Finding out whether a coworker has feelings for you or not can be a total rollercoaster. Everyone wants to show love and be loved but when we include love, feelings, and workplace in one sentence, things can get very complicated and intense: a messy mess!
To answer “How to tell if my coworker is attracted to me?”, you need to know how to differentiate kindness from the attraction. Make sure whether your male/female coworker is being friendly or just interested in you.
But before jumping into the signs let’s make it clear if a coworker can fall in love with you or not?
Can a coworker catch feelings or fall in love with you?
For sure! A coworker can be interested in you or even fall in love with you, it’s a human in a workplace…
What’s important is to notice whether it is that type of attraction that is created due to the environment or if your male or female colleague truly feels something for you because they saw and heard you as a person.
What I recommend you do is check out these 15+ signs to make sure and try to know what your coworker is like outside of the workplace.
I mean, if you are interested too and you want to find out if your colleague has a great interest in you then meet him/her outside of work and see how they interact with you.
Here are the 15+ signs that a coworker is into you:
1. They make eye contact – it’s hard not to notice
It’s normal and very common to feel the need to look at someone longer when you’re attracted to that person.
Well, somebody help this coworker of yours because they’re not getting anything done for a while now!
You look once, they’re looking… You look again, they’re looking… aaand, this has been going for a while now.
It’s very pretty and fun, right? Well, besides the part where you don’t get any work done because you distract each other by this intense yet indulging eye contact.
2. Your coworker gets easily distracted when near you
Distraction is a sure-fire sign of liking someone. They’re doing something, you pass by, they forget what they’re doing for a moment.
If you notice that this coworker gets multiple times distracted only when he or she gets close to you and gets lost while looking at you then this is a sign of attraction.
You’ll ask questions or talk about any work topic and this coworker will answer with short answers or even be confused at times – they’ll seem lost and you’ll notice.
You will notice that this person was not listening and kept looking at you, you didn’t have anything stuck in your teeth, they’re just excited and lost to see you.
3. “Hey, want to hang out after work?”
When a coworker likes you, he or she will find a way to spend more time with you. Hell, even your boss will do this if they like you!
This person likes you, and they’ll use every opportunity to hang out with you more than those hours of work.
If we shift the perspective and think of the opposite scenario: no one hangs out with coworkers after work unless they’re good friends, or they have something extra to work on, or they have something romantic sparkling up.
4. Your conversations last longer than usual
Sometimes trying to start a conversation out of nowhere or trying to hold it longer than a work conversation can last, might turn into an awkward situation.
A female or male coworker finds excuses to talk to you first and then keeps the conversations longer. They’ll also find ways to indirectly find out your relationship status.
If your coworker is into you he or she will even make lame and sudden questions to get your attention and keep the conversation longer.
Remember, women are keener to initiate the conversation whereas men try to find excuses to talk to you.
5. They help you with everything. A. Lot.
Even though both of you are paid to manage and finish the duties that you are assigned, your colleague will put his/her needs a little aside to focus a little bit more on yours.
If they keep offering their help without you asking for it then this is his or her way of trying to communicate with you. Both a male and a female colleague will do this if he/she feels attracted to you.
Try to notice if this is what your coworker does with other workers too: If this person is friendly with others and has good manners then it doesn’t mean that he or she is interested in you particularly.
But, if this coworker acts this way with you only, then he or she is interested in you.
6. They flirt and try to find the smallest chance to be emotionally and physically closer to you
Leaning in and getting closer to you is a sign of flirtation and attraction.
Has your coworker showered you with different types of compliments and gazed at you like crazy? If your coworker is interested in you then this person will find a chance to invade your personal space or brush against you or even stay close to you whenever there is a chance.
Even when your desks aren’t close or you aren’t working in the same area, this person will find a way to see you and be close to you: They’re flirting.
7. They make corny jokes and talk nonsense when around you
It’s usual for a woman or a man to start blabbering and making bad jokes when they’re near someone they’re attracted to.
If a coworker does this only with you and tries to get your attention while making bad jokes then this person is probably desperate for your attention, and well, likes you.
To not misunderstand the whole situation try to notice if this person acts like this with everyone else.
8. They open up with you (yes, only with you)!
This sign is a hint from your coworker that tells: “Hey, I like you that’s why I am being open to you.”
When a male or female coworker wants to connect more with you emotionally the one thing that they do is open up with you and share feelings and personal secrets with you.
They share secrets: The ones that are not work-related and that this person would not share with other coworkers too.
9. They do everything they can to have the same work schedule as yours
If you ever notice that your male or female coworker has been changing his or her schedule a few times to adjust yours then it means that he or she will want to spend time with you.
They will change the schedule so they can have a chance to be close with you and take the chance to have your attention, simply to be in your presence.
Your coworker has a crush on you, they can’t do much about it…
10. Stays in touch with you even after work: texting and/or calling
Coworkers can usually text with one another after work for something work-related that doesn’t ring any attraction alarm bells though.
If you notice that this coworker constantly finds a reason to text or call you after work even when that’s not necessary then you shall ring the bells of the attraction alarm!
They’ll text something funny or ask questions just to make sure that you are still in touch, to get a little laugh, to spend a little time with you.
11. Yes, it’s work but they don’t feel like competing with you
It is typical, in a working environment, for coworkers to compete with one another. BUT! There’ll be a different scenario once the feelings start to kick in.
You’ll know that your female or male coworker is into you if they don’t care about competing with you.
This person is competitive with others but doesn’t want to compete only with you and they don’t want to make you look bad. They’ll help you to enhance your career rather than compete: this coworker has got feelings going on.
Another thing that your male or female coworker might do is act protective of you when some other colleagues might speak behind your back or even criticize or accuse you without any evidence.
12. You feel special and needed whenever you are near your coworker
The special attention for that special someone is undeniable even in a work environment.
If your coworker likes you, they will be attentive to you – Your thoughts and emotions will matter to them.
Whether you are working on a team and talking about work or something else, your coworker will always ask you what you think about it, they’ll somehow need your help or your advice on things.
Check out if this person is well-mannered and wants to include everyone in the conversation. If they try to give more space to you to know more about what you specifically think about that, then this coworker likes you.
13. Your interaction with one another on social media is different
Social media is quite a tricky thing but if this coworker follows only you or comments and likes only your posts then this person is giving you their attention.
If your coworker likes you they will make sure that he or she will show this by liking all your posts, commenting, or even DM-ing you from time to time.
14. Other coworkers will try to set you up
One of the best ways to notice if a coworker has feelings for you is by the reaction of other coworkers.
Trust me, they will notice everything and will see things differently from your perspective. If these coworkers notice that you like one another then they will try to set you up.
These coworkers will plan everything out, from the place to sit near each other, to the same shifts or having lunch together.
Sometimes this will help a lot to notice if another coworker is willing to meet and spend time alone with you.
Check these bonus signs out! Some coworkers take the loving/attraction game to another level
You may tell your coworker that you like him or her in the simplest form. But some ways require more courage to accomplish while being at work.
1. Every day your coworker finds a way to have lunch with you.
This coworker will find a way to invite you to have lunch with him/her indirectly or directly.
If a coworker has a crush on you then they will find the craziest ideas to have lunch with you.
It might start from inviting you to drink some coffee in the backyard of your workplace, to a park, to a taco restaurant downtown, and so on. Like a date, but not exactly, winky face.
2. They’re interested whether you are going to attend office parties or those work trips.
If a coworker constantly is interested in whether you will attend any of the office parties or be present at those work trips, this is a sign of interest.
It is pretty common between coworkers to be interested in one another whether they will attend a work event. But, if this male or female coworker is interested they’ll show some extra interest when it comes to you.
3. They invite you to join activities outside work.
If a coworker likes you they will do everything inside the workspace to make them be noticed by you.
Usually, male coworkers invite you to hang out in groups before stating that he wants a date with you. On the other hand, this is something that female coworkers will ask you more directly than hanging out in groups.
4. They leave small gifts or your favorite food on your desk.
Leaving small gifts or even your favorite food on your desk or locker is an upgraded way of attempting to mingle.
5. This coworker tries to solve your problems without asking you first
If you notice that someone at work has been attentive to your problems and has solved them then be sure that this coworker has been feeling some type of way.
6. Defends you in front of your boss and sometimes even takes the blame
If your coworker stands up in front of your boss multiple times and even takes the blame to defend you then this coworker has a crush on you.
He or she might do this to get your attention and protect your feelings.
What to do if you are interested in a coworker too?
The great news is that your coworker likes you, but now you don’t know what to do with this information.
Think it through, and if you decide to start something more with this person then here’s what I suggest you do:
1. Check the work policies if they allow what you’re about to get into and then ask yourself if it is worth the risk.
2. Flirt back and find a chance to meet outside and connect more emotionally with this coworker.
3. Spend more time with them to know more about them and vice versa.
4. Don’t let it affect your performance at work, stay focused.
5. Go with the flow, don’t force it to happen or the other way round.
What to do when you are in love with a coworker but this person is married?
The infidelity statistics have shown that infidelity is pretty common to happen in workplaces.
If you are in love with a married coworker or whether this married coworker is in love with you, the best thing is to get out of this as fast as possible. Here:
- Stay away from having an affair with your married coworker. Take a look at your career and yourself where you stand between these two.
- Try to spend less time with this coworker;
- Be appropriate when you speak to him or her;
- Talk only on the professional level;
- Focus on yourself more and if you are single start seeing other people;
- Talk to your friends or a therapist about this (avoid talking about this with your coworkers);
- Take an extra time outside and release your thoughts;
- If you too are married try to spend time more with your husband or wife, reconnect with them;
- Let your coworker know about your decision;
- Have a moment to think reasonably and predict the consequences of an affair with them.
If you try out all these tips and still do not feel ready to let the feelings go, try to change the environment.
If you have another job opportunity and it suits you better, then take it. It will help you clear your thoughts and be away from this situation.
What do I do if my employee is attracted to me?
Now we will look at this from a different POV. Things might be a little different if you are his or her boss, supervisor, or manager.
Make sure of your feelings too. If you are his or her employer and you think that this employee is attracted to you then first be sure about your feelings toward this person.
Check out the work policies. If you too have a crush on your employee then just check your work policies and their relationship status. When you two are single and have mutual feelings then work on having a relationship.
Get to connect more with him or her. If work policies aren’t going to be a problem with you then try to get to know her or him better. Spend more time with your employee outside of the workplace.
Get to know what other employees might think of you. Check if your relationship won’t be a problem at work since other coworkers might see this as an issue. They might think that you’ll support her or him more than others.
Keep your relationship a secret for some time. Try to keep the relationship only outside of work and see how that will go. If you have been seeing each other for almost a year and things are going good you may let other workers know too.
Try not to waste this person’s time and yours if you are not interested. Let them know that you’re not interested early on. Spend less time with them and keep it at a professional level as much as possible.
FAQ: Coworkers and feelings: Is this coworker attracted to me?
1. Is it even ok to date a coworker?
It is more than ok to date a coworker as long as you do not break the rules and policy of your company or the place where you are working.
If you truly like one another and want this relationship to work then you should talk with one another if you can work in the same place and continue the relationship.
2. How to know if a coworker is not interested in me?
A coworker is not interested in you if he or she doesn’t treat you differently from other coworkers. To be more precise, here’s how you know if a coworker isn’t interested in you:
- They keep their distance from you.
- They don’t reciprocate when you flirt.
- They keep it very professional.
- They avoid spending time with you after work is done.
- They’re kind of lazy when it comes to helping you out with something.
3. What is considered inappropriate flirting at work when married?
An inappropriate flirting when you are married is considered something that crosses friendly boundaries.
There is a fine line between slightly flirting and being way too close with someone when you are already in a relationship or even married.
It is normal to have a crush on someone at work even if you are married but the moment you flirt dirty: touch too much, make inappropriate dirty jokes, and love it, then you’re crossing a line.
4. How to tell your coworker: a woman or a man that you’re not interested?
To turn your coworker down and tell him or her that you are not interested, you need to be straightforward and not play games.
- Tell them honestly and directly.
Let them know you appreciate their courage to show you their affection, and politely let them know you’re currently focused on work, or that you’re not interested in a relationship.
- Spend less time with them.
Spending too much time with them might give them the wrong idea, so try to be careful at this part.
- Keep it very professional.
No talking about your personal life nor flirting with them for fun – this can lead to hurting their feelings by misleading them into thinking that they have a chance with you.
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