When an ex is pretending to be over you, their approach and their actions aren’t going to be straightforward.
These signs will send to you a lot of mixed vibes and you’ll always end up in confusion.
An ex pretends to be over you because they might be angry, hurt, too proud to admit their feelings, or they are confused.
The dumpees have it hard to pretend that they are over you.
They do it only because they want to protect themselves from being hurt or manipulated.
When an ex is completely over you they do not aim to stay in touch.
Instead, they would completely cut off ties and move on with their life.
This is usually what a dumper does at the beginning until some of them regret their decision.
Here are 13 signs your ex is pretending to be over you:
1. They suddenly reach out to you
You might say, yeah my ex reached out to me, they have still feelings for me.
Well, that’s partly true. An ex can reach out to you for different reasons. It could be their personal needs or they just want to fulfill their ego.
They could reach out to you for any reason, but how do you know that your ex is pretending to be over you?
When an ex reaches out to you for no reason and asks questions, they are not over you.
In this situation, your ex is curious about you. They ask indirectly how you’ve been and if you are seeing anybody.
In general, the questions will be indirectly direct.
On the other hand, you should be careful not to take this as a sign if you and your ex have kids or a business together.
They might reach out to you to ask about your kids or work. You should focus on the structure of the conversation more than on the reasons they call you.
Note: An ex that is not over you can call to ask you if you have seen their red socks from months ago.
This is a dull reason, but if they use this as an ice breaker to connect with you, that’s a good sign.
2. Your ex emphasizes that is extremely happy
This is a sure sign that your ex is pretending to be over you.
If your ex is constantly trying to prove that they are very happy even on their own or with a new partner, here you go.
After the breakup, your ex chose to deal with his emotions after the breakup this way. They use it as a coping mechanism.
Instead of embracing their feelings and accepting reality, they choose to cope while trying to convince everyone that they’re happy.
In this case, your ex has now a relationship, especially after the breakup, they would post constantly photos with them.
They would add descriptions telling how happy they are and no one makes them happier.
Mainly, they would constantly talk about how happy and “nourished” they feel after the breakup.
3. They go cold turkey
Your ex is pretending to be over you if they act all distant.
They try to hold back themselves from talking to you and making it seem that they have moved on.
It’s quite a messy and mixed-up situation since an ex can go cold turkey when they move on too.
The difference lies when they are just distant from you but still keep in touch with other people around you.
Your ex doesn’t delete or block you on social media. They just don’t interact with you and don’t text or call you.
It’s true that they take a step back but still keep in touch with you indirectly.
If an ex wants you back they will keep a track of you but will build a thin wall between you until they are sure.
4. Your ex still keeps your things
How someone reacts after a breakup, depends on the personality of your ex and what type of bond you had.
Especially if some months have passed and your ex keeps your things and gifts, means that they’re not over you.
They would keep these things as a tool to initiate contact with you whenever they are ready.
Your ex might still be caring about you but there might be something that is holding them back.
If they are hurt from the breakup or just need some time to reflect, they will find a reason to hold on to the past.
Otherwise, if your ex is over you then they will get rid of everything that reminds them of you.
5. They look out for reasons to bump into you
If recently you have bumped a lot into your ex, that’s not a coincidence.
They might be planning these “accidental” meetings just to be somehow part of your life.
This is their way to cope with the breakup and they still refuse or are not ready to move forward.
When they bump into you they try to maintain eye contact and keep a slight conversation.
In this situation, they want to look like they have already moved on but they want to keep it cool.
If you live near or in the same area then you might bump into them more often. This might be a coincidence and not done on purpose.
You might notice the difference in the way they approach you.
6. They reach out to people in your life to get information
A lover who still has feelings and can’t forget you will want to know more about your post-breakup life.
They might not talk to you for some time and not interact with you at all.
Instead, they reach out to your friends or even family members to ask about you.
This is a fundamental sign that your ex is pretending to be over you.
If they still want to know about you, they still care about you.
Especially, if they haven’t moved on yet, and aren’t a part of any other relationship.
Note: It’s quite important to know what your ex wants to know about you.
That’s quite important because sometimes they just want to keep tabs on you and not want you back,
7. They act like they don’t know you
This is a hidden message that your ex is not over you but is rather trying to get over the pain or start over.
This all depends if they’re the dumper or the dumpee.
If your ex isn’t healed from the breakup yet they will pretend like they don’t know you or that they didn’t date you.
They do it on purpose to reflect on all the pain that they are going through.
On the other hand, if your ex has dumped you and acts like this they are afraid that they will be rejected by you.
They are interested in turning a new page but they might not want a relationship right now.
The confusion lies in both, even at the dumper and the dumpee, for different reasons.
8. They keep tabs on you via social media
This sign can be a quite messed-up one. An ex might stalk on social media just to know what you’re up to and how you’re dealing with the breakup.
But if your ex is pretending to be over you, they will watch your stories and like your posts too.
Yet, they will keep their distance and not have any type of other connection with you.
In this case, they won’t interact with you in any other form or even initiate a conversation.
When your ex still has feelings for you they will always find a way to prove their actions.
9. They act like you’re friends
One of the signs that your ex is pretending to be over you is when they indirectly offer their friendship.
They will be around you as a friend but will act like your relationship never ended.
Your ex would do it if they have strong feelings for you or if they have an anxious attachment style.
If they still have feelings for you they would want to stay friends to be in contact with you. Only this way they would see if things will change or not.
Yet, when an ex, who has an anxious attachment style insists on being friends they will cross the limits of the friendship.
In this case, they would pretend like you two are still in the relationship but without taking any responsibility.
10. They speak all the time about you to other people
One of the sure signs that your ex is pretending to be over you is not talking to you but talking about you.
Your ex might have created some distance with you or even is using the No Contact Rule.
They might do it for different reasons: to cleanse their soul or to gain a new perspective on the relationship.
Yet, they don’t miss the chance to speak about you with their friends or with your mutual friends.
If your ex continues to revolve around any type of conversation around you, they’re pretending to be over you.
11. Your ex announces publicly that they’re interested in someone else
This is one of the obvious signs your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend isn’t over you.
If they constantly try to emphasize that they are interested in another person, then that person is a mystery.
By keeping to themselves their new partner, they want to get your attention.
They want to show that you can be replaced. They want to show that they can move on too.
On the other hand, they might post on social media about it yet they don’t reveal their partner.
In this situation, your ex might post a place where they’re together with their partner or their gifts.
These are all mind games that they use to cope with their feelings too.
It depends on your ex’s personality, but some choose to cope with the pain of the breakup in this way.
12. They block you on social media but keep in contact with your friends/family
Well, this happens. It happened to me and to my friends too.
An ex blocks you but still maintains contact with your family or friends just to be indirectly in contact with you.
They might do this for different reasons. They might be confused or might not want to admit their uncertainty or feelings yet.
If your ex keeps close your friends and family to them, then they are trying to keep an eye on you.
Your ex isn’t over you yet that’s why they don’t cut completely ties with you.
13. They are in a rebound relationship
An ex is pretending to be over you when they pull and push you. When an ex behaves like this, they have already become a part of a rebound relationship.
In this case, they don’t cut the communication with you. They keep in touch enough to keep you updated with their life.
One day they’re hot and the other day they’re cold. I know that in this situation you’ll be confused a lot.
That’s because your ex will tell you every detail about their new relationship, yet won’t make any certain moves.
The truth is that also your ex is stuck in limbo too. Somehow their feelings, opinions, and words will clash with one another.
Now, your ex won’t admit that they aren’t happy or sure that they are over you.
They will keep hanging around you and being neutral to some scale.
To solve this confusion check relationship advisers from Relationship Hero. In one on one sessions, you’ll be able to work in detail and find a solution.
Is my ex really over me?
When an ex is over you for good, you’ll not be confused. They won’t send mixed signals and you’ll feel that they are very cold and distant from you.
They’ll be clear with their decision and cut all ties with you. On top of it, your ex doesn’t care to stalk you on social media or even try to reconcile.
1. One of the sure signs your ex is over you for good is taking their stuff back.
They don’t want to have a reason to stay in contact with you anymore.
Since they don’t have anything mutual, they choose to turn the other cheek.
This usually happens when an ex is hurt and the breakup happens multiple times.
Yes, the mini breakups and the on-and-off relationships are indicators of a permanent breakup.
2. They are in a relationship but they won’t rub it on your face.
When an ex is over you for good, they will move on but they won’t keep you updated.
In this case, your ex will keep their relationship private. They will either delete or block you from any platform.
3. Your ex notifies you that it’s better if you move on. You might notice that when an ex is over you, they will try with every bit of them to end things.
They just don’t want you to have any hope that they’ll get back.
This might be a result of hate, anger, and unrequited love. This means that this is the bottom line for them.
At times your ex might emphasize that you deserve better at other times they might just tell you that they see no future with you.
4. Your ex never initiates a text or a call. This is one of the most surefire signs that your ex is over you.
If they do not initiate communication with you months or a year after the breakup then know that your ex is over you.
Hence, this all depends on the type of relationship you had and how the breakup happened.
Sometimes an ex might be hurt or stubborn and won’t initiate the communication.
5. They are not either jealous of you or don’t try to make you jealous.
When an ex is pretending to be over you, they will show signs of jealousy.
It’s their way to trigger you and keep you connected to them.
On the contrary, if they don’t do it at all and aren’t curious about you, they have no feelings for you anymore.
What to do if my ex is pretending to be over me?
Before making any important move or taking any decision, try to make sure that your ex has still feelings for you.
When an ex is pretending to be over you can make you very confused. These signs are quite similar to when an ex is actually over you.
Take for example when an ex takes a lot of time to answer back:
- They might not want to talk to you because they’re over you;
- They might be playing some mind games to make you pursue them;
The only way to make the difference is to reflect on why the breakup happened and how your relationship proceeded.
1. During this time, try to shift your mindset. I know it’s easier said than done but you can do it.
Once you try to heal yourself from the breakup, you create a positive aura.
You’ll be able to discover your potential and think clearly.
Instead of getting clingy and overthinking the situation, you transmit positive vibes.
2. If your ex shows signs that want to be around you, try to discuss it.
Give them a chance to explain themselves and try to see if there’s a middle way.
If the relationship was toxic then that’s a different matter.
Your ex might want to be around just to have some type of control over you and they’ll act as they need you.
They will act like you’re the only one for them or that they’re sorry.
In reality, they just need your presence and attention because that’s how they boost their confidence and ego.
Taking a final look at the signs your ex is not over you
To notice or get a grip on the signs that your ex is not over you, is not easy.
Most of the time these signs are indirect and ambivalent, and sometimes they contain the opposite meaning.
There is always room for doubt.
Hence, one thing can make you sure that your ex is not over you.
That’s when they want to rub on everybody’s face that they moved on and are happy.
Nonetheless, to avoid being caught in an unpleasant situation, try not to cling to this idea.
Bring out the best version of yourself. This type of energy will attract an ex that truly wants you in their life.