A friend of mine found out her man (who she thought was the love of her life) was talking to other women online.
The look in her eyes was the look of a woman whose heart just got shattered by a disgusting level of disrespect to her boundaries and presence.
Texting other people can be okay as long as there are no flirty, romantic, or sexual nuances within the conversation.
His secretive behavior led her to pick up clues and find out what she started getting most afraid of. He was flirting with other women online.
I too, know your pain and I’ve dealt with it before as well.
Here’s what you can pick up on to find out if he’s talking to another woman online:
1. You see an unfamiliar name pop on his phone and he acts oddly about it.
If he’s talking to another woman through text, he’s likely to be very secretive about it.
It goes to the point where he could hide his notifications, or turn them off entirely so that they don’t pop up on his screen when he’s with you.
However, some men don’t think this through entirely, and you might just see one or two or more unfamiliar names popping up on their phones.
This becomes even more concerning if his reaction is highly defensive to getting a text from that unfamiliar name, especially if you address it.
- He gets fidgety and anxious when he sees the text;
- He doesn’t try to reassure you, instead, he gets defensive and refuses to talk about it;
- His words don’t add up and he shows signs that he’s lying;
2. He gets nervous to unlock his phone around you.
When it comes to texting other women, there’s also the type who’s vigilant enough to not unlock his phone around you.
There are times when unlocking your phone in front of each other is inescapable. That’s when he gets nervous.
The nervousness comes from the possibility of an ‘unfamiliar’ woman’s name popping up on his screen with a message that indicates romance.
- He does anything he can to not use his phone where you can see what he’s doing on his phone;
- He immediately asks for his phone back when showing you a picture, video, or something else on his phone;
- He gets uneasy when you’re around his phone;
3. He doesn’t take calls in front of you.
Wanting to maintain privacy is normal. However, taking phone calls in front of each other doesn’t violate the privacy of either of you.
It’s okay to not want to take a call or two, but it becomes problematic if he never takes a call in front of you.
This doesn’t necessarily strictly indicate that he’s talking to another girl through text.
But it does indicate he’s hiding something, especially if he just hangs up the calls without explaining why he does so.
It becomes concerning when,
- He finds suspicious excuses as to why he’s not taking those calls;
- He gets a little nervous and shaky when receiving a call;
- If he takes the calls he goes outside or to a place where you can’t hear him;
- His phone has never been on silent, but all of a sudden it is;
4. He hesitates to show you things on his phone.
Online infidelity has been shown to be one of the most common types of infidelity today.
You might talk about something and you hit him with the “Oh, show me. I’d like to see it,” be it about a meme, project, event, etc.
That’s when the hesitance kicks in along with excuses such as “It’ll take too long until I find it,” or “I’ll send it to you through Whatsapp later.”
It’s okay to maintain privacy. It’s not okay to check each other’s phones. However, particular behaviors such as this one can arouse suspicion.
- He asks you to hand him the phone or locks it right away the moment you take a look at what he wanted to show you on his phone;
- He avoids going on his social media or messaging inboxes while you’re looking;
- He gets his phone very close to him so that you don’t see him going through his photos to find the one he wants to show you;
5. He doesn’t leave his phone around you when he’s not around.
He takes his phone with him everywhere he goes. He has it hidden from you all the time. The phone is never faced up on the table.
Remember, this behavior doesn’t guarantee you that he’s talking to another woman, or texting someone else, nevertheless, it’s suspicious behavior.
Usually, when someone doesn’t have anything to hide from someone they’re relaxed and don’t mind having their phone on the table.
He could be hiding something such as cheating or talking to another woman if he takes his phone everywhere he goes.
- He carries his phone with him and there’s no way he leaves it around you when he’s not around;
- He acts protective of his phone even when you have no intention of looking at it;
6. He’s online but doesn’t respond to your texts.
This one is a bit lighter than the rest of the signs, however, it’s not a good sign after all.
If you’re one of the priorities of this man, he’ll take the time and will reply to your texts when he’s using his phone.
Him being online and not responding to your texts could mean you’re not the only girl he’s talking to.
He could be responding to texts about work, or people that need an immediate response from him. That’s normal.
However, if it happens continuously it could make room for concerns regarding who he’s texting with.
- He’s online and doesn’t respond to your texts for hours on end;
- He goes offline the moment you text him;
- You see him online constantly;
7. His Instagram is full of women you’ve never heard of.
Having female friends is normal. It, in fact, signals a positive thing.
It means he’s capable of maintaining friendships without having a romantic or sexual view of them. It’s a sign of maturity.
However, if his Instagram is all of a sudden full of women that you’ve never heard of before then he might be talking to another woman (or women) through text.
This can indicate he’s involved with them if,
- Women are commenting on his posts and they’ve got a pretty affectionate approach;
- He’s following a lot of women and they’re not just celebrities or ‘influencers’;
- He’s commenting on other women’s posts with an affectionate approach;
8. He gets too defensive when you address his suspicious behavior.
If this guy genuinely likes you and sees you as one of his priorities, he’ll do his best to keep you close to him.
One of the ways you can tell he wants to keep you close to him is the way he reacts to your concerns regarding his behavior.
The guy that likes you and isn’t talking to other women would do his best to reassure you that there’s no such thing going on.
But when he’s guilty,
- He accuses you of “accusing him of such a thing” and mentions your wrongdoings from the past; He deflects the conversation;
- He pretends he’s clueless about what you’re talking about;
- He gets angry when you address his behavior;
9. He avoids defining the relationship.
If you’re in the early stages of dating, it’s entirely normal not to define your connection.
BUT, if it’s been a while since you’re connected and he’s avoiding the “What are we?” talk, then he could just be wanting to spend time mingling with other people.
He could be talking to other women, testing the waters, he could be a player, or he could just be the type to take it slow.
Now, let’s say it’s been some months since you’re seeing each other.
If he’s reluctant to a ‘label’ then he could be talking to someone else through text or in person.
- He didn’t introduce you to his friends or loved people;
- He doesn’t call you ‘girlfriend’ and doesn’t like the idea of you calling him ‘boyfriend’;
- You’re confused as to what your connection is exactly;
10. He avoids getting involved with you on social media.
A man that has something going on with another woman through text is likely to hide you from his social media.
Remember one of the signs that could indicate he’s talking to another woman online being ‘his social media are full of women’?
Well, this type of guy is clever enough to know who to involve in his social media and who to keep around.
He knows he could probably fail to hide the affection with the other woman from you or vice versa so he avoids that risk by not involving you in his socials.
- He claims he’s not that active on his social media “so why bother adding you?”
- He doesn’t like your posts, doesn’t comment on your posts, and doesn’t involve you in his posts;
- He deletes your comments on his social media posts;
11. You’ve seen pictures of other women on his phone.
Having pictures with or of female friends can be acceptable to some extent.
But if you know him to not have such close relationships with his female friends, then he could be talking to another girl online.
A woman could send pictures of herself to him as a way of getting closer to him, or as a way to ‘seduce’ him with her beauty.
If you know what the women dear to his heart look like, and the pictures you’ve seen are entirely strange to you, then you might want to talk to him about it.
There are people who forgot their dating profiles still exist around the internet. And you can tell if one of those profiles is actually one of those profiles.
Using dating apps can indicate he’s talking to other women online.
If in doubt, ask help from a friend who’s using dating apps to watch out if she sees his profile and send you a screenshot once they do.
On the other hand, you can get help from Socialcatfish and find out in a matter of minutes.
All you have to do is put his name or other additional information about him and press search.
What does it mean when a guy is talking to another girl?
Texting others while in a relationship is generally not an acceptable thing in today’s society.
It’s often seen as emotional infidelity and it can hurt just as much as sexual infidelity.
If you’ve confirmed that your guy is talking to another woman, then it could tell a little bit about him, your connection, and his character.
Here’s what it could mean when a guy is talking to another woman:
- He’s playing games. A player is likely to talk and see multiple people at a time. It’s what they’re famously known for;
- You haven’t defined your connection or your boundaries yet;
- There’s a deficiency in clear, open, and honest communication between you two;
- He’s immature or lacks emotional intelligence;
- You’re in the very early stages of dating and you haven’t discussed exclusivity yet;
- He doesn’t see monogamy as something suitable for him;
What to do when he is talking to another girl?
Considering the importance of respect, trust, and a sense of partnership in a relationship you must find healthy ways to address the issue.
If you’re suspecting he is talking to another woman, then ask him directly.
“How to ask a guy if he’s talking to another woman?” you might ask.
Your approach should be gentle and assertive instead of accusatory and arrogant.
Here are a few examples of how to ask your guy if he’s talking to another woman:
- “I’ve seen your behavior and I’m starting to think you’re texting another woman. I need reassurance because I feel like your behavior is causing me to have doubts about this.”
- “You’re very dear to me and we’ve talked about this before, but today I need you to reassure me a bit more. Are you talking to other people? It’s okay and we can work it out, I just need you to tell me the truth.”
Finding out he’s chatting with someone else can be a tricky position to be in. You’re divided between the idea of confrontation and keeping it cool.
It’s normal to feel confused, to feel betrayed, or even worthless. It’s okay to feel angry, sad, and everything you’re feeling at the moment.
Here’s what to do when you find out he’s talking to another woman:
- Take the time you need to calm down and process your emotions;
- Talk to him about it and try to maintain a calm approach when addressing the issue;
- Try building a sense of partnership and try solving this together;
- Take time for yourself and think of a decision you want to make regarding the relationship. Either decision is okay and it’s yours to make.
- If in doubt talk to a therapist or a relationship expert to help yourself have a clearer vision of relationships and boundaries.
- Whoever he’s talking to, avoid comparing yourself to her. Work on rebuilding your self-esteem;
If he violated your trust and showed you disrespectful behavior, you have every right to walk away from this relationship.
You’re worthy of decent treatment and respect.
Set your boundaries and firmly stand by them.
You’ve got this!