The dating scene nowadays has become much harder to handle. With the invention of new rules by the day, you don’t know if what you’re doing is right.
And you have to keep yourself in check if you are being too easy since you’re told that men will lose their interest if you aren’t a challenge or a bit of a hassle to reach.
That doesn’t have to be the ultimate truth, and it isn’t, to be frankly honest.
However, right now, you find yourself doing all the texting, planning, and effort. Things don’t seem the same on his end though!
Did you turn into the chaser?
Here are 12 signs that you’re the one chasing him:
1. You try to contact him but you feel ignored
Your attempts to contact him seem to crash into a wall that gives you no response back.
You might be trying too hard to keep him. Thus, even when he ignores you, you can’t seem to notice.
You are way too involved to figure that you are the one chasing him.
The first one to initiate contact is mostly you, while he seems to be unbothered about the fact that you don’t communicate for days.
He doesn’t seem to engage or reciprocate much in conversations in general, making you carry the whole conversation on your own.
He seems to not pay attention to you. He might be checking his phone during your date, doesn’t maintain eye contact with you, or is somewhere else mentally.
It seems that you are fighting for his attention but he is still ignoring you despite all the effort you put in.
2. He takes too long to respond to your texts/calls
You keep texting him but no reply. Those texts are coming hours later or the next day, and then this cycle repeats itself over and over for days on.
Furthermore, his texts are short, and to the point and don’t leave much room to expand in order to have a proper conversation.
It might seem impossible to hold a conversation with him online since he takes too much time to respond and the motivation seems to decrease as the hour’s pass.
He either is really really busy or is playing hard to get. In the second case, you are now chasing him, while he’s pushing and pulling.
3. You’re sacrificing plans for him
“Yes” is the constant answer you find yourself giving to him. It seems that you can’t refuse any of his requests despite your tangled plans that keep tangling the more you sacrifice them for this guy.
You find yourself
- Saying yes when he unexpectedly calls for you to meet, even though you have something else going on;
- Hesitant to reschedule your date when you’ve got a very important thing to do that day;
You are always available for him, without sitting once to consider yourself because of the fear that the offer might not come around again.
You’re chasing him and his presence if you don’t, for one second, think about whether something is inconvenient for you.
If you hold him on a pedestal and don’t deny anything he asks from you, you’re the one chasing.
4. He’s being flakey with you
His words say something else, whereas his actions tell a totally different story.
The promises he makes are not kept, and yet you manage to excuse his behavior.
Even when he cancels on dates and says he will reschedule them, it seems that the time never comes, and yet you initiate the next date.
You are putting a lot of time aside for him, you’re tolerating way more than you’d tolerate, and your boundaries seem to be crossed.
And yet you excuse this flakey behavior as him being busy and having other things more important to do.
You could be the one chasing him instead of both of you enjoying each other’s company. You’ve made him a priority and are holding him onto a pedestal, while he’s not doing the same.
Much of the effort put into knowing each other seems to be one-sided. You are the one trying to keep things together.
You are the one going above and beyond for him and trying to impress him. Even if sometimes that means doing the things you hate.
You are the one canceling schedules to be with him, and trying the things he enjoys as a way to get closer to him.
In the process, it seems that you have been doing the chasing and he has taken a step back letting you do the job while you go way beyond your way to please him and get closer to him.
6. You are putting in more effort than he is
One thing’s for certain, if you are the one always wanting to be together with him, while he doesn’t give the impression of doing the same, you’re chasing him.
Dates and arrangements to hang out always seem to be planned by you, and he just shows up whenever he has time.
You ask him to plan a date for you but he just gives up letting you take the responsibility. With that in mind, it seems that you are the one doing the chasing.
The instant you put more effort than the other party and that effort isn’t being acknowledged by him, the chasing duties have been handed to you.
You’re doing all the work, and if it wasn’t for you, you wouldn’t hear from him in days unless he wants something from you.
7. You share things about yourself but he doesn’t
He seems to be more closed off even though you try to create a safe space for him to share at least something about himself.
It seems that he is not showing much of himself to you despite you telling him about yourself.
If you ask him anything personal, he changes the subject or diverts the subject to you.
When you try to have a deep conversation with him it feels like you are pulling teeth. You are trying so hard in order to get to know him and yet he doesn’t seem to want to share anything with you.
These attempts of yours seem useless, and it seems that he isn’t interested in getting to know you.
Thus, his withdrawal might indicate that he has taken a step back from chasing, and now you are doing it.
8. You’re the one to flirt and tease him but not get anything back
The getting-to-know-you phase is always fun because it’s the time when you can enjoy some harmless flirting and playful manners.
As you get to know each other, flirting and teasing are part of what makes your dates more fun.
However, what ruins it is when that playfulness, teasing, and flirting are one-sided and not reciprocated.
You are the one who flirts with him and tries to tease him. But he doesn’t reciprocate it. He won’t flirt with you no matter how much you try to do it with him.
You might give him compliments, but they don’t seem to make any input into his mood let alone be reciprocated.
He doesn’t show any affection at all, either that being physical or verbal, and doesn’t react to it if you do it.
If you are the one being flirtatious and teasing him, without him doing the same, it might indicate that you are chasing him.
9. You’re in need of constantly knowing his whereabouts
You sense yourself being a bit too curious about him. You seem to be very interested to know everything he does when he’s not with you.
The constant need to know about his whereabouts is present. And unfortunately, it’s not much of a good sign.
You are constantly checking his social media to see what he’s doing and who he’s with. It seems that he is the only one you are occupied with.
You find yourself checking or commenting on his stories immediately after he posts them, and if he doesn’t do the same, it might be a sign that you are doing the chasing.
Be careful to not let your behavior transform into obsession or stalking, instead of enjoying your life to the fullest without being paranoid.
10. You are pushing exclusivity to the point where it seems imposed
He has been avoiding the subject of a relationship with you. And you are the one pushing the issue of commitment into the light.
You are hinting at him that it is the time to talk about exclusivity and how you’d like to continue this, however, he doesn’t seem to care much.
As family and friends are an important part of our lives, you’ve been wanting to meet him for quite some time.
However, he is either neutral whenever this conversation comes up or says that now’s not the time.
Constantly pushing towards progress and wanting to get to know him better without having that effort reciprocated shows that you are doing the chasing.
It seems that you want this to work more than him.
11. You have started to get tired from the attempts to get his attention
This relationship is draining you and it seems that no matter how much you try, he doesn’t seem to want to put in half of his effort.
You are tired of doing the job for two and you feel tired emotionally. You can’t seem to continue this way.
Unfortunately, this is a telltale sign that you have been doing the chasing.
It is the non-progress that you feel from your attempts and hard work which tires you out. There are no results to keep you going.
It seems that you’re willing to change the way you dress, the way you talk, and the way you treat him, just for the sake of getting his attention and getting him pleased.
The gifts, the compliments, and the effort seem to be one-sided.
You have invested one-sidedly and when there was nothing to give anymore so much that you start feeling emotionally fatigued as a result.
12. It feels like your main drive behind your actions is his opinion of you
Everything he says or does, you take it way too personally.
The way you live your life, the way you talk, and the way you present yourself seem to have a new drive now: his opinions of you.
Without even noticing, you might have turned into being needy and clingy, thus why he might start pulling away turning this into a vicious cycle.
The constant texting and calling, asking about his whereabouts, and keeping tabs on everything he does might make him the center of your thoughts, behavior, and world even.
You might have started doubting your self worth too.
You feel unfulfilled and lonely, and you miss his presence all the time. You are very much invested in him that you have become emotionally attached.
Once you have identified this sign in yourself, you need to take a step back, relax and think.
You have turned into the chaser subconsciously and now it’s time to reflect.
What can happen if I’m chasing the guy? What’s the aftermath?
Chasing after a guy is not yet widely accepted. That is because society has made him the pursuer and assigned him that job.
That doesn’t mean it’s right though. We try so hard to fit into these roles without questioning them and whether they work for us or not.
If you resonated with the aforementioned signs, then you might be doing the unhealthy chase.
It can take a mental toll on you that is very hard to recover from and in turn can encourage negative thoughts, self-doubt, and misvalue of yourself.
As most people prefer to be challenged, the chasing game is the same: toxic and unhealthy.
It’s the consequences of the “Am I good enough for him?”
If you approach dating with that mindset you’re likely to yield people an opportunity to undervalue you, show less respect, and lose the motivation to pursue you.
This might have a negative impact and make him lose interest in you, which in turn lowers your self-esteem.
So, instead of the “Am I good enough for him?” you’ve got to shift your mindset and approach to “Is this the right person to deserve my effort?”
It’s time to turn the tables around! Here’s what you can do when you’re the one chasing him!
You have found yourself in this unwanted situation of you chasing him.
This is about you shifting your mindset about yourself, the way you work on yourself, and the way you choose a person to give your love to.
Here are the steps you can take to turn this situation around!
– Replace the “I need him to be with me” with “Is he worth my effort?”
Avoid putting him on a pedestal. Stick to your confidence, your amazing traits, and your time. Understand the worth of your time and effort, and evaluate whether this guy is worth your time and effort.
Keep your standards and values and don’t lose sight of them. You shouldn’t lose yourself in the process of gaining someone.
Keep yourself in shape by going out on walks, talking to your therapist, running or visiting the gym, and reading helpful things for yourself.
Also, try to relax and take a break to rest your mind, and if you think it is needed, do talk to a psychologist.
Treat yourself well. Spare some time for your well-being and your core instead of the superficial facade that society imposes on you.
– Don’t skip, neglect, cancel, or sacrifice your plans.
Compromising for your partner in a long-term relationship is a wonderful thing to do as long as it is reciprocal and acknowledged.
However, if it’s the early stages that we’re talking about. You need to stop canceling, neglecting, skipping, or sacrificing your plans every time he shows up.
If he’s that interested, he’ll stick around. And if he doesn’t, you’ll dodge a bullet by avoiding a relationship with a person who expects you to be available at all times for them.
– Understand that your personality and joy are unshakable truths.
He too needs to compromise in order for things to work, of course. But you tend to start putting in more effort and more thought into it when he doesn’t.
You’ve got to understand that no one, especially not a guy you just met, is entitled to define you as a person or to decide whether you’re valuable or not.
If he’s not into it, stop chasing him. His presence in your life should be natural and voluntary.
His departure doesn’t define you, it doesn’t lower your value, and it absolutely shouldn’t shake your joy or the way you view yourself.
Start merging these into your life and let the magic happen itself!
Bottom line: This is how you know you’re chasing him!
You’re chasing him if you’re doing all the work, the planning, the compliments, canceling plans just to be available to him, insisting on meeting him while he sits unbothered as the events unfold.
Don’t be discouraged, you can turn things around!
Take a step back, shift your mindset, nurture your mental and physical health, take good care of yourself, and understand that no one is capable of defining your value by their presence or absence in your life!
The second you start treating yourself with respect and are aware of your values, then better things will come. You’ve got this!