The things players say and do give you a rich journey through an emotional rollercoaster… In a negative sense.
Players are governed by fear of getting hurt and the need to defend themselves from hurt.
They use their charm and verbal skills to manipulate you into staying longer and settling for what they want you to settle for.
Knowing the early signs such as common phrases players use can prevent you from getting too involved with him. Well, what’s something a player would say?!
Here are 16 classical lines and phrases players say:
1. “We don’t need labels” or “I’m not looking for labels, I want to get to know you.”
One of the most all-known features of a player is his inability or his resistance to form a committed relationship.
Talking “labels” means defining your relationship. That isn’t very convenient for a player due to his fear of commitment.
He feeds on ambiguity, and his game revolves around it. He doesn’t want you to date anyone, but he wants to date other people.
That makes him want to avoid the “what are we” talk at all costs.
2. “You’re overreacting!”
You might be familiar with this phrase due to the frequent fights.
A player will minimize the problem by denying or accusing you of being overly sensitive about the problem.
As a defensive move, he says things such as “You’re overreacting” or “You’re being too emotional. What’s wrong with you?!” to deflect attention from the real issue.
It’s a strategy to make you feel guilty for bringing up an issue and to prevent you from understanding you deserve better because you’d leave by then.
3. “Listen, I’m not a player.”
A guilty person tends to over-justify themselves, says psychotherapist and relationship expert, Kelly Bos.
Guilt tends to be a heavy weight to carry, and the ones experiencing it find ways to cope with it, consciously or subconsciously.
A player is often aware of what he’s doing, and he’s aware of his faults.
He copes with it by going around and telling you “I’m not a player” as a way of subconsciously overjustifying himself.
4. “You’re acting needy.”
This is another thing a player will say to you when you’re addressing an issue such as why doesn’t he put effort into the connection.
A player doesn’t like spending time on something unless it’s something he can benefit from.
You notice his pattern of behavior: he comes strongly when it’s about sex, and he vanishes once he gets what he wants. You speak up. He deflects.
This is a way to make you feel guilty for pointing out his toxic behavior.
5. “I like Snapchat better.”
This is one of those famous things that players are known to say.
On Snapchat, the conversations are ‘vanishable’. This makes it easier for him to hide conversations with you from other women and vice versa.
What you share on Snapchat doesn’t last long, and this gives him a golden opportunity to manipulate what he said and what he didn’t.
On the other hand, in case he’s with someone else, his communication apps such as Whatsapp won’t be buzzing to raise suspicion.
6. “I’m not like the boys you’re used to.”
Another famous quote from the players’ textbook!
The first time I heard it caught me off guard and from there on I started having a different approach to him. He seemed superior for some reason. I felt indecent.
Part of a player’s game in relationships or romantic connections is feeding you a superior image of themselves to make you feel inferior to it.
This one grants him a superior position in your life making it easier for him to roam around as he wishes, avoid emotional intimacy, and in turn avoid hurt.
17 warning signs he is a player through text!
7. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Something that a player will say when you’re addressing a hurtful thing he did is also “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
This is part of a manipulation tactic that leaves you feeling confused instead of reassured when you bring up a problem.
This way, a player prevents a discussion in which he’s either guilty or that could lead to defining your relationship further.
8. “Babe, I’m not that type!”
A player will claim not to be a ‘type’ without even asking him. He tries portraying himself as a particular image, and he does what he can to make you believe in it.
He puts a facade on to prevent an emotional attachment. The problem is, deep down he knows he’s pretending.
Knowing what he knows, he does his best to convince you that he’s not what he thinks you think he is.
9. “Let’s keep this simple and not complicate it. I like it as it is.”
This is a line that a player uses when it comes to defining your connection.
Because of his hot and cold behavior, you might find yourself wanting stability and when you speak up about it, this is his way of keeping the connection casual.
His way of convincing you involves presenting the idea of simplicity and how much he enjoys what you two have.
10. “My ex was insane!”
This one is a classic. Players are known for their ways of badmouthing their exes so that they can present themselves as victims that need healing.
They indirectly present conditions and expectations for you to meet by portraying their ex as needy for wanting to spend time with them.
As a matter of fact, they show disrespect to the time they’ve spent with another person and the connection they’ve shared with them.
What are the odds they’ll respect the time with you?
11. “How dare you accuse me of such a thing?”
Players like drama, it’s part of their manipulative behavior. This is the opposite of minimizing the problem, this is turning the situation on you.
Instead of a calm approach such as “where are your thoughts coming from” or “What makes you think that way?” He chooses arrogance.
No matter how light and how considerate your comment might be toward him, he’ll use blame and criticism to make you feel guilty for saying an innocent thing.
12. “I’ve never been in a relationship before.”
Players have been hurt in the past, they’re constantly dealing with unhealed traumas and wounds.
What they do is governed by fear of experiencing what once hurt them so badly.
Being in a relationship puts them in a rather vulnerable position, and they don’t want that. They don’t want to feel vulnerable.
Hence they choose to stay out of commitment or relationships.
Note: This line only does not make a person a player. A genuine person can be likely to not have had a relationship before as well.
How to deal with a player the right way? Should you hurt him back?
13. “I’ve never felt this way before.”
A genuine person with genuine intentions can truly mean this sentence. However, a player will use this to win your sympathy.
This is where he makes you feel privileged.
He does this to grant a special place in your heart and to not question his intentions as much as you normally would.
In your mind, this can easily turn into a justification or even a highly romantic element to the unfair behavior he practices toward you.
14. “Listen, babe […]”
Right on, right at the beginning. He hits you with the “babe”.
You might not even know him that well and vice versa. Yet, a womanizer will do what he does! He’ll call you “babe” right off the bat.
Instead of referring to you through your name, he chooses nicknames to establish a higher position and to charm you into the idea of him.
There’s nothing wrong with your partner calling you “babe” if you’ve been in a relationship for a while, say 2 or 3 months. A player will do it right away!
15. “I’m sorry you feel this way.” or “Sorry but if you wouldn’t do this I wouldn’t do that.”
One of the things that a player will say to you is also a harmful apology.
A toxic apology is essentially an apology that doesn’t acknowledge your feelings, emotions, or the hurtful behavior that caused it.
“I’m sorry YOU feel this way.” is considered a toxic apology because it portrays you as the one feeling hurt despite his behavior.
A player doesn’t take responsibility for how he made you feel, he rather puts the weight on you making you feel you’re the one experiencing not him doing wrong.
16. “You’re the most beautiful person.”
You just met him and all of a sudden you’re showered with compliments. It’s all you’ve ever wanted to hear!
Introducing you: Love-bombing.
Love bombing is a manipulation tactic used by manipulative people (e.g. narcissists, players, etc) to win your attention and sympathy by showing gestures of affection (e.g. compliments) without knowing anything about you.
A player slowly seduces you and lures you in by giving you the compliments you’ve always wanted to hear.
Next thing you know he’s saying “Let’s keep it simple.” followed by “You’re overreacting” when you point out you’ve been together for 6 months now.
See if a player is falling in love with you or not.
Your response? Here’s what to say to a player!
They’re portrayed as heartless and evil, however, they’re very fragile and vulnerable within. That can be very tempting to take the responsibility to heal him.
However, being romantically involved with a player with the hopes of changing him is a lost game that can end with a heartbreak that’ll take time to recover.
Two of your options are to either cut him off or present the opportunity of being there for his healing journey.
If you want to hint he needs help and that you’re willing to support him in his journey:
- “I can tell you’ve been hurt in the past and I see it’s why you keep your guard up at all costs. This is leading to unhealthy behavior and toxicity within our connection. The decision to heal should be yours, and I’m here to support you in your journey.”
- “I’m sensing your guard up and your protective shield. It feels like I can’t ever reach beneath that tough surface. A therapist can and will help you heal the hurt you’re feeling. I’m willing to support you in your journey and be here for you when you need me.”
- “I feel like your behavior hasn’t been very healthy, and I get where that might come from. I really do want the best for you, but I don’t think it’s my responsibility to decide for you. You can get past your trauma and get into a healthy behavior, but the decision is yours and I’m here to support you in every step.”
If you want to cut him off here’s what to say to a player:
- “I don’t like being called needy for asking you to respect one of the fundamental values of a relationship. I can tell we’re not on the same page. I apologize, but I have to draw the line here and end our connection. Wish you all the best!”
- “I appreciate what we shared, however, you’ve been crossing many of my boundaries until now. It was great knowing you. Best of luck!”
- “Hey, I felt a connection at the beginning, but I don’t see us as a good match now that we’ve learned a bit more about one another.”
- “I understand you might want a simpler connection without much involvement, but that’s not what I’m looking for. I’ll have to let you go since our needs won’t be met.”
After cutting off contact with him, start working on yourself, and relearn loving yourself for what you represent.
Reach out to a therapist, say what you couldn’t say so far, and rely on them to recover from unhealthy thinking patterns.
Rely on your support system for support on your healing journey. Talk to your friends, family, and therapist. Spend time with people you love.
Eventually, you’ll unlearn harmful practices you subconsciously learned while in a relationship or connection with a player. You’ll start loving yourself again, soon.
Love,
Callisto
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