A healthy relationship is centered around mutual understanding, love, and compassion.
But, when there is a turbulent time during the marriage, he might neglect and abuse you emotionally, with or without being aware.
Thus, this article will explore 12 signs that your husband doesn’t value and how to overcome this issue:
1. He doesn’t give you enough (the needed) attention
It’s possible that your husband can’t give you the wanted and needed attention because of work or some other issues.
But, if he ignores your needs and prioritizes something else then it means that he might not be valuing you.
It’s true that a relationship is a symbiotic process. You constantly give and take in marriage.
And if he constantly fails to make time for you to listen to your problems or listen about your achievements, he’s choosing to not value you.
2. He doesn’t show physical affection unless he feels like it
When your husband has strong feelings for you, he tries to show affection and intimacy through physical affection.
Hence, if he constantly refuses to cuddle or be intimate when you require it, then he might put his needs and prioritize himself.
Thus, if you always feel rejected emotionally and physically, try to address this issue.
Don’t jump immediately to conclusions because he might be tired or not feel like cuddling or even having sex.
So, to reflect better on this issue and to know what type of action to take, a therapist or marriage counselor’s help is needed.
3. He criticizes you a lot and undermines you
Marriage is easy only when both partners will work on their issues and help each other.
Otherwise, everything will turn into something toxic if there’s a lot of criticism and less action to help one another.
My relationship failed when he started to criticize me even about the way I sipped the tea.
With time, it became something unbearable because even my presence would annoy him at some point.
So, when a guy starts to lose interest or is already cheating, he will start to criticize you constantly and won’t consider your feelings at all.
4. He isn’t interested to spend a lot of time with you
The word NOT INTERESTED makes the difference.
If he can’t and isn’t available to spend time with you for a certain time then that’s understandable because life happens.
But, when he chooses to do something else for his own fun and enjoyment and not do anything with you, this means that he is not valuing you.
If you like to watch an outdoor movie and you’ve been planning this for months but he chooses to go out with his boys, this is something wrong.
He is prioritizing spending quality time with other people or even by himself over you.
5. He makes you feel guilty for expressing your needs or feelings
Gaslighting you by making you doubt your thoughts and feelings is the fundamental sign that your husband doesn’t value you.
In the end, this is the guy that you’ve chosen to spend your life for better or worse.
And if he can’t bear to validate your feelings or needs then this means that he’s slowly failing to fulfill the vows.
Usually, a man with low self-esteem avoids validating his wife or partner’s needs and feelings to make himself feel superior.
In the meantime, he might overreact and threaten or insult you.
6. He tries to turn you into someone else
Marriage is a sacred agreement when you create a truthful relationship and respect one another.
Yet, if you feel unvalued and you’re not loved for who you are that’s when internal issues start and you should take action.
Remember that people change, even when in a relationship or while maintaining a marriage.
Even if you do everything for him, it might come to a point when’ll lose interest and not value you for you.
- He might criticize and mock your style. He’ll try to tell you how to style your clothes or your hair.
- He will constantly compare you to someone else. Whether that woman might be someone he’s interested in or already cheating with.
7. He doesn’t acknowledge and celebrate your achievements
A partner, no matter what, if he has feelings for you and values you, will try to encourage you and celebrate your wins.
Yet, if he’s jealous of your achievements and always changes the topic when you tell him something exciting, he ultimately undervalues you.
So, the American author and coach Tony Robbins claim that when you build your partner’s achievements, you create a healthy relationship.
And to achieve it, he recommends both partners create security within themselves and in their relationships by working on their issues.
8. He emotionally abuses you
If your partner tries to humiliate you for whatever reason that is a part of emotional abuse.
Also, if your husband doesn’t value you, he’ll try to yell at you or mock you if you ever made a little mistake.
Whether this mistake was a language slip or any type of error, he would make sure that you won’t forget it, until you feel humiliated and crushed.
To get a grip on this situation, you should talk to a trauma specialist.
Tanya White a specialized psychotherapist will help both of you to go to the root of his anger, trauma, and everything in between.
9. He doesn’t support or defend you when necessary
A good husband or partner will always have your back even if things go wrong.
But, when he never supports you for anything and doesn’t defend or talk well in front of others, he doesn’t value you.
Let’s take this example: If someone bad mouths you and he never reacts.
If what they say isn’t true and he doesn’t speak the truth about his wife, it means that he doesn’t value you enough to do it.
10. He doesn’t encourage you to achieve your aim or goals
Hmmm, a basic sign that your husband doesn’t value you enough.
In this case, he might call your aim or dreams childish and unimportant.
Maybe he will try to hinder your dreams or process if you’re working toward something new.
So, if you feel like he’s constantly uninterested to listen to your goals and hinders those, try to talk it to him.
If you’re supportive of him then try to require the same from him.
If he doesn’t cooperate then try to ask for help from a counselor or you might try to read books regardings this issue such as:
~” Relationship OCD” by Sheva Rajaee
11. He won’t try to find a mutual language to communicate
This sign is clear like water that he isn’t valuing you.
If he refuses to compromise and find a middle ground then he doesn’t value you enough to make the relationship work.
For example, he doesn’t value your time.
He constantly says that he’ll get back at 8 pm but gets back past midnight, which means that he is doing it on purpose.
In addition, he might forget to text you back to let you know and this makes things worse.
Now, you’re in a serious relationship, that’s why these issues are serious and you should let him know that this is impacting you negatively.
What to do when your husband doesn’t value you?
If his behavior is bothering you and straining the relationship the first thing you should do is address the issue and communicate it.
Hence, try to reflect on the aspects of his behavior that make you feel not appreciated or valued enough.
1. Strengthen your bond.
Look out for ways that would strengthen your bond and what is causing him to not value you.
Take a step back and write down or journal your feelings. Link your emotions and feelings with his actions.
For more than 10 months, he hasn’t been vulnerable and wouldn’t talk about his feelings.
This is making me feel unimportant and like I am not capable and the right person to have a personal conversation with.
2. Request to have a conversation about your relationship.
Ask him to set a date and talk about your relationship. You might even write a few questions and ask him.
Like, where he sees himself in this relationship and if there’s something that he would change.
Also, be prepared because the result won’t always be positive, and try to put yourself in his shoes and work on this problem together.
3. Practice more mindfulness and self-love.
Be focused more on enhancing self-love. This will help you a lot to turn things around.
Once you build self-confidence, you won’t jump immediately to conclusions and won’t have the victim mindset.
4. Never sacrifice your value or justify his actions.
Don’t stay in this relationship just to make it work.
If your husband isn’t interested to change then all of this won’t matter in a few years and the relationship will end.
To make even the slightest change, both of you should be able to reflect on your actions and help one another to change and make it work.
5. Try to disconnect from one another for a period.
If it’s necessary, try to maintain no contact for some time and work on yourself separately.
Consider this as a short vacation to work on yourself and see what’s wrong.
If you have kids, it will be a bit harder but try to consult also a marriage therapist and it will help you to apply the grey rock method.
As a final point: How do you know that your husband doesn’t value you?
You’ll know that your husband doesn’t value you when he doesn’t respect your well-being and there’s a barrier between you two.
Shortly, you’ll feel somehow unpowerful in this relationship.
You’ll feel unheard and everything that you do (an activity together), will seem unnatural and hollow.
To conclude, if your husband doesn’t value you, it will leave a big scar in your life.
First, focus on yourself and practice self-love.
When you learn to love yourself and value yourself, no one can break that power.