The thing about the one is more on the energy that both of you make each other radiate when in the presence of one another, rather than just certain and very specific qualities that he has to fulfill in order for you to label him as the one. There is a mister perfect, indeed.
He’s the one that’ll be perfect to you, and might just be far from perfect for me. You feelin’ what I’m feelin’?
I’m not going to describe you as the typical imaginary person that all straight women in the world look for, that’s beyond the reality we live in, instead, I’ll describe to you the signs he is the one for YOU, or they are different signs that he is not the one or he thinks that you are the one for him. Cutting the bs of what we’ve been fed with for a long time: there’s a mister perfect for all types.
Before we check out the signs, let’s consider defining exactly this right one, mister perfect, guy…
How does a woman know he’s the one? – Let’s first define the one, SHALL WE?
Keep it pragmatic, and less unrealistic, please?
The one meets every single one of your needs: Need for attention, validation, happiness, joy, motivation, living, this, that… Jeez! Let’s calm down a little SHALL WE?
We’re not about to describe some features of an imaginary man that don’t exist in the real world. The one that gives you flowers, is independent, is strong, compliments you on a daily basis even at the times when you look like an absolute piece of sh*t, or he’s both serious AND funny AND caring AND EVERYTHING YOU COULD ASK FOR IN A PERSON.
That’s unrealistic! That’s what movies and romantic books have taught us. Which makes sense why most of us are desperate when it comes to ‘love’.
What I described above is that ‘ideal’ version which would maybe, just MAYBE, fit everyone’s type. If we put it that way, we’re a bunch of billions of women looking for the exact same man. You get it? U-N-R-E-A-L-I-S-T-I-C.
There are a lot of people out there who would meet your needs and you’d meet theirs, who’d be ready to cope with your worst, and it’d be reciprocated. By a lot of people I mean A LOT, and fortunately, you will eventually meet one of those ‘right’ people in the ‘right’ time. Aha! That’s the one!
The one is the one you can imagine building a life with, and writing a story with. Without adding a “yes, I can totally imagine him being the one with whom I can build a life with IF he does, changes this or that”.
Let’s define “the one” as a good and right fit for you, in the good and right timing.
Will I ever find the one?
Yes. After you drop the imaginary version of a perfect man suddenly appearing in your life, a man that will fix every single wrong in your life. Once you drop that vision of “the one”, you’ll surely find him.
“The one” can differ in different stages of your life too, you know? Back when you were 14 the one had completely different expectations to meet, didn’t he?
Now you’re grown, you’ve got different ideas, opinions, thoughts, values on life – especially compared to your 14-year-old self – with all these evolving, growing selves, we’ve got a lot of versions and visions of the one to work with, don’t we?
You can expect to see signs he’s the one after the first date, but you can’t know exactly for sure right after the first date. Again, unrealistic.
So, yes. You will find the one. Eventually, after you drop those unrealistic expectations and imaginations that are impossible to be satisfied and fulfilled in the real realm.
Will you ever find the one? – A video on this particular question [Will you ever find the one?].
Also, a Reddit post that’ll warm your heart and make you believe in “the one”. You’ll also have the chance to see if you relate. You know, extra signs he’s the one.
The 12 promised signs to show you he’s the one:
1. Things don’t feel forced: everything just flows so lightly
One of the very early signs that he’s the one is when you’re relaxed, not stressed, nor under pressure to ‘make it work’ or even start the relationship itself. Things just flow, and nothing about the relationship is tiring, nor stressing.
Now, of course, every relationship has its problems but when you’re with the one, these problems don’t make you feel tired because you solve them together. There’s understanding, there’s a sense of peace, progress, the equal effort put into the relationship.
You genuinely like him (and he genuinely likes you, duh?) and you’re oh-so excited to be here, you’re joyful, not in constant stress and pressure. You feel listened to and free to be yourself – Read that again.
2. Genuinity, understanding, kindness
These three are in the air when you’re around each other.
There’s a feeling of safety and being taken care of. You’re genuine, and there are no games. You’ll know when he’s playing, and a player isn’t the one, you can’t change him no matter how much you want to.
When he’s the one, the fear is not present among all these wonderful things you feel when in one another’s presence. And it’s not that you can’t feel these when with other people, it’s just when you’re around him you can’t help but reflect such energy and things just fall into place.
It’s like the movies but more realistic, which makes it a whole lot better.
3. You’re each other’s biggest fans
How do you know when he’s the one? I don’t know, ask your biggest fan, won’t ya!
The thing about the one is that you’re both so yourselves in the relationship, you don’t hide anything, and you cherish each other, you cherish each other’s success.
You inspire one another to grow, to ‘just do it’. You’re supportive of one another, you see each other, who you are, and you see exactly what you stand for, both of you. You can count on each other, you motivate each other, you support each other.
It’s so beautiful when you think about this: neither of you ignores the other’s opinions, dreams, goals, neither of you devalue those. Instead of ignoring and devaluing, you support, lift up, and motivate.
4. Openness and honesty
You’re both so free to be yourselves, that you’re naturally open and honest with each other. You share everything, your best, your worst. And the thing about ‘the worst’ is that you’ve seen what it is, and it’s not hitting, it’s not passive-aggressive behavior, it’s not abuse.
Their worst doesn’t make you feel very well, but it doesn’t damage you (if it is damaging it is toxic). So- so you’re both able to keep up with each other’s worsts.
There’s this ease, and the ability to forgive. It’s like you’re besties, with sex and romance involved.
Your personal space is respected, you’ve got healthy levels of alone time, you’re not left feeling lonely, he’s there every time you need him to be.
You’re honest because you can’t be honest, it just is that way.
5. There’s a deep emotional connection – You see him and he sees you
“A special sense of peace and tranquility. Like all puzzles have taken shape.”
You both connect emotionally, it’s that type of specialness, you know the one. You’re comfortable when alone, but it’s a different level of ‘comfortable’ when he’s around. In a room full of people, crowds and such, you feel it even more. It feels right.
Take this as one of the spiritual signs that he’s the one:
You see and understand each other deeply, most importantly, you love everything about what you see and what you understand about one another. You feel connected, you both feel seen and heard. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then you didn’t meet him yet. Trust me, you will someday!
6. It feels home: warm, cozy, no worries nor insecurities
“We both reached to open the freezer at the same time, and so we were like “let’s open it together…1, 2, 3” and on 3, we both pushed forward so the other couldn’t pull it open.”
Home is where the bra isn’t… Aaaand where he is. You don’t hide things, you express things so openly, there is cherishing going on, there is respect going on. And man does it feel warm and fuzzy and cozy!
It’s a little home, it’s that ‘this feels right’ type of feeling. And at this point you’ll know it yourself because you’ll catch yourself saying it: “This is the one! Oh my god, this is the one! HOLY SH*T! THIS IS THE ONE!”
Your gut feelings will tell you about a lot of things, when he’s cheating, when he’s not quite right, and when he’s exactly what you need (and vice versa – it’s how we do things around here).
Note: It’s okay to not be sure if he’s the one. It is absolutely okay.
7. You can actually imagine a future with him
Your future, you’re happy to imagine him in it. So-so-so happy!
When I say actually I mean a good, solid, long future with him. Now, there’s a difference between the first time seeing him, saying “Oh we’re getting married!”, and when you get to know and understand more of him and say exactly that.
If you’re able to do this, then he might just be the one.
You genuinely can imagine him being someone in your life for a long time and instead of feeling bothered about it, you feel so joyful and excited about it.
A little note on this
8. Genuine apologies involved
Not just the barely heard “sorry”, no. I’m talking about honest, genuine apologies whenever needed. You know one, when you hear one, seriously. He’s the right one if he can make a right apology when he has to.
It’s a sign that you feel comfortable to be vulnerable around each other. You both know it won’t be mistaken nor manipulated. It’s connection, it’s chemistry, it’s understanding, it’s vulnerability.
Your relationship is not perfect, no, it’s far from perfect but you wouldn’t have it any other way, hence it’s perfect to you not to the standards of what defines the ‘perfect one’.
9. “Holy moly, guacamole! I’ve got so much to learn from him!”
Your connection is obviously genuine, and when a connection is genuine, there’s growth. You inspire each other, and you learn so much from each other. There’s also that part of the challenge, which is more of a combination between a challenge and inspiration.
You both have personal freedom, personal space, boundaries, you’re not stuck with one another, you learn, you grow together, you inspire one another. Do I need to say more?
10. You share the same values
Now, we’ve got to define this a bit. What values? What sharing?
Sharing the same values in a relationship means having the same ideas, opinions, and goals on certain aspects of life. For example: having children, wanting to get married, wanting to live in a city or off-grid, etc. These are basic things to consider if you’re looking to settle for the long term (e.g. marriage).
If you didn’t discuss them yet, then you might have to after a while. This is the more pragmatic rather than super romantic part of “the one”.
11. You’re a team, an amazing team together
“The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it’s not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person–without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.”— Osho
You’re both willing to trust one another with your hearts and things are not one-sided. There’s equal effort being put into the relationship. You’re both willing to adapt to different ways of doing things for the sake of the other.
You’re not afraid to give, because you know it won’t be taken for granted, it’s that freedom; It’s that willingness to be good and kind to them because it’s so reciprocated. You’re each other’s home, you’re a team, you’re there for one another.
12. Sexy times complete the picture
You’ve got understanding, care, love (he loves you, you love him), genuinity, warmth and a bunch of other essential yet beautiful things in common. A good sex life has to complete the picture. You’re both sexually attracted to one another, you’re willing to please and get pleased.
You flirt with him, he flirts with you, there’s mingling going on even after the ‘honeymoon’ phase.
Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been working today, the moment you see him you feel this urge to lick his face because you find him THAT sexy. In a less exaggerated point: You meet each other’s needs in this part too.
Kinky or not, you understand each other, and it’s good, it’s GOOD!
Let’s tackle some things together: Signs he’s the one to marry
You’ve read the signs that he’s the one, he’s the right one. Now it’s the same thing with marriage (which I also mentioned above). Whether he’s the one you will marry, or he’s not the one to marry you’ll find out by yourself by answering these super logical questions.
Are you marrying him/Would you marry him because of the potential you see in him of what he could be in the future, or the actual values you see in him?
He wants children, you don’t, or vice versa. What’s the point?
You can’t hop into a marriage with the thought of changing your partner. Children is one of the things you need to sort out before you make the decision to marry, or settle for the long haul.
Is he a ‘teamwork makes the dreamwork’ type?
Is he committed, is he willing to put in the effort? When you imagine a future with him, do you see him putting effort with kids, or just with marriage if kids aren’t going to be your thing?
Is there respect and support?
At some point in our lives, we’ve all seen what a disrespectful and unsupportive ‘boyfriend’ or ‘husband’ looks like. Think of the future with this guy, would he remind you of that ugly scene of a husband being disrespectful and/or unsupportive of his wife? If your answer to this question is yes, then you might want to wait for a little.
Aaand, the final question: What do you think, is he your future husband?
The one that got away – Signs he’s the one that got away
He felt right, everything about him was just right, and he was “the one”. But then for some reason, he vanished from the picture. Does this really make him “the one that got away?”
Well, it depends on how you see the situation, but this is just partially true. I talked about the whole concept of “the one” at the beginning of the article.
The one is not just one single person that’s going to be just right for you. There are a lot of people out there that would be the right ones at the right moment. Thankfully, at some point of your life you’ll eventually meet a person that’ll meet your needs, and you’ll meet theirs at the right moment, and then you’ll get to call him the one.
In this case, “the one that got away”, is the one that showed you what the one should look like. You now don’t settle for anything less. He’s not the one and only out there. Trust. Me.
REAL GOOD advice
Don’t settle for anything less than the signs I’ve written above in the article. Eventually, you’ll find the one.