The worst feeling after the breakup is being caught up in confusion.
You will start to wonder if your ex is testing you or not being interested anymore.
Their tendencies might be intentional or not, yet they aim to test the waters to some extent.
No matter the reason, when an ex tries to test you, they would put you through impossible situations.
Most of the time, you might tend to mix these signs with the signs of an ex wanting to get back.
To know if your ex is testing you don’t focus much on external signs. Have a closer look at their actions.
The moment your ex is testing the waters to come back, they will prove that they have changed.
Nevertheless, an ex will test the waters by checking if you have changed too.
To get a grip on this situation, check these 10 signs an ex is testing you:
1. They try to get your attention on social media
After experiencing loss, the brain tends to send signals of past events and create a feeling of nostalgia.
The moment they are feeling lonely and anxious, they will test you just to feel the void that they are feeling.
An ex will share post-breakup emotions in different ways.
Some cope by working on themselves, developing bad habits or they might express their feelings online.
Thus, they will constantly post things that are related to your relationship.
- It can be a song that you used to like;
- A movie that you used to watch together;
- A quote that you might have mentioned before;
You know that your ex is testing you when they post immediately after you post something.
Their posts will feel like a replication of what you post or say.
2. They will check if you have changed
Sometimes, being tested by your ex might not be a fun experience.
Especially, if you were the one who initiated the breakup and now they want to test if your comeback will be beneficiary.
They might put you in a similar situation to see if you have changed and how would you react.
Your ex isn’t going to walk back into the same situation without making sure that you will act maturely.
Let’s take for example if the breakup happened because of the commitment, they will test you in that aspect.
- Your ex will test you to check if you are persistent. In this case, your ex will ignore you to check whether you will pursue them or not;
If they want to get chased then they will act distant and cold but yet give cues that they are interested in you.
In this case, they will initiate conversations but then will step back a little.
They will wait for you to carry on the conversation and win them back.
Note: The tests will be different, that depends on your ex’s perception and what they want to test you for.
If an ex wants to test you and check if there is a second chance, they will text suddenly.
The thing is that you need to make sure that those texts are not breadcrumbing.
I know that is quite easy to mix breadcrumbing with a text that an ex uses to test you.
To make a difference in your situation, you will need the specific help of a coach.
The coaches from Relationship Hero can help you to go through this situation easily and efficiently.
One-on-one sessions will help you to deal with this situation and choose what’s the best for you.
With their help, you will be able to build up confidence and solve things in the best way possible.
4. They inform you about their dating life
After the breakup, an ex is testing you because they need reassurance and they need to rebuild trust.
They lost track of that dynamic and they want to see your limits.
When an ex keeps in contact with you and informs you from time to time about their dating life, they want your reaction.
If an ex had already moved on then they would never give you details about their new partner.
In this case, they want to check what you would say about them. They want to know if they are still important to you.
- They want to check if you will show signs of jealousy;
- They want to know if there is something that will make you rekindle the relationship;
- They want to know if you are going to be persistent and if your feelings are strong enough;
Your ex does all of this because they can’t come back to a similar situation.
If they are already in a rebound relationship then they will be testing you to know whether to progress or end things.
5. They ask you to be friends
If an ex wants to test you they will do it by being near you.
One thing that they can do to have you close to them is by being friends.
Not everyone prefers this way of testing but there is a small percentage of people that use it.
When an ex wants to be friends is easier for them to keep you under their control.
Only by being in your life, they will give you small tasks to see if you want to be back together.
Keep in mind that not every ex wants to stay friends after a breakup. Hence, this doesn’t mean that they won’t test you along the way.
Also, they won’t ask you to stay friends immediately. They will give you some time to reflect and then make the request.
6. They will be angry at you
They will create “fights” just to see how you will react this time.
They just want to check your effort and how you will communicate with them.
They will trigger you and just check if you will react the same or if you have created a different mindset.
How you respond to these fights will be the definite answer if they will decide to come back or not.
Your ex wants to know if you are the man or the woman that they fell in love with once.
If you haven’t been working on yourself after the breakup then you will end up having the same reaction as before.
This will only push your ex away and they will immediately act distant after getting your reaction.
7. Your ex distances from you
If you are the dumper and your ex is using the No Contact rule then they are ignoring you to heal from the breakup and get your attention.
At some point, indeed, you might say that this is an indirect method of getting your ex’s attention.
That’s an outdated belief when they inform you that No Contact is all about healing yourself.
Yes, that’s the primary aim but at the same time, you will create some sort of scarcity and mystery.
Whereas, if a dumper is ignoring you then they might do it for different reasons.
- They might be feeling guilty;
- They might have moved on and aren’t interested in you;
By detaching themselves from you, they will test how curious are you to reach out to them first.
8. They ask you about your dating life
One of the signs that your ex is testing you is by being curious about your dating life.
Their questions might not be quite straightforward but they will always be nosey about your dating life.
First, your ex will keep in contact with you and form some sort of “friendship” with you.
They will make you feel comfortable and start creating a new bond with one another.
- Your ex will ask you with who you are hanging out;
- They will ask if you are free on the weekend or how you are going to spend it;
All these little questions are done so they can have a clearer idea about your post-breakup life.
Now, if they are quite persistent, it is better, to be honest with them. If you want to continue the relationship then they will know what to do.
If you don’t want to rekindle it then you will give them an answer and draw your boundaries.
9. They will question your intentions and everything you do
One of the signs that your ex is testing the waters is when they question everything you do towards them.
I know that this situation can be quite annoying and unclear but that’s how they are going to test you.
This way, your ex is going to test your potential and your patience.
They want to know that if you want to be with them then you are going to find a certain way of communication.
Problem solving, compassion, and commitment are one of the main struggles in every relationship.
That’s why if you lacked to fulfill these elements then they make hypothetical reconsiderations constantly.
They will put you into situations that will give them the reaction they wanted.
- If you decided to text them first then they will ask why you did it;
- If you would say that you have changed then they would like you to prove it;
- If you meet them occasionally multiple times then they are going to question it all over;
They just want to frustrate you and push limits to check if you want them back.
10. They keep randomly meeting you
To know what you are feeling and how you have dealt with the breakup, they will try to meet you.
They will do this on their own or with the help of their friends. Hence, you will keep seeing your ex everywhere.
According to your ex’s type, they would try to interact with you indirectly or directly.
Some choose to approach you and check just “How you are doing” or they will use their body language to communicate.
In this situation, your ex will interact with the opposite gender just to check how you will react.
Or they will require to meet with you shortly out of nowhere.
Just know that everyone has their way of testing you.
Why would my ex test me?
An ex would test you to either validate their feelings or to win you back.
Everyone has their reason for texting their ex but most of the time they will do it to get a grip of your life.
~Maybe they aren’t any more into you but will just test you to fulfill their ego. After the breakup, especially a man will have his ego crushed.
They might feel unimportant and not lovable, that’s why they decide to test you.
This is all due to their masculine traits because I am not implying that women don’t do the same.
Women do it when they are especially cheated on and want to feel important again by their ex.
~If you were dating a controlling partner then they would test you just to have you under their control.
That’s because a controlling partner refuses to go things other than their way.
They just need to watch your life from the bird’s eye view and be present.
~If they have still feelings for you then they are testing you if they have a chance to be back with you.
When the dumper’s remorse stage hit’s the dumper they will keep pondering their decision.
They will be confused and question everything that they have done to you.
That’s why they will keep testing you. This way, they will try to avoid the possibility of being rejected.
This is intentional testing because your ex wants you back and they have an aim for doing it.
Is my ex testing me or not interested in me anymore?
There is a fine line that defines whether an ex is testing you or not interested in you anymore.
I am aware that these signs are quite interchangeable and that’s why I am giving a deeper explanation.
~When an ex is testing you, they will show interest indirectly. They will not be persistent to show you that they have already moved on.
~When an ex is not interested, they will reject you and communicate with you in any form.
~They won’t flaunt their new partner to your face.
They will just inform you that they have a new love life now or they will simply carry on with their new partner.
~I have encountered on many other websites that an ex is testing you if they are trying to make you jealous.
When an ex wants to make you jealous, they will do it just to fulfill their needs and boost their ego.
Otherwise, a healthy way of testing you would be to just express what they are feeling at the moment.
This is also testing when they check how you are feeling towards them. It doesn’t mean that testing you will always be indirect.
My ex is testing me, how should I respond?
The way how you should respond to an ex testing you is how you feel about them and vice versa.
If you ended a healthy relationship that requires a different reaction than if you ended a toxic relationship.
It is quite normal to feel confused after the breakup. That’s why your ex will state something different and do something else.
They might have let you know that things aren’t working out and that you should break up.
Hence, suddenly, you can realize that your ex is slowly approaching you again.
1. The first thing that you should do is not to panic. Try to stay calm and reflect on the situation.
I know that is not simple to have your ex back in your life again, but you need to take small steps.
Your ex might feel lonely and not happy with their decision. What you need to do in this case is not immediately jump into their train.
What you need to do is to make sure their aim and what you want right now.
At this moment, both of you might be in two different stages of life.
2. You need to continue with your own life. Your ex might be confused at this moment and will keep coming back and forth.
I am not implying that this might be a negative sign but yet you need to make sure of their consistency.
What you can do in this situation is try to elevate yourself more. Focus on what you want from your life and a relationship.
Only then you will be able to make a certain difference. Otherwise, you will give all the power to their hand and end up having a second breakup.
3. Don’t let your ex mess with your emotions. That’s why first you need to focus on working on your emotional intelligence.
When you can be emotionally independent then you can control your thoughts and mindset.
Only then you will be able to go through these tests in the best way possible.
4. Avoid being bitter and be strong enough to reflect your change. I know that it is hard and you don’t need to prove your change to anyone.
Hence being independent and trying to reconnect with your best self will send the best message to your ex.
They will know that you can’t be manipulated and that if they want you back they will be transparent.
Bottom Line: Is my ex testing me?
Your ex is testing you if they interact with you indirectly. Somehow, they will come and go from your life or play hot and cold.
That’s why these signs are quite similar to signs when an ex might be not interested in you.
Hence, what makes the difference is the level of their persistence. When an ex is not interested, they will draw their boundaries.
They won’t flaunt their new partner just to make you jealous.
If they are not interested and not testing you, they will make sure that you understand that they have moved on.
In this case, it is better to try and check the progression of your bond and your ex.
Be strong and never settle for less.