Have you ever found yourself in a situation when a guy you like/your boyfriend/husband has been acting like a juvenile? No matter the age, no matter what, or no matter where? Perhaps, all the time?
A few of the traits that characterize an immature man – specifically, an emotionally immature man – are traits such as:
Keeping things surface-level when it comes to seeing and understanding each other on a deeper level, commitment issues, lying, not taking responsibility for his mistakes, immature friends, not being able to keep a job, expecting things to get done from everyone but him, etc.
These are related to situations other than immaturity, however when it comes to an immature man, these signs are pretty strong, and you’re often left wondering if he’s ever going to change.
First, we’re clarifying these questions to have a clearer idea of the signs of immaturity in a man
1. Has he got Peter Pan Syndrome?
Definition of Peter Pan Syndrome: “An adult who does not want to grow up: one who hangs on to adolescent interests and attitudes.”
-Merriam Webster Dictionary
He is stuck in that aura of ‘Never Growing Up’ if:
He is hysterical about everything; doesn’t solve his problems (blames others for them); he is often pouting, sulking, and holding grudges; he refuses to communicate with you about ‘beneath the surface’ topics, etc.
2. When an immature guy decides to act, does he rely more on his emotions or logic?
An immature man tends to act without thinking twice. Being spontaneous and seizing the day differs from the irresponsible behavior of doing something that impacts others for bad.
He buys an expensive car with your shared savings, and says something like: “C’mon this car is cool! You have to understand me a little bit too…”
He might take an offer for a job that you know won’t last for two days, but he chose it anyway because: “It is in Hawaii, it is sunnier and nicer there…”
3. How does an immature man affect the relationship?
In immature relationships, there is always a feeling of void, a sense that a piece of the puzzle is missing.
There’s a lack of reciprocity, communication, fulfillment of the need to be loved, and being understood in the relationship.
At the end of the day, you feel like you are a parent, not a partner. Being goofy and spontaneous and acting childish at times is fun. Until the situation gets serious if this is repeated constantly and it impacts you awfully.
After clarifying those questions, you are ready to embark on the 12 deadly signs that you’re dealing with an immature man:
1. Conversations with him are difficult: He takes everything to a personal level
It’s difficult to have a normal conversation with him without him feeling attacked, or taking something you’ve said very personally and entirely about him, to the point where he shouts names and anger towards you.
He doesn’t seem to listen; He can’t seem to let down his defenses, ever.
He’s got these momentary bursts of insults. E.g. talking about how you’re thinking of developing your business career he immediately starts to hold grudges or even starts an argument; this, due to the reason that he feels he’s doing something less important than you.
It’s the same situation whenever you offer him a piece of advice. While having such discussions he might not reflect at all, instead, he’ll critique your intelligence, strength, point of view, and integrity.
2. His balance of being goofy/funny and taking responsibility, is broken
A guy can be all lovey-dovey, goofy, and fun to be around him; but when it comes the time that you two should settle down, he runs away.
He runs away from responsibilities through laughter and humor. He’s not willing to seriously discuss addressed problems. His way of dealing with them is humor, laughter, and jokes.
In addition, he doesn’t take the blame for anything. He easily shifts the blame to others, especially on you. He will find an excuse not to take the responsibility/blame for things he’s not capable of achieving.
He might think about how he can make money easily; has crazy ideas about how he can earn but still does nothing about it.
He has a hard time processing, acknowledging, and expressing his emotions hence he chooses humor to pass through situations.
3. He can’t comprehend that you both need freedom and independence in the relationship
He has that clingy attitude towards you. Do you feel like your freedom is snatched away? If so, that’s because an immature man is very clingy and needs to constantly keep you around him.
He wants to keep you all to himself, without allowing any sense of freedom into the relationship. He pulls you away from others claiming that everyone is bad for you. According to him, he ‘wants’ and ‘knows’ what is the best for you.
However, whether he does it on purpose or not, it is a way of controlling you. Like a child that wants a toy or a friend all to himself.
4. He’s not good at self-care, hence he finds it difficult to contribute to the relationship
He is used to the idea of someone taking care of him often due to this over-the-top connection he still has with his parents/caregivers.
If he had a bad day, you are the one who comforts him and makes his day better. On the other hand, when you are having a bad day and go home, he continues to watch TV or do any other activity.
His way of doing things in the relationship is not through reciprocation. He’s more about taking rather than giving or contributing to the relationship.
He plays mind games to get what he wants, and might even give you signs that he’s a player.
5. He can’t make a difference between love, lust, and infatuation
Even though he has gone through adolescence, his opinions about women and settling down are still the same.
He takes Love, Lust, and Infatuation as one single term: As Love.
Even though at times, it is normal to be confused and stuck between these feelings, the right person to date would work in the direction of distinguishing these three terms and understanding which is which.
Infatuation lies in illusion whereas lust lies in desire. Lust, love, and infatuation are different things, completely driven by different things too.
Both of them: Lust and Infatuation give short-term joy. That is what makes him immature and categorizes his intentions as those of a juvenile.
6. Flirting with women other than you is still his thing
He takes flirting with other women as something normal, no matter if he is a married man or if he is your boyfriend; He takes it as a game and nothing more.
Letting to be understood that he is not fulfilled in this aspect and searches for more. He’s not sure of what he’s looking for, hence with you in his arms he’ll look around for more. He might even cheat since he’s not mature enough to reflect on himself and comprehend his needs and wants yet.
He might often find this as a way of ‘repaying’ you for something inconvenient that you did.
7. The world always revolves around him
If your partner or husband thinks and acts that the world revolves around him, that is a sign of emotional immaturity.
He takes everything very personally and thinks that every action/word/behavior is about him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in the spotlight once in a while. But, if he does this constantly and tries to shade your presence while doing it, take it as an obvious sign of immaturity.
8. He is always persistent and does not respect personal space
He acts childish while trying to invade your personal space in all forms.
He checks your phone constantly, and if you don’t answer his call immediately or reply to his text, he throws a tantrum. He wants an instant reply and makes a fuss out of this later on.
A responsible and mature person is aware of his place in the relationship. He respects your personal space and freedom, instead of finding ways to invade them.
He holds grudges, or acts childishly when you go out with friends or family, with a similar excuse to “You’re putting them before me”.
9. Humiliates and insults you in public… “But it was a joke!”
Humiliating you in public is one of the toxic traits that an immature guy has.
He does it to seem funny, at times unintentionally, and often to just lift himself.
Whenever you try to address the issue, and what he caused you to feel by his actions, he doesn’t give you a proper apology, instead, he can hit you with something like “It was a joke, come on! Don’t make a scene.”
If he does this constantly and does not want to admit that he is wrong for doing this or anything else; it is time to reconsider the relationship.
10. Most of the time he feels insecure; Even doubting your love for him
Guys that are immature usually have low self-esteem which reflects in the way they act and behave with others.
He doubts himself while doubting you.
Whenever you are around guy friends he goes a little extra crazy; He does not ask you not to but permits you to meet them. Adds silly comments such as: “Well, it looks like in this photograph his hand is touching you a little too much… why didn’t you sit near Elle?”
11. Fights with other people just to be in the spotlight
When he’s immature he picks unnecessary fights with other people when you two are out together.
He acts rudely to a waitress or the cashier or confronts other guys at the restaurant or cafe, for the reason that he was “protecting” you.
He uses this as a way to get attention from you or others.
12. Almost breaks up with you and then tries to patch up: multiple times
Have you heard recently about the Break-Up and Patch Up scheme that guys have been using? Yeah, this scheme:
- Dates you
- Spends some time together
- Gaslights you
- Then he will ghost you
- After that, he gets back and asks you again to get back together
If a guy uses this type of method on you, he is being immature. If someone wants you or wants to spend time with you, he will find a way to fix things and communicate. Not ghost you and gaslight and then be back like nothing happened.
How can you help him to overcome the Never Grow Up phase?
You should initiate the process of “healing” from the Never Grow Up phase, and help him to get over his comfort zone. He can get out of that never-ending zone step by step if you offer a new activity for him where he is responsible for it.
He will be convinced to get out of this zone once he knows that is doing all of this for himself. To start a new era of his life.
Do not make him feel guilty during the process since it will restrain him from all of it. Compliment him, even for the little things.
Do I need to continue this type of relationship furthermore?
I do not recommend bailing him in the first instance or second, or third.
He could often feel trapped in this phase and does not know what to do, that he’s not aware that he’s acting all childishly: does not have an idea that his attitude has an awful impact on you.
If your standards and personal life are being encroached on, or your help is not helping him at all: Get out of there sister!
People change, sometimes tremendously, FOR GOOD. Just give him and yourself time, if there is not even the slightest or smallest change, then it is time for you to leave that nest.
Does his immaturity lead you to a toxic relationship?
How many signs of an immature guy have matched with signs of a toxic guy or toxic relationship? Tons of them.
Here is a list of the toxic traits of an immature guy;
- He wants to control you;
- He doesn’t reciprocate: Takes and does not give back (emotionally, sexually, financially);
- He is self-centered most of the time;
- Leaves without an explanation. Thinks that he should not explain/discuss with you about his actions;
- He does not apologize or acknowledge his wrongdoings.
Let’s wrap it up: Is he immature or am I imagining? He will change, right?
As I have conveyed, different personalities of men show the signs differently. Now, it is up to you to analyze your situation closely.
If he’s willing to achieve something because he cares about you and wants to continue the relationship, he can change, he can grow; for himself and you.
Put yourself in his shoes. But be aware of your standards. If he goes beyond your borders and you are the only one making an effort then it is time to reconsider the relationship.