Going through a breakup sucks and then it comes the time when you need to find a way to get over it and redeem yourself. The ‘beg and plead’ method isn’t that magic way to make things better. That’s when you should try out the No Contact Rule.
The moment you ask the question: Does the No Contact Rule work? Most of us, including me, think Do I get my ex back after that?
Remember that the No Contact Rule is a clean and healthy pattern that helps you to heal from the breakup and give you and your ex some space to reflect on your relationship.
It is a pretty confusing period. Just know yourself for what you went No Contact: To reconcile or to move on!
Once you know the reason then you’re able to tell that this rule is working when you are totally nourished from that breakup, your ex tries to find a way to reach out to you, you’re ready to break the chain of ‘obsessing over your ex’, or you want to be just friends and move on.
13 signs the No Contact Rule is working:
1. You become independent/happy/nourished while you learn to live by yourself
One of the crucial signs that NC has a great impact is when you feel ready to break the chain of obsessing over your ex. Instead of doing that, now you focus on yourself.
During this process, you gain self-confidence.
You can feel it in your bones that it is working. You do not search for your ex’s validation anymore, and you’re not interested in what your ex is thinking or doing anymore.
2. Your ex reaches out indirectly to you
You’ll know that the No Contact Rule started to work perfectly fine when you get your ex’s attention, again!
No one chooses the same indirect ways to reach out to his/her ex. Some choose to ask mutual friends, family, or maybe some work buddies.
Here are a few reasons that an ex contacts you indirectly:
- Your ex wants to know how you have been;
- Your ex notices that you are a missing part of him;
- Your ex feels the loss;
- Wants to know how you’ve been doing without him/her
- Wants to check out if you have moved on faster than him or her;
- He or she is curious about who you are hanging out with;
3. Your ex tries to find a way to initiate the conversation with you through text or social media
During this period your ex is going to be more responsive. But to have a clearer idea of whether this rule is working, check out if your ex is an extrovert or introvert.
An introvert male or female or the one who is way too proud (has a great ego) won’t reach out to you directly but will find a way to come back to you.
An introvert might not initiate a conversation directly with you but will like your posts or comment in any picture with emojis. Whereas, an extrovert will slide directly to your messages.
Keep in mind: the attachment style that your ex has is quite important. If your ex has an avoidant attachment then he/she will like or comment on your posts one day but on the other day, he/she will act distant.
4. Now you’re more focused on yourself and you consider the chance to mingle with others
When you reach that point when you know how to use time wisely and you know precisely what you are doing with your time, then you’ll notice the impact of NC.
During this time you focus more on yourself, you go out and hang more with friends and family. With a few words, you are more emotionally stable and not dependent on your breakup.
While you were redeeming yourself other people started to notice you.
You start to meet new people that might be interested in you or flirt with you. After that, you’ll be able to have a peek at what your future decision will be. Whether you’ll move on or continue with that relationship.
5. Your ex reflects on your relationship and seeks forgiveness
If your ex is interested in reconciling your relationship then the space that you give during no contact will help him/her reflect.
When your ex contacts you back during the No Contact Period or after that he/she will have a brand new attitude.
If this person was way too angry with you before, hasn’t treated you with respect, or didn’t have a proper way of communication, now it will be the opposite.
6. Your ex starts to be more active on social media
Social media is a great tool to have a peek at what your ex is doing. If you haven’t muted or unfollowed your ex (which a lot of people do that during the NC rule) you notice a change in your ex’s behavior.
Your ex posts and then deletes. Or posts something that he or she hasn’t posted before. Something contrary to their personality.
To make it more visible that the NC rule has an impact on your ex he or she might post an emotional meme, your favorite song, or some emotional videos letting you know that he/she is going through something.
7. You gain a new perspective regarding your relationship
You know that the No Contact Rule is working when you are aware that you’ve started to clear your thoughts and see your relationship from a different point of you.
During NC you’ll grasp small details that why this relationship didn’t work.
Maybe you didn’t know how to communicate and stepping away makes you realize that. You start using other techniques on how to communicate better with one another.
Being distant from your ex will help you create an idea if you two will be able to work things out.
8. Your ex starts to test you while giving you negative comments
The moment your ex starts to use negative comments towards you, you’ll know that the No Contact Rule is working.
Your ex does that for these reasons!
1. To get your attention and tell that he/she is longing for you;
2. It is a sign that now your ex is aware that has lost control over you;
3. This is a tool that your ex uses to reassure himself/herself that still has a chance with you.
Some of the comments might be: Oh, who do you think you are for doing this, You think you can live without me, You’re being immature, You’re lame!
9. Suddenly your ex is present to places that you visit
This is a no-brainer. If your ex shows up at your job then this is a big sign!
Because he or she knows exactly that you’re going to be there at work at this certain time.
Also, if he or she pops up in the places that he/she doesn’t visit but you and your friends do then you know that your ex is curious about you and wants to get a grip on you.
10. You got the news that your ex is miserable without you
The contact rule is effective when you are able to reverse things. The tables are turned when your distance has made your ex feel the rejection and the pain that comes from it.
If you have mutual friends or coworkers then they will let you know that he is longing for you. It is a safer and real way to know what your ex is feeling during the No Contact Rule.
Note: Be sure what is the source of his desperate mood. It might be that your ex is feeling guilty for his behavior/decision or that he/he truly wants you back in his/her life!
11. Your ex’s friends or family contacts you
Well, if one of his friends or family wants to know how you’re doing or what you’re up to during that period, it means that your ex is interested too.
Your ex chooses this type of approach during No Contact or after to get you back or just wants to be informed what you are doing without him or her.
If you do not feel ready even to interact with them either then keep your distance and avoid them.
12. You might consider reconnecting or having a dialogue with your ex
When you come to the point that you have cleared your thoughts during the NC rule that is the moment that you know the NC effect.
Whether you’re the dump or the dumpee you reach a point when you know what is your next action regarding your ex.
If you reflect on your relationship and see your ex as a potential one to have a healthy relationship then you consider the chance to have a talk with him or her and reconnect.
13. Your ex turns the tables and reverses it on you: Makes you feel rejected!
Your ex might call and tell you like “Hey I acted all wrong let’s hang out.” That’s wrong, that is not the way it is done.
If your ex acts like this it is only because he/she wants to tell you that now you’re the one who should be rejected, AGAIN!
If your ex is really sorry and wants to apologize, you’ll notice that because he/she will invite you to dinner and wants to discuss things and see what they can do better.
If my ex is dating someone else during No Contact does that work then?
It is not guaranteed whether the No Contact Rule works on your ex if he/she is dating someone else. It might work and it might not. It all depends on the reason that your EX is dating someone else during that time.
Your ex might date others during the NC rule to make you jealous, to tell that still someone wants him or her, to tell you that he/she is better than you.
When you are doing No Contact and your ex is dating someone else, just try to be strict and don’t stalk him/her or be all clingy.
Take your time. According to how long you’ve been in a relationship, adjust the NC rule length.
Make yourself distant from your ex for 30 days or more. Try to focus on other things during this period: on yourself, family, friends, or you can pick new hobbies.
This length will give your ex time and space to decide whether to continue with you or his current partner.
Does the No Contact Rule work with FWB?
Yes, the No Contact Rule works also on FWB. Since you’re stuck in this situationship and you’re not committed to one another, the NC rule will work to:
1. Clear his/her thoughts about you: This is why the No Contact rule works with FWB. Once you are not always available for him or her then, in this case, he/she will be stuck in that situation that will not have control over you and can’t reach you.
This moment will trigger him or her to reflect on what’s his/her position in your “relationship”.
2. Help him/her develop feelings for you: The moment you are distant from FWB and he/she is clearing their own thoughts, that’s the moment he or she starts to miss you, see the situation from another POV, or is confused at some point.
The No Contact Rule will help FWB to develop further feelings for you and admit it or just move away and try his FWB traits with another person.
3. Make the FWB learn about commitment:
In this case, you draw the line between being taken for granted and someone being committed to you.
He or she will reflect on it and say: Hey, she or he has really feelings for me or if she/he is next to me that means that they care about me more than just a friend.
4. Both of you see things more objectively: The NC rule will help you to decide whether you’re going to think about him/her and wait for their response. Or that you’ll just simply move on.
If the FWB has decided about his feelings and they’re positive, then he/she will start with small steps to give you hints that he/she wants to upgrade the relationship.
When the No Contact rule doesn’t work and what to do about it!
Some of you might say: Hey the 30 days or so No Contact Rule didn’t work for me! The 30 days of No Contact means to distant yourself from your ex. No calling, texting, meeting, or any type of interaction!
But, if you have gone on and off with your ex, or even though you started this you went and begged him/her to come back, texted, or called your ex out of urge. Did you focus more on your ex than yourself?
Start over. Set yourself in the second round of NC.
But, this time no texting, calling, or even breathing next to your ex. Just be distant for 30 days. Check his/her reaction, if you do not have any type of reaction then extend the rule to two-three weeks.
Focus more on your mindset and your self-development!
Then contact him/her and check their pulse. Ask them what their decision is. Be prepared for the outcomes.
FAQ: Will the No Contact rule help nourish me and my relationship?
1. Will the No Contact Rule Work if my ex has lost feelings?
The No Contact Rule will work on your ex if he/she hasn’t lost completely feelings about you.
This rule will give your ex some space to reflect and get back to the beginning of your relationship. What made him/her like or even fall in love with you.
But if your ex is completely strict that he/she has lost interest in you you can tell by his behavior) then you should not even go for this rule.
2. How to know if the No Contact rule will work if we were just dating?
Yes, the No Contact Rule will work also on a short-term relationship.
Whether you have been dating for 2 to 6 months, the effect of the NC rule depends on two things. The level of attraction and intensity of a relationship.
The intensity of a relationship is defined by how much you were connected on an emotional level. What type of bond do you have?
The more attracted you are to someone and the higher is the level of your emotional connection, the more it will work NC rule.
3. My ex hasn’t reached out to me during or after the No Contact. How to know that the NC rule is working in this case?
If your ex doesn’t reach you during or after the No Contact it doesn’t mean that the NC rule isn’t working.
The No Contact rule isn’t mainly making your ex call or text you back during it.
The effect of that is: You did not push your ex away, you made your ex and yourself know that this relationship wasn’t going to work.