Think of how you want to be treated, for a second…
Now, think of how that man behaves… You’re absolutely not deserving of the behavior I’m about to describe.
Disrespect in a relationship from a man comes in different forms. However, it can be defined as disregard, indifference, and inconsideration to your presence, your effort, your time, and your personality.
When he’s disrespectful he’ll disregard things that are important to you, things you need, things you want. It’s rude, it’s arrogant, and it’s disregarding.
He ignores important dates, his communication is poor, he makes fun of you in front of other people, he doesn’t put effort into the relationship, doesn’t spend time with you enough, etc.
Now, you may love him despite his behavior towards you, perhaps you even expect him to magically change one day and see you for what you really are. However, that’s no excuse to put up with disrespectful behavior.
Here are 12 signs a man is disrespecting you:
1. He doesn’t mind crossing your borders
Self-respect is about setting boundaries and speaking up once they’re crossed. You have that, you spoke up, but he doesn’t seem to be minding it.
You set those borders to protect yourself as a sign of self-love. If he crosses those borders multiple times, it’s a sign of disrespect.
When respect is gone, the consideration of your needs is gone too. He’s crossing your borders, not minding at all because he found out that you’ll tolerate it eventually.
He could hold himself from doing it, but he won’t because he knows you’ll tolerate particular behavior. That’s anything but respect.
2. He ignores you
Ignoring you can be manifested through not spending time with you, spending time with you but not being present and mindful of your presence, not considering your opinions, etc.
It’s as if you’re not there when he wishes you to not be there. At some point, it feels like your presence doesn’t affect him after all.
Ignoring is a sign of disrespect because it’s a way of being inconsiderate of your presence and your feelings. It’s related to your importance in his life.
When a man disrespects a woman:
- He doesn’t respond to your texts for long periods.
- He doesn’t consider your opinions.
- He doesn’t listen to you when you’re talking.
3. He doesn’t apologize when he’s wrong
Understanding and acknowledging hurtful behavior is very important when it comes to keeping a relationship from not falling apart.
It’s a sign of lack of respect when he knows his behavior was hurtful to you and refuses to apologize.
It can often be that the behavior wasn’t done to purposefully hurt you, but the moment he sees he put you in a negative position, or in an unhealthy state of mind, he should be having enough respect and empathy to apologize.
Not apologizing is a way of excusing hurtful behavior; it can lead the relationship to an end, it’s unhealthy and damaging.
4. He lies
Lying is yet one of the strong and common signs of disrespect from a man. When he’s respectful to your being, your presence, and your thoughts, when he’s the one, he’ll keep himself from lying to you.
He’ll be respectful enough to tell you the truth.
On the other hand, when he’s not mindful of your existence and your participation in his life, he’ll be reckless and careless: he’ll lie, he’ll cheat, anything behind your back.
5. His way of talking to you makes you question your values
Another person’s presence and energy affect you whether you want it to or not. In this case, if he’s not mindful with his language when he talks to you; if he’s not respectful when verbally communicating with you, then you’ll be largely affected by it.
Despite the confidence and the self-appreciation you might have, it will affect you negatively if he’s not respectful with you.
- He calls you offensive nicknames.
- He talks you down.
- He raises his voice when talking to you.
6. He jokes about your achievements
Instead of cherishing, and celebrating you, heck even congratulating you, he makes fun of what you’ve achieved in life so far (whether that’s professionally, or otherwise).
That’s a sign of disrespect because he’s not paying any mind to how you might feel about his jokes on your success. He doesn’t pay any mind to your joy and happiness.
If he’s not supportive and caring, then he’s not respectful either; they go hand in hand.
- He’s not supportive of your goals.
- He thinks it’s funny that you’re going for a certain goal.
- He puts down your hard work.
7. He gives you the cold shoulder
It’s the indifference that makes a behavior disrespectful. In this case, he’s being indifferent to your feelings and emotional state and is choosing to do his thing despite it hurting you: he’s a man with disrespectful behavior.
Things like giving you the cold shoulder, or the silent treatment without letting you know what led them to such behavior are disrespectful. It’s inconsiderate and indifferent to your feelings.
- You don’t feel seen.
- Such behavior causes you to feel worthless.
- You catch yourself trying harder to impress him.
8. He doesn’t trust you
In one way or another, he has made it clear that he doesn’t trust you. Now, that’s another thing if he’s had past experiences and needs extra reassurance, or if you’ve betrayed his trust before. That takes time and effort from both sides to heal.
However, if you didn’t do anything to betray his trust before, and he hasn’t communicated to you any extra need for reassurance, then he’s being disrespectful.
Lack of trust is one of the signs of disrespect in a relationship. It’s a sign that he’s not capable of seeing you as a person to trust, instead, he’s putting (or projecting) unfaithful images on you.
- He asks proof about where you’ve been, and with who: he’s controlling.
- He tries to “allow” and “prohibit” the people you hang out with.
- He accuses you of things you didn’t do.
9. He checks out other people in front of you
It hurts you and it offends the presence, time, and effort you put into the relationship.
Being attracted to someone’s looks is normal, and it’s acceptable as long as you’re both aware that your partner isn’t feeling uncomfortable with it.
However, it becomes offensive, disrespectful, and hurtful when he purposefully checks out other people knowing that you’re uncomfortable with it.
- You feel disvalued and unseen.
- He does it as if it’s no big deal, despite your attempts to let him know that what he’s doing is hurtful.
- It’s a feeling of humiliation, especially if he tries anything more than checking them out.
10. He doesn’t consider your needs
You communicated your needs to him with the thought that he’d respect and consider them in your relationship, just like you do with his needs. Yet again, there’s no compromise, no respect, no consideration to your needs whatsoever.
That is pure disrespectful mannerism. Relationships are about giving and receiving, compromising and considering, perhaps a little sacrifice here and there. Especially if there’s a habit that violates the other’s needs.
- He doesn’t seem to care that you’re sensitive to horror films, he’ll turn up the volume even.
- He excuses his behavior instead of apologizing or trying to find a common ground about it.
- He doesn’t want to hear it.
11. He doesn’t give anything back under the sheets
For him to respect you, it takes him to recognize you as a human being, as a partner, as the person you are, and what you represent. The right person will do that.
His recognition of you as a whole reflects a lot on how he treats you under the sheets. Yes, I’m talking about sex.
And yes, he’s being disrespectful if he’s being selfish when it comes to sex. Sex represents one of the greatest pleasures, and in this case, he’s not willing to give back and make you feel what you made him feel.
12. He doesn’t back up with actions: empty words and promises
He promises you to take care of something, or to not do something hurtful he did. If he’d be respectful towards your relationship and towards you, he’d keep those promises.
He’s not respectful, he pays no mind to the importance of a promise he gave to you. It’s harshly said, but it’s what a disrespectful boyfriend or husband does.
- He repeats mistakes, promises to not do them again, and does them again.
- He says he’ll take care of something, but he won’t.
- He says he’ll do something particular regarding your relationship, he doesn’t.
What can you do about his disrespectful behavior?
Disrespect is a way to know when a guy doesn’t care about you. Usually, it’s a reflection of what he feels on the inside.
Disrespectful behavior stems from inner insecurities, unhealed trauma, and fear. This means it’s not because you’re deserving of such treatment. Unfortunately, disrespect can lead you to think you’re deserving of it.
It’s that arrogance paired up with confidence that makes it difficult to see beyond it. Though, there are different ways to respond when a man disrespects you.
However, the most important thing is to not forget that this is his problem, it’s not something you’re deserving of.
Here’s what you should do when your partner (boyfriend, husband, FWB, anyone) disrespects and insults you:
1. Communicate. Let him know how his behavior is affecting you. Let him know that you’re feeling disrespected by what he’s been doing so far.
Have a calm approach, don’t put it out there like an accusation, it can scare him off and make him put his defenses on.
If you want this relationship to work out, it’ll have to be mutual. You both have to put the effort in.
2. Set your boundaries. Set to yourself what behavior you’ll be willing to tolerate and what behavior you’re not willing to tolerate. Stand strong by your standards and boundaries.
Setting boundaries is a healthy way of practicing self-respect. It’ll help you have a clearer vision of how you deserve to be treated, what your needs and wants are and if they’re being met or not.
3. Don’t let it affect your self-esteem. You teach a man to not disrespect you by respecting yourself; By understanding that disrespect is something you don’t deserve.
You now understand that his behavior stems from the ways he feels on the inside, it has nothing to do with your personality, your looks, or your career. This is his problem.
4. Address the issue right when his behavior happens. It’s important to address the issue once he crosses the lines you set for yourself for the sake of self-respect.
It’s your way of notifying him that something he’s doing it’s hurtful to you. Also, you get a boost of self-esteem for speaking up about it, for being able to point out something you don’t deserve to be exposed to.
5. Have some time to yourself to think of this. Think of how this behavior is affecting you, your emotional state, your vision of yourself, and your wellbeing.
Usually, disrespect is a sign of toxicity in a relationship. See if his behavior stems from something particular, see if it’s something that can be worked out, and most importantly, see if his behavior is worth putting up with.
6. Surround yourself with people that love and respect you. Oftentimes, when dealing with a disrespectful partner, we forget what it’s like to be cherished, respected, and loved by somebody.
Surround yourself with friends and family that remind you of how an amazing person like you should be cherished and respected.
It’ll help you have a better perspective on why his behavior isn’t appropriate.
7. If nothing changes, feel free to let go. You did what you could, perhaps more, to help the relationship continue further. You’ve addressed the issues, the hurtful behavior, he’s aware of it causing you to feel pain.
Let go. I know, it’s easier said than done, but you deserve someone who sees you, hears you, recognizes you as a person, as a partner; someone who respects your personal space, what you represent; someone who’s mindful towards your feelings, supportive, trustful, and considerate.
Conclusion – The signs a man disrespects a woman
Now that we went through a couple of things, and we fully comprehend them, it’s time for a wrap up on how do you tell if a man disrespects you:
- He crosses your boundaries.
- He ignores you.
- He doesn’t apologize.
- He lies.
- He makes you feel insecure.
- He thinks your success is funny.
- He gives you the cold shoulder.
- He doesn’t trust you.
- He checks out other people when around you.
- He’s blind to your needs.
- He doesn’t give back when it comes to sex.
- Empty promises and words.
Keep in mind that your love for him, and the hope that he’ll change one day aren’t big enough excuses for you to sacrifice your self-respect, self-love, and wellbeing.
Best of luck,
Thank you for your article. You just help me recognize that I was not being knit picky about my expectations. I just ended a new relationship of almost three months due to the above behaviors I noticed. I deserve to be treated with respect. I give.