After the breakup, you can quietly remember the bad stuff and what went wrong.
The pain and when your expectations aren’t met will make you hate or be hated.
When an ex hates you it’s not always related directly to you or them.
Sometimes, after the breakup, you tend to mix disinterest with hatred. Both of these terms are quite different from one another.
When a person doesn’t love you anymore, they will be indifferent and will not hate you. With a few words, they will let you go.
When an ex hates you that means that they still might have some feelings for you. Hence, this doesn’t mean that things will always work out.
If an ex holds on still to their feelings and past then they will hate you so they can stay connected.
Here are 11 main reasons why your ex hates you:
1. They might have still feelings for you
If you have been part of a long-term relationship then it is not that easy to heal from the breakup and move on.
When they were the ones who were involved emotionally more in the relationship, the grief process will take longer.
All those suppressed feelings and not being able to accept the fact will turn into hatred.
I am not implying that this happens all the time, only when they had strong feelings for you.
Otherwise, if the relationship was just a fling then hating you will not be because of their feelings.
They will hate you because they might have other expectations.
- They might have wanted this situation to last longer;
- They might have wanted to end the relationship first;
Hence, if they still have deep feelings for you the impossibility of not having you will make them hate you.
2. They are deeply hurt by you
When a relationship ends on bad terms then the dumpee will get stuck in the realm of shame and disappointment.
Your ex might be disappointed by your decisions. If you walked out of the relationship without closure then they need answers.
When you don’t give the opportunity to them to have one final answer then they will turn curiosity into hatred.
That’s because in this case, they aren’t feeling appreciated by you and like they didn’t matter to you.
They feel like you have wasted their time. Right now, they would even question themselves
3. They are being defensive
When someone suppresses their feelings, those feelings turn into anger and hate.
Not being able to process post-breakup anxiety and loneliness, makes your ex hate you.
Your ex will assure themselves and you that they are living their best life.
Hence, in reality, they are trying to cope with the breakup and this is their coping mechanism.
How someone copes with a breakup depends on their emotional availability. To get a grip on this situation, you might need extra help.
Dealing with hatred from someone who you once loved and loved you back is hard.
A personal coach will help you to cope with the breakup and deal with mixed signals.
You will be able to pin down whether this hatred is something positive or you need to move on.
With their help, you will decode your ex’s behavior and go beyond their intentions.
4. You were self-centered
A relationship should be symbiotic. Reciprocity and consistency are two main elements to maintain a healthy relationship.
You might have been focused only on yourself and lost sense of the relationship at some point.
A study based on science shows that self-centeredness comes from loneliness.
You might have been feeling some type of void when in the relationship and pushed your ex away.
Maybe, you might have not been aware of it at the moment. Yet, pushing your ex away slowly might have made them hate you after the breakup.
Especially when the relationship just drains and ends without a specific explanation.
Until they are ready to forgive themselves first and then you, they might continue to hate you.
5. They need to boost their ego
You might ask yourself why does your ex hate you when they dumped you?
They might feel guilty for their decisions and now want your presence to boost their ego.
Especially when an ex is codependent but ended things first then they will keep coming back.
Not being able to control their feelings, they create this negative version of you.
If you haven’t contributed in any way to this hatred then they need this version for themselves.
For them, it might be easier to think negatively about you than to admit their fault or flaws.
With a few words, by hating you in this case, your ex will empower themselves.
6. They want to make you feel guilty
If you have been dating a narcissist ex then you might have encountered their behavior.
A narcissist feels like they are more entitled than you. They tend to think that everything they do is proper.
You might have done nothing to make them hate you but they still do.
A narcissist ex does this to make you feel miserable even though you did the best for them.
- They do it because they can’t and don’t want to admit their fault.
- They hate you because to some extent they know they wronged you.
- They still keep “in touch” with you by pulling and pushing your strings.
By hating you and making you feel guilty, your ex wants to hinder your healing process.
This is their secret weapon to make you feel miserable and guilty for getting out of that relationship.
Their toxic behavior will keep you going back and forth until you set your boundaries.
7. They are disappointed that the relationship didn’t work out
Everyone who enters a relationship has some expectations. Hence, with time the goals and expectations change.
That’s why an ex might hate you because their expectations weren’t met by you.
If they were the ones who contributed more to the relationship then they wanted you to be involved more.
Someone might turn the pain and grief into hatred when things didn’t go as they expected.
All this happens when an ex has deep feelings for you and was hoping for things to work out.
They loved you and they were expecting something better.
- Your ex will be angry with you;
- They will block you;
- They will try to avoid meeting you;
- They will stop hanging out with mutual friends;
They will be bitter but if they are extremely hurt and want to heal, they will slowly distance from you.
8. They want to have access or control over your life
A controlling partner will always have the will and desire to know what’s going on in your life.
In this case, they want to use reverse psychology to have a sneak peek at your life.
For a controlling partner is hard to go through the stages of the breakup and heal.
The probability is quite high that they will get stuck in the past and refuse to move on.
They refuse to move on and they use hate as an element to maintain contact with you.
- They might write to you hating text.
- They might post on social media songs or anything linked indirectly to you.
- One day will act cold and the other day hot while breadcrumbing you.
This type of ex wants to be dominating or even win the breakup by behaving in this way.
9. Your ex realizes that they screwed it up
Why does my ex hate me when he or she cheated? Well, when an ex has cheated and now has a failed relationship, they will repent.
They won’t hate you for something that you did. They will hate you because you remind them of their mistakes.
Now, your ex knows that they already wrecked a relationship and there is no chance of mending it.
The hate comes from the fact that they can’t fix the situation and want to manipulate you.
They feel powerless and alone since they failed in two “relationships” in a certain period.
10. They had different post-breakup predictions
Even after the breakup, many people have different expectations.
Some choose to heal and never come back whereas others do the contrary.
It all depends on your personal choice and what you feel for your ex.
~If you didn’t go back to the relationship again and your ex was expecting it, they will hate you.
~If you decide to stay friends but that’s not what they wanted, some won’t react but turn cold on you.
They might have agreed to stay friends but then didn’t feel like it anymore.
In this situation, they might block you and distance themselves without giving an explanation.
I know that this isn’t a healthy way to deal with the breakup and it’s ok to react or change.
This is all a result of two different individuals dealing differently with pain and separation.
11. They are jealous that you moved on first
An ex will hate you if you moved on first either because they still love you or want to win the breakup.
Either way, they hate you because they are jealous of your progress.
Your healing and focusing on yourself is what bothers your ex.
Your ex hates you and has moved on but did they actually move on? They might pretend to be over you
Your ex might hate you after years because they couldn’t “win” the breakup. Especially, men tend to act like they moved on immediately.
Yes, at first, they enjoy the freedom but after some time, the breakup hits them.
In short, all this hate comes from your ex focusing more on you than on their healing process.
What should I do if my ex hates me?
If your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend hates you then you should focus on nurturing yourself.
Instead of obsessing over your ex and keep thinking about why they hate you, put yourself first.
Even though you might have contributed to this hatred, you can fix it by enhancing yourself.
1. First thing that you should do is not act the same as your ex. Don’t take an instant decision and jump immediately to a conclusion.
I know that is hard to accept the fact that you are being hated by someone you once loved.
Hence, starting to hate your ex and doing what they are doing will make the situation worse.
Knowing that an unexpected breakup might cause distress, an ex might turn pain into hate.
It all depends on how the breakup happened and how is your ex processing the breakup.
2. Give yourself and your ex time. In this situation, time is the most important element. During this time be sure to keep yourself improving and distracted.
Only this way, you will be focused and busy. You will stay away from all that hatred and not make any wrong decisions.
3. Use No Contact and be distant for a while. Only by using this rule, you will be able to fully focus on yourself.
You will reflect on your relationship differently without being manipulated by your ex’s thoughts or behavior.
4. Let them be used to your absence. Not answering their hate will give them space to reflect.
Also, it will give you the power to enhance yourself and decide what’s best for you.
Being always available for your ex will give them immediately the power of pushing and pulling you.
5. Ask yourself if you really want to be back in a relationship with someone who hates you.
I know that if you love someone deeply and they hate you, you want to know the reason and maybe go back.
Yet, getting back with an ex is not always easy and effective.
If you or your ex aren’t willing to work on what failed the relationship, going back won’t work.
6. Look at this hatred process from different angles. If there is a possibility to resolve this matter then you might give your ex a chance.
You can do it just by talking to a personal coach or a therapist. They will give you tools to reflect differently on their behavior.
Otherwise, venting and asking for advice from friends and family might make the situation a little bit difficult.
With professional help, you will pin down the problem faster and decide for your future.
How do you tell if your ex hates you?
One of the main signs that an ex hates you is when they have passive-aggressive behavior.
Every little conversation turns into an argument and they keep blaming you.
When an ex hates you, they will keep making sure that you get the right message. They will keep pushing you away and forming some sort of distance.
~Your ex will block you on everything, on every possible platform.
With a few words, your ex is going to be distant and not interested in you.
~They are not interested in hearing what you have to say or want to argue with you. They just go numb and distant.
~They express how much you hurt them and talk negatively about you to their friends.
The moment they vent to friends about how they feel know that they are really going through a hard time.
Also, this is how they are really feeling at that moment and are not pretending as if they hate you.
~They give up on trying to understand you or work things out. This is one of the main signs that an ex hates you.
They don’t have the will to deal with negative feelings anymore and slowly they withdraw from you.
~They will treat you the same way you acted. They will turn cold and treat you poorly.
Know that at this moment, they are also dealing with their emotions.
They either are hurting or repent their decisions.
~Your ex will try to share their negative experience with everyone. Sometimes, an ex will choose to tell others about the bitter part of your relationship.
Not everyone does this even if they are hurt to the core but someone might choose to do it.
It all depends on how they deal with the post-breakup stress and anxiety.
Bottom line: My ex hates me….
Your ex hates you because they are either not content with your decisions or this is how they cope with your loss.
An ex can hate you or act like that in a heat of the moment and they might not
Hence, when an ex truly hates you, they will do everything to detach themselves from the situation and you.
No matter the reason, you should stay calm, take a step back, and avoid hating them.
Remaining distant will help you to analyze the situation on a deeper level.
Give yourself and them time to reflect and choose what’s the best for you.
When I googled “why does my ex hate me”, I was not expecting as thorough and hard hitting of an article as this one. Almost everything you’ve said here lines up with what I’m going through with my ex. It seemed like we were leaving on good terms, however in less than two weeks those good terms fermented into bitter hatred, you know the rest.
Thank you for this excellent breakdown, the things you touched on here resonate with my situation and give me some better insight into why she’s doing what she did, and how I can move forward in a healthy way (while still acknowledging that this was someone I shared a deep bond with).
Cheers to the past, and here’s to looking forward to a new and great future 🙂