Being clingy in a relationship can mean a lot of things.
Starting from wanting to cuddle and kiss more to controlling who you’re hanging out with.
The level of clinginess depends on their personality, their attachment style, and the way they dealt with past trauma.
Thus, what it might mean clingy to you it won’t look clingy to them.
Here are 10 signs that will help you define what clingy means in your relationship:
1. Being jealous and controlling to some extent.
Clinginess can be shown in different ways and levels but when they are clingy because of past trauma they can be jealous way too much.
The famous psychologist Carl Jung claimed that the psychic or our consciousness always tends to address an underlying problem.
Being clingy in a relationship might mean that they constantly check with whom you’re hanging out and if they can come.
In general, a clingy boyfriend or girlfriend will keep track of your actions. I am not implying that all people who are clingy will act the same.
Unless they are dealing with abandonment issues and are constantly in fear that you will leave them.
2. Doesn’t respect one’s boundaries.
You can consider it as clingy behavior in a relationship if your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries to fulfill theirs.
Yet, this doesn’t mean that they cross your boundaries to hurt you or make your life miserable.
- Sometimes they do it because otherwise, they cannot function without being constantly in your presence.
- You will notice that they will always be upset or make a scene when you need to spend time alone or with your friends.
- Also, they will never give you personal space when you’re feeling down or need to process some things on your own.
3. Constantly needs to have your attention or vice versa.
Are they an attention seeker? Well, if the answer is yes then this also can be defined as being clingy in a relationship.
- Clingy means wanting them just because you love and want them not because you need them.
- This means that being clingy doesn’t always mean that they are desperate.
But, if they are used to being in the spotlight and not used to being on their own, they might crave your attention.
This depends on their personality and how they were brought up.
4. Always asking to be put first in the relationship.
Being clingy in a relationship is also an act of selfishness.
They or you try to make each other feel bad for spending time on your own or wanting to do activities on your own.
In a healthy relationship, each of you would have their own space and create their own life while coexisting and living with them.
If you notice that they are always reminding you to put them first (even if you’re doing it) then they’re being clingy.
5. They mirror all your behavior and vice versa.
A clingy behavior can be considered also the one who adjusts to your lifestyle and starts to lose their identity.
In this case, they do it out of love. It might seem like an obsessive behavior but they’re only trying to adjust to you so you will feel their love.
- Looking from another perspective this might penalise them and your relationship.
- If there isn’t authenticity in a relationship then everything might become boring and everything will feel the same.
6. Contacting your partner more than they want to.
It’s important to state that being clingy in a relationship isn’t always toxic.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend can be clingy to a degree that it will feel safe, cute, and powerful.
And missing their presence is quite normal when they are not around but if they’re contacting you all day and night that might feel too much for you.
- Thus, in this case, being clingy in a relationship means contacting your boyfriend or girlfriend even when there is no need.
- They would want to constantly know what you’re doing, where are you, or how you feel.
- They will also ask for pictures most of the time.
7. They like to cuddle all the time with you.
Over-cuddling is a sign of subtle clinginess.
Being clingy in a relationship also means when they or you don’t want to let each other get out of bed to go to work.
If one of you is always like this and likes to cuddle all the time then you’re being clingy too.
They will always ask you to stay with them for more than 5 minutes and that will turn into 20 or 30 minutes talk or cuddle session.
8. They constantly ask where this relationship is going.
A partner who is clingy and has an anxious attachment, he or she will end up overthinking everything in the relationship.
- They will need reassurance all the time. You might notice that they will ask a lot of questions such as “Do you think that I need to be more around you?”
- They might not notice that they’re doing too much and still do it.
- Also, they will ask other mutual friends or even you if you are mad at them or if you’re not doing much for the relationship.
You feel that their world revolves around you and they’re detached from themselves a bit.
9. They go wherever you go.
They will beg you to always bring them with you wherever you go.
If you’re out for a coffee then they will be with you. If you’re out with your friends then they will be there.
This might be a result of their past trauma or that they feel insecure and find it hard to believe that they’re lovable.
This makes them to be jealous and even be in your presence 24/7.
- In this case, I advise you to communicate this with them but don’t make them feel small.
- Let them know that you care and love them but this type of behavior is impacting you and the relationship negatively.
10. Showing too much affection.
Too much affection in a relationship isn’t a negative thing.
According to this research people who are in a relationship and show affection, they tend to be relaxed.
This means that if your lover kisses and touches you a lot in public and even when you’re alone, he might be clingy but this doesn’t make it a negative thing.
Yet, if this doesn’t make you feel good then you can talk about this with them.
But, never make them feel bad for loving too much or showing their love differently than others.
Is clingy good in a relationship?
To some being clingy might seem like love or some type of intimacy and they might never look at it as something that would impact the relationship negatively.
Being clingy in a relationship can be good to that extent when it helps both of you ignite the relationship and make it more exciting.
But, if you don’t you subtle clinginess and you lose the power to control it then it can turn into a toxic trait.
And yes, clinginess is a red flag when you don’t feel either safe or calm in this relationship because of this trait.
1. If your boyfriend/girlfriend is constantly clingy, it will drain both of you.
On the other hand, if both of you are clingy in the relationship that might feel good because that’s a pattern that both of you are used to.
And with time it will drain both of you because you might be used to being clingy but not tolerate another clingy person in your life.
Thus, craving constant attention or reassurance from one another might leave each of you frustrated.
Even if you have an anxious attachment style, you need to break the pattern and have alone time.
2. When all clinginess is based on jealousy and mistrust.
In this case, if the clinginess comes as a result of past trauma then the relationship might not function properly.
When clinginess comes from a dark place that’s when it becomes a dangerous thing.
If you or your boyfriend don’t heal what is making you become way too clingy, you will end up hurting yourself and them too.
What to do if you or your partner is clingy in the relationship?
If you are clingy in a relationship or your boyfriend then try to reflect on what is making you do it.
1. Start by reflecting on which one of you is being clingy.
I understand then when you’re trying to define which one of you is being clingy, you might start to reflect based on your emotions.
That’s why, you need to work with someone trustworthy (a psychologist or therapist) and define what your attachment style is.
2. Make the difference between being affectionate and clingy.
Many people might use affection and clinginess interchangeably.
If you or your boyfriend/girlfriend think that they are being clingy out of love but that is not allowing you to form a healthy relationship then you should react.
Otherwise, you think that by being clingy you’re giving or receiving healthy love.
3. Try to understand them or yourself and show support.
There is no need to be hostile with them or even yourself when you’re trying to process the situation.
Try to be understanding and work together to find the root of what is making you or them clingy.
Don’t try to show that you’re stronger if you don’t show affection the same way as they do.
Only by communicating, you can find common ground.
4. Don’t give up if it becomes too much. Seek professional help.
If it becomes unbearable and you can’t deal with this situation on your own, try to work with a professional therapist.
They will be able to lead you to a proper solution where you won’t make bad decisions or hurt anyone by trying to understand clinginess.
You can try to understand them on your own but defining and healing past traumas is something that needs to be solved by accepting extra help.
5. Reflect on how this whole situation is making you feel and if you’re building a healthy relationship.
Being clingy to some extent is okay but if they constantly cross your boundaries and you can’t breathe in this relationship then you need to reconsider it.
Especially, if they constantly are in fear of abandonment then they will tend to be quite controlling and this might prevent you from having a healthy relationship.
This type of behavior would lead you to constant arguments and even fights.
Concluding it all!
Being clingy in a relationship means crossing your partner’s boundaries and pressuring them to do something without their will.
This means that they focus totally on the relationship and on you as their partner while they continue to lose themself in the process.
It doesn’t mean that they do this on purpose or to harm you. Sometimes the root of clinginess it’s their pure heart/good intentions or trauma.
Whatever the reason, you don’t need to jump to a conclusion.
The best that you can do is to reflect on your and their behavior so you can get to the root of the issue and build a healthy relationship.
All the best,