Being clingy in a relationship can mean a lot of things.
Starting from wanting to cuddle and kiss more to controlling who you’re hanging out with.
The level of clinginess depends on their personality, their attachment style, and the way they dealt with past trauma.
Thus, what it might mean clingy to you it won’t look clingy to them.
Here are 10 signs that will help you define what clingy means in your relationship:
1. Being jealous and controlling to some extent.
Clinginess can be shown in different ways and levels but when they are clingy because of past trauma they can be jealous way too much.
The famous psychologist Carl Jung claimed that the psychic or our consciousness always tends to address an underlying problem.
Being clingy in a relationship might mean that they constantly check with whom you’re hanging out and if they can come.
In general, a clingy boyfriend or girlfriend will keep track of your actions. I am not implying that all people who are clingy will act the same.
Unless they are dealing with abandonment issues and are constantly in fear that you will leave them.
2. Doesn’t respect one’s boundaries.
You can consider it as clingy behavior in a relationship if your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries to fulfill theirs.
Yet, this doesn’t mean that they cross your boundaries to hurt you or make your life miserable.
- Sometimes they do it because otherwise, they cannot function without being constantly in your presence.
- You will notice that they will always be upset or make a scene when you need to spend time alone or with your friends.
- Also, they will never give you personal space when you’re feeling down or need to process some things on your own.
3. Constantly needs to have your attention or vice versa.
Are they an attention seeker? Well, if the answer is yes then this also can be defined as being clingy in a relationship.
- Clingy means wanting them just because you love and want them not because you need them.
- This means that being clingy doesn’t always mean that they are desperate.
But, if they are used to being in the spotlight and not used to being on their own, they might crave your attention.
This depends on their personality and how they were brought up.
4. Always asking to be put first in the relationship.
Being clingy in a relationship is also an act of selfishness.
They or you try to make each other feel bad for spending time on your own or wanting to do activities on your own.
In a healthy relationship, each of you would have their own space and create their own life while coexisting and living with them.
If you notice that they are always reminding you to put them first (even if you’re doing it) then they’re being clingy.
5. They mirror all your behavior and vice versa.
A clingy behavior can be considered also the one who adjusts to your lifestyle and starts to lose their identity.
In this case, they do it out of love. It might seem like an obsessive behavior but they’re only trying to adjust to you so you will feel their love.
- Looking from another perspective this might penalise them and your relationship.
- If there isn’t authenticity in a relationship then everything might become boring and everything will feel the same.
6. Contacting your partner more than they want to.
It’s important to state that being clingy in a relationship isn’t always toxic.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend can be clingy to a degree that it will feel safe, cute, and powerful.
And missing their presence is quite normal when they are not around but if they’re contacting you all day and night that might feel too much for you.
- Thus, in this case, being clingy in a relationship means contacting your boyfriend or girlfriend even when there is no need.
- They would want to constantly know what you’re doing, where are you, or how you feel.
- They will also ask for pictures most of the time.
7. They like to cuddle all the time with you.
Over-cuddling is a sign of subtle clinginess.
Being clingy in a relationship also means when they or you don’t want to let each other get out of bed to go to work.
If one of you is always like this and likes to cuddle all the time then you’re being clingy too.
They will always ask you to stay with them for more than 5 minutes and that will turn into 20 or 30 minutes talk or cuddle session.
8. They constantly ask where this relationship is going.
A partner who is clingy and has an anxious attachment, he or she will end up overthinking everything in the relationship.
- They will need reassurance all the time. You might notice that they will ask a lot of questions such as “Do you think that I need to be more around you?”
- They might not notice that they’re doing too much and still do it.
- Also, they will ask other mutual friends or even you if you are mad at them or if you’re not doing much for the relationship.
You feel that their world revolves around you and they’re detached from themselves a bit.
9. They go wherever you go.
They will beg you to always bring them with you wherever you go.
If you’re out for a coffee then they will be with you. If you’re out with your friends then they will be there.
This might be a result of their past trauma or that they feel insecure and find it hard to believe that they’re lovable.
This makes them to be jealous and even be in your presence 24/7.
- In this case, I advise you to communicate this with them but don’t make them feel small.
- Let them know that you care and love them but this type of behavior is impacting you and the relationship negatively.
10. Showing too much affection.
Too much affection in a relationship isn’t a negative thing.
According to this research people who are in a relationship and show affection, they tend to be relaxed.
This means that if your lover kisses and touches you a lot in public and even when you’re alone, he might be clingy but this doesn’t make it a negative thing.
Yet, if this doesn’t make you feel good then you can talk about this with them.
But, never make them feel bad for loving too much or showing their love differently than others.
The best that you can do is to reflect on your and their behavior so you can get to the root of the issue and build a healthy relationship.
All the best,
Callisto
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