that some do during and after no contact rule is bringing up to conversation the issues and how your ex is the one to blame. Or how you found someone that is better than your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.
If you feel like getting back together and that you have a future, remind your ex of good times. Remind them what made you fall in love with them and vice versa. Bring up to the conversation
I am not implying to ignore the mistakes that both of you did, but learn to overcome them by not mentioning them but by taking an action to change the situation.
3. Make your ex realize that you’re emotionally stable and you’re no longer desperate
If after the No Contact Rule your ex reaches out first and texts just to check you how you’ve been then don’t respond immediately and in a longer form.
Keep it short. If your ex texts you “Hey, how you’ve been these days” or “I passed by Tom’s Diner and I remembered how fun we had”
Here is how you can text to not sound desperate and overwhelmed:
~ Good. How you’re doing! (Do not add any additional detail to totally reveal what you’re feeling and thinking in one text)
~ Yeah. It was great! ( You confirm it but at the same time you give space to your ex to continue with another text)
4. Rebuild your connection by being honest and friendly
If your ex has contacted you just to make you jealous, blame you, or because now it is your ex who feels lonely and anxious, do not keep it funny or be friendly.
But, if you didn’t end things bad and there is still a flame you can rebuild the reconnection by replying with: “Thank you, yeah same, I like
Note: Flirting is not an option yet, since it is still early to jump into romanticizing. Now it is important to rebuild the connection by being vulnerable, friendly, and helpful.
Third situation: Your ex hasn’t reached you yet but you still have feelings for them: How to get your ex back?
1. Initiate a text to see where your ex stands after implementing the No Contact Rule
Should I call or text my ex if they didn’t contact me yet after the No Contact?
What I recommend to do in this case: Even though you have feelings for your ex check for the possibilities if this is the right decision for you and if your ex wants to get back to you.
The best way to know where your ex stands after the No Contact is to initiate a text, just to check-in.
“Hey, it’s been a while. How you’ve been?”
It is still early to call your ex because you still don’t know how he or she feels or thinks about you!
2. Be confident and nourished
After initiating the text show how this process made you all confident and nourished. Your replies now are all different.
You do not beg and plead to your ex to get back to you. Now you just want to show your transition and taste the waters.
3. Let your ex know shortly how what made you reconnect with him/ her but do not sound needy
One of the ways that show that you have nourished yourself through No Contact is when you’re all honest with your ex.
An initial text can be also the reason that made you give a second chance to your ex. “ Hey, I really need to tell you that your help got me promoted”. “Knock Knock. My heart is open for you”.
4. Be cautious and don’t be a part of an on and off relationship
Balance things while trying to get your ex back. Because even after using the No Contact Rule there is that type of ex’s that aren’t able to connect with you emotionally from time to time.
Your ex thinks that you’ll be there for them whenever they need you.
This type of an ex might come back after the No Contact Rule but yet repeat the same mistakes and lack communication after some months or a year.
5. Be ready to face the outcomes and do not have certain expectations
Even though you followed the latter steps you need to be prepared for the outcomes.
Your ex might not come back to you or even text/ call you back because is stubborn, doesn’t want to sound know needy, your ex is way too proud, or feels guilty and doesn’t want to hurt you again.
That’s why you might never predict the final results even after the No Contact Rule.
Now that you are prepared on what to do after the No Contact, here are a few reasons why an ex reaches you first and 14 replies that you can use:
The power of the No Contact Rule: Here is why your ex reaches you after the No Contact Rule!
The timeline of No Contact, the reason you broke up, and what type of relationship you had, are closely linked with the reason your ex decides to reach out!
Here are 12 reasons that an ex might come back to you after going radio silence:
1. Your ex might feel nostalgic about the relationship you had;
The reason your ex feels nostalgic is that your ex has lost your attention, you were good to your ex, your absence made your ex reminisce on good times.
2. Your ex needs to fulfill a need; Your absence made your ex appreciate your effort and presence more;
3. Wants to get back to you to find comfort again. The distance and dating other people made your ex realize that your ex won’t find someone like you!
4. Your ex misses you; Not being close to you made your ex realize how much he or she misses you.
5. The ex got rejected by someone else;
Well, this is a major trigger to the mind, heart, and consciousness of your ex.
Being away from your ex creates the opportunity to make them notice that you coped for a long time with his or her character and mistakes.
6. Have grown out of their mistakes and want to take small steps to reconnect with you; You gave the opportunity to your ex to reflect on their behavior or past mistakes.
7. Wants to check if there is still a chance to keep coming back to you; the No Contact Rule has made your ex now feel all guilty and lonely. This is the moment when the NC rule hits the dumper.
8. Your ex seeks consolation in you; If in your relationship you were the one doing all communication and being an empath, the NC rule makes your ex realize that you were the one that dealt with his attitude and feelings.
9. Tries to make jealous the person that your ex might be currently “dating”; Being left alone and with nothing to do to get your back after No Contact, your ex finds someone to make you jealous.
10. Has realized that has lost you completely; The greatest impact of the No Contact rule is when your ex finally realizes that you can be on your own.
11. Your ex is desperate and in need of attention; Once you are distant for a few weeks, your ex comes to the point of realization that they have lost your attention.
12. Comes back to reattach. The NC rule makes an ex return to you. But if your ex is an avoidant type (fearful type or emotionally distant) then comes back to you to reattach but then does act the same repeatedly;
Experts recommend these types of texts to use if your ex reaches out to you first
Answer gracefully with these types of text messages and know when to not reply!
1. If your ex apologizes and wants to reconcile
If you want to reconcile: “Hey, that’s very thoughtful of you”.
If you don’t want to get back in contact: “Apology excepted in another universe. We good”.
Tip: Be neutral in both cases!
2. If your ex reminds you of good times
If you want to reconcile: “Yeah, I remember those times..good ones”.
If you don’t want to reconcile: “It was nice, but now things aren’t the same”.
Tip: Be straightforward and honest!
3. If your ex tells you how much has missed you or that loves you
If you want to reconcile: “Awww, it’s been a long time, how you’ve been”
If you don’t want to reconcile: “Thanks, that’s nice of you. But, my feelings have changed.”
Tip: Be honest but don’t leave room to make your ex think you were sitting there, waiting impatiently for their text!
4. If your ex asks for your opinion or validation
If you want to reconcile: “Yeah, you should take that blue jacket. It really suits you”.
If you don’t want to reconcile: “Both are good but it’s up to you”.
Tip: In the first one you are more honest, in the second one you can be neutral!
5. Asks you to meet for the first time after No Contact
If you want to reconcile and see a future with your ex: “Hey, tomorrow I can’t. But, I will let you know during these days. Best”.
If you don’t want to reconcile and don’t feel ready yet to meet: “Hello. Thanks but it is better for us to stay this way”. “Wish the best to you.”
Tip: If you want to meet don’t jump immediately accepting the offer since you may not seem confident and independent.
In the second case, you can be straightforward and let your ex know that there is no chance of getting back together.
6. If your ex sends a funny meme or a link to your favorite song
If you want to reconcile: React to that meme and send another one as a reply. Don’t write any text. If your ex sends a link to your favorite song, react to it and
If you don’t want to reconcile: If that song brings bittersweet memories and you don’t feel ready don’t reply. Don’t even react with a thumbs up or any other emoji since it will send the wrong message to your ex.
7. When your ex is drunk texting you
If your ex reached out to you first but you seem to notice that this person drunk texted you, then it is better to not answer.
There is no message template that can do anything to respond to your ex since there is a big mistake if you respond to a drunk text.
There are mixed feelings and loneliness that make your ex text you first after the No Contact Rule.
8. When you’re ex is just checking in
If you want to reconcile: “Hello. It’s been a while. Good, I’ve been very busy”
If you don’t want to reconcile: “Good. Thanks”.
Tip: If your ex texts after two weeks of NC then it is still early to reply since now you’re already building yourself.
9. Texts to wish you a ‘Happy Birthday!
If you want to reconcile: “Thank you. That’s very nice of you”.
If you don’t want to reconcile: “Thanks”.
Tip:
In the second case, you can reply with a simple thanks, that wouldn’t hurt anybody. You are polite and don’t give the wrong message since the text is short and neutral.
If your ex texts you during No Contact (after a few weeks or a month) and you feel the urge to break the No Contact, if you don’t feel all good with yourself and you are happy and nourished after the breakup don’t reply.
10. But..What if there is a phone call?
If she or he reached out to you with a phone call and there has been two, three weeks of No Contact, then it is still early to pick up that call.
Instead, focus on yourself and distract yourself from the breakup. But if he or she calls you after the No Contact (the length of it that you decide yourself, which is necessary) and you are all confident now, answer it.
Tell your ex and show them that you are a person of value by replying but showing where you stand now in this relationship!
Let’s wrap it up: I need help… After the no contact rule what should I do and how should I respond?
Embrace the change and the outcomes. Whether your ex is coming back or not. Choose the best tip and text that fits your situation.
At this moment you will be healed, you will forgive & be forgiven, refreshed, free from all the pain and trauma.
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