Is the guy you met online a player? – 10 signs he is!

I met a guy online who turned out to be a player.

His game was so smooth, and so luring, that I just found myself in the midst of a chaotic situationship wondering where I went wrong!

I was young and naive. And thinking back, I hug that version of myself tightly, and I thank her for dealing with him the right way, aka leaving him.

Knowing early on if a guy you meet online is a player can help you dodge a bullet big time!

A sister to a sister, I’m sharing expert and personal views on this so that you don’t have to go through what I went through.

Here are 10 signs a guy you met online is a player:

1. He love-bombs you right at the beginning.

Whether you met him online or not, a signature move of players is love-bombing.

You met this guy online, and he, without even knowing you, started complimenting you like no one else flattered before.

• He tells you how good-looking you are, but nothing specific about you;
• He calls you nicknames such as “babe”, “love”, “sweetheart”, etc;
• He’s suspiciously making you feel very important;

The intent of a player is to lure you into their game. One of the most effective ways to do so is to use words that validate your presence.

Notice how his compliments and good words are generic. The compliments he gives you could fit just any woman.

“You’ve got mesmerizing eyes,” could be said to any woman because it doesn’t specify anything about it.

The catch? It works most of the time.

He makes you feel validated and valued. That’s the initial thing that lures you into his game.

2. His texts have an arrogant and sometimes offensive tone.

Players are insecure within, but they have this facade to make themselves appear confident.

What they don’t realize is that the facade they put on is arrogance, not confidence.

This is yet another significant sign that the guy you met online is a player.

He’s got this “I’m better than you” game on, and he’s trying to convince you by putting your opinions down elegantly yet arrogantly.

• He makes you feel inferior because he presents himself as too smart, wanted, hot, or just superior to other people;
• He gets infuriated when you reject him or his ideas;
• He doesn’t seem to like it when you correct him, hence, he responds with “I know, you don’t have to tell me that,”

First, he lures you with pretty words, then he gets his ‘confidence’ to make you question your value and want more of his validation.

This can keep you in his game for a longer period, and it can make you justify his wrongful behavior along the way.

3. You’ll think you lost him for a second.

If the guy you met online tends to vanish from time to time with no explanation or apology, he’s likely to be a player.

Ghosting is one of the most famous traits of a player.

Well, this is just part of the mind games he plays to get you more involved in his toxic games.

It’s normal for a guy to not have time to respond for a few hours or a day, especially if you’re not dating yet or not in a relationship.

However, a player will do this on purpose. He will vanish for hours, days, or even weeks.

He makes you think you lost him for a second just so that you ‘work harder’ to get his attention and avoid letting this happen again.

During that space he creates, it makes room for you to overthink your actions, self-worth, words you said to him, or even whether you’re worthy of him or not.

This secures him a safe spot in your life, making you eager for his presence.

• He vanishes and comes back as if nothing happened;
• He pretends he didn’t do anything when you ask him about the reasons why he didn’t respond for a long time;
• He vanishes for hours or days mid-conversation, or even leaves your questions unanswered;

Note: this would be fine if you’d wrap up a text conversation, but it’s often a red flag if he’s disrespectful and doesn’t respond to a text that requires an answer.

4. He continuously asks you to send him pictures of yourself.

Another big sign that the guy you met online is a player is his eagerness to see pictures of you. Not just any picture though.

There are times when he feels bold and asks explicitly for sexy pictures of you.

Mind you, this is not just a guy who likes you a lot and innocently but kindly asks for a picture of you. No.

This guy is the guy to arrogantly ask you for a picture where he can see your body or a picture of a specific body part.

If the guy you met online resonates with the latter rather than the former example, then you’re very likely to be dealing with a player.

• He’s very bold when he asks you for pictures of yourself;
• He doesn’t seem to know how to take no for an answer;
• You feel pressured to ‘do your best’ when sending him a picture of yourself;
• He doesn’t give you much validation once you send him the picture;

5. He has pictures of himself with women on his dating profile.

People are divided when it comes to men that post pictures of themselves with women on their dating profiles.

Some say it’s no big deal, while others consider it to be a major red flag.

Well, let’s dissect this a little.

A man that puts one picture with women who are his friends or sisters, does not indicate a red flag.

This guy has other pictures where he’s alone, it’s just this group picture where he happened to look good and had to post it!

Now, the guy that puts a ton of pictures with women that seem to be clinging to his body a bit more than a friend or a sister would, can indicate a red flag.

These guys are often the players that like to brag about how many women they’ve been with, and how ‘hot’ those women are.

Players see women from an objectifying lens, and this approach to such pictures, tells whether a man online could potentially be a player or not.

• He’s got many pictures of himself with women on his social media, including his dating profile(s);
• If you address this, a player will brag about how “these were just hot women” who I hung out with a few times;

6. He’s not attentive when you talk.

Let’s say the guy you met online asked you out, and you went out on a date.

If he’d be a player, his attention span would be quite low, especially when you’re talking about things about yourself that he can’t take advantage of.

It’s okay if someone has a long day and isn’t capable of focusing, or if someone doesn’t find a particular topic that interesting.

However, a guy who is genuinely into you is likely to be smitten by even the silliest things you tell him.

But a player will only have ears for the things that can offer him something ‘to work’ with when he manipulates you.

• He doesn’t remember important things that you told him about yourself;
• He looks around and seems uninterested when you talk to him about something;
• For the life of him, he can’t seem to know what you said last time about a topic you discussed;

7. He kept pushing the sex talk during your date.

If the guy you met online doesn’t listen and doesn’t seem to engage much in conversations unless they’re about sex, then you might just spot a player!

Players tend to be emotionally detached and like to keep things so.

If he’s using you for sex, then his eyes will glow when the conversation is about sex.

Let’s not get this wrong, a guy who likes you would probably love to have sex talk or sex with you, however, he wouldn’t push it as much as a player would.

The guy who genuinely likes you and is curious to know you will ask you questions about you and will welcome a talk about sex if it comes along the way.

A player? Well, he’ll push the sex talk a little too much. So much so, that you might even catch yourself feeling very uncomfortable.

• His eyes seem to glow from joy when the conversation is about sex;
• He doesn’t seem as engaged about other conversation topics;

8. He spoke badly of his exes.

Did you talk about past relationships with this guy you met online?

The way a person talks about his ex can tell a lot about that person.

It’s completely ok for someone not to forgive an abusive or toxic ex-partner.

However, a player intentionally speaks badly of his exes. It’s part of the games he plays.

He’s likely to say things like “My exes were crazy,” or “My exes were hot but stupid and I’m looking for someone to match my level”

This is part of a game to intentionally make you go “I’m the one who’s going to match his level!”

He knows this, and he knows that this is likely to make you try harder to impress him.

• Sharing bitter experiences with an ex is normal;
• Bad-mouthing an ex for their personality or habits instead of things they did to you is something a player does;

9. His dating profile bio is off-the-charts sexist.

Because of the objectifying lens players see women through, they tend to have highly offensive views on women in general.

This can reflect in the way he manages to create and craft a bio on his dating profile.

Considering the fact that players avoid emotional attachment with women they date or sleep with, they’re likely to see women as objects that they’ll exploit for their personal goals.

If he’s got a bio that offends women then you just spotted a misogynist or a player, or both.

• He comes off as too arrogant with his views on women;
• He sees women as inferior to him;
• His bio is a list of things he doesn’t want in a woman;
• His bio is a list of specific things (likely unrealistic things) he wants in a woman;

10. He texts you way too late at night.

The player textbook has it, a player is in for sex and status but not the emotional connection.

Day-time conversations tend to leave more space to talk about random things and get to know each other better.

Once the night arrives, it can make some room for sexy talking here and there.

Some late nights can get very lonely, and a player is highly aware of that. He’ll use it to his advantage and will text you.

On the other hand, the late nights can get him in a carnal state. And unfortunately, that’s the only time you’ll have his full attention.

He’ll text you when he’s horny.

Conclusion: Is the guy you met online a player or does he genuinely like you?

A guy that genuinely likes you will show his affection in healthier forms.

He’ll ask questions about you, he’ll put effort into text conversations, he’ll be gentle and respectful of your boundaries, and he’ll ask you on a date.

Then comes the other side of the coin, the player!

If the guy you met online

• Texts you only when he’s horny;
• Love bombs you right off the bat;
• Sends you inappropriate pictures;
• Gives you generic compliments;
• Texts you with an arrogant or disrespectful tone;
• Expresses objectifying views on women;
• Plays mind games with you;

Then he’s a player.

Online dating can be tricky just as much as it is effective. When in doubt, talk to a relationship expert!

Keep in mind, a player isn’t capable of showing genuine interest consistently. It’s all in the consistency and the details.

If you find yourself feeling negative about yourself the moment you met him, then he probably isn’t worthy of your time!

You’ve got this!

Love,

Callisto